Anyone here a Kajira?

[catalina_francisco]

I

In that sense, I was really struck by cat's post elsewhere about having lived enough of her life in control that she was ready to give it up. I can kinda get that. But I'm not there.

LOL, what does the song say?... 'It don't come easy'...LOL, that is more the reality most days, but we continue to work toward a reality we both want, just for now it contains more elements of responsibility than I thought it would or should..leanr something new everyday.

Catalina

 

[SheDevilShay]

I'm sorry if this offends you as it is not my intention, but really your life has just begun at 22yo, not near something I would consider a point whereby you can declare you have spent your whole life raising everyone else as if it is a large span of your lifetime...I daresay you did not come out of the womb and immediately assume a leadership role in the life of those around you, though perhaps you may have demanded attention...the 2 are vastly different states.

Catalina

Possibly, and I understand your theory on it... my mother did not care for me, or anyone else.. I was raising myself from a young age.. it was not about attention, it was about survival... I cared for my siblings, I cared for other members of my family, (including taking care of my greatgrandmother the last year of her life as she struggled with lung cancer... I might not have had the strength to "bathe" her at 9-10... but I did everything else for her while my grandparents worked... and when my grandmother started having health issues a couple years later, again I picked up the slack to care for her while my grandfather worked....

My mother nearly starved me to death at the age of 18 months.. the onyl reason I survived was because I found a way to feed myself raw food from the fridge... it took my leg being broken for CPS to remove me and place me in my grandparents custody, where they did their best to help me... but my mom still had parental rights and kept coming in and out of my life putting a parental role on me when she needed it...

Its hard to explain to someone who has not been there I guess... sure I am only 22 years old... but I guess I feel age isn't nessicarily relevent to experience... Wisdom comes with age, and I do not proclaim to be wise on any level... just... life experienced.


I would like to add, that I am also a mother and my son's is 3... and I would like more children.. I do enjoy being a mother... to a "child" but I do not want to "care" for anymore adults on that level... if my Dom ever need me in his older age to play that role again, for him I would do so and gladly... but not for anyone else. (he's 13 years older then I am.)

 

[CutieMouse]

Possibly, and I understand your theory on it...

<snip>

Its hard to explain to someone who has not been there I guess... sure I am only 22 years old... but I guess I feel age isn't nessicarily relevent to experience... Wisdom comes with age, and I do not proclaim to be wise on any level... just... life experienced.

While I don't believe there is any correlation between difficult childhoods and BDSM, I do think you'll find a large number of people in BDSM have "been there". However, they rarely tend to see their personal history as an explination/excuse/reason for who they are, what they need or desire, or how they view D/s... it's just a part of life and history. I know in my teens and 20s, I was quite vocal about my history, and the realities of having to raise myself; giving those events recognition and power to define who I am eventually got tiresome, so I stopped. So yes, you've had a rough life, and it's left it's mark on you, but you're 22... while I don't wish to discount your suffering, it's a blink of the eye compared to the living you have yet to do.

 

[SheDevilShay]

While I don't believe there is any correlation between difficult childhoods and BDSM, I do think you'll find a large number of people in BDSM have "been there". However, they rarely tend to see their personal history as an explination/excuse/reason for who they are, what they need or desire, or how they view D/s... it's just a part of life and history. I know in my teens and 20s, I was quite vocal about my history, and the realities of having to raise myself; giving those events recognition and power to define who I am eventually got tiresome, so I stopped. So yes, you've had a rough life, and it's left it's mark on you, but you're 22... while I don't wish to discount your suffering, it's a blink of the eye compared to the living you have yet to do.

*shrugs* I understand where your coming from and understand what your saying. I don't know what else to say, other then, life experience has helped shape me, but it has also made me deny who I really am... not make me who I am... thats the only reason I shared is my even being here is educational "for me"...

 

[CutieMouse]

*shrugs* I understand where your coming from and understand what your saying. I don't know what else to say, other then, life experience has helped shape me, but it has also made me deny who I really am... not make me who I am... thats the only reason I shared is my even being here is educational "for me"...

That makes sense on some level. Keep plugging along and you'll sort everything out.

 

[SheDevilShay]

That makes sense on some level. Keep plugging along and you'll sort everything out.

Thank you... I think I felt threatened when I first joined this site and am trying to get a feel for stuff, im not a bitch, and I don't really get offended easily or get mad easily... but I just was trying to figure stuff out... so if I seemed hostile or whatever ... it was just feeling insecure on not knowing my role or place here.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Possibly, and I understand your theory on it... my mother did not care for me, or anyone else.. I was raising myself from a young age.. it was not about attention, it was about survival... I cared for my siblings, I cared for other members of my family, (including taking care of my greatgrandmother the last year of her life as she struggled with lung cancer... I might not have had the strength to "bathe" her at 9-10... but I did everything else for her while my grandparents worked... and when my grandmother started having health issues a couple years later, again I picked up the slack to care for her while my grandfather worked....

My mother nearly starved me to death at the age of 18 months.. the onyl reason I survived was because I found a way to feed myself raw food from the fridge... it took my leg being broken for CPS to remove me and place me in my grandparents custody, where they did their best to help me... but my mom still had parental rights and kept coming in and out of my life putting a parental role on me when she needed it...

Its hard to explain to someone who has not been there I guess... sure I am only 22 years old... but I guess I feel age isn't nessicarily relevent to experience... Wisdom comes with age, and I do not proclaim to be wise on any level... just... life experienced.


I would like to add, that I am also a mother and my son's is 3... and I would like more children.. I do enjoy being a mother... to a "child" but I do not want to "care" for anymore adults on that level... if my Dom ever need me in his older age to play that role again, for him I would do so and gladly... but not for anyone else. (he's 13 years older then I am.)

I just don't understand if you really had all this responsibility and time consumption taking place where the hack you got the time or energy to also be a model all your life as you said here...

The things I blame are the drugs and her stupid fucked up choices.. I did modeling my whole life and not once have I let drugs interfer with my choices... drugs are STUPID... (I've watched my mom be a herion addict her whole life and struggle with those choices...)

Its not a healthy thing to do and once you get into it... its no one's fault but your own.

I want to know what you fed yourself on to give yourself such great energy under so much stress as I could sure use some of it!!

Catalina
.

 

[SheDevilShay]

I just don't understand if you really had all this responsibility and time consumption taking place where the hack you got the time or energy to also be a model all your life as you said here...



I want to know what you fed yourself on to give yourself such great energy under so much stress as I could sure use some of it!!

Catalina
.

I did modeling from the age of 5 untill I got married when my Dom request he be the only person to take my pictures in the future.

I also traveled alot on my own, played video games professionally.. (Modeling all my life, I.e. exhabitionist tedencies and my family pushed my "cuteness" in front of the camera...it made money *shrugs*)

Between modeling and play video games for money in competeitions... thats how I paid my bills as a teen.. I moved out on my own at 16... and back when I was 18 when I got pregnant. there were certain things I wouldn't be able to do that worked before I had a child. (I.e. all the traveling for the competitions or modeling shoots.)

Edit : I guess the "better" way to describe it is "on and off" its not like I had a modeling shoot every day.. or a gaming compeition every day... and some of the key factors to staying on "top" of your game are doable at home.. (i.e. practicing your reflexes for first person shooters... practicing chess for strategy and mind practice excersices... and diet/excersice are dooable from home for the most part.)

I also write and am a book worm.

Edit again : I am extremely high energy and become self destructive if I get bored so I always need something to put my "energy" into.. and I have "more" then most people... one of the hardest things for me is winding down enough to sit still or goto sleep at night.. I can survive on little to no sleep and not fall apart that way... my body just doesn't require as much.

 

[myinnerslut]

in the past 4 days you have started 12 threads on BDSM talk and cafe (plus more elsewhere) in some you talked about how you were domme like. in others you talked about being a switch, now you are proclaiming yourself a gorean slave girl.

i would urge you to slow down in your discovery. there is no rush.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I did modeling from the age of 5 untill I got married when my Dom request he be the only person to take my pictures in the future.

I also traveled alot on my own, played video games professionally.. (Modeling all my life, I.e. exhabitionist tedencies and my family pushed my "cuteness" in front of the camera...it made money *shrugs*)

Between modeling and play video games for money in competeitions... thats how I paid my bills as a teen.. I moved out on my own at 16... and back when I was 18 when I got pregnant. there were certain things I wouldn't be able to do that worked before I had a child. (I.e. all the traveling for the competitions or modeling shoots.)

Edit : I guess the "better" way to describe it is "on and off" its not like I had a modeling shoot every day.. or a gaming compeition every day... and some of the key factors to staying on "top" of your game are doable at home.. (i.e. practicing your reflexes for first person shooters... practicing chess for strategy and mind practice excersices... and diet/excersice are dooable from home for the most part.)

I also write and am a book worm.

Edit again : I am extremely high energy and become self destructive if I get bored so I always need something to put my "energy" into.. and I have "more" then most people... one of the hardest things for me is winding down enough to sit still or goto sleep at night.. I can survive on little to no sleep and not fall apart that way... my body just doesn't require as much.

But honey, this is just why it doesn't work for me. If you were so busy travelling to not only modelling jobs, but also now you say travelling also for professional game playing, how the f*** were you there to do all this raising of everyone and bathing and feeding of your relatives on a daily basis as you said you had to?!! There are only so many hours in a day and if this was your schedule from 5yo, I don't see how you could be in 2-3 places at once, not to mention find time to get pregnant and find a husband!! You must be Wonder Woman reincarnated!!

Catalina

 

[HottieMama]

In reading all of these responses one thing keeps popping up in my head.

Shay..you talk about all the responsibility you had as a child and teen...Do you honestly think that entering into a D/s relationship is going to LESSEN that responsibility any? You will still be a mother to your son. You will still be a wife. You will still have to pay bills and do household chores....BUT...no longer will you be doing them the way YOU think they should be done. You will now be at the mercy of your Dom who can/will tell you exactly how/when to do things. There will be that little "voice" in the back of your mind..."Is this what X would want me to do? Is this how he would want me to do it?" That in and of itself is a HUGE new responsibility that you will be taking on. With it comes the desire/need to please X and the happiness it may bring, but also the ability for him to become terribly disappointed...and trust me when i tell you that knowing you disappointed your X will be one of the worst feelings you will ever feel in your entire life, at least IMHO.

 

[Kajira Callista]

All of Gor is based on fiction...a set of books. There is no basis in reality for this set of beliefs/practices...some of which are VERY extreme in both thought and action.

Gor is based on M/s relationships. But that is just my opinion. *shrug*

 

[CutieMouse]

In reading all of these responses one thing keeps popping up in my head.

Shay..you talk about all the responsibility you had as a child and teen...Do you honestly think that entering into a D/s relationship is going to LESSEN that responsibility any? You will still be a mother to your son. You will still be a wife. You will still have to pay bills and do household chores....BUT...no longer will you be doing them the way YOU think they should be done. You will now be at the mercy of your Dom who can/will tell you exactly how/when to do things. There will be that little "voice" in the back of your mind..."Is this what X would want me to do? Is this how he would want me to do it?" That in and of itself is a HUGE new responsibility that you will be taking on. With it comes the desire/need to please X and the happiness it may bring, but also the ability for him to become terribly disappointed...and trust me when i tell you that knowing you disappointed your X will be one of the worst feelings you will ever feel in your entire life, at least IMHO.

Yup. The romantic notion of D/s, slavery, etc is that the slave-type person is lessened of the responsibilites of life, because they don't have to make the decisions anymore... but what if the fantabulous Dominant-type person wants life run in such a manner that it adds work and responsibilities to the slave-type person? what if you get hung up on cross checking how you normally do things with "will this make him happy?" (as Hottie mentioned)? Adorable as he is, Jeffrey's a freaking full time job, in and of himself, to be honest. LOL

 

[the captians wench]

Yup. The romantic notion of D/s, slavery, etc is that the slave-type person is lessened of the responsibilites of life, because they don't have to make the decisions anymore... but what if the fantabulous Dominant-type person wants life run in such a manner that it adds work and responsibilities to the slave-type person? what if you get hung up on cross checking how you normally do things with "will this make him happy?" (as Hottie mentioned)? Adorable as he is, Jeffrey's a freaking full time job, in and of himself, to be honest. LOL

Not to mention the possibility of his desires for how you will live conflicting with your wants, desires, asperations, and even since of morality. This was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. I felt like I was a slave, like that was my place, who I wanted to be. And I found some one who made me feel that way alright, to the point where I realized I really was no longer making the choices that I felt were right, I wasn't leading my life, he was and I didn't like where it was going.

And the whole time, he encouraged my reading of these Gor novels. Why? because of the romantizism of it all. It put me in a mind frame that was easy for him to mold and twist to his own personal desires for me. Tho I can't completely blame anything on him or the novels. The fact is I went into this against my better judgement, fortunitly I had a suport system set up that gave me the strength to say you know what enough is enough, go fuck yourself I'm done.

My mom says it's sort of like being in love with being in love. I'm in love with the idea of being a slave. But in this grandious idea, I have the perfect master who's every view point mirrors mine and every plan for me and my life fits in with what I want. And for the most part she's right.

I still love the idea of the kajira, and for short periods of time, I'd be happy to go into that mind frame. But I don't identify as slave right now, and don't know when or if I ever will.

 

[ecstaticsub]

In reading all of these responses one thing keeps popping up in my head.

Shay..you talk about all the responsibility you had as a child and teen...Do you honestly think that entering into a D/s relationship is going to LESSEN that responsibility any? You will still be a mother to your son. You will still be a wife. You will still have to pay bills and do household chores....BUT...no longer will you be doing them the way YOU think they should be done. You will now be at the mercy of your Dom who can/will tell you exactly how/when to do things. There will be that little "voice" in the back of your mind..."Is this what X would want me to do? Is this how he would want me to do it?" That in and of itself is a HUGE new responsibility that you will be taking on. With it comes the desire/need to please X and the happiness it may bring, but also the ability for him to become terribly disappointed...and trust me when i tell you that knowing you disappointed your X will be one of the worst feelings you will ever feel in your entire life, at least IMHO.

I will fully admit that in the beginning I was under this illusion that submission would make things easier for me. I quickly learned the realities! LOL There are some things that I don't have to worry about, that my Daddy does make the decisions for and that is so nice. But I have many many more responsibilities than before I was collared.

Even though things are a bit different than what I had originally imagined I adjusted and I love it.

Great comment.

 

[nh23]

The Gor lifestyle sounds romantic and all..but I would make a horrible kajira. I don't think I could remember all of those rules!

 

[the captians wench]

The Gor lifestyle sounds romantic and all..but I would make a horrible kajira. I don't think I could remember all of those rules!

you pick them up pretty quick under the guidence of a cane. *giggles*

even a pain slut can be inspired by the right tools.

 

[nh23]

you pick them up pretty quick under the guidence of a cane. *giggles*

even a pain slut can be inspired by the right tools.

Lmao! I'm sure your right!

 

[SheDevilShay]

I will fully admit that in the beginning I was under this illusion that submission would make things easier for me. I quickly learned the realities! LOL There are some things that I don't have to worry about, that my Daddy does make the decisions for and that is so nice. But I have many many more responsibilities than before I was collared.

Even though things are a bit different than what I had originally imagined I adjusted and I love it.

Great comment.

The difference is, the D picks up the responbilities that free you (or in this case) me up to worry about HIM (or "us" as I like to think fo it) instead of worrying about "Everything"....

I will havethe time to devote to him, if I am not so stressed out and tired after worrying about "Everything else"

Edit : and the more I learn about the gor fantasy, the less I like the "extremeness" but think that some of the "stuff" we could take out of it would apply to us.

A wise woman once said that its like going down a buffet, you pick and chose what you want and occasioanlyl take things to try/sample, and leave the rest for everyone else!.

 

[CutieMouse]

The difference is, the D picks up the responbilities that free you (or in this case) me up to worry about HIM (or "us" as I like to think fo it) instead of worrying about "Everything"....

I will have the time to devote to him, if I am not so stressed out and tired after worrying about "Everything else"

Mmmmm... kind of. I can tell you I've spent the last 4 weeks trying to figure out how the ever lovin' 'eff I'd run my business, still meet his expectations, needs, desires (24/7), play the attentive companion role in front of friends/family, find time for myself (interests, self-imrpovement, down time, etc), visit the kids as needed, and oversee the household/staff (which I'd eventually have to do)... he's a really reasonable man, but I honestly question how it can be done. Yes being with him would free up a hell of a lot of stress in my life, but new burdens would replace the old ones he decided to eliminate. Being the submissive/slave type person sounds like it'd be a vacation (and is a common thought in the new frenzied discovery phase), but it isn't... the focus of the workload just shifts a wee bit to the left, that's all.

 

[intothewoods]

Fwiw, I never thought ooh, I will have so much less responsibility. It was clear to me that I'd have a lot to do and balance, and the balance did concern me. I think what attracted me to it was this idea that I wouldn't be in charge, that is, ultimately responsible. For a long time I'd felt like I was the driving force in my family (with my husband and son) and I was completely attracted to the idea that I could turn those reigns over.

I also wonder, for myself, and the OP maybe, what role motherhood played in this. There is something daunting, life-changing, and scary at times about having another life for whom you are responsible (ahem - many lives in some litsters' cases! ). Hell, there was a time I couldn't leave the house because we didn't have enough pumped milk and so - what would we feed the baby!!!! You don't know what that panic does to you. The point is that for months I felt like I couldn't really sleep or relax because I was responsible for this kid and no one else knew what to do. It's no wonder that at some point, I wanted to go the other way - I wanted a daddy to take care of me.

Sorry people, it's late and I'm in marriage breakup rambling land. Just trying to understand all of this still.

 

[Netzach]

I thought being a Domme would mean I'd have a spotless house and a schedule and so much less work. The shit never stops. And I'm the one who's got the household help!

 

[Etoile]

Edit : and the more I learn about the gor fantasy, the less I like the "extremeness" but think that some of the "stuff" we could take out of it would apply to us.

BINGO! That is exactly what Gor should be in the real world. The Gor books are trashy science fiction, nothing more...I often envision them next to L. Ron Hubbard's books on a shelf. However, there are some ideas in there that might apply to some people some of the time. It is virtually impossible to live a truly Gorean lifestyle in this part of the world, and I think most people who claim to, are actually doing precisely what you describe: taking the parts that apply to them and leaving the rest. Of course some people take more than others, like wenchie's friends, but I think that's really all it is.

 

[Etoile]

Here are a couple of the really silly ones, IMHO:

* kajira will speak in the third person no I, me, or my’s.
* kajira are always spoken of in lower cased letters Masters and Mistresses in caps.
* kajira will never touch any weapon or anything that could be considered a weapon.

We have had thread after thread about grammar and capitalization here! The general consensus seems to be that most of us dislike "O/our" and "W/we" stuff, and many of us won't capitalize every dominant's name just because they're dominant. (Putting those two together, many of us also dislike the use of "My" by dominants, though some of us do use it.) But everybody pretty much universally detests the third person crap. In fact I think I've only ever seen it in jest on here. Here is an example of a good way to get yourself quickly rebuked on Lit:
"this girl would like to ask You all a question, do You like it when Your subs talk like this? because this girl's Master has said that she must do it because those are rules for kajira, even though W/we think it is a silly idea."

The only thing I can think of that isn't a weapon is a cotton ball. Better levitate, girls!

 

[RJMasters]

I thought being a Domme would mean I'd have a spotless house and a schedule and so much less work. The shit never stops. And I'm the one who's got the household help!

Covers a grin with my hand.