My bet is that having that one on one encounter with the third party is a very high risk activity. Given that there's already a good chance of some jealousy arising, it could only be made worse by having one partner left out of a sexual encounter. It might also make it easier for some messy emotional attachments to arise between the partner and the third party.
advice for wannabe swingers?
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quickfoot
Really Experienced
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There are many different ways it can go, you should think about what you and your girl would be looking for and then if you are interested look for someone who would fit that profile.
I generally look for someone who is easy to communicate with, is respectful and who is not in it just to be with a woman but to actually help her have a wonderful time.
There are many excellent swinging resources available if you google for it or search the archives. There is also several good books about it.
Checkout theswinginglife.com also, it has links to a great deal of information.
I generally look for someone who is easy to communicate with, is respectful and who is not in it just to be with a woman but to actually help her have a wonderful time.
There are many excellent swinging resources available if you google for it or search the archives. There is also several good books about it.
Checkout theswinginglife.com also, it has links to a great deal of information.
ReadyOne
Ready to Rock!
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That is one way. It depends on what she (they) are looking for. I've not meet may who have gone down the cuckold path.fille said:
The cuckold idea is that the original male is displaced by the second. In this case, the second is a tool, direct or indirect, to dominate the first. For example, if the second is bi, she may have him suck off the first if she wants to see some MM action or if the first isn't bi and she wants to humiliate him.
Acceptance of cuckolding seems to imply a desire to sub or be dominated. She may view taking a 2nd lover as killing two birds with one stone -- she gets more or varied sex or something that she can't find from her first, plus she and the first enter into a d/s thing.
She can let the second control everything, or she and the second can be equals with the first one submitting to the second or to both of them. Cuckold just means the first is displaced in some way by the second and generally implies that the second knows about it.
It could be that there never is an encounter between all of them but the first knows before, during, and after a meeting between her and her second. When she and the first get back together, she uses his knowledge of the meeting, for example, she may make the first eat the second's cum.
There's also the "true" "hard" cuckold situtation where the second actually takes her away from her first, but has them stay together under the second's control. I've never seen this in r/l.
I'm not sure many around here would find cuckolding interesting, though a few fantasies that seem close have been posted in other threads. I'd think the BDSM board would be a place cuckolding might be discussed in the d/s context, but few over there are probably into it either.
ReadyOne
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The few MFM people I've talked to (or learned about) where there was an "interview" process by her was when they both agreed that she or they wanted another lover on a long-term basis.
She interviews for a second lover that will please her and won't hopefully cause problems long term, and of course will be acceptable to her first. He may also interview those she passes, but she's generally been first contact and decision maker.
For example, I know of 2 different couples who each took a college guy figuring that in a couple of years everyone would move on. One took almost 6 months to find someone; they stay in Christmas card contact. It could be because she made the second really court her before bringing him into the bedroom. I still don't know why they wanted a long term second. Maybe they think poly.
The other couple went about 6 weeks from start to play, and said that a couple of potentials chickened out when the time for the MFM came and she made her terms clear. The second they finally found lasted about 4 months until she got a social disease from the college guy. They say that want to set something up like that again, but it's getting close to two year now and they haven't (to my knowledge). I suspect MFM was more a one time thing she's gotten out of her system.
Another, much older, frequently has one or two potentials being developed. The ultimate decision is after the first playtime; occasionally they add one to their list of 5 or so they will meet with on an ongoing basis. They say the hardest is finding people with will make a commitment to giving her what she wants (she's a bit kinky) and not just "fuck and run". The first in this couple will also take any role from just being in another room to leading the encounter.
One couple found she was just very randy and wanted a younger man to supplement the first. They would meet as a MFM with both men keeping apart from each other and focusing on her. She'd also meet her second one on one with the first's blessings. She seemed most interested in creating and keeping sexual tension using as many ways as she could think of; MFM was just one of them.
In another couple the first was bi; in fact he could have been more gay than bi, and a sexual partner want not high on his list of reasons for getting married. She found a second who was also bi to give him what he was missing, and give here what she wasn't getting enough of.
There's even a couple of my relatives who worked out agreements for her to start getting sex from others when he (because of medicine) couldn't perform anymore. It eventually becomes damn difficult to hide things in my family!
One started by him bringing home a somewhat younger buddy for her and they both just seduced her together. She was so needy, and with hubby there too, she got swept up in the MFM and they keep inviting the second to return again and again. (This is the only case where she didn't didn't do the looking.)
With the other couple, she found someone for an affair and then, guilty about keeping it from her first, set up a MFM. The first "rolled with the punch" and decided that it was better to be involved, even if he couldn't contribute much, than have her make liaisons behind his back. So, then fought and compromised, and seem to have found something that has worked for them for several years.
She interviews for a second lover that will please her and won't hopefully cause problems long term, and of course will be acceptable to her first. He may also interview those she passes, but she's generally been first contact and decision maker.
For example, I know of 2 different couples who each took a college guy figuring that in a couple of years everyone would move on. One took almost 6 months to find someone; they stay in Christmas card contact. It could be because she made the second really court her before bringing him into the bedroom. I still don't know why they wanted a long term second. Maybe they think poly.
The other couple went about 6 weeks from start to play, and said that a couple of potentials chickened out when the time for the MFM came and she made her terms clear. The second they finally found lasted about 4 months until she got a social disease from the college guy. They say that want to set something up like that again, but it's getting close to two year now and they haven't (to my knowledge). I suspect MFM was more a one time thing she's gotten out of her system.
Another, much older, frequently has one or two potentials being developed. The ultimate decision is after the first playtime; occasionally they add one to their list of 5 or so they will meet with on an ongoing basis. They say the hardest is finding people with will make a commitment to giving her what she wants (she's a bit kinky) and not just "fuck and run". The first in this couple will also take any role from just being in another room to leading the encounter.
One couple found she was just very randy and wanted a younger man to supplement the first. They would meet as a MFM with both men keeping apart from each other and focusing on her. She'd also meet her second one on one with the first's blessings. She seemed most interested in creating and keeping sexual tension using as many ways as she could think of; MFM was just one of them.
In another couple the first was bi; in fact he could have been more gay than bi, and a sexual partner want not high on his list of reasons for getting married. She found a second who was also bi to give him what he was missing, and give here what she wasn't getting enough of.
There's even a couple of my relatives who worked out agreements for her to start getting sex from others when he (because of medicine) couldn't perform anymore. It eventually becomes damn difficult to hide things in my family!
One started by him bringing home a somewhat younger buddy for her and they both just seduced her together. She was so needy, and with hubby there too, she got swept up in the MFM and they keep inviting the second to return again and again. (This is the only case where she didn't didn't do the looking.)
With the other couple, she found someone for an affair and then, guilty about keeping it from her first, set up a MFM. The first "rolled with the punch" and decided that it was better to be involved, even if he couldn't contribute much, than have her make liaisons behind his back. So, then fought and compromised, and seem to have found something that has worked for them for several years.
ReadyOne
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There are two FMF experiences I've heard about which come to mind.
In the first, she and a girl had been friends from high school and bummed around together after she got married. They teased hubby and eventually pushed the envelope until they all were in bed sucking and fucking. The girls used him as a bridge to connect with each other and did some FF exploring. She also says that enabled them to play together alone a couple of times. This went on for several years.
Interestingly, the event marking the end of their marriage was the girls tying him up and going shopping for several hours, leaving him unattended. Discussions following the incident recognized that each wanted a divorce, so they found lawyers and got one.
She says that she did not take up with her gf or loose interest in boys, but they are still close friends separated by distance. She has remarried and I'll bet the girls have done FMF with her new husband.
In the other case, a bf begged and pleaded so much that she gave in and found someone from work (large company) to help her set up a birthday present. The guy couldn't begin to keep up with the two girls (which was probably their plan) and never pushed for another.
She said she also scratched her bi-curiosity itch, giving her bf the impression that since he couldn't keep up, they had to turn to each other. The FF action re-aroused him, so she got him off quick while still connected to the second girl, and then returned her attention back to her full time.
Poor guy! I can understand why they broke up...
In the first, she and a girl had been friends from high school and bummed around together after she got married. They teased hubby and eventually pushed the envelope until they all were in bed sucking and fucking. The girls used him as a bridge to connect with each other and did some FF exploring. She also says that enabled them to play together alone a couple of times. This went on for several years.
Interestingly, the event marking the end of their marriage was the girls tying him up and going shopping for several hours, leaving him unattended. Discussions following the incident recognized that each wanted a divorce, so they found lawyers and got one.
She says that she did not take up with her gf or loose interest in boys, but they are still close friends separated by distance. She has remarried and I'll bet the girls have done FMF with her new husband.
In the other case, a bf begged and pleaded so much that she gave in and found someone from work (large company) to help her set up a birthday present. The guy couldn't begin to keep up with the two girls (which was probably their plan) and never pushed for another.
She said she also scratched her bi-curiosity itch, giving her bf the impression that since he couldn't keep up, they had to turn to each other. The FF action re-aroused him, so she got him off quick while still connected to the second girl, and then returned her attention back to her full time.
Poor guy! I can understand why they broke up...
Hi,
I don't really have any blatant advice to offer but I would like to offer myself to answer some questions if you have any.
My wife and are an interracial couple(I'm black, she's white) who have been heavily into swinging and mild cuckolding. I'm straight, she's very bisexual.
I do offer one piece of information that you will probably hear again and you've seen on this thread.
Men often bring swinging up, but the women tend to enjoy it much more and become the true advocates of the practice. Feelings of jealousy are easily overcome if you and your partner communicate and reassure each other in your love, but prepare yourself for some news you might not like. If you do it more than a few times, there are bound to be some guys that please her more and she may spare your feelings, but she might not. So if you are the jealous type, please keep that in mind or it could really hurt your relationship.
Another interesting thing I've noticed is that it's a lot 'weirder' feeling watched than watching. I've often got kicks out of imagining and really watching my wife with other men, but it was quite another experience to have sex with another woman while she was watching. Just an observation.
Feeling talkative so I'll say a bit more.
If I were going to plan out a path to bring yourselves up to it, I would probably do the following:
First, try going to regular night clubs and such and just spend some time dancing with other people for a while. Even this relatively mild act can bring out intense feelings of jealousy, so it's a good place to start before getting into sex. Talk after, and be honest. Encourage her to talk about her feelings, if she was really excited, turned on or whatever. Then if you are still motivated, you may want to try dancing a little more intimately with people the next time out along with the strip club ideas proposed here as well.
If you make it this far, I would suggest going to swinging clubs/parties and finding other other couples who want to have sex with each other while another couple is present doing the same. Hotel room with double beds, couples go to bed with each other in the presence of the other. It's really quite erotic and can appeal to bother feelings of voyuerism and exhibitionism. Prior to this, you can try things like coupled strip poker and drinking games, but I would suggest doing something to get comfortable with the idea before you really get into swapping partners.
The main course?
One of the big questions I've seen in regards to first time swapping is whether to do it in the presence of each other, or seperately. THere are pros and cons to this naturally, but I think for really jealous types, it's better to be in seperate rooms but close (bedrooms of a 2 bedroom apartment or livingroom/bedroom etc). While it seems vivid in fantasy and you've experienced mild things like my above suggestions, most men react very strongly to seeing their obect of affection getting it from another man. I have seen people get angry, cry, and have even more extreme reactions. A good amount get a great kick out of it however, but in my experience, those who went there seperate ways and then talked about it afterwards tend to have a better overall swinging experience/lifestyle.
How has it changed our relationship?
The biggest contribution swinging has made to our relationship is made our sex a lot edgier and more fun. Because the taboo of doing things with others and bringing in extra parties to our monogamy is gone, we have a lot more sexual tools in our arsenal. Whereas most purely monogamous couples have the karma sutra and the joy of sex to turn to as the limit of their choices, we have many, many more possiblities.
It has also made our love "clearer". Sometimes the only thing people together give each other that no others do is sex, so that is the real bond between them (not many but I'm sure you know what I'm speaking off). Whereas we also get sex from other places, I can more easily state why I love the woman I love so much. "She's the one humping me" is no longer that exclusive answer that no other woman gives me. THe real emotional and spiritual bond is there and stands out even more since we do get sex from other places.
That's all I have for now, but if you have any questions, I would love to field them.
I don't really have any blatant advice to offer but I would like to offer myself to answer some questions if you have any.
My wife and are an interracial couple(I'm black, she's white) who have been heavily into swinging and mild cuckolding. I'm straight, she's very bisexual.
I do offer one piece of information that you will probably hear again and you've seen on this thread.
Men often bring swinging up, but the women tend to enjoy it much more and become the true advocates of the practice. Feelings of jealousy are easily overcome if you and your partner communicate and reassure each other in your love, but prepare yourself for some news you might not like. If you do it more than a few times, there are bound to be some guys that please her more and she may spare your feelings, but she might not. So if you are the jealous type, please keep that in mind or it could really hurt your relationship.
Another interesting thing I've noticed is that it's a lot 'weirder' feeling watched than watching. I've often got kicks out of imagining and really watching my wife with other men, but it was quite another experience to have sex with another woman while she was watching. Just an observation.
Feeling talkative so I'll say a bit more.
If I were going to plan out a path to bring yourselves up to it, I would probably do the following:
First, try going to regular night clubs and such and just spend some time dancing with other people for a while. Even this relatively mild act can bring out intense feelings of jealousy, so it's a good place to start before getting into sex. Talk after, and be honest. Encourage her to talk about her feelings, if she was really excited, turned on or whatever. Then if you are still motivated, you may want to try dancing a little more intimately with people the next time out along with the strip club ideas proposed here as well.
If you make it this far, I would suggest going to swinging clubs/parties and finding other other couples who want to have sex with each other while another couple is present doing the same. Hotel room with double beds, couples go to bed with each other in the presence of the other. It's really quite erotic and can appeal to bother feelings of voyuerism and exhibitionism. Prior to this, you can try things like coupled strip poker and drinking games, but I would suggest doing something to get comfortable with the idea before you really get into swapping partners.
The main course?
One of the big questions I've seen in regards to first time swapping is whether to do it in the presence of each other, or seperately. THere are pros and cons to this naturally, but I think for really jealous types, it's better to be in seperate rooms but close (bedrooms of a 2 bedroom apartment or livingroom/bedroom etc). While it seems vivid in fantasy and you've experienced mild things like my above suggestions, most men react very strongly to seeing their obect of affection getting it from another man. I have seen people get angry, cry, and have even more extreme reactions. A good amount get a great kick out of it however, but in my experience, those who went there seperate ways and then talked about it afterwards tend to have a better overall swinging experience/lifestyle.
How has it changed our relationship?
The biggest contribution swinging has made to our relationship is made our sex a lot edgier and more fun. Because the taboo of doing things with others and bringing in extra parties to our monogamy is gone, we have a lot more sexual tools in our arsenal. Whereas most purely monogamous couples have the karma sutra and the joy of sex to turn to as the limit of their choices, we have many, many more possiblities.
It has also made our love "clearer". Sometimes the only thing people together give each other that no others do is sex, so that is the real bond between them (not many but I'm sure you know what I'm speaking off). Whereas we also get sex from other places, I can more easily state why I love the woman I love so much. "She's the one humping me" is no longer that exclusive answer that no other woman gives me. THe real emotional and spiritual bond is there and stands out even more since we do get sex from other places.
That's all I have for now, but if you have any questions, I would love to field them.
It's interesting how many of you men have responded that it's the man who is most likely to suffer a jealousy problem. My husband is the one who initiated consideration of this, and while I'm not opposed to it he is certainly the more eager of the two of us to make it happen. It will be interesting to see how he reacts. He has been involved in threesomes before, but never with his wife!
