Any advice on overcoming coitophobia?

[LarzMachine]

Basically, intercourse causes a mental shutdown. Just about anything else is no problem, but if I attempt straight intercourse, either I go soft or can't "finish" without so much work it defeats the purpose (most women seem to get annoyed after an hour of fucking).

Same story with dating. Once I'm IN a relationship, I'm fine, but getting there is pretty much impossible.

So does anyone have any ideas on fixing this?

 

[zhukov1943]

I'd guess that it's a "trust" issue. Since you say you're fine once you're in a relationship, it sounds like you're having trouble "letting it all hang out" with someone you don't entirely trust.

Got no advice for how to cure it, though - give up on one-night-stands, maybe?

 

[LarzMachine]

Only had one one-night stand in my life and it was an utter disaster. Not planning on doing it again.

 

[zhukov1943]

I hear ya, man.

Maybe try some different types of penetration? I'm a bit on the "thin" side, penis-wise, so sometimes with girlfriends that have had "bigger" partners in the past, we have to change things up in order to get enough friction for me to get off. Having her hold her legs straight up in the air while lying on her back allows her to press her legs together to make it tighter, for example - this also works great when doing it "doggie-style", too.

And of course, there's always "anal"!

 

[SweetErika]

Do you have any idea why it's causing a mental shutdown? Is it fear? Did it happen once and has now become a self-fulfilling prophecy? If you can narrow it down a little, you'll have a better chance of solving it. Same goes for the relationship issue. Try and pinpoint the causes and then challenge them logically.

 

[LarzMachine]

I have a similar problem but in the opposite direction.

Right now the plan is mainly to see if I can find something really serious (like one step short of marriage) and taking it extremely slowly in the sack. I was hoping there was another solution though, since I don't want to have to explain to some woman "yes, I like you. Yes I find you attractive. But I can't fuck you because my dick refuses to cooperate."

 

[LarzMachine]

Do you have any idea why it's causing a mental shutdown? Is it fear?

I'm pretty sure it has to do with my first girlfriend. After we had sex the third time, she told me "oh, by the way, I have AIDS." After I'd just fucked her three times in a week with no condom. Whether she was lying or not, I never caught AIDS or HIV (which leads me to believe it was a lie), so THAT isn't a problem, but ever since I've had horrible "issues."

 

[SweetErika]

I have a similar problem but in the opposite direction.

Right now the plan is mainly to see if I can find something really serious (like one step short of marriage) and taking it extremely slowly in the sack. I was hoping there was another solution though, since I don't want to have to explain to some woman "yes, I like you. Yes I find you attractive. But I can't fuck you because my dick refuses to cooperate."

If you wait until you love eachother, explaining and working on it together shouldn't be a problem.

As far as short term solutions go, would it be possible to have sex until she's had enough and then masturbate, receive oral, or something else to finish?

 

[LarzMachine]

If you wait until you love eachother, explaining and working on it together shouldn't be a problem.

That's more or less the plan. But then, I haven't had the best track record with women, so I have to take it on pure faith one would be as understanding as you're saying.

As far as short term solutions go, would it be possible to have sex until she's had enough and then masturbate, receive oral, or something else to finish?

If I could actually "perform" in that manner, it would be a possibility. Either I can't cum or I can't stay hard. And ALL I need is for some woman to think I'm making excuses to get blowjobs.

 

[SweetErika]

That's more or less the plan. But then, I haven't had the best track record with women, so I have to take it on pure faith one would be as understanding as you're saying.


If I could actually "perform" in that manner, it would be a possibility. Either I can't cum or I can't stay hard. And ALL I need is for some woman to think I'm making excuses to get blowjobs.

Have you tried a cock ring for the staying hard problem? If you can cum other ways (e.g. masturbating) then you might have to go with that for awhile.

A woman who loves you isn't going to think you're making excuses to get blowjobs. If a woman accuses you of that after you've been honest about the problem, she doesn't love you and isn't the right woman. Don't let your track record color your future...most of us are very understanding and willing to do what we can to make sure the men we love are satisfied.

If nothing works, you might want to look into some counseling before starting your next relationship. A good therapist might help you solve all of this since it sounds like it's mental.

 

[LarzMachine]

Tried a rubber cockring once but it was really uncomfortable and didn't seem to do much. Thing is, I can get hard most of the time, just sometimes not when it really counts.

 

[ApplesMcgee]

possible solution

.....

 

[LarzMachine]

Re: possible solution

Have you tried not letting yourself cum. I know this sound silly, but don't let your body have any enjoyable sexual release. Or at least limit yourself. If you get yourself off three or four times a week, cut it back to once or twice (or even just once a week).

This way you can prepare your body for the moment and make it more easily excitable. Also, if things start getting heated with a woman, your body should be more ready for a relase and should make the event easier to complete.

PowrDragn

Worth a shot. But then, I also have to find a girlfriend first. LOL

 

[FinePhilly]

Have you had a frank discussion with your doctor about this? It would be best to rule out any physical problems that might be contributing to this.

If you've got a physical problem that you THINK is just a mental problem that can cause a lot of mental anxiety.

I'd rule out physical issues first.