Advice for a virgin desperate to lose it?

[LonelyVirgin88]

I am 21 yrs and do not want to graduate from college a virgin. I've just never been good at interacting with women and usually end up watching porn instead of going out. Personally I blame my parents but that is a long story i dont want to get into. Anyway, Any advice on what I can do, I tried craigslist but its just a place for scammers and spammers. I really dont know waht to do. I'm not the most attractive guy by any means but I really want to have sex. *Sigh*

 

[silverwhisper]

dude.

first things first: people find confidence sexy. given your post, i'm guessing you aren't exactly feeling the confidence.

second: get away from your keyboard and get out there. seriously. there's a certain truth to the idea that sometimes, the most attractive women don't get asked out b/c everyone's too intimidated to ask.

give the matter some thought, dude.

ed

 

[Reba67]

You definitely need to get out away from your computer watching porn if you want to find a girl to have sex with. Perhaps start by joining a club that you enjoy where you might meet someone. Also, try and get losing your virginity off the top of your list......people can sense desperation and sometimes when we're desperate, it's just a loop we get into ....the more desperate we are for something, the less likely we are to get it and the more desperate we become to get some.

 

[brightangel]

... gonnneee baby gone

 

[CWatson]

I did graduate from college a virgin, so you won't like hearing my advice, but here it is:

Learn to live with it.

First off, whether you have sex is, to a certain extent, not up to you. I've met plenty of women I'd like to have had sex with, but none of them felt the same about me. So I had to accept that, unless I was willing to engage in unsavory practices, I was not going to get laid with that woman. It was hard at first, but twenty or thirty tries will give you some practice at it.

Second off: not only is confidence sexy, but women can smell desperation. (Actually, men can too, but that's less pertinent for the purposes of our discussion.) And just as confidence is a turn-on, desperation is a turn-off--a big one. So, if you can get rid of it--if you can be at peace with your virginity, instead of despising it--it will actually increase the chances of you getting laid. Only people who are comfortable in their own skin have good sex lives.

Finally, here's a truth: you're in college, and as such you can find parties where people are getting roaring drunk. If you go to enough of them and meet drunk-enough women, you will find someone who is willing to sleep with you. Beer goggles go a long way. It is very easy. Hell, it was so easy for me that I didn't even bother doing it! That makes the hardest kind of sense, but it's the truth. I decided that, if sex was going to be so easy, it wasn't really worth having. I decided I'd rather it mean something, instead of being something that just happened one day with a woman who was more sopping-wet in her head than her downstairs. And I've never regretted that decision.

The truth, I realized, is that I was (and am) a virgin by choice. If it was really, really important to me, I would find a way to go out and get laid. Because it was, and is, within my power. And the same is true of you. The question is whether you're still willing to do so now that you know what the process will involve. There's no shame in going for it, or in deciding to stay home and save it for later. But whatever you do, don't lie to yourself. Be who you want to be, and don't apologize.

 

[Carnevil9]

I'll give you the hardest advice that there is to hear: be patient.

That's right. In college, young guys are horny and women are selective. But trust me, the tables turn eventually. In a few years, the guys get less horny, and the women get more horny. As the tipping point is reached (and assuming you haven't gone all bald/fat/gay in the meantime), you will find that the now horny, desperate chicks will be chasing you for a change.

When that day arrived in my life, I knew that things would never be the same, and they weren't. They were great!

So hang in there, my friend. It may take a few years, but you must trust that time is on your side........Carney

PS - if you want to hurry things along a bit, go for older chicks now. Those in or near their forties, especially divorced ones. They may look a little older than you, but trust me, they still got it, they are less inhibited, they know a lot more tricks than the young bimbos, and they will be very grateful.

 

[Epmd607]

change your screen name. it'll be the first step in projecting a new self-confidence

 

[fenghuang]

I thnk you shouldn't set yourself a time scale for loosing your virginity. Especially one as arbitrary as "when I leave college". It doesn't matter when you do. What happens in the weeks / months / years before and after may well be of more importance.

The more you're focussed on getting laid for the first time, the more preasure you're putting on yourself, in various ways.

I would advise loosing your virginity before you settle down with the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. But it's damned hard to avoid meeting "The One" if you don't know who she is or when you're going to meet her. But sometimes life isn't that simple.

And I agree with Carnevil9 about older women. I'm not going to say "there are plenty of 40ish women desperate for some you cock", because 1) that's not necessarily true, and 2) it shows a lack of respect for women, especially those who are older than you. But if you can find an older woman, she will probably be able to teach you a few things, and knowing you're young and nervous may stand you in a very good position. (Just remember though, older women can blow your mind if you aproach things in the right way, or eat you alive if you if you just come over as a disrespectful idiot.) From personal experience, sex with an older woman could be the best sex you ever had.

 

[TypicalDeviant]

Confidence, patience, and hobbies outside your dorm/apartment/house.

 

[viper2000]

Dude do not just try to give it up. Give it up with someone you care about. Had a friend just gave it up he said he wish hed waited a lil bit.

 

[kaycee217]

Losing one's virginity is overrated. It can be special, profound, life-altering, etc. but it's generally not what most make it out to be. Oh, and don't lose your virginity by finding someone on craigslist to do it with.

Just my opinions, of course.

 

[Somehowyou]

The first thing you need to do is to get some experience. Experience is the greatest teacher. You can always do this with an escort. Do not comb the streets or use craigslist. This is a good way to get busted by LE or catch something. Instead, sign up for The Erotic Review (TER) and then Google Eros Guide. Do your homework. Better yet take a trip to Canada where outcalls are legal and there are a number of services and Review boards such as TERB, MERB. Study the reviews of the agencies and the girls - both Indy and agency girls. Determine which agencies are reputable and which girls you would like to be with. Make a list of who you want to see in the order you would like to see them. Call the agency or Indy try to book the girl at the top of your list. If she is not available try the next and then the next and so on. Be prepared with options. Rent a room and have the girl come see you. Shower, trim your nails, brush your teeth, gargle with mouth wash (note* be careful about flossing or shaving etc. just prior to her visit) Do not announce that you are a rookie. Have an unopened bottle of wine and wine glasses. offer her a drink and open the bottle in her sight. Make small talk and try to show confidence. Get this virginity thing out of your system. She will probably pick up the signs that you are new that you are new and help you through it. Your confidence will grow which will help you with other girls that are non-pros.

Note of Caution* If you have an addictive personality seeing escorts can be dangerous. But if you can pace yourself, see a few GFE escorts a year that will kiss, cuddle, spoon and do Multiple positions of sex. This will help with the non-pros.

At the same time you have to start getting out. Join clubs, volunteer, join a gym, attend mixers etc. These are things like this will put you in proximity of the opposite sex. I'm not thrilled with bars but try a few (stay out of the strip clubs you will never get laid there). Make friends with a player or two. Be the wingman for someone that has an easy time at interacting with the opposite sex who wouldn't mind showing you the ropes. Take notes...observe the good and the bad and develop your own style. Buy a few rounds to show your appreciation. Look in the mirror. Are you overweight? Are your teeth green? need a haircut? Does your wardrobe need to be updated? I hate to be superficial but take some pride in your appearance.

Try all these things in parallel.

 

[Experiencedguy]

There is lots of good advice up there. Read it all, and see what fits and what you are comfortable with.

You are living in Maryland, and I can guarentee you you that there is more sex there than you can ever handle.

If you are really serious about just getting fucked for the first time, try a prostitute. They are everywhere - just give them their money.

If you want a meaningful first time (whether you are straight, bi, or gay), hang out with some of your succesful friends. Some of the best sex I have had are my friends rejects.

Of course, if you want a nice clean easy screw, just ask your friends if they know of any horny chicks that would do it with you.

If you don't have any friends or money, you have to decide if you want to spend the money on a shrink or just stare at on screen porn and visiting Literotica.

Your choice.

PM me if you want more from me.

 

[BBW_Goddess_Anna]

A LONG time ago a friend of mine in college wanted me to de-virginize him. We tried, but it never happened. Sex would be awkward and uncomfortable and strange if you did it just to say you did. It is still awkward, but not as strange if you do it with someone meaningful. My first time was with a virgin, too, so it wasn't as weird since neither one of us had anything to compare to, but we cared about each other, and that made the difference.
Desperation is what you feel, but like others have said it isn't sexy. If you go out with the intent to get laid, you won't unless you have suave charisma, and confidence, not arrogance. It sucks, I know. Sorry I can't help more than that.

 

[dollface007]

Lots of good advice upthread. I want to pass on a more general life lesson that took me years to learn:

Stop blaming your parents. You are 21 now, which means you are an adult and you make your own choices in life. You can be whoever you want to be. Just be it. Recognize where you came from. Hell, have a nice long bitter cry about it, but decide to be a grown up.

My first time was with someone I loved very much. You don't have to love your first, but don't rush it just to get it over with. It's much more enjoyable if it's with someone you genuinely like or care about....and she'll probably want to have sex with you more than just once!!!

Do you have friends that have girlfriends? There's no shame in asking to be set up, going to a party with them, meeting their girlfriends' friends, and quietly letting people know that you are looking to meet someone. Ask a girl in one of your classes if she wants to study together. Join an organization on campus with the goal of making friends. Making friends means meeting girls too.

Also, make sure that any drunken college girls you meet are at least lucid enough to consent. I know you know this, but when people are partying, things get hazy.

 

[Somehowyou]

Lots of good advice upthread. I want to pass on a more general life lesson that took me years to learn:

Stop blaming your parents. You are 21 now, which means you are an adult and you make your own choices in life. You can be whoever you want to be. Just be it. Recognize where you came from. Hell, have a nice long bitter cry about it, but decide to be a grown up.

My first time was with someone I loved very much. You don't have to love your first, but don't rush it just to get it over with. It's much more enjoyable if it's with someone you genuinely like or care about....and she'll probably want to have sex with you more than just once!!!

Do you have friends that have girlfriends? There's no shame in asking to be set up, going to a party with them, meeting their girlfriends' friends, and quietly letting people know that you are looking to meet someone. Ask a girl in one of your classes if she wants to study together. Join an organization on campus with the goal of making friends. Making friends means meeting girls too.

Also, make sure that any drunken college girls you meet are at least lucid enough to consent. I know you know this, but when people are partying, things get hazy.

Good post. Just one thing. I am not sure that there is anything so special about losing one's virginity - especially when you are 21 or older. Why is/should the first time having sex be any more special then the 2nd or 3rd or 35th or 150th? I think your first time having sex is not quite the same as your first time being in love. The two can be one in the same but not necessarily so. So, if your first time having sex coincides with the first time you are in love it could be more special but it doesn't have to be. Good luck!

 

[Fatso66]

I would say staying in and looking at porn is your biggest problem. Women aren't going to knock on the door for you like they do in the movies. Get out there, meet some people. Have your friends introduce you to people. Join things, adult league sports. Just meet people. BUt porn is not good for a sex life. And when it happens, it won't be like in the movies you're watching. Good luck! Keep us updated.

 

[CWatson]

It's much more enjoyable if it's with someone you genuinely like or care about...

She's right; I can tell you from first-hand experience. Namely, my lack thereof. And srsly: if this is something a virgin can know about sex without having been there, it's probably true.

 

[infinity706]

I would say staying in and looking at porn is your biggest problem. Women aren't going to knock on the door for you like they do in the movies. Get out there, meet some people. Have your friends introduce you to people. Join things, adult league sports. Just meet people. BUt porn is not good for a sex life. And when it happens, it won't be like in the movies you're watching. Good luck! Keep us updated.

Hey now, I have had women (and men) knock on the door for me. I've even been offered group action that way. Of course, that was after I developed a reputation.

She's right; I can tell you from first-hand experience. Namely, my lack thereof. And srsly: if this is something a virgin can know about sex without having been there, it's probably true.

It's true for some people. In my experience, sex is more fun with someone that knows what the hell they're doing, though.

 

[Bystander]

Losing your virginity is way overrated. If it's such a big deal to you get a pro. Unless you're a special case you probably suck at sex right now (don't worry though, most of us do till we get practice). With a pro you don't have to worry about your performance too much and if she's any good she'll probably make enough noise to give your ego a boost. Just make sure it's multiple pops for the fee otherwise you'll be out the door before your hour is up unless you're able to control yourself and prevent cumming.

Don't treat your virginity as anything special. If anything just get the monkey off your back.

 

[fenghuang]

Doubtless you don't spend as much time looking at porn as we're all presuming, but bear in mind, 99.9% of the time, real sex isn't like porn. If you'reexpecting it to be you're not doing yourself any favours by depending on it.

 

[indyguy78]

My personal opinion you go gunning for sex from a girl off the bat your gonna fail and come off creepy take one step at a time i used to have troubles talking to girls then one day i was like why? Now i don't have that problem much talk to them get to know them then let it go naturally entering with the mid set i'm gonna get laid is gonna get you right back at the keyboard with a wet nap

 

[BertrandRussell]

Take a look at this thread
Then send her a PM.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Take a look at this thread
Then send her a PM.

lol

 

[Firebrain]

Stop blaming your parents. It's nobody's "fault," - it's just the way things have worked out for you. We've all got an element of that in our lives and sitting on your arse isn't going to change anything.

Don't hire a pro. It'll end up being the only sex you have because it's just too easy to go back, instead of working on your social skills with a normal (unpaid) woman - I know several men like this.

Have you got a friend you can trust, who can be honest with you about things like hygiene problems, insensitive jokes you don't realise you're making, that kind of thing? You never know what might be putting women off (if indeed, anything at all does).