A questions for the guys

[Lynnezertorte]

When you finally latch onto the right one...these sort of questions won't even be an issue. It just might be the lumps you've got to take in search of that perfect mate. I'm not saying it's fun by any stretch & I can sympathize with your pain.

Hang in there with it. I seriously believe there's someone for you out there.

Thanks for the encouragement Lust.

I also believe that there is someone out there for me. I found him once and I will find him again. I just forgot how much work goes into the process.

 

[Dobbin]

After being out of the dating "scene" for 10 years, I now find myself back in it. I initially thought that it would be a different experience in my forty's then it was in my thirtys because most of the dating pool would have gotten the "game playing" out of their system and would be more straight forward and honest. Uh...I was wrong.

Why is it that guys say they will call but then don't. There have been a couple of guys I've gone out with that I was somewhat interested in hearing from again and at the end of the date they said they wanted to see me again and would call me but then I didn't hear from them.

I didn't ask if they were going to call, I didn't express a need for them to call and in fact was ok either way. Yet when they said they would call I expected that they would. This isn't a matter of neediness on my part because I'm not having trouble getting dates.....I just don't understand why men volunteer that they will call and then don't.

Can you explain it to me?

I think its down to a guys caring side in a odd way believe it or not. The guys that arent intrested never make that phone call to tell you so because they now its going to hurt you. Rejection does hurt and it not easy telling someone.

 

[zhukov1943]

I've been warned by a "player" friend of mine that calling within a week of the date is construed as "needy" and "desperate".

Perhaps they're adhering to this "one-week" rule?

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Re: Re: A questions for the guys

I think its down to a guys caring side in a odd way believe it or not. The guys that arent intrested never make that phone call to tell you so because they now its going to hurt you. Rejection does hurt and it not easy telling someone.

Dobbin, I have actually given them the benefit of the doubt and decided that they weren't interested and didn't want to lead me on.....which is fine. No one was that special.

But it still leads me to the question of why say "I'll call you" to begin with. It's not like I asked them if they were going to call. They volunteered.

And to be honest I've left a few hanging myself so I guess I should look within and answer the question myself.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

I've been warned by a "player" friend of mine that calling within a week of the date is construed as "needy" and "desperate".

Perhaps they're adhering to this "one-week" rule?

Thanks Zhukov

I've got say, this is the reason I like the Lit boards.....everyone, for the most part, is so kind. Not one person has suggested that I'm a loser (I'm definately not a loser) and that's why they don't call. I've gotten some great responses.

Sometimes I like to believe maybe they did the "week" wait but then lost my number. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket!

 

[zhukov1943]

They might not have lost your number at all - I took his advice once (and only once) and after the week passed, I felt like a fool. How the hell could I call after having let that much time pass?

And she was very nice, too...

Ah, well.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Update

And not that anyone cares.........but

The latest guy who said he'd call but didn't.........sent me an email today telling me that he likes me (I feel like I'm in high school).......but the last sentence was..."we should keep in touch". To me that sounds like "don't call me, I'll call you".

Why bother saying anything.....I just don't get it. But I'll be nice.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

They might not have lost your number at all - I took his advice once (and only once) and after the week passed, I felt like a fool. How the hell could I call after having let that much time pass?

And she was very nice, too...

Ah, well.

So sorry you lost out Zhukov, I hope you found another.

I think the correct rule is three or four days but no longer or shorter. Mating rituals.....

Personally, if I like a guy and if he should call immediately wouldn't make me think of him as being needy at all, I'd be thrilled. However, if I was on the fence about him and he called immediately, that might turn me off.

We are a fickle bunch....you just can't win I guess.

 

[zhukov1943]

Heh. I always thought that if you enjoyed yourself, you should e-mail them or call and say as much the very next day...

I wonder how many I've scared off?

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Heh. I always thought that if you enjoyed yourself, you should e-mail them or call and say as much the very next day...

I wonder how many I've scared off?

Zhukov you have to do what you feel is right for you and if you think doing the polite thing scares them off then they aren't right to begin with......that's the hard thing about dating.....everyone's different and you just never know what they are really thinking and what they are expecting "the day after".

I usually can tell if someone is interested in me by the end of a date....which is what brought me to post my quandry.

Bottom line.....it sucks to be back out there.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Thanks Zhukov
Sometimes I like to believe maybe they did the "week" wait but then lost my number. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket!

Now dont dismiss this whole approach to the question so lightly, I think you really got something here. A few more to add to your repretoire:

He was caught up in the moment, meant it at the time, then thinking it over in the sober light of day, realized... that you were so overwhelmingly wonderful, he was so intimidated by your beauty, that he just couldn't bring himself to make that call. He just Knew you weren't really interested -- especially when he saw the way you Flinched when he said he'd call....

Or what used to be my personal fave, back before my marriage: he meant to call but then ran into his ex and one thing led to another and they're back together now, then when he thought about calling to tell me he Wouldn't be calling, it just seemed too silly and would make it seem like he thought I'd taken our one or two dates Way too seriously, so it was really a backhanded compliment that meant he thought I hadn't given him or his comment a second thought since our date!

And now -- drumroll please! -- for one that actually happened. My now-husband called and left a message with my roommate, who told me no one called. So my husband thought I didn't return his call. Luckily we ran into each other later.

Btw, my brother says that 'yeah, yeah, that's the ticket' thing... maybe I should introduce you...?

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Now dont dismiss this whole approach to the question so lightly, I think you really got something here. A few more to add to your repretoire:

He was caught up in the moment, meant it at the time, then thinking it over in the sober light of day, realized... that you were so overwhelmingly wonderful, he was so intimidated by your beauty, that he just couldn't bring himself to make that call. He just Knew you weren't really interested -- especially when he saw the way you Flinched when he said he'd call....

Btw, my brother says that 'yeah, yeah, that's the ticket' thing... maybe I should introduce you...?

I like the way you think Phoenix.

I do try and make excuses that don't leave my esteem in the gutter but the mind is a funny thing that way....always goes for the worst case scenario.

Sooooooooo, what's this about a brother?

 

[glen_xx]

I know i always used to call if i said i would, i think its just courtesy to do so, i mean if your not gonna do somethin, then dont say you will. simple.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

I know i always used to call if i said i would, i think its just courtesy to do so, i mean if your not gonna do somethin, then dont say you will. simple.

Well Glen that is exactly my point and I like that you are a gentleman. I don't understand why they put themselves into a position of having some woman expecting their call......why not just say nothing at all. It's the right thing to do.

The responses I've gotten show the quality of men on Lit. It's nice to know that gentlemen still do exist.

 

[Tazidevil]

Possibly men don't call because our short term memory is like an etchisketch. One good shake and it is blank.

 

[Dr.O]

Well keep at it..

What I've found is this.. Quit looking.. Don't try..

Look at every situation as a friendship, and don't expect it to go any further.. But of course use your personal judgement, in most cases the girl that sleeps with you the first night is either a contestant for a reality show, or aiming for the one night stand.

I'll be the first to admit, one night stands are GREAT.. The tend to the needs, as long as both parties are understanding that, come dawn the deeds done.. Most forget to detail that part..

I'm an idiot when it comes to woman, I've had them sitting on my knee, while I'm having a great time, there flirting away, and doing everything short of climbing on me naked to get my attention.

I've got up and thanked them for a great evening and headed out the door, my buddies like, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, she wanted you.. I'm like who..??

I quit looking and the soon to be Mrs right came along..

Trust your judgement, not your emotions, trust more in the second date..

Work the guy, make it seem like his decision, we love that, we never catch on either.. Later on it's like hey..

Find out what he's interested in, and suggest something, pray to god it's not watching quilting bee's..

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Possibly men don't call because our short term memory is like an etchisketch. One good shake and it is blank.

Too funny!

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Well keep at it..

What I've found is this.. Quit looking.. Don't try..

Look at every situation as a friendship, and don't expect it to go any further.. But of course use your personal judgement, in most cases the girl that sleeps with you the first night is either a contestant for a reality show, or aiming for the one night stand.

I'll be the first to admit, one night stands are GREAT.. The tend to the needs, as long as both parties are understanding that, come dawn the deeds done.. Most forget to detail that part..

I'm an idiot when it comes to woman, I've had them sitting on my knee, while I'm having a great time, there flirting away, and doing everything short of climbing on me naked to get my attention.

I've got up and thanked them for a great evening and headed out the door, my buddies like, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, she wanted you.. I'm like who..??

I quit looking and the soon to be Mrs right came along..

Trust your judgement, not your emotions, trust more in the second date..

Work the guy, make it seem like his decision, we love that, we never catch on either.. Later on it's like hey..

Find out what he's interested in, and suggest something, pray to god it's not watching quilting bee's..

Well that's the thing Dr. O.....I'm not trying. I'm in no hurry for love, I started to date again just to get out, meet people and have some fun. I have no expectations and am pretty casual about the whole thing.

I have had men call when they said they would......but there have been a couple that I really wanted to call and was psyched when they volunteered that they would.....but alas, they didn't. Had they not mentioned that they would call I would have just said "oh well" and forgotten about them.

Men....can't live with them.....can't run them over with a car.

 

[ReadyOne]

Of course it would not be out of order for you to arrange some sign of encouragement.

Many men set on the fence wondering if the girl really cares to make contact again, or if they were just going through a social nicety like the "how are you" "we must get together sometime".

Don't wait for the call; do something to encourage it. Send a note, wave when you see him, have a friend tell him you enjoyed being with him, anything to left him know he won't be rejected.

 

[Carnus]

Well I have always called when I said I would so I can't tell you for sure, but I have had the same happen the other to me the other way, but if you want a really really good laugh get a phone number from here and give it out next time someone says I will call you and your not sure if you want them to,,,,


http://www.rejectionhotline.com


Carnus

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Well I have always called when I said I would so I can't tell you for sure, but I have had the same happen the other to me the other way, but if you want a really really good laugh get a phone number from here and give it out next time someone says I will call you and your not sure if you want them to,,,,


http://www.rejectionhotline.com


Carnus

Funny Carnus, that's one way to do it.

But after all the whining I've done, I think it would be pretty hypocritical of me to do that. Guys that do call that I'm actually not interested in I try to let down as nicely as I can. Although, I've not always done the right thing. So it definately works both ways......we all can takes other's feelings for granted.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Of course it would not be out of order for you to arrange some sign of encouragement.

Many men set on the fence wondering if the girl really cares to make contact again, or if they were just going through a social nicety like the "how are you" "we must get together sometime".

Don't wait for the call; do something to encourage it. Send a note, wave when you see him, have a friend tell him you enjoyed being with him, anything to left him know he won't be rejected.

That's a good point Readyone.

I try to indicate interest as best I can but men are a fickle bunch (just like women) so too much interest can scare them off....and that might be my problem. Sometimes I might withhold interest because I don't want to appear too eager......something to think about.


DATING! It's soooooo hard.

 

[captain snakebite]

I'm with Readyone here - do you gals realise the "I'll call you" call can be more terrifying than actually asking you out in the first place?

If a bloke falls at the first fence, it's usually no biggie - 'oh well, she doesn't know what she's missing / must remember to get that spinach out of my teeth / must remember to wear my teeth next time' (underline phrase that applies).

BUT...

The "I'll call you" call - whoaah! She's been out with you once - she's experienced your top-drawer charm , devil-may-care wit AND dazzling good looks (!)

If you get blown out now, it's not just a whim guys!!

 

[Lynnezertorte]

I'm with Readyone here - do you gals realise the "I'll call you" call can be more terrifying than actually asking you out in the first place?

If a bloke falls at the first fence, it's usually no biggie - 'oh well, she doesn't know what she's missing / must remember to get that spinach out of my teeth / must remember to wear my teeth next time' (underline phrase that applies).

BUT...

The "I'll call you" call - whoaah! She's been out with you once - she's experienced your top-drawer charm , devil-may-care wit AND dazzling good looks (!)

If you get blown out now, it's not just a whim guys!!

As Cindy Brady once said, "I never thought of it that way...." I guess we girls take for granted that making that phone call is easy, however, if it was me that had to make that call I'd be nervous as hell. It's tough on both sides....being the caller and the callee.

I've really gotten some great perspective with this thread.

Thanks Captain

 

[Dr.O]

Best thing to do.. Use a tranquilizer gun.. Pick one out of the crowd at the mall, shoot him, and take him home.. Just convince him it's 'ball' season..