A little advice?

[southerngrrl]

A little advice on meeting?

I met someone online almost a year ago. We have emailed, im'd, and talked on the phone quite a bit over the past months. And yes... many of these exchanges have been sexual! We have just broached the subject of meeting. Up 'til now the distance has been a deterrent... plus, neither of us wanted to move too fast. I definitely want to meet him! And if things feel right... I want to be with him!

This brings me to my need for advice. Although I'm knowledgeable enough in the sexual area to know what I enjoy... and to be able to be expressive in my desires to him through our online/phone interaction... I haven't actually... physically had sex with a man.

I adore this man! He is a gentleman, caring, and deeply sensual. And the last thing I want to do is disappoint him! I am 27... (yeah, I know... some of you won't believe me! lol) and he is in his mid 30's and divorced. So I know he's experienced! So... do I tell him? And if so... how? I guess I'm just nervous and need a little reassurance.

Thanks for listening!

 

[FurryFury]

I say yes if you intend to have sex with him you should tell him. If you can't talk about being a virgin with him, then perhaps he isn't the right person to be your first, you know?

Fury

 

[SweetErika]

I say yes if you intend to have sex with him you should tell him. If you can't talk about being a virgin with him, then perhaps he isn't the right person to be your first, you know?

Fury

Listen to this smart lady. ^^^

If this guy is worth being physically intimate with, he'll be so glad you told him and do everything he can to ensure you have the best possible experience.

And just because he's a bit older and divorced doesn't mean he has much experience. Perhaps he hasn't had many partners beyond his exwife and/or hasn't developed a ton of skills. As I'm sure you know or will learn, a good amount of virginity comes with each new partner because everyone's different and good lovers figure out how to cater to that individuality. So, even if this guy has a ton of experience, you're really on equal footing because you both have the exact SAME amount of experience with each other!

As for telling him, just say you're anxious about the possibility of anything physical happening because you've never been with a man before, or similar. Be confident; there's nothing to be nervous or ashamed about because you're giving him a wonderful gift of honesty and trust. If you think you're going to have trouble, simply write it down before you speak to him.

It's going to be great. Telling him is definitely the way to go.

 

[HaplessHedonist]

..............

 

[titmouse]

Your post really touched me because I have been in a fairly similar situation over the past year and a half. I am a little bit younger than you, but have met online an amazing man in his late 30s I admire, respect and have grown to care about deeply. An ocean appart, friendship budding into sensual and sexy online encounters and still growing strong in every other way too. Me - no sexual experience at all, while he had a fair share of love and lust in his rich life. *sigh* For obstacles that yet need to be overcome, an opportunity for meeting hasn't presented yet and it may yet take another year and half until we get there, if ever. But I feel very grateful to have such an amazing friend in my life, regardless of what the future holds.

You can't dissappoint him if you are just your honest self, the young woman who has enticed him and kept him interested for over a year despite the distance and the confines it causes to a progressing relationship.

Anyways, Erika's advice is at the top of my list for "How to" go about anything in life these days, she is such a wonderfully kind and smart lady. Lend her an open ear in your own best interest.

Since I know what it feels like to have my head in the clouds, there is just a tiny bit I'd like to add. Keep you expectations realistic and trust your instincts - that's partly my anti-daydreaming mantra and certainly not fun at times, I know. But it may be good to keep it at least in the very very back of one's mind when it comes to first meeting someone for real, hopes for intimacy and even experiencing sex for the first time.

That said, I wish the two of you the very very best and hope that things will work out wonderfully.

 

[southerngrrl]

Thanks!!!

I feel encouraged, thanks y'all!

I really do feel it's right to tell him. It's just good to have some feed back and thoughts from others! I can't imagine he will be anything less than gracious and understanding... he really is a gem. I just need to get up the guts to just say it!

Thanks Fury, Erika, Hapless, and titmous!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Definate YES. But I would warn you too meet in a VERY PUBLIC place, tell him to wear a straw boater and purple tie so you can recognize him from afar and if he turns out to be Gomer Pyle you can run like hell

 

[MR.GGG]

Definate YES. But I would warn you too meet in a VERY PUBLIC place, tell him to wear a straw boater and purple tie so you can recognize him from afar and if he turns out to be Gomer Pyle you can run like hell

As in : "Gomer Pyle" is 77 yrs old. GAY and known to utter expletives like "Gaaaauuwwlllieeee" when caught in compromising situations.

...and you KNOW he is mid-30's AND divorced ... HOW?

I REALLY don't mean to make this sound mean but any 27 VIRGIN who is willing to meet an UNknown man to have sex with because you've "fallen in love" over the Net - NEEDS YOUR HEAD READ.
JMHO

There is a REMOTE chance that the dude is telling you the truth but based on Net protocols and the law of averages he REALLY IS G. Pyle or his body double OR a fast typin 19yr old who has you completely hooked. Be careful.

Be AFRAID CAREFUL.

 

[Bert Notorius]

As in : "Gomer Pyle" is 77 yrs old. GAY and known to utter expletives like "Gaaaauuwwlllieeee" when caught in compromising situations.

...and you KNOW he is mid-30's AND divorced ... HOW?

I REALLY dopn't mean to make this sound mean but any 27 VIRGIN who is willing to meet an UNknown man to have sex with because you've "fallen in love" over the Net - NEEDS YOUR HEAD READ.
JMHO

There is a REMOTE chance that the dude is telling you the truth but based on Net protocols and the law of averages he REALLY IS G. Pyle or his body double OR a fast typin 19yr old who has you completely hooked. Be careful.

Be AFRAID CAREFUL.

DITTO!

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I will jump in to this thread for a second to offer My thoughts...

You do need to tell him, but don't worry about his reaction. I don't know a guy who would not be overjoyed to be with a virgin. The whole Captain Kirk thing to "Go where no man has gone before"

I also cosign with those above who suggested meeting somewhere public. I woudl also suggest having what those of us in the BDSM world call "safe calls." Have a friend standing by waiting for your call, and you can have a danger sign such as "Did you remember to feed the cat?" Dude would just think you were checking on the kitty, but your friend would know it meant to call the cops... Make sure that your call knows where you are meeting him, his name and any other relavent information.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I also cosign with those above who suggested meeting somewhere public. I woudl also suggest having what those of us in the BDSM world call "safe calls." Have a friend standing by waiting for your call, and you can have a danger sign such as "Did you remember to feed the cat?" Dude would just think you were checking on the kitty, but your friend would know it meant to call the cops... Make sure that your call knows where you are meeting him, his name and any other relavent information.

In a word...

WORD!

 

[Leah57]

I have to weigh in here with everyone....

As Fury and Erika indicated - yes, definitely tell him.

HOWEVER, I also agree with Phoenix, Jenny, and Mr GGG that you absolutely MUST meet for the first time in a very public place, with your own transportation, too! I've met many 'net people over the years... never had a bad/unsafe experience, but there have been times when I was glad that I had my own way home! (think: bad blind date, just didn't hit it off in person as online). In fact, one guy was so NOT like he was online that I was glad I went with my GF - when the guy got there, I said that I wasn't me!

If either of you are travelling to meet the other, make sure that the traveller has hotel accomodations made. Better to be safe than sorry!

 

[titmouse]

Forgive my D/s poluted mind ...

Ok, I have to admit the idea of someone who is 27 and in an online relationship for a year potentially not being aware of "golden safety rules" for meeting an online persona for real for the first time didn't even cross my D/s poluted mind! So glad others had the presence of mind!

I have to agree on all of the above, own transportation and accomodation, safe call, public place and something "you" will recognize him by and not the other way around. I personally wouldn't go to the date alone either, at least not for the first time and would try to keep expectations low and the date simple and short, maybe an hour or so and definitely stick with my plans. He is older and as such probably also more experienced than you, not meaning in a sexual way but rather life experience. If he really is the person you think him to be he will care about your safety and should not only understand but encourage you being careful about meeting him. He is not supposed to get irritated or refuse your precautions, if he does: major red flag!

I know facing the possibilty that he may not be the man you adore is a though one, but something you really must consider. Don't let emotions blind you there, just if you decide to meet him follow the safety rules that had been suggested, watch closely for his reactions when suggesting some - I wouldn't give away the safe call idea though or that you will bring someone along - and trust your instincts.

As long as you are careful, there should be no regrets.

I wish you the best and still hope that everything will work out fine.

 

[FurryFury]

I agree about meeting in public, having your own ride and a safe call! I almost always had my own car during my dating years. I rarely was sorry to have that sort of latitude and independence.

Fury

 

[Bert Notorius]

A friend of mine's son had been chatting with a young girl on the net and one day she suddenly showed up at their front door with a suitcase. They spent a very awkward week trying to figure out what to do. Finally, since she had no money, they bought her a bus ticket and sent her on her way home. Fortunately for her she encountered a faith based middle class family and not 52 year old sex offender.

 

[FurryFury]

A friend of mine's son had been chatting with a young girl on the net and one day she suddenly showed up at their front door with a suitcase. They spent a very awkward week trying to figure out what to do. Finally, since she had no money, they bought her a bus ticket and sent her on her way home. Fortunately for her she encountered a faith based middle class family and not 52 year old sex offender.

*shakes head*

Poor child. I have to wonder what would possess her to do such a thing?

Fury

 

[southerngrrl]

Agreed

Yes, I do agree with all the safety tips! I may be 27 and a virgin... but I'm not an idiot!

We haven't even gone so far as to make arrangements... this is something we've just now decided to think about. I really wanted to bring up my own sexual history with him before we go further on the subject. It's only fair for him to know before either of us commit to something like meeting.

Oh, and I should mention that both of us have webcams and have used them occasionally in chatting. I know a picture can be faked... but it's kinda hard to fake yourself on a live cam, lol!

Thanks for the input everyone!

 

[cmore]

Yes, I do agree with all the safety tips! I may be 27 and a virgin... but I'm not an idiot!

We haven't even gone so far as to make arrangements... this is something we've just now decided to think about. I really wanted to bring up my own sexual history with him before we go further on the subject. It's only fair for him to know before either of us commit to something like meeting.

Oh, and I should mention that both of us have webcams and have used them occasionally in chatting. I know a picture can be faked... but it's kinda hard to fake yourself on a live cam, lol!

Thanks for the input everyone!

I know a guy at work who had his friend record webcam clips which then he used to pick up a girl. A total loser move which I think was more meant to be a joke than harmful. Anyway, my point is awareness is key and according to the loser at work, its not all that hard to fake.