a problem that i dont have the answer too ..Help please

[bamagirl00]

i recently started talking to a guy from school and he came out to be about his sexuality. Well this morning he is struggling with the decision to come out to his parents and i cant seem to find the right words or tell him if he should or not. If anyone can offer up some advice or support who might have experienced this all the help in the world would be appreciated right now . This kid is about to go crazy with fear and just needs a guide which i cant be right now because i don't know how it is .

 

[Cathleen]

I wish there was an answer to this somewhere, but it is something he will have determine.

How does he think his parents will respond? We can think we know but people surprise us all the time.

Perhaps the timing isn't right or maybe it is for him and his family. There are so many factors to consider. Will he have a place to be peaceful, comfortable and safe while and after he tells his family. I'm not insinuating his home wouldn't offer those things, just that he has a place to be him - allowing himself the time to regroup if you will.

This is a big decision, I wish him well and you too, as his friend.

 

[zhukov1943]

Well - if I were in his shoes, I wouldn't do it at Christmas-time...

That would sure as hell fuck up a "Currier-and-Ives" Christmas, yah?

 

[EJFan]

if you haven't done so already, i'd recommend posting this over at the GLBT forum as well as here. you might get some different responses.

it's hard to address this since we don't know this guy's parents. i think the key thing here is to be there to help him in any way he needs it... and encourage him to be himself. it's not easy but he kind of has to approach it in the same way you'd approach them about anything significant. he should be sure of himself, confident and proud. at the same time, i don't think it helps to go into it with the idea that it's some kind of dreadful thing.

bottom line is that he is who he is. he doesn't have to placate anyone or pretend to be someone he's not... not for his parents' sake or anyone else's.

 

[bamagirl00]

bottom line is that he is who he is. he doesn't have to placate anyone or pretend to be someone he's not... not for his parents' sake or anyone else's. [/B][/QUOTE]

thats what i said and i appreciate those of ya'll that did answer.

 

[Vixandra]

If he comes from an open-minded family then it shouldn't be a feuding issue.

But if he, like many of us, comes from a less-then open family, he's going to have to approch this careful. I would recommend waiting until after the end of the holiday season til things are settled with the new year before bringing it up.

Maybe telling one parent first, the more understanding of the two to give one time to adjust rather then springing it on both?

 

[Weird Harold]

bottom line is that he is who he is. he doesn't have to placate anyone or pretend to be someone he's not... not for his parents' sake or anyone else's.

thats what i said and i appreciate those of ya'll that did answer.

The best advice you can give him is to get comfortable with who and what he is. If he comes out with a defensive mind-set, he's going to have trouble with whoever he comes out to.

He doesn't need an aggressive or "offensive" mind-set, but he definitely needs to avoid being defensive or apologetic -- he needs to be as "mater-of-fact" about this as he can manage. That means he's got to be secure in his own mind about how he feels -- he's got to decide whether coming out is worth whatever reaction his parents have even if it mens being estranged from them as a result.