Anyone leave spouse for "the other"?

[secretside]

thanks.

thanks.

 

[spanky5147]

Leave spouse

It wasn't really leaving my spouse for "the other". My ex and I weren't getting along, hadn't been happy for years actually. I met someone far away from home, had a one night stand, twice . Anyway, after the second time, I figured it was all over, I'd never see her again. After I got home, things went from bad to worse. I finally decided that somewhere in this world, there was my soul mate, waiting to be found. We separated. A few weeks later, on a whim, I called "the other woman". Two months later she moved in with me. We just celebrated our 18 yr wedding anniversary last week. It hasn't been easy, no marriage ever is. I've told her several times that the difference this time is that when something goes wrong, I want to fix it, not just give up and move on. In case you were wondering, yes there was a child involved. That was the hardest part of the break up. All is good now and I'd do it again in a heart beat.

 

[secretside]

thanks.

 

[nakdsub]

except it doesn't sound like they split up

over infidelity. It sounds like they split up just because they weren't getting along. There's a big difference.

When one spouse cheats on the other, he/she will usually do it again. I know one guy who has been married 3 times and has cheated on every wife.

Also, when you cheat, you're more apt to be suspicious of the spouse cheating, even if it's not the case. That's not a good basis for a marriage.

I have been around and seen lots of cheating wifes and husbands, my own wife included, and I can name only one person who cheated on his wife, then married the, "other woman" and lived happily ever after...although he did cheat on her as well, just never got caught.

 

[Arotico]

Yes, I did it, and was very happy with the decision. The affair had already gone sexual over a year before I moved out, so I knew the "other" was exactly what I wanted. My wife, who'd I'd left another woman for, had become impossible to live with, with so the choice was easy.

However, because we had a child, the ex did everything in her power to make my new life even more difficult than it had been when we were together. Still, I was in love with my girlfriend and worked hard to keep her happy. We had a great three or four years, but then she had to move away to take care of her parents.

I would have stayed close to my child if I'd been given the option, but it was a moot point. My lover didn't want me to visit her. She did ask me to wait for her though, and we would IM for hours almost every day. Plus, she would come back to town to visit for a couple of months at a time.

After almost two years, she was finally able to return to town and I looked forward to us renewing our wonderful relationship. It was not to be, however. Even before she scheduled a flight back there was a change in her attitude toward me. It became obvious that I wasn't what my girlfriend wanted in a boyfriend any longer. Her excuses were that my ex was too disruptive (which was true), that I wasn't able to stand up to my former wife (which was not), and that my lover and I didn't value the almighty dollar with the same reverence (we never had).

Seeing the writing on the wall, I broke up with her. She managed to patch things up. We went through this painful cycle time and again over the next several months. Long enough it turned out, for her to get settled back in her place, for us to take two vacations together, and until she began getting enough attention from "other" guys. Then she cut me free.

You'd think I'd be relieved, but instead I was devastated. I realized that I'd been played for at least several years. Sure, relationships don't often last forever and people change over time, but I felt I'd been used, lied to, and lured back into a situation that she knew would have no future. I think there was love for me in her heart early on, but I can see now that there was never respect.

The sex was great right up until the end, but now I doubt I'll ever be able to trust anyone enough to give that much of myself again. I've tried to date but mostly just keep to myself. Attempts at intimacy have only been partially successful - at least they get to cum. It will be four years this month since the final split. Two years since I've been willing to communicate with her. This past year she married a rich guy, so I've heard.

But how can I complain? I left my wife for another woman. Live by the sword, die by the sword. Was it worthwhile? Yes and no. I needed to get out of my marriage. I was dying in that relationship. Love was what I wanted, what I got, and what I lost. It was the right decision to divorce, but probably didn't take the best route to get there.

Now, because my child has been having issues with school, I am in almost constant contact with my ex-wife. I've had to see her, speak to her, argue with her, re-experience the same excruciating feelings over the same basic problems again and again, especially in the last two months. I even found myself back in counseling with her - at my own suggestion!! With this woman I couldn't live with, that I wanted so badly to escape. Life was better for me when I was married and having an affair. But would I still have left her if I knew how it was all going to turn out? I'd probably jump at the chance.

 

[myorangelily]

I am considering it. I don't feel my emotional or sexual needs are being are being met. Nothing has been decided because we have a child. For now I guess I'm in limbo.

 

[goodsonformom]

I am considering it. I don't feel my emotional or sexual needs are being are being met. Nothing has been decided because we have a child. For now I guess I'm in limbo.

It is always sad when your needs aren't being met, I know been there done that.....

And you have a child, and a history.....and....I know how painful it may be.

Hugs.....

 

[bluenote079]

I left my ex for "the other". He actually moved halfway across the country for me. We've been together for over two years now, and while things aren't always easy, we are definately happy together. In the end, even though it was painful, it was definately worth it.

 

[secretside]

I am considering it. I don't feel my emotional or sexual needs are being are being met. Nothing has been decided because we have a child. For now I guess I'm in limbo.

It is so hard. This is the place where I have been for well over a year. In limbo.

 

[secretside]

I left my ex for "the other". He actually moved halfway across the country for me. We've been together for over two years now, and while things aren't always easy, we are definately happy together. In the end, even though it was painful, it was definately worth it.

This is nice to hear. Thanks for replying.

And thanks so much to all the others who replied. Very much appreciated.

 

[Jaded_One]

Is it too radical to think that perhaps we weren't meant to spend "the rest of our lives together"? Is this only an institution that has been adopted as necessary, when really as people we grow and change and may not be the same person who was "committed" to previously?

It seems as though what might be better are agreements of commitment, with varying lengths. I, myself, would much rather have someone decide to stay because they choose to, rather than because they were legally bound.

 

[MBgirl]

I've always had trouble staying loyal in relationships. My ex-fiance and I were comfortable, but not happy. My manger at work and I had a ton of chemistry. One night he walked me to my car, we conversed for an hour, then decided to quit the shit and go some where more private.

We had sex that night and soon enough it became a very regular thing. My ex didn't seem to have any idea. I called off the wedding, and a month later moved out from my exes and moved in with "the other". We were married a month and a half later. I've never been more happy with anyone. My husband makes me so happy.

It's been a year and never regret any of it.

 

[HeyItsDani]

Is it too radical to think that perhaps we weren't meant to spend "the rest of our lives together"? Is this only an institution that has been adopted as necessary, when really as people we grow and change and may not be the same person who was "committed" to previously?

You should read a book entitled "Sex at Dawn." You'd get the answer to that question.

 

[subwannabe]

MBgirl:

Apparently you haven't always had trouble staying loyal in relationships. It sounds like you are pretty happy now and loyal to boot. Congratulations on finding Mr. Right!

 

[goodsonformom]

Is it too radical to think that perhaps we weren't meant to spend "the rest of our lives together"?

Perhaps. I was the one left behind for another. If I was to be completely honest, I would have to admit to being devastated. I had four children and my world was crashing down. But looking back......I am in a much better place today.

The madness is gone, I live a life of peace, and I am with someone whom I can trust........but.....

There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss the passion we shared. I think it is radical in many ways to believe that all things last for ever, and maybe we are only given that one true "love of our life".....Mind you, I am past the loss, past the heart ache and the "want" to be with her......

I will not accept the notion my life is over, my one true crazy love has been experienced.....I love the lady I am with......but.......it's complicated.....

 

[bob53]

I will not accept the notion my life is over, my one true crazy love has been experienced.....I love the lady I am with......but.......it's complicated.....

It sounds to me that you are not really committed to her. I would bet that it is fear of repeating the loss like what happened with your ex.
That fear and whatever unresolved issues will do the same to this relationship if you don't clear it up.
We all need to get off the negative energies from prior relationships or they will only crop back up in every relationship we create.
I have stayed single for several years now for that very reason.

 

[sexiskye]

Yes I left my ex for the other....... even bigger the other I didn't meet yet just over the net, back in the days of dial up and pre web cam.

But my ex I wasn't in love with him, never was. Stayed b/c got pregnant and tried doing the right thing for the kid. Years got worse as did the mental abuse and ya I snapped.

I left him met "the other" from the Internet who I will say flew around the world to meet me. And 9 years later I could not be happier.

In saying that tho to get here there was alot of pain and tears in dealing with the ex, not a pleasant guy

 

[goodsonformom]

It sounds to me that you are not really committed to her. I would bet that it is fear of repeating the loss like what happened with your ex.
That fear and whatever unresolved issues will do the same to this relationship if you don't clear it up.
We all need to get off the negative energies from prior relationships or they will only crop back up in every relationship we create.
I have stayed single for several years now for that very reason.

Yes it is complicated........but I'm not fearful of repeating the loss, similar to what happened with my ex. No, I stayed unmarried but attached to my current wife for 10+ years before marrying her.

The complications involve two people going in different directions...my need for intimacy....my need for her to respond to me as a male....simply

I need her to think of us in those quiet moments, moments where intimacy can unite us, where we can embrace our differences and again be one.

 

[DAVIDSride656]

Ok .. My marriage was on the rocks and slowly burning. I got married young and for all the wrong reasons. Low and behold my failure to my suprise was the best thing to happen .. It was exciting knowing my x was soon out the door the bed not cold yet and to bring this new man in. Now I will admit I met the greatest love of my life ! Great in bed , gorgeous , nice , strong , everything I've dreamed of.
Now I have a great relationship with kinks. I set my own demise in the trust dept. for the both of us. He understands having been in the same situation when we met.
He really goes out of his way to help us grow Nd develop as a couple And really makes me love and Live for him.

 

[goodsonformom]

Ok .. My marriage was on the rocks and slowly burning. I got married young and for all the wrong reasons. Low and behold my failure to my suprise was the best thing to happen .. It was exciting knowing my x was soon out the door the bed not cold yet and to bring this new man in. Now I will admit I met the greatest love of my life ! Great in bed , gorgeous , nice , strong , everything I've dreamed of.
Now I have a great relationship with kinks. I set my own demise in the trust dept. for the both of us. He understands having been in the same situation when we met.
He really goes out of his way to help us grow Nd develop as a couple And really makes me love and Live for him.

Good for you, I always believe things happen for a reason..........

 

[DAVIDSride656]

Good for you, I always believe things happen for a reason..........

Thank you !