A question for all the parents out there

[Mskey]

And peeps think all we talk about is smut here!

Anyhoo, I posted this problem on another parenting board I belong to and I haven't gotten much help yet so I thought I'd ask it of the moms and dads here and see if anyone can help me out.

My middle child who is 4 1/2 has been through quite a dramatic past 5 months. She's moved form the only house she's ever known, been usurped as the baby by the arrival of her new sister, and switched from her daycare to a preschool. I was actually pretty amazed at how well she was handling all the changes, and then all of a sudden about a month ago she started eating less and less. I wasn't really to worried about it at first, trusting to the old addage that if there is food available no child will starve themselves. Bearing that in mind I let her pick over her food every night and ended up throwing away more then she ate.
A week or two later it got worse. Her preschool teacher made mention that she refuses to eat at lunch, saying she doesn't like whatever it is they are serving no matter what it is. The same started happening at home. All of a sudden favorite foods are nasty and once happily devoured meals went in the trash untouched. I figured this was just her way of rebelling against all the recent upheavals in her life and I was beyond patient with her.
Last week though I'd had enough of it and I sent her to bed without supper, refusing to allow her any substitutions for what was on her plate or letting her have a snack a few hrs. later if she said she was hungry. That was horrible for me. Sending her to bed hungry, but I thought at least maybe then I can impress upon her the need to eat when she's ravenous at breakfast.
She threw half her breakfast in the trash the next morning.

It's been getting steadily worse and worse, to the point where if it isn't McDonalds or some other fast food place she flat refuses to eat more then a mouthful or two of food and even fast food is an issue sometimes.

Last night we ended up sitting at the table for an hour while she howled and I glared and made her eat every damn bite on her plate. This morning we fought about breakfast which she whined and whined about and then fed half of to the dog!

I talked to her teacher again this morning and she says that Sarah is still refusing to eat at school. That she drinks her milk and after a bite or two dumps the whole plate in the trash.

Sarah's little for her age anyway, and I've noticed that lately her energy is really down, that she's getting sick much easier, and although nobody else says they see it, I think she's lost weight.

What can I do? Should I force her to eat? Let her go hungry until she realizes food is necessary? Bribe her? What? I'm at my wits end. This is very much an irresistable force meeting an immovable object so stubborn is an understatement!

Help!

 

[Mskey]

Oh I forgot to say...

I have taken her to her pediatrician and he says although she is still on the low end of the height and weight percentiles for her age there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with her that he can identify.

He thinks it's a phase and it'll pass if I pay it no creedence, however I KNOW my child and she is if nothing else stubborn to a fault!

 

[LiteRain]

I'm baffled here and trying to come up with ideas for you...My boys are pigs when it comes to food! I can only imagine your worry though,and sympathize....
Have you tried just sitting her down and asking why? Not when it's time to eat but maybe an hour or so before? Tell her honestly how when she doesn't eat
enough or at all,how it worries you...

I had a problem with my boys eating vegetables and I told them how worried I was that they wouldn't grow up big and strong like...(insert favorite persons name) in their case it was their older cousin Now they ask me if he eats.ex...carrots when I say yes ..they then eat them LOL

Have you tried involving her in making the meals....it may just work! Try asking her what she would like to have in her lunch for the next day and have her help you make it.Good luck to you and please keep us posted .I hope this is a battle shortlived that you win.

 

[Mskey]

well I just got back from the preschool where with much fighting and essentially talking her through every friggin bite we got her to eat all her lunch.
Her teacher was delighted saying it's the first time in nearly 3 weeks she's seen Sarah eat her food.

Literain~

I have tried involving her more in meal times thinking that maybe she just felt left out of the whole process. She's always eager to stir the kool-aid, or hand her sister silverware, even nuke the veggies in the microwave but as soon as she has to sit down at the table the enthusiasm goes POOOOOOOFFFF!!!!

I asked the cook at the school if in addittion to the weekly menu they put out for parents if I might be able to get a copy of the ingredients or recipie cards so that I can see if there's maybe a seasoning or such she doesn't like. She didn't like it but she was agreeable to letting me see the ingredient list and sure enough there's nothing she eats there that she doesn't also eat at home. I've thought about maybe sending her in with a lunch from home but with three kids to get down every night and three to get off in the morning it's easier to utilize the school food service. Plus I pay for her to have meals there and adding the extra cost of sending in food seems silly. TY for your suggestions though.

 

[Bobmi357]

At her young age she is probably not developing an eating disorder, but this cannot be ruled out.

Most children will eat if they are hungry. BUT there are some illnesses which can throw a damper on that. My suggestions are to take her back to your pediatrician asap and explain your worry. Tell the doc that its becoming a major issue and perhaps more extensive testing should be done. Young children are often unable to say whats wrong, so parents are left noticing problems by behaviorial changes.

You daughter should probably see an internist as well as a child psychologist. You need to rule out a more serious illness as well as possible psychological problems.

This could be her reaction to all the recent changes in her life, or something more serious and until you rule out those other possibilities you won't know for sure.

I've never heard of a child that young developing an eating disorder. But I was an extremely picky eater myself as a child. My parents and I used to fight over food all the time. I didn't starve myself, but there were some foods that I completely refused to touch. I think that had my parents not made such an issue of it, I might have grown out of it. As it is, I am an extremely picky eater today. Battling with your daughter over the meal is not good for either of you, but at the same token you cannot sit back and watch her waste away either. Get her checked out now and if there is nothing physically wrong, then get the help of a good child psychologist.

- Bob

 

[alonelygal]

Sweetie...

i have three children, all very close in age. my daughter, my middle child, has always been a picky eater. Time after time when i would take her to the doctor he would tell me that she was fine. She's fourteen now. Before she was two she refused to drink milk...she just didn't like it. When she was 2yrs and one month she broke the femur bone in her left lag. Serious break...course she was 2, i would have seen any break as serious. After this happened, i began to force he to take the milk. Well, maybe, not force, all of the time. Coax is maybe a better word. Its the only thing that i wouldn't give in on.She simply had to drink it. As i said, she is 14, now. She is 5'9", thin, but not skinny, and (i have no idea where she got this one) beautiful. Not to brag on her too much, but she has been deemed mentally gifted...she plays the guitar, wonderfully, BTW...she is very healthy. She is, if i say so myself, a damn good kid. All this is to say that because of my own experiences as a child, i always sat with her just talking with her, even if everyone else was done. i tried, which i'm sure you have, making her favorites, so that there would be something that i knew she would eat. Mostly what helped for us was, simply making sure that i payed attention to her through the meal...even if it was passing comments...even if it was just a 'mmm...isn't this good'. The one thing that i never did, was force her to eat...except for the milk, but i was very concerned for her bone strength. And that was never really a fight. i had an Aunt who, when she was pregnant, would eat some very odd things. Chalk..**** soil...her doctor said that her body was craving some kind of nutrient that it, her body, sensed that it could get through eating these things. i don't know about that, my Aunt was always a little nuts. i say that, though, to say this...i believe that our bodies will generally seek out what they need. Have you ever just needed to eat a potato...or spaghetti... just had to have a piece of fruit? i liken it to having a great thirst...you know that if you drink that tall, cool glass of water your thirst will be quenched...you feel that. Just as, i believe, when you are hungry, your body will, generally, guide you to eat.
Our jobs, as moms, i believe...is to make available to those little craving bodies the nutrients they need to grow. Even the picky eaters will, hopefully, find their way clear to what they need. If you had not taken her the doctor and spoken to him/her already, that would heva been the first thing i suggested, just to be sure.

All that being said...let me quickly share with you the experience of another picky eater...me. When i was a child, i was much as your little one. Upheaval and stress were pretty much the order of a ton of days in my childhood, i'll spare you the ugly details, just now. When i would go to my father's house, my step-mother was in charge of the kitchen, most of the time. She would cook things that i plain wasn't used to...i mean the woman fed me spaghetti melon...anyway...When i was being picky i would be left to eat whatever was my plate. This, until i would eat it all, no matter the reason behind my not eating. i remember a few times being too sick to eat...flu and colds and such...and still being left there until i was done. All night long if was necessary. No falling asleep until i was finished...no getting up from the table for anything...no bathroom breaks, even.

You sound nothing like my step-mother, to be clear. i just wanted to share with you my experience...your little one is blessed to have such a Mommie as you to worry for her. Just try to be patient...provide for her what you know her body needs...you'll get her through this...good luck with it all, dear...

joanna

 

[Mskey]

I had a girlfriend mention something similar to me when she asked me if she was not eating at all or if she was simply not finishing her food. I told her it's a crapshoot. She will always at least take a few bites of something but actually finishing a meal has become a rarity, in fact actually finishing all of say her veggies, or her meat etc. etc is rare. She does always drink her milk so I do know that she's getting some nutrition.

The thing is that Sarah, although my middle baby, has always been very special to me. Not to say that my other girls aren't the angels in my world as well, but Sarah was the baby I tried like hell to have and did permanent damage to myself by carrying. She's always been such a carefree, easy going kid, and this behavior is just so abnormal!!!

Bobmi~ the specter of an eating disorder is a very frightening one to me. I suffered from Bulimia for most of my late childhood into my adolescent years. I know all about using food for control. Her pediatrician thinks it's waaaay to soon to be concerned about that as an option but he does acknowledge my fear that such behavior could be a precursor of what's to come.
Sarah is also the quintessential middle child too. Her older sister is brilliant and beautiful, accomplished in a just silly amount of areas without even trying. Her baby sister came into the world with health complications and as such gets a great deal of our attention. And then there's Sarah a wonderfully average child. The sort of ideal baby you dream about having. So low maintenence it was kinda scary compared to the other two. But that low maintenece has always made it easy to let her just blend in. I've tried like hell to make her feel special, to make her feel as if she has her own spot, but maybe I'm not doing so great a job. Her doc did say that if I don't see some improvement he'll speak with a pediatric gastrointerologist for me, but he really wants to see if it's a psych issue before he starts testing her for no reason.

Joanna~

I spent all of her lunch today talking with her while she ate. I had to prod her quite a bit so that she didn't get distracted but she did eat. I only wish I could afford to devote myself totally to her when we eat, but dinner time in my house is a competition for parental time from all corners and I don't know how much success I'd have trying.

Thank you all for your input. I'm taking it all under consideration.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

They say its a control issue, She can control her food intake. She wants control over something.



Most pediatritions would advise you to ignore it....she will eventually eat.

Of course if it continues for a long period of time and she starts losing weight, take her in again.


I dunno, i never had this problem

 

[fnnyworld]

My daughter went through a terrible time eating when she developed severe allergy problems. Her sinuses were always stuffy so I assume it affected taste and smell, but the main problem seemed to be discomfort swallowing due to swollen glands. After ruling out the physical, maybe she can help you.

The next time you are upset, try silence. If and when "she" gets concerned for "you", tell her what's bothering you. Maybe even over-dramatize that you want to be a good mommy and don't know what's wrong. She may want to help and explain that "it's not you, but it's this...."

Hopefully something as simple as grocery shopping with you to plan the meals will help. When my youngest decided that if it weren't good enough for a drive thru, it wasn't good enough for him; we started "not having enough money" for other things he wanted to have or to do. Then after explaining economics of home cooking over fast food, leaving money for DZ cards, he started helping me plan dinners that he liked as well.

I also made him talk to my other 2 to see if they liked what he was planning, sort of like a waiter in a restaurant.

I hope it's just her way of guaranteeing attention in your eyes...at least you'll know. Those things get really creative as they get older, so watch it!

 

[Topher]

I was an extremely picky eater as a child about that age. I don't know what it was, but I think something put me off food. It might have been some scatalogical trauma - I get that sense anyway. Who knows? Maybe it was a control issue.

In any case I wouldn't eat anything but peanut butter and jelly until around middle school. The sight of even such things as pizza and spaghetti would turn my stomach. Meatloaf was out of the question.

For reasons too long to explain I was VERY hungry one day at about the age of 12 and I settled for spaghetti. I loved it! After that experience I tried more and more things. I will try just about anything these days, but my stomach is still a bit squeamish and sensitive to my mood.

Now at the age of 33 I am still 6'3" but only 160 lbs. Actually, I was around 180-185 for quite a while until I got a stressful job that got me both off my ass and off my appetite. Now that that job is gone I am hoping to gain the weight back. Around 195 - 200 should be optimal for me.

Now, based on the above-recounted experience: DO NOT force your child to eat. It will only cause resentment and it will reinforce the any sense of nausea she might have - IF her problem is similar to mine. I'm sure it was psycho-somatic, but trying choke down what my parents insisted I eat made me literally want to puke, and it put me off eating even more.

My parents eventually gave up and they (probably on the advice of my pediatrician) made certain that I had a multivitamin.

I suggest some kind of therapy from someone who is a) not a flaky quack but also not a B)no-nonsense-she'll-eat-when-she-gets-hungry asshole MD or psychologist.

Until such time as your daughter develops healthy eating habits, see if she can't stomach something like Ensure or (tastier) Boost. Don't take that as medical advice - just something to consider.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I can empathise, and would want more answers too. Both my children went through long stages of picky eating, but what you describe seems a bit more than that. It may not be, but you also need to know. It is often a sign of needing control in some way which can be an innocent battle of wills with parents, or a sign of something much deeper troubling her. There are children with eating disorders, though not significantly high I believe. Perhaps it would be good to get a blood count to make sure she is not lacking in anything significantly due to the eating problems just to ease you mind as to the effects on health, then see if you can find a good child psychologist who is open to exploring whether there is something troubling her. Good luck.

Catalina

 

[sheath]

Wow. My son went through a phase like this, but it only lasted a week, so whatever I tried might not help here.

First...if she isn't on a really good multivitamin, get her on one.

That fact that she does eat things like McDonald's makes me think it's not so much a physical issue as it is a control issue. Think about it...she's almost five. A five-year-old is just coming into her own as a person, and she is in a situation where huge changes are happening around her, but she can't control any of it, or even have a say in what is going on. So she reaches for what she CAN control...and for her, that's food.

So maybe give her as much control of it as possible? Let her pick out what she wants at the grocery store. If it means cooking a different meal for her while the rest of the family eats something else, then so be it. You can gradually work her back into eating the same things that family eats.

It probably seems like I'm advising you to give in, and maybe I am, to some extent. I think once the control issue is out of the way for her, the eating will return. I would, however, take her back to the pediatrician and get a referral for a good therapist. There are probably things going on in her little head that she doesn't know how to articulate, but a child therapist could pick up on those.

Good luck...please let us know what happens.

S.

 

[midwestyankee]

Chances are very good that Sarah has taken some control in her life by changing her eating pattern and that is all this is. For now, I'd take comfort in knowing that your pediatrician has seen her and pronounced her fit. Certainly if she eats virtually nothing for weeks on end you might want to get other specialists involved, but for now I think you're safe assuming that it's a matter of behavior she is choosing.

Here is how we always handled behavioral issues. Let's say one of the kids was having a hard time remembering to come home on time. We would say, "Son, if you continue to come home late when you visit your friends, the consequence will be that for the next week you will not be able to go anywhere after school. Now, I'm not going to tell you that you can't go to Jimmy's tomorrow but I will remind you that you have a watch and that I trust you to make decisions that you are happy with. So the choice of leaving Jimmy's on time is yours, and I am sure you'll make a good choice."

Did it always work? No, but it usually did.

In Sarah's case, the natural consequence of not eating is to get hungry and not have enough energy to enjoy playing. Once she realizes you're going to let her decide if she wants to be hungry or not, that alone may be enough to let her see that eating is just as much a matter of control as not eating.

Good luck.

 

[Hotred911]

I have no advice to add here, but I wish you the best of luck and hope she starts eating more soon.

 

[Pete Moss]

Picky eater

HI, at three my son did the same thing, and even a little more. Not only did he refuse to eat, he would hold his bowel for days. We were scared to death.He was thin and we could not imagine him getting any thinner. We took him to his doctor and after a through exam. he asked my son to wait with the nurse . The doctor explained that this was his way of taking a little control in his life. Not only that, but he was also being highly rewarded by all the attention he was receiving. The doctor advised us to prepare our normal meals and invite my son to the table. If he refused dinner then to ignore him and eat without him. Also our friends and family were advised to not mention his wieght or eatting. This was incredibly hard for me and even harder for my wife. She could not bear to have her child not eat and the behavior went on for more than a year. Finally, after several more doctor visits she agreed to try.
My son would refuse to eat and continue playing while my wife and I would try to eat, struggling with our emotions. This went on for weeks, then we would get reports from his aunt that he ate like a horse while playing with his cousin. At dinner he would be sure to play by the table, to make sure my wife and I knew he was not eating. Then he started to come to dinner and not eat. Then he would eat a little and stop, look at us with a are you going to do something look.
Eating is no longer a problem! Do not cave in to McD, do not cave in to sweets just to get something in the child. This will be a very hard and painful thing for you as a parent, it was unbelievably hard for us.
Do pay special attention to her in other ways. Read books together, better yet read books together to the baby. Get on the floor and play. If she watchs a video, you and the baby sit with her and watch. I do not want to sound like Dr Phil, I just wanted to share our experience with our child
Pete

 

[Master PaulC]

Hi there,

I can empathize with your problem, but in the end I have to tell you that she is probably going thru a phase, as you believed. My daughter went thru it when she was younger and my niece did it for a while while she was here with her dad.

I can offer a couple of suggestions however. Make the food finger style and have lots of condiments, I.E.: catsup, blue cheese dip and such. Set it before her and totally ignore her. When you're done, take the food.

Trust me, the child will not starve herself and in the end, she will start eating again.

I hope this is something of a help.

Good luck!!!

Paul

 

[midwestyankee]

Another way to look at this is that children train themselves in many skills as they grow up. Learning self-discipline is one of them. Here is a story about my daughter, who was once the princess of macaroni and cheese.

Our table rule had always been that the children must take a little of everything on the table and eat what they take. They had control over portion size. When my daughter was about 6, she took more zucchini than she could stomach. We held firm and I sat with her for nearly an hour as the two remaining slices of zucchini grew more and more cold and less appetizing. Still, she refused to finish it. After an hour I offered a consequence: she could leave the table without eating the zucchini but would have to forego eating macaroni and cheese until Thanksgiving (about 8 weeks away). She agreed to the deal.

Eight weeks later she asked for mac and cheese again for the first time. We happily served her a huge helping of her favorite style of mac and cheese. And for dessert? A big, juicy, yummy slice of chocolate cake. Oh, and did I mention that the cake was laced with 2 cups of shredded zucchini?

Now my daughter is a highly accomplished junior in high school and I firmly believe that episodes like the one I described above helped her learn the self-discipline she has shown throughout her school career.

 

[Topher]

I agree that she will probably start eating again and that a child will probably not starve herself, but I don't think that refusal to eat is always about control. I can still recollect those times when I refused to eat and I can tell you that that was not the issue - at least not consciously. I would get physically sick at the notion of eating some foods (not all), and it didn't matter where I was. If you had set a plate of spaghetti or meatloaf in front of me it might as well had been a plate of shit. Maybe the issue of control was subconciously manifesting through nausea - I don't know. But I would suggest that, instead of listening to us desk chair therapists, a parent confrontated with this problem should consult professionals.

 

[BlueSugar]

My cousin was a picky eater to the point where, for about 2 years of his life, he only ate mac and cheese/cheese and bread or a hotdog or two here and there.
So thats what mom made him every day, and get him to eat vegis or a real picece of meat everynow and then.
he eventually grew out of it, but the important thing was to find that one or two things that he would eat, and then add suppliments to it.

For your daughter its fast food, maybe try buying the smart nuggets at the supermarket and make your own fries?
colored katchup? maybe try and make it fun for the eating proccess too.

My younger brother is still picky and always was. Hes more of a "i'll eat all my salad and veggis, but nothing else" he would hide his food on the plate under napkins, say that he had to go to the bathroom and then disapear and sometimes we'd forget and other times he'd be called back and sort of fed the rest of whatever is on his plate.. chicken beef. whatever.

My mother tried smaller portions, throughout the day. This way he grazed and ate for the day, but it was in little intervals. Some carrot sticks and dip here, some apple slices, some yogart, a PB&J sandwhich or grilled cheese. Maybe try going half with her? you eat half and she eats half - that started to work for my aunt, and then he would try different foods (cousin is still very picky and doesn't eat much unless its pizza... but he eats more variety)
My brother still grazes through the day, but he gets cut off after night snack of a donut or cookie or fruit cup or what not.

Just trying to get more ideas out there, hope she picks up her appetite soon.

 

[morninggirl5]

It sounds like the control is the issue for her. And probably at this point, attention is playing a part into the mix as well.

By not eating, she definitely has your undivided attention. My suggestion would be to find a way to spend some time with her in the afternoon before dinner and ask about her day, etc. You could also involve her in preparing dinner. Then let her eat when she's wants to.


Forcing her to eat will only reinforce the problem, whether the issue is control or attention. Try to separate them from the food and definitely don't get into the every meal is a war zone that can so easily happen with a "determined" child. (Doesn't that sound so much better than stubborn?)

Good luck.

 

[Machiavellian]

wow - looks like allot of advices - and instead of reading them all - I'll just tell u what I suggest.

Take her to the store - let her pick out some food that she wants to eat or try - let her help do the shopping - maybe it will show her that she's a big girl and you think as a big girl she can help you cook diner from now on.


Either way - good luck - give lots of vitamines and whatever she does eat - try and stock up = as for McD's - maybe make chicken nuggetts of your own and get a couple of happy meal bags to put them in and put them in the fridge - maybe u can trick her a lil bit in eating.

Good luck and pm me if any of these work.

 

[shelleb4]

Hello, i saw this and was immediately a child again. I was the child your speaking of.
Food for us mothers = love, to have it refused hits us where it hurts.

As a child, my sister had TB, she suddenly kept threatening to die on us and it was all a little too much, i was afraid my fave sis would be gone soon, i wanted some of the love and attn she was getting, but i didnt have TB? what i did have was the ability to refuse food. All kinds of food. I had eaten fine until about 4, then i cut down to cereals and mash potatoes and ham. Not exactly the most nutritious menu in the world. But it worked! My mother was frantic, cooking me special meals she knew i liked, cajoling me into eating. Lots of lovely attn.

If your child is normal on the percentile chart, then you dont need to worry. I notice you mention that you gave her supper?
I would strongly suggest that you together with your partner agree a plan of action and be consistent. Take the heat out of the situation. Do not make food an issue, or you will end up with a future anorexic. Cook meals as per normal, no puddings. Allow her to come to the table with you and just socialise, make no comment on how much/little she eats. You are right when you say she will eat when ready. Do make one change to your behaviour though, do not allow ANYTHING in between meals, no sweet, suppers, snacks. Start this at the weekend so that you have from friday night till monday morning to observe that you really dont have anything to worry about. Plan the weekend so that she doesnt realise she's being observed, but that you are together for it and at home, rather than visiting where she maybe snuck snacks by a grandparent/aunt etc.
You will see by the end of the weekend what a appetiser hunger is. If she has plenty of attention given her in any area of her life other than food, she will settle.
If she learns that she can push your buttons with the food refusal successfully, you run the risk of food becoming a life long obsession for her.
Im forty, have a eating disorder. I treat people with eating disorders. We ALL learnt to do this at a early age, we ALL worried our parents sick from a early age.
You are on the right track it seems anyway, just be ruthlessly thorough, and very enthusiastic in showing her that no matter what changes have occured in her little life, you love her and she's safe.
Good luck
shelleb4

 

[NaiveOne]

Just in case it isn't just to get attention, try to make sure she isn't hiding a physical ailment from you. Maybe her stomach hurts, or she has a pain in her tooth, etc. She might not want to worry you or have to face the doctors.

Good luck!

 

[grnstreak]

i don't think it's anything to worry about at her age. both of my kids are like that when it comes to hit and miss eating, and i'm still like that for the most part. there were times especially early in high school where i just didn't feel like eating for a couple days. but then there were times where i could have cleaned out the kitchen.

as for my kids, especially the one who's almost 4, they seem to have their own agenda when it comes to eating. i was always raised to eat what was on my plate and no ther choices. we try to teach our kids that as well, but after my wife made them eat every bite and one nearly threw up they were so full we talked about letting them howver much they want. if they want 2 bites or 2 plates that's fine. then they are done. granted we aren't goign to cook another meal if they just don't want it. by now we know what they do or don't like.

anyway, just my opinion, but i'd think it's nothing serious.

 

[lil missy]

Is she sleeping alot? Does she seem low on energy? Is she experiencing a lot of strep throat or other illnesses? If so you may want to take her back to the Dr. and ask for a Mono test. Loss of appetite and the other symptoms are ones my son had when we finally figured out he had Mono.

Otherwise I would go with the control issue........then I would go to the choices: two choices You can have your macaroni and cheese or you can have peanut butter and jelly. If none of the above then "It's an awful long time till breakfast I hope your stomach will be ok till then. Then repeat with the next meals. Give her control through the choices options.......with the unstated 3rd option that she goes hungry till the next meal with the love and empathy applied to that choice.

GOOD LUCK!