angels versus whores

[psyche]

I'd like to pick the minds of the sexually interested people of lit. (Trying to get the image of a trephining tool out of my head!)

I just ended a relationship that lasted for over two years. We met here at lit and he knew me very well sexually before we got together in real life. I was so hot for him that I met him in a hotel room, and my thoughts were if he kills me, I hope he fucks me first............LOL!

Anyway, I ended up getting very emotionally involved with him, while he kept his distance emotionally. I really have a couple of questions:

Do you think you can fuck someone you love - versus making love to them? I'm talking good, hard sex that I crave..........can you love me and still be able to push my face into the mattress and fuck me senseless? And when you do that to me..........do I become less than someone you would look at as a life long partner?

 

[bobsgirl]

That is the million dollar question, isn't it? There are times I long to be taken roughly and just...fucked. But so far, in the years that I've been married, my husband has not been willing to do that. Don't know if he's afraid he'll hurt me, or if he just doesn't like the rough stuff, or if he's too controlled...Could be a combination of all of them.

So my short answer is yes, of course, you can fuck someone you love. There are so many ways to communicate sexually, I have to believe that that's one of them.

BTW, Your comment about "if he kills me, I hope he fucks me first," made me laugh too. It's good, psyche, that you can laugh about it too. How are you feeling?

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I do think you can 'fuck' the one you love. But I too have problems with this. My lover, while an awesome lover maker, tends to be on the gentle side. My solution was to find a Dominant to help me explore that 'rougher, dirtier' side of myself. Works better for me to keep those two different sides of my sexuality separate. Part of that decision was my fear that my lover WOULD look at me differently - and run away! lol

 

[TNRkitect2b]

Yes, I can fuck the hell out of someone I love. Especially when they beg for (typically because I've teased them to that point)

It all boils down to communication.
Your partner should understand and be comfortable with your need for it rough, down and dirty now and again. If he knows that this is what you like, then he will be willing to give it to you, or at least make the effort to work towards being able to.

If he doesn't, then I am afraid sexually, you two are not fully compatible. Sometimes you can deal with that in the relationship because of the other good things, sometimes you can't.

Regardless, I am sorry you are having to go through this, and want to remind you not to lose hope. There is someone that can give you what you need out there. You will find him.

 

[Fleatopia]

God yes, it's possible to just get down and fuck the person you love.

There are so many permutations of lovemaking that it boggles the mind. Every mood calls for a different kind of touch to complement the feelings close to the surface.

I'm in love and sex is a big, healthy chunk of the relationship. There are times when I want slow, slickery stroking and murmured endearments. On the flip side, sometimes I just want crazy monkey fucking punctuated by grunts and moans. Hell, a lot of the time we'll start all sweet and tender and end up monkey fucking. Moods can shift just like that! *snaps emphatically*

I think part of being in a loving relationship is the adventure involved in learning all the different things that please your partner and yourself in all the moods you have.

 

[vargas111]

I think it is possible, but not for everyone. I love my wife and would love to have soft gentle sex with her, foreplay, pussy eating, various positions, but probably not "hard, dirty." That's just not my [personal] idea of loving sex. I doubt I could change even if she asked me to, who knows? But there is nothing intrinsiclu unloving about "hard dirty" sex.

 

[vargas111]

I think it is possible, but not for everyone. I love my wife and would love to have soft gentle sex with her, foreplay, pussy eating, various positions, but probably not "hard, dirty." That's just not my [personal] idea of loving sex. I doubt I could change even if she asked me to, who knows? But there is nothing intrinsiclu unloving about "hard dirty" sex.

 

[vargas111]

I think it is possible, but not for everyone. I love my wife and would love to have soft gentle sex with her, foreplay, pussy eating, various positions, but probably not "hard, dirty." That's just not my [personal] idea of loving sex. I doubt I could change even if she asked me to, who knows? But there is nothing intrinsiclu unloving about "hard dirty" sex.

 

[psyche]

That is the million dollar question, isn't it? There are times I long to be taken roughly and just...fucked. But so far, in the years that I've been married, my husband has not been willing to do that. Don't know if he's afraid he'll hurt me, or if he just doesn't like the rough stuff, or if he's too controlled...Could be a combination of all of them.

So my short answer is yes, of course, you can fuck someone you love. There are so many ways to communicate sexually, I have to believe that that's one of them.

BTW, Your comment about "if he kills me, I hope he fucks me first," made me laugh too. It's good, psyche, that you can laugh about it too. How are you feeling?

I have my good days and my bad days and I miss him terribly. Thanks for asking.......

What about the good girl/bad girl dicotomy? Should we pretend that we don't like sex, at least at first, so you can seduce us? Do we scare you away when we grab you first?

 

[SweetErika]

I have my good days and my bad days and I miss him terribly. Thanks for asking.......

What about the good girl/bad girl dicotomy? Should we pretend that we don't like sex, at least at first, so you can seduce us? Do we scare you away when we grab you first?

First, Psyche, I'm sorry for your loss and pain, and wish you all the best in your healing. I've been in a similar situation, and my heart breaks just thinking about how terribly it hurt. It makes you stronger, and I always found solace in the idea that "when one door closes, several always open."

I can only pass on my husband's ideas and those of men I've talked to about this, but it seems a lot of men are fascinated by a woman who's a good girl and fairly conservative in public that turns into a very bad girl in private. I wouldn't say it's about appearing to not like sex, but rather you just like vanilla sex. Then, when you're alone with him/her, your naughty side really comes out.

I've also known a lot of men who love being grabbed first. It boils down to the woman showing she's willing to go against social norms because she wants/needs him so much. She craves sex and him, which leads us back to the naughty girl.

 

[Lukie]

have to agree w/Ericka

Oh, Sweeterika does have good words. Yes, to me it's a turn on if the woman is showing she wants it. It is nice to hear and let's me feel like I can have her with my desire....

 

[ReadyOne]

Give him permission to get rough; I'll do it when I'm sure that's what's supposed to happen.

Some obvious things are

- hand him a hair brush then lay over his lap/chair arm,
- lay the restraints on the pillow,
- send a story to read or write a letter,
- give him a toy (flogger, clamps, cuffs, etc.) as a present, etc.

More explicit is to:
- tell him a story or fantasy you want made real and describe the acts you want done in detail,
-tease him up then tell him he will have to litterly pry your legs apart and you're going fight as hard as you can until he penetrats you,
- be a very sassy brat and tell me "make me!",
- plan out the most active things you can do to him like tie him and fuck his ass with a dildo and don't stop short of a safeword.

Try a role-play where you tell him exactly how you're going to behave and that he should not break out of the role just because you scream or cry. Tell him you are going to struggle while your clothes are being torn off and that the way your character is and he need to keep playing his character or it's no fun.

When something start to happen and is heading the right way, tell him to keep going, he's doing it right and you want more and not to hesitate. Be explicit; harder, I really want it harder!

 

[manofsteel52]

I'd like to pick the minds of the sexually interested people of lit. (Trying to get the image of a trephining tool out of my head!)

I just ended a relationship that lasted for over two years. We met here at lit and he knew me very well sexually before we got together in real life. I was so hot for him that I met him in a hotel room, and my thoughts were if he kills me, I hope he fucks me first............LOL!

Anyway, I ended up getting very emotionally involved with him, while he kept his distance emotionally. I really have a couple of questions:

Do you think you can fuck someone you love - versus making love to them? I'm talking good, hard sex that I crave..........can you love me and still be able to push my face into the mattress and fuck me senseless? And when you do that to me..........do I become less than someone you would look at as a life long partner?

Absolutely, it's possible. I've been married a very long time, and I can fuck my wife senseless... if I know she wants that. The one line I won't cross, however, is inflicting pain just for my own pleasure. I don't get any satisfaction or pleasure from hurting someone. In fact, it would make no difference if I were in love with that person or not.
Maybe I'm missing something here, but I don't equate a good hard face in the matress fucking with being demeaning or degrading. To me, it just means damn, baby, you are so fucking hot I can't control myself!

 

[TNRkitect2b]

In total agreement with ReadyOne.

 

[Glistening Girl]

Well I have been with my husband for 16 years and just when I think we have things down the way they will be we go and shake it up some more.

We can do the sweet making love and the hard core shove my face in the mattress sex with no problem. I can be tied up and dominated by him and I just found out I can tie him up and get a tremendous amount of pleasure dominating him.

I would say it depends on the personality of the people involved. It also takes a willingness to step out of your comfort zone and go exploring sides of yourself you didn't even know were there.

 

[SweetErika]

Give him permission to get rough; I'll do it when I'm sure that's what's supposed to happen.

Some obvious things are

- hand him a hair brush then lay over his lap/chair arm,
- lay the restraints on the pillow,
- send a story to read or write a letter,
- give him a toy (flogger, clamps, cuffs, etc.) as a present, etc.

More explicit is to:
- tell him a story or fantasy you want made real and describe the acts you want done in detail,
-tease him up then tell him he will have to litterly pry your legs apart and you're going fight as hard as you can until he penetrats you,
- be a very sassy brat and tell me "make me!",
- plan out the most active things you can do to him like tie him and fuck his ass with a dildo and don't stop short of a safeword.

Try a role-play where you tell him exactly how you're going to behave and that he should not break out of the role just because you scream or cry. Tell him you are going to struggle while your clothes are being torn off and that the way your character is and he need to keep playing his character or it's no fun.

When something start to happen and is heading the right way, tell him to keep going, he's doing it right and you want more and not to hesitate. Be explicit; harder, I really want it harder!

Great ideas I'm going to use...thanks, ReadyOne! Our experiences range from soft and slow lovemaking to hard and fast fucking, but there are just some things that would actually hurt him to do to me. That's where the fantasizing and stories come in, so it usually works out well. I really like the idea of telling him how I'll act beforehand though... maybe we'll try pushing the boundaries a little tonight!

 

[human_male]

I don't think "fuck" and "make love to" are mutually exclusive. The more I feel connected to someone the more turned on by her I am. The more turned on by her I am the more I'd want to "fuck" her, but I'd still be making love to her even if it was banging away like a maniac and calling her a bad girl.

I do think men can seperate sex from emotion (usually) more than women, and that must make it tricky for a woman who wants sex but doesn't want to end up falling in love with someone.

 

[ApplesMcgee]

easy answer...

.....

 

[sirmed]

I could with someone I love before a Stranger...

It starts for me with that spark and then when you jump that line.. then it is either wonderful or just adverage... but communictaion is the key to that or If I go on or not.... but makeing love or fucking the hell out of you.. always gets better with communication ... period... you just can sweep it under the rug and say .." it was okay". and I only want to be friends..

 

[vargas111]

What about the good girl/bad girl dicotomy? Should we pretend that we don't like sex, at least at first, so you can seduce us? Do we scare you away when we grab you first?

Just try us! <g>

 

[vargas111]

I can only pass on my husband's ideas and those of men I've talked to about this, but it seems a lot of men are fascinated by a woman who's a good girl and fairly conservative in public that turns into a very bad girl in private. I wouldn't say it's about appearing to not like sex, but rather you just like vanilla sex. Then, when you're alone with him/her, your naughty side really comes out.

I've also known a lot of men who love being grabbed first. It boils down to the woman showing she's willing to go against social norms because she wants/needs him so much. She craves sex and him, which leads us back to the naughty girl.

The traditional way os ecpressing this is "lady in the parlor and a whore in teh bedroom." I'd amend this to say that she "can be a lady in the parlor or the dinner party, but she can also cut loos and be naughty in public when the situation permits. And even when "behaving" in public, dropping hints that she can hardly wait to get him alone. <grrrrr>

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

I do think men can seperate sex from emotion (usually) more than women, and that must make it tricky for a woman who wants sex but doesn't want to end up falling in love with someone.

Gotta disagree, honestly to me sex is love and hence my emotion is tied very strongly to it (and I'm male).

As for if a man can fuck the women he loves, I ask you what IS the differance between fucking and making love? When does one become the other? Both are ways of pleasuring the person you love, and honestly I don't seperate the two at all. Whether it's rough or gentle, it's always making love to me ^_^

-Zergplex