An intriuging situation....

[Corianne]

It just seems unreasonable that there are people that use abortions as birth control and babies dropped at hospitals and we have to jump through hoops.

So, you're here on an erotic story/porn site looking for free sperm, and in your frustration because it costs money to access a sperm bank, you decide women are having abortions willy nilly?

Puhleese!

You have no idea why women choose to have abortions, and besides, its none of your damn business.

 

[Eilan]

We will not have our family disrupted in 5 or 10 years because someone has an epiphany about getting in touch with their long lost child. Know this, we are trying to start OUR family, not add an extension to anyone else's.

Seems to me that the money that you'd have to spend to make sure this became a legal reality would be better spent on fertility treatments. Just because a man says he'll impregnate your wife and leave you alone doesn't mean he won't eventually have second thoughts--you'd want some sort of legal protection if that were to happen, and I don't imagine it would come cheap.

And what if your marriage does end? Will you then play the "that kid's not mine" card in an attempt to get out of paying child support? If you think fertility treatments are expensive. . .

Go to a sperm bank or look into ways to improve your own fertility (various ways for men to achieve this through diet, according to friends who have succeeded that way). I'm assuming you have some sperm if IVF is one of your options.

I was wondering if the OP was absolutely sure his infertility couldn't be reversed. My husband was pretty much shooting blanks until he had a surgical procedure to correct a varicocele. We have two daughters to show for it.

Sorry you didn't get the responses you were expecting, but that also tells me that you have not spent alot of time on this forum. The one thing you will get in the "How To" forum is honesty.

If this had been posted on the Personals Board, his inbox would be full in 10 minutes. I'm not sure about the quality of the genetic stock, but he'd definitely get lots of takers.

 

[Corianne]

Now that I vented, another point to consider:

The reason it costs money to use a sperm bank is that they (supposedly) do the work for you - screening for genetic disorders, obtaining the health history of the bio father, and so on. Trust me, this information is truly important. Your wife's ob/gyn will be asking lots of questions about her health history and the father's health history. Yours will be irrelevant. You wife would then have the choice of lying and providing your information, and you can roll the dice and hope it all turns out okay, or she can be honest and say, "well, my husband and I met this guy through Literotica and he didn't have AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases (we hope!), but gee, I don't really know a damn thing about his other pertinent health history. Guess we'll have to wing in doc."

 

[lennythelion]

Long lost... child?

We will not have our family disrupted in 5 or 10 years because someone has an epiphany about getting in touch with their long lost child. Know this, we are trying to start OUR family, not add an extension to anyone else's.

Hello,

I am sorry to hear that your plans for starting a family are proving to be more difficult to realise than you anticipated. I understand. I have been there.

However, certain thoughts occur to me, from having first-hand experience of certain situations, that perhaps have not occurred to you. And so I would like to share them with you. What you are proposing, if I understand correctly, is to use a man's sperm to conceive a child you would then call your own. The child would never know that they were not your biological child.

At some point down the road, your child will be asked to fill in forms about medical history, including family history. They will either provide erroneous information, or you will need to consider now how much of a relationship you wish to have with the sperm donor now. Have you thought about such things as blood group? What if your donor dies of cancer or some other disease that may or may not be hereditary in the future? Wouldn't you like to know? Wouldn't you like your child to have that information available? What if your child needed a kidney transplant?

These are practical considerations. But there is also an ethical consideration. In the event your child ever discovered that you were not their biological father, how do you think they would feel knowing you had hidden that information? How do you think they might feel about not knowing who their biological father is? This doesn't mean that they might actually want to meet him, but every child has a right to know what their bloodline is. That won't make you any less their father, because you will be the one who has raised them, provided for them, cared for them, and loved them.

I hope you will consider what I have to say. Right now, you believe that this decision concerns only two people, you and your wife. But four people's lives are impacted here.

Very best wishes.

 

[JHarrison01]

Wow...I can't believe you are getting so much static.

Not knowing where you live, I can't really offer to help you, but if you were close enough, I might.

I would suggest you consider both appearance and intellect in the selection of your male donor. There is also the issue of STDs - I am not sure I would ever trust anyone that didnt have a doctor's report that cleared them of ALL diseases. It should not surprise you that this makes the search pretty difficult.

 

[SweetErika]

There is also the issue of STDs - I am not sure I would ever trust anyone that didnt have a doctor's report that cleared them of ALL diseases. It should not surprise you that this makes the search pretty difficult.

Even that doesn't mean much, since the person could have gone out and acquired an STI after they were tested, have something that doesn't show up right away or have an STI that's not tested for.

Wrenchjr, since there are so many unwanted children in this world already, as you correctly pointed out, why not give one or more of them a loving home? Have you considered becoming foster parents, then perhaps adopting from there down the line?

 

[wrenchjr]

Adoption has always been our first choice. So far the cheapest agency we have found is 12,000. while this might be chump change to some people, to me it is a serious investment. I understand all the flak about this, but it's not like we're just gonna pick a guy because he looks like us. Of course we'll screen for STDs, and seriously Corianne I didn't say that ALL women get abortions for birth control, I said SOME do. I also want to reiterate my point of being a "bastard" child myself. I have no idea what half of my genetic history is, and I've gotten by just fine for 30 years with regular check-ups, and some blood work. Look people there are always going to be what-ifs, that is part of life. All that my wife and I want is a child to raise as our own. Someone we can hopefully mold into a decent human being. Thanks again for your advice and insights.

 

[RedheadedHaze]

Adoption has always been our first choice. So far the cheapest agency we have found is 12,000. while this might be chump change to some people, to me it is a serious investment. I understand all the flak about this, but it's not like we're just gonna pick a guy because he looks like us. Of course we'll screen for STDs, and seriously Corianne I didn't say that ALL women get abortions for birth control, I said SOME do. I also want to reiterate my point of being a "bastard" child myself. I have no idea what half of my genetic history is, and I've gotten by just fine for 30 years with regular check-ups, and some blood work. Look people there are always going to be what-ifs, that is part of life. All that my wife and I want is a child to raise as our own. Someone we can hopefully mold into a decent human being. Thanks again for your advice and insights.

I honestly feel bad for you for getting lambasted here and there as you have. My son's godparents went for years trying to have a child with no success. I understand the emotional and gut wrenching pain involved, so I wish you only the very best in your journey to find just the right person. Don't feel like you have to defend what you want. Spend your energy just finding it.

Best of luck to you hon,

~Red

 

[coastal-boy]

http://thespermbankofca.org/pages/page.php?pageid=3&cat=3

http://www.fertilityoregon.com/lab/charges.htm#shipping

Payment plans are available.

 

[Corianne]

since there are so many unwanted children in this world already, as you correctly pointed out, why not give one or more of them a loving home? Have you considered becoming foster parents, then perhaps adopting from there down the line?

I know of a couple who adopted a foster child. It was a second marriage for both, and the man had a vasectomy, but his wife really wanted a child. Like the OP, they could not afford the traditional adoption route. They went through the necessary background check, etc. to become foster parents to the next available white newborn (that was their particular desire). A woman who was being sent to prison for a long term decided to give up her unborn child for adoption.

They have had the baby for over 3 years. He has some health issues, and is a little delayed developmentally, but otherwise a charming and happy little boy.

It is most definitely an option worth looking into, and like Erika said, it would give an unwanted child a much needed home.

I'm still annoyed by that abortion comment, because I truly feel it's no one's business except the woman involved as to why or if she has an abortion. Especially, men should refrain from passing judgment on what a woman decides to do with her own body.

 

[Firebrain]

I honestly feel bad for you for getting lambasted here and there as you have. My son's godparents went for years trying to have a child with no success. I understand the emotional and gut wrenching pain involved, so I wish you only the very best in your journey to find just the right person. Don't feel like you have to defend what you want. Spend your energy just finding it.

Best of luck to you hon,

~Red

What, so it's ok to dress it up as a few sessions of no-strings fucking? His wife could end up with AIDS as well as a baby, or perhaps a nice dose of herpes (and that is the least of their worries).

Plenty of us understand the pains involved with trying to conceive, thanks very much - it doesn't give people license to do as they please.

 

[SweetErika]

Adoption has always been our first choice. So far the cheapest agency we have found is 12,000. while this might be chump change to some people, to me it is a serious investment.

Adopting a ward of the state shouldn't be anywhere near that much. As long as the potential parents are qualified, the state is more than happy to get kids off its books by adopting them out. It's a far cry from private adoption and you can see what's entailed with any given child on the state's dime first, or even just stick with fostering.

Fostering and eventually adopting from there is something we've seriously considered because there are so many kids who need good homes (much better than a lot of the current foster parents provide, since many of them just take in a ton of kids for the income ) and it can be a more financially feasible way to go. It's not an option for us at this particular time, but it'll likely be something we'll look at again down the road.

 

[subwannabe]

I think if you want this person to be an up and up person then you need to be up and up with him. Translation: Make sure he knows you are doing this for more than just kinky sex. Another thing I don't think you are even considering: How the child will take the news. It is realistic to think that at some point the child will find out the truth and may wonder why you lied about it to them their whole life.

 

[Cattypuss]

What's the problem with using a sperm bank? Why are you avoiding the obvious, safest, least complicated route?

 

[Eilan]

What's the problem with using a sperm bank? Why are you avoiding the obvious, safest, least complicated route?

Because sperm banks cost money and don't fulfill any impregnation/cuckold fantasies?

 

[Cattypuss]

Because sperm banks cost money and don't fulfill any impregnation/cuckold fantasies?

Ah yes - silly me

 

[sereneone4u]

No, in America if a woman is married and has an affair, becomes pregnant, the courts consider the married man the father, not the man she committed adultery with. The other man would have to go to court and fight a prolonged battle and the only hope is if the woman wants him proclaimed the father...

Seen it happen many times working in the court system.

 

[whynotjustsayit]

Adoption has always been our first choice. So far the cheapest agency we have found is 12,000. while this might be chump change to some people, to me it is a serious investment.

Others have already pointed out to you how much costlier it's going to get with this kid. You said you and your wife make good money, yet at every opportunity in this thread you balk at doing anything that's gonna cost you some extra effort and money. You think you're gonna be the ones who are going to singlehandedly outwit and escape the injustices of the adoption world by cheaping out ? People who shouldn't be having kids are going to keep popping them out randomly and unwantedly, and sometimes people who desperately want kids (and should have kids) can't get pregnant for shit and have to pay through the nose to get a child. As Dr. Denis Leary once said "life sucks: get a fucking helmet." It's not all about you. Think about how it is unfair to kids on the flip side: sometimes children get adopted by parents with the most money, not necessarily with the most love.

It's all about as dumb as those who have to pay to have THE pedigree puppy produced for them, while meanwhile, down at the shelters, loving doggies with not enough homes to be found are put to death every day. All because some fucker has to have the fantasy doggie of their dreams.

All that my wife and I want is a child to raise as our own. Someone we can hopefully mold into a decent human being.

No you don't, you want a DEAL, not a child. If you really wanted to care for and mold a child, instead of being obsessed with adding another warm little body to the world, you'd adopt or foster an existing child who desperately needs a home. Not everybody HAS to have a biological child, just because it's fashionable and everybody and The Joneses can seemingly have one. Instead, you want to have this little hot kinky memory of how your child was conceived by your wife getting fucked by some genetically approved stud. This is not about the child at all, it has devolved to something more selfish. Unlike the others I believe your goal is very sex-related, about fulfilling sexual expression and fantasy...and the being cheap part too, of course.

You sound like many a baby junkie that I've seen and heard, who just like babies and children and want one, like a fancy new sports car to enhance your image of yourselves to each other (and to others.) You don't give a serious fuck about the long term consequences for the little one, paternity or health wise, you've demonstrated that repeatedly by what you say. And if my assessment wasn't true, you'd do whatever it takes (like real parents) to make a good life for the long run for a CHILD, not according to your own agenda or unrealistic fantasy ideals. You wouldn't be so interested in defending the "what if's happen" scenario. Sincere and intelligent people aren't so blase about resigning their child's fate (health or otherwise) to a crap shoot.

 

[wrenchjr]

One round of IVF cost $5000. One round. If that doesn't take then its $5000 for the next round. Adopting a ward of the state has always been a first choice for us, however in the area I live the process is insanely bureaucratic. First you fill out forms, and then you wait. Then you pay to take "parenting classes" offered by the state. Which btw are only offered 8am to 2pm, second tuesday of each month and third wednesday, hope you have an understanding employer because you have to attend 16 classes just to qualify. Then you go on the list and wait some more. I'm not saying this is our last chance coning here, I guess I was just hoping for an epiphany of my own.

 

[coastal-boy]

One round of IVF cost $5000. One round. If that doesn't take then its $5000 for the next round.

Why are you looking at IVF? IVF takes a single sperm and injects it into a single egg. That fertilized egg is then planted into the recipient. The high cost associated with IVF is the cycling to get the egg and the re-transplantion. Good IUI clinics have just a slightly less success rate than IVF for women who are fertile (and equal rates if fertility drugs are used) and has costs starting at $800 as I have already shown by 2 links for washed sperm and as low as $200 for unwashed. They even offer monthly payments as low as $50/month.

You want an "epiphany"? The success rate of getting pregnant the "old fashioned way" is about 15-20% http://www.womens-health.co.uk/infertility2.asp the chance of getting pregnant using IUI with fertility drugs is as high as 26% http://www.pinelandpress.com/faq/iui.html Please note that your wife can be fucked by some other guy every day for 6 months and still not be pregnant on average 30% of the time.

This isn't about getting pregnant...this is about your wife getting fucked by another guy. I have no issues with this. That's cool if that is what you want. But to say that you want to "do it so she can get pregnant" is BS. She has a far better chance of getting pregnant by IUI and this can be done for as low as $200 a month. Figure 6 months of treatments and presto bango...pregnant for $1200 total and you can even set up a payment schedule. You want to go high end with washed sperm...figure $4000 for 6 months and pay it off over the next 21 months even if they charge 10% interest if you pay $200/month http://www.tcalc.com/tvwww.dll?CalcLoan If you pay $100/month, it is paid off in 4 yrs.

 

[coastal-boy]

oh and the great thing about IUI...you can do it yourself if you did a little research...the only cost then would be the sperm, the dewar (which you can buy on Ebay for $100...I know cause I just looked) and the liquid nitrogen to keep it frozen until ready to use

 

[Corianne]

One round of IVF cost $5000. One round. If that doesn't take then its $5000 for the next round. Adopting a ward of the state has always been a first choice for us, however in the area I live the process is insanely bureaucratic. First you fill out forms, and then you wait. Then you pay to take "parenting classes" offered by the state. Which btw are only offered 8am to 2pm, second tuesday of each month and third wednesday, hope you have an understanding employer because you have to attend 116 classes just to qualify. Then you go on the list and wait some more. I'm not saying this is our last chance coning here, I guess I was just hoping for an epiphany of my own.

You have to take 116 different classes to qualify to adopt a foster child in your area? Where do you live?

Now of course you would have to deal with paperwork, background checks and parenting classes when going through an adoptive process. That's to protect the child and honestly, I'd think you'd be happy to do it.

Being a parent is extremely difficult. Expect to make sacrifices. If you're not willing to sacrifice time right now to fill out paperwork, undergo a background check, and attend classes to help you be a better parent -- then I'm not sure you'll enjoy the actual process of parenting - 24/7, for the rest of your life. It's not a part time job, you don't get vacation from it, and it doesn't stop when your child reaches the age of 18. It's a life long commitment, and you never know what's around that next corner. You might have a child that is born apparently healthy, and then 18 months or 2 years later, you get the diagnosis that your little one is autistic. How did it happen? who knows?

You think your work schedule is disrupted by taking a few classes? Wait until you need to take off work for your sick child with the nth ear infection, or bronchial infection, or virus. And that's if your child is basically healthy.

The honest truth is - having a child/children is, by its very nature, inconvenient! In order to do it properly, you must be prepared to give up a lot of things you enjoy, because taking care of your kid should come first.

You are already feeling frustrated by the inconveniences attached to the adoptive process --- and you can shut that off anytime. But you can't walk away from your child when he's frazzling your last nerve; you're exhausted, have had a long day at work and now your two-year old is wailing and won't go to sleep because he's croupy or he's having a night terror and the neighbors are probably wondering what the hell is going on . . . and you look back with fondness at those days when all you had to deal with was taking a few extra classes to learn, peacefully, about parenting.

 

[fuyutsuki]

all I can say is wow people.... Wrench came out open hands looking for a little help and you all blast him.
If you don't like it find another discussion to post in otherwise shut the fuck up and get a fucking helmet.

As a side note for all of you who find this appalling check out a little thing called natural surrogacy there's women who essentially rent themselves to couples in the reverse situation.

Wrench PM Sent on a couple of those minor details.

 

[fire_breeze]

all I can say is wow people.... Wrench came out open hands looking for a little help and you all blast him.
If you don't like it find another discussion to post in otherwise shut the fuck up and get a fucking helmet.

As a side note for all of you who find this appalling check out a little thing called natural surrogacy there's women who essentially rent themselves to couples in the reverse situation.

Wrench PM Sent on a couple of those minor details.

I don't want to add fuel, but...

I don't think the comparison between a surrogate mother and this proposal is all that accurate. A surrogate mother is more often than not implanted with the couples fertilised egg (so in other words, the parents would be giving the egg and the sperm) and the surrogate 'rents' the womb. Furthermore, most surrogates are implanted medically, so she does not become pregnant the old fashioned way. Also, surrogates have to go through a lengthy legal process, signing a load of forms, and she is compensated, quite well, for her time and use of her body.

What the OP seems to be proposing is finding a male to impregnate his wife, and what the How-Toers are pointing out that there are not only the legal repercussions but also the many consequences that the idea may lead, first and foremost that it will be done 'under the table', along with the trying to understand the debate about money.

The How-To regulars are helping him, they are providing the OP with additional options and other avenues to explore, with brutal honesty. The How-To board is well known for its informativeness, open-mindedness, intelligence, and honesty.

Again, I don't mean to cause any arguments, merely pointing out what I see as facts .

 

[coastal-boy]

all I can say is wow people.... Wrench came out open hands looking for a little help and you all blast him.
If you don't like it find another discussion to post in otherwise shut the fuck up and get a fucking helmet.

As a side note for all of you who find this appalling check out a little thing called natural surrogacy there's women who essentially rent themselves to couples in the reverse situation.

Wrench PM Sent on a couple of those minor details.

ahhhh. the old "shut the fuck up if you don't have anything nice to say" response. How original. On a side note...if you want to advertise for a fuck buddy...go to the personals forum...this forum is very appropriately named the "how to" forum for a reason. If wrench whats to know how he may increase his fertility (which can be done), logical options as an alternative (of which we have already provided many), what other options curtail (again provided), ways to increase fertility (which there are many) or how to increase the chance of getting pregnant, ect...this is the appropriate forum. He will get pointed, honest opinions even if they are not the ones he wants to hear. It is then his job to take what he wants and to leave the rest. If you don't like the function of these forums, may I suggest you taking it up with the owners instead of those who are following the forum expectations?