nemoneon009
Virgin
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2026
- Posts
- 9
I am desperate for sex or any online/real connection with a women, How do I deal with the urge and desire that I probably won't find anyone permanent offline or online?
I am desperate for sex
- Thread starter nemoneon009
- Start date
Why are you so sure you wont,
EmilyMiller
May be triggering
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2022
- Posts
- 17,893
Have you tried talking to to women, maybe at work? Talking is often a necessary prelude to carnal knowledge, outside of porn.
Or, if that is too daunting, consider a sex worker.
TheRedChamber
Apprentice
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2014
- Posts
- 2,869
There are two questuons there. How do you find someone? And how do you deal with the urges when you can't?
Given that you are on this site, I'm sure you're aware that it is possible to deal with some of the urges yourself, at least temporarily. It's often more the feeling of loneliness and worthlessness that get the long-term dateless down more than simple nagging horniness.
Probably the best advice is to make sure you feel like you are moving forward - make goals for exercise and losing weight if necessary, treat yourself to a new haircut and clothes and find hobbies that get you outside and are not just time killers. Moreover, don't keep doing things to find a partner which clearly aren't working. If you never 'pull' in a nightclub (and lots if men don't), stop going (unless you actually enjoy the dancing). If a dating app isnt producing matches that go anywhere after a month or so, stop using it and try something else.
Try to make friends because the wider your social circle is the more women you are going to come into contact with. People who struggle with finding a partner also often struggle with friends generally, so this is not always easy - and friends who are stuck in the same rut you are are not always helpful.
The 'do you talk to women' stuff is misguided, imho. I'm the shyest guy there is, but I still always tried to find every opportunity to talk to the various 'crushes' I had over the years - far past the point when it was clear that no reciprical romance was every going to bloom. On the other hand, if I stopped to talk to every single woman I'd have considered dating, I'd never have gotten to work in the morning. I'd say act natural, but a lot of us struggle to know what natural is and the overthinking that comes with that isnt helpful.
The best I can say about it is that for years I was paranoid about missing the subtle signs of attraction that women were supposed to give off, but, a few months after meeting the woman who is now my wife, the signs were so completely obvious it was funny. The nice thing about dating is that, when the stars align, you only need to be successful once.
Given that you are on this site, I'm sure you're aware that it is possible to deal with some of the urges yourself, at least temporarily. It's often more the feeling of loneliness and worthlessness that get the long-term dateless down more than simple nagging horniness.
Probably the best advice is to make sure you feel like you are moving forward - make goals for exercise and losing weight if necessary, treat yourself to a new haircut and clothes and find hobbies that get you outside and are not just time killers. Moreover, don't keep doing things to find a partner which clearly aren't working. If you never 'pull' in a nightclub (and lots if men don't), stop going (unless you actually enjoy the dancing). If a dating app isnt producing matches that go anywhere after a month or so, stop using it and try something else.
Try to make friends because the wider your social circle is the more women you are going to come into contact with. People who struggle with finding a partner also often struggle with friends generally, so this is not always easy - and friends who are stuck in the same rut you are are not always helpful.
The 'do you talk to women' stuff is misguided, imho. I'm the shyest guy there is, but I still always tried to find every opportunity to talk to the various 'crushes' I had over the years - far past the point when it was clear that no reciprical romance was every going to bloom. On the other hand, if I stopped to talk to every single woman I'd have considered dating, I'd never have gotten to work in the morning. I'd say act natural, but a lot of us struggle to know what natural is and the overthinking that comes with that isnt helpful.
The best I can say about it is that for years I was paranoid about missing the subtle signs of attraction that women were supposed to give off, but, a few months after meeting the woman who is now my wife, the signs were so completely obvious it was funny. The nice thing about dating is that, when the stars align, you only need to be successful once.
But in the movies the woman just knocks on the door and it's so easy! I knew I was missing something
EmilyMiller
May be triggering
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2022
- Posts
- 17,893
I was wondering whether something was stopping the OP from making connections? Physically or emotionally?But in the movies the woman just knocks on the door and it's so easy! I knew I was missing something
curioustxn
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2017
- Posts
- 263
You might try the Lit Chat Room. But if you do, don't be a dick, just be a normal guy looking for like-minded friends. Sooner of later, you will find someone who wants to play. Play being mutual masturbation. You might even learn to role-play. Some people get off on that.
AngieTower
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2026
- Posts
- 127
Would you be interested in hit sex and let make contents together
Aussieguy8
Sir
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2024
- Posts
- 66
My advice is, get out of the 'all or nothing' mind set. Just look for some upbeat fun talking about things both parties enjoy. If they are matching your energy, add a little bit of flirting (in real life but also here, avoid too sexual too quick in flirting). Then slowly increase the flirting. If they don't match the energy, just back back and accept the soft no. Always good to have people you can have a friendly chat with.
I find a lot of people with less dating experience, especially those in online groups where everyone is the same, believe you have to go from 0-100 in seconds. That isn't how it works, especially not in real life.
Connections take time. Time comes from people engaging with each other. You do that by being friendly rather than sexual. And to be honest, the women who get super sexual super quick in the chat rooms are often boring after about 10 minutes because, really, the journey is the fun part. Like how foreplay is far more interesting and varied than the actual old in out of sex.
Anyway, feel like I'm repeating myself. Good luck.
I find a lot of people with less dating experience, especially those in online groups where everyone is the same, believe you have to go from 0-100 in seconds. That isn't how it works, especially not in real life.
Connections take time. Time comes from people engaging with each other. You do that by being friendly rather than sexual. And to be honest, the women who get super sexual super quick in the chat rooms are often boring after about 10 minutes because, really, the journey is the fun part. Like how foreplay is far more interesting and varied than the actual old in out of sex.
Anyway, feel like I'm repeating myself. Good luck.
Annabelle1990
Wife, mother, lover.
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2026
- Posts
- 1,192
The best way not to get sex is to show desperation. It's a total turnoff to girls. You have to act confident.
GeppettoNoir
Shadow Work
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2025
- Posts
- 11
It's fine to feel what you are feeling.
Think back on your life so far and the things that happened in the past... Good things. Bad things. Really think about who you are now versus who you were then and let it sink in how long ago things feel after they have come and gone. The older you get, the more it happens and the farther away things feel until you forget them almost entirely. Perhaps you've heard that old saying, "this too shall pass," and then again you will be someone else.
In my youth I struggled with affection. I cursed my appearance in the mirror. I tried to hide my weight under baggy clothes. I moped over "the one" who conveniently changed whenever the last one drifted away. Never had the words, the look, the vibe. Always waiting on the edge of some friend's social circle hoping one day it would be my turn like being the last kid picked for kick ball.
Then, one day, I wasn't.
Another lifetime passed. I still felt like I was an underachiever. Then I realized during an unexpected conversation (with someone I considered vastly more experienced) that I was actually the whoring one. I had to completely restructure my perception to accept reality--that things are never as they seem. Whatever you think other people are doing or getting, chances are they are not... chances are they are sitting in their room as well, thinking you're the one living the good life. It is simply the way of things.
Your life is your own. Enjoy your story as best you can, and in it's entirety. One day, you will be able to look back and start picking out all the sufferings that eventually became setups for unexpected payoffs.
Do you. Be you. Find your way. Work your art. Just be and you can't help but become.
EDIT: You asked "How do I deal with the urge and desire" and I forgot to answer that. I may have some undiagnosed behavioral problem, so keep in mind this just happens to work for me. Are you internally aware enough to feel that surge of energy when you are horny? That rush of "yeah, let's go"? Erotic energy is by far one of the most powerful energies available to humans and animals and all living life. If you are a virgin still, you may not have experienced it but you will notice that during arousal you can even perform physical feats wildly beyond you average strength or dexterity. Not everyone can do it, but if you can learn to redirect that "horny" energy into a work, hobby, or passion you will be impressed with the results. The key is to harness it, not mask it. Like, if you wanna work out then maybe throw some porn on or think about some rocking tits until you are so horny you can't help but lift those weights out of sheer rage. Embrace the suck. Let it hurt and grit your teeth like "fuck you" against the universe itself. Rage against your inner demons. Battle in the gym, in your favorite video game, on that novel you've been working on. Pick up that guitar collecting dust in the corner... whatever you can do burn off that energy.
Think back on your life so far and the things that happened in the past... Good things. Bad things. Really think about who you are now versus who you were then and let it sink in how long ago things feel after they have come and gone. The older you get, the more it happens and the farther away things feel until you forget them almost entirely. Perhaps you've heard that old saying, "this too shall pass," and then again you will be someone else.
In my youth I struggled with affection. I cursed my appearance in the mirror. I tried to hide my weight under baggy clothes. I moped over "the one" who conveniently changed whenever the last one drifted away. Never had the words, the look, the vibe. Always waiting on the edge of some friend's social circle hoping one day it would be my turn like being the last kid picked for kick ball.
Then, one day, I wasn't.
Another lifetime passed. I still felt like I was an underachiever. Then I realized during an unexpected conversation (with someone I considered vastly more experienced) that I was actually the whoring one. I had to completely restructure my perception to accept reality--that things are never as they seem. Whatever you think other people are doing or getting, chances are they are not... chances are they are sitting in their room as well, thinking you're the one living the good life. It is simply the way of things.
Your life is your own. Enjoy your story as best you can, and in it's entirety. One day, you will be able to look back and start picking out all the sufferings that eventually became setups for unexpected payoffs.
Do you. Be you. Find your way. Work your art. Just be and you can't help but become.
EDIT: You asked "How do I deal with the urge and desire" and I forgot to answer that. I may have some undiagnosed behavioral problem, so keep in mind this just happens to work for me. Are you internally aware enough to feel that surge of energy when you are horny? That rush of "yeah, let's go"? Erotic energy is by far one of the most powerful energies available to humans and animals and all living life. If you are a virgin still, you may not have experienced it but you will notice that during arousal you can even perform physical feats wildly beyond you average strength or dexterity. Not everyone can do it, but if you can learn to redirect that "horny" energy into a work, hobby, or passion you will be impressed with the results. The key is to harness it, not mask it. Like, if you wanna work out then maybe throw some porn on or think about some rocking tits until you are so horny you can't help but lift those weights out of sheer rage. Embrace the suck. Let it hurt and grit your teeth like "fuck you" against the universe itself. Rage against your inner demons. Battle in the gym, in your favorite video game, on that novel you've been working on. Pick up that guitar collecting dust in the corner... whatever you can do burn off that energy.
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