Anal Sex

[curiousjasmine]

How does one go about it without it hurting - on of my biggest turnons in when DH shoves a couple of fingers up my rectum during doggy style sex however when we tried to go all the way there was no way it was all going to fix it there - is there some magic way to relax it and losen it in anticipation

 

[Cathleen]

Hi Jasmine, welcome to Lit.

I've never had anal but from reading tons of things here I know it can take a lot of softening up. This is from the Blank Manual (a sticky at the top of the How To page), I'm sure it'll have good info. I'm sure other Litsters will add give more info soon too.

Anal from the Blank Manual

 

[Eilan]

How does one go about it without it hurting - on of my biggest turnons in when DH shoves a couple of fingers up my rectum during doggy style sex however when we tried to go all the way there was no way it was all going to fix it there - is there some magic way to relax it and losen it in anticipation

Your husband might be able to "shove" his fingers in your ass, but if he tries to "shove" his dick in there, you're likely going to be uncomfortable. An ass isn't like a second pussy, which means it's not going to naturally accommodate a penis, particularly if you're new to anal.

Cate is right--The Blank Manual sticky is a good place to start. You might also try the How-To essays (in the story section)--sweetsubsarahh has a great anal sex how-to essay.

Some things that have helped me in the past:
--Lube, lube, and lube. If you think you have enough, add more. Some Litsters swear by silicone lube, but I've not yet tried it. (Sorry, Erika. )

--Sometimes a drink or two can help you relax. Don't get drunk, though.

--I've found that I'm more likely to experience painful sex (both vaginal and anal) if I expect it to be painful.

If it's done properly, anal sex shouldn't be painful.

Good luck!

 

[SweetErika]

I don't have much to add to the lovely ladies above. I'd especially look for Halo_n_horns' thread in The Blank Manual that Cathleen linked you to though, because it's one of the better guides, and I think many of the things in there helped us be successful after YEARS of trying and failing periodically.

Having had painful experiences, my big issue has always been mental. Even when I got to the point that I could take several fingers and toys that were larger than Hubby, anal sex still hurt. We finally overcame that by following the advice given here (and, yes, silicone lube is a godsend, great for everything and cheaper than many water based lubes here ) and allowing me to control the penetration and movement until I was completely comfortable. Clitoral and/or g-spot stimulation during are key for me an many others, too, probably because it provides just enough of a distraction for us to not tighten up involuntarily.

Other than those tricks and general advice, I think you just have to keep trying, recognizing that all of the times you might get it wrong will help you learn and tweak things so you'll get it very right eventually.

 

[Mazuri]

As a relatively newbie to the joys of anal sex (no, that's not sarcastic ), I'll only throw in that you have to be really really ready. Not just physically, though lube is your friend...lots and lots and lots of lube. Mentally, you have to be ready to in order to relax and accept him. If you're not mentally ready, you'll tense up and no amount of lube will keep it from being excrutiating. You may even think you are ready but when the time comes you simply can't relax enough. This could come from fear that one of you will find it "icky," especially if you don't use an enema before hand, or some other mental block simply because it's 'taboo'. It could take some time the first time and your SO will have to understand that he's not in charge, really, because of the possibility that it can be so painful.

What my hubby and I did when we first decided to try it was have him stand by the edge of the bed, nice and lubed, while I was on my hands and knees at the edge. He guided me back so that his penis was positioned properly then just stood there while I eased back at my own pace and comfort. Another good way is to put a few pillows under your butt while lying on your back. Then he can rub your clit (or you can with fingers or a vibe) which can be a wonderful distraction of any pain anxieties.

 

[curiousjasmine]

thanks girls you have been heaps of help - will check out the lit you have referred me too - then try and convince SO that we should give it another go

 

[Bottomlover]

See if you can coax your husband into experimenting on his own ass, first by himself with fingers and toys, and then with you controlling the toy. This will give him some insight toward developing his approach to anal sex, and give you a better chance to have a pleasurable experience. Anal is one area of sex where we men can actually know what we're doing.

 

[Eilan]

See if you can coax your husband into experimenting on his own ass, first by himself with fingers and toys, and then with you controlling the toy. This will give him some insight toward developing his approach to anal sex, and give you a better chance to have a pleasurable experience. Anal is one area of sex where we men can actually know what we're doing.

An excellent suggestion!

 

[rickhou]

See if you can coax your husband into experimenting on his own ass, first by himself with fingers and toys, and then with you controlling the toy. This will give him some insight toward developing his approach to anal sex, and give you a better chance to have a pleasurable experience. Anal is one area of sex where we men can actually know what we're doing.

I agree that it seems like a great idea, he may be surprised at the result.

A major problem with people trying anal sex is that they think it's all about the penetration. Fact of the matter is, they need to include it in foreplay and oral sex as well to loosen it up and heighten arousal.

but that's just me.

 

[curiousjasmine]

I'm the one who's really really really ready - I don't think he is, I've tried to tell him I really want to but I think that topic is off the list at the moment.

 

[silverwhisper]

is he possibly just scared of the idea of using lube?

ed

 

[weez787]

This is just my humble opinion of course, but I think that perhaps too much is made of 'using lube' and not enough on the importance of 'stretching'. From my experience if there is no pre-stretching than even if you use lube the first 30 seconds to 1 minute are going to be uncomfortable. If the man has a slim penis isn't not as bad. On the other hand if you slowly work through a bunch of dildos or butt plugs of varying sizes before actual penetration, then it's going to be comfortable and enjoyable. Once l learned this I can easily do it with just spit as lube - but I don't recommend that to newbies.

 

[deluxe3000]

I agree with Weez in that it's really all about slowly playing and stretching. The lube is only to reduce friction so that the skin isn't rubbed raw. The stretching is to allow the sphincter relax so that you can get a hard cock in your lover's ass.

Bottomlover had a good idea to do some anal play with your husband/boyfriend first so that he'll understand what it feels like and how to stretch out his own ass first. Then he'll know what to do because he'll have experienced it.

Having done anal with various girlfriends (and now my wife) it is all about some wonderful ass worship (kissing, nibbling, tonguing) followed by slow and gentle finger penetration with lube. After that moving your finger in a small, and then slowly increasingly larger, circle is what seems to really work to relax things.

I've done a lot of anal play on my own as well has having my wife involved and agree that gentle, continued playing does the trick.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

I think the concept of using larger and larger dildos is purely psychological, meaning it isn't about "stretching" the ass so you can take a cock in it with ease. If so, you would then be left with an open, loose anus! It is just getting used to the idea.

The key to anal sex: as you are initially being penetrated, you need to "push" out like you are having a bowel movement. OK, that doesn't sound very appetizing but it is the best way I can describe it. Pushing out a bit will open you up for easier (and more pleasurble) penetration.

 

[weez787]

If so, you would then be left with an open, loose anus! It is just getting used to the idea.

What do you mean by this? (that if you needed stretching, then you would be left with an open anus?). I just think that it wasn't meant to be opened from the outside and even if you are very into it, it's not going to open comfortably without some help!. Actually your anus is loose for quite a while after having anal sex, it you try again in within the hour - it slides right in!

Personally I'm very used to the idea and I still need a warm-up!