Approaching a woman period

[alphanav1]

Hi everyone I have known about these boards for a while now, I just never post for a few reasons. I have absolutely no experience in relationships whatsoever, and I just prefer to read post instead of making them or posting.

In my time of reading all the post by everyone I have realized this is perhaps the best board ever for discussion on all matters. The disagreements stay civilized for the most part. Another thing I noticed about this board is that everyone makes everyone fell so welcomed. People on these boards are very smart, and offer such wonderful advice. Everyone is so helpful, which made me decided to post my question. I will be posting more in the future so I hope to talk to you all again.

Ok time for the long boring story about myself. I am about to turn 20 in May, and as you probably can guess I am in my freshmen year of college right now. The college I go to has 30k students at it, so it is not small. I am not a bad looking guy in my opinion, but no matter how much I will it, I am not a supper model. I am ok in most other areas. I am extremely shy though when I am not around friends or family. That is the main reason why I do not like the party scene of college life, the club scene, or any other thing that involves a lot of people. I tend to get very nervous around women I find to be attractive. I have control over this better now; it’s down to just my hands shaking afterwards instead of my whole body. My problem is that I have never been that great with women. I have had plenty of female friends it is just that I never really been that close with them. Maybe its do to all my little quirks like playing video games to much, or liking a lot of things girls do not, or too much time on the computer period.

Those could be reasons why, I have never had a girlfriend yet, I have not even kissed a girl before; so embarrassing. These boards have helped me get over this part of my problem, by letting me know I am not alone in this situation.

I guess my real problem is that I am not very good at approaching women for a personal relationship. I do fine if I have to talk to them about work for a class, or if I am not attracted to them. I become nervous around them if I want to develop a deeper relationship, than just a pure utility relationship.

I have approached three women for relationship total. The first was in my senior year of high school, and that took me about a month to work up the courage to ask her to go see a movie. The other two girls I talked too where during the fall semester of college, the first girl had a boyfriend. The second girl said no, but well that one still confuses me to this day. We talked for about a month before I started to show that I liked her, then another few weeks before I a asked her for her number. Imagine my happiness when she gave it to me, I called her a day later, and everything seemed to fizzle right then and there. Like I said I am still confused about what went wrong. As you can tell I do not have great luck in the relationship area, maybe it’s due to the fact I can count the number of girls I asked out on one hand. I am thinking I am doing something wrong when I ask though, but I will let you decide that.

This brings me to why I am here; I go to one of the dining halls on camps three times a week or more for lunch. There is this girl I see there at least once a week or more working the cash register. Lately I have been trying to think of a way approach her to start a conversation or something more than the “hi” and “thank you” we engage in right now. The thing is I just don’t know how to go about it. She seems nice enough since she smiles every time she says hi.

I guess my real question for you kind people is how do, I approach women in general, and more specifically this girl I see.

Thank You for all your wonderful advice, if this girl says no for whatever reason, I am sure it will help in the future.

Yea my first post at this rate I will have a picture when I am 500.

 

[Bobmi357]

How do you approach women?

SIMPLE

First, make sure your ECM pod is on and you're dropping chaff. Then come up from behind (they have a blind spot from behind), then you club her with your club, drag her back to your cave and show her how much buffalo meat you can bring her.



But seriously you have a bad case of Femalophobia. And I'm afraid the only way to overcome your fear is to face it. Females aren't strange creatures. Ok, its only AFTER you marry one that they become strange, but before then they do a lot of the same stuff we do, they put on pants one leg at a time, they scratch their butts, they hiccup and burp. And my wife claims she doesn't fart, but I don't believe her.

What I think you need to do first and foremost is to stop worrying about it and start looking for women you can be friends with. Get to know some women as friends and you'll find they really aren't all that different and really are nothing to be afraid of.

Its not easy being a wall flower, I know, I was one all the way through college and it wasn't until after I had graduated that some friends of mine became convinced I HAD to date and started setting me up for a bunch of blind dates. AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO YOU. So get out and meet some women, find some clubs on campus that might interest you and go to a few meetings, take an elective in some class that will have lots of women in it. The point here is really a simple one. If you don't play the game you can't win. There is nothing wrong with being "not into the party scene". It might exclude you from meeting a whole bunch of women, but there are literally hundreds of others ways to met women on campus. Go for it and don't be afraid to ask for a date now and then. At worst your ego might get bruised by a no, at best you just might meet your soulmate, but you'll never find her if you don't try.

 

[firefighter02]

I was going to suggest placing kotex maxi pads all over your body, but then I read your actual post.

Here's a suggestion from someone who sat behind a girl who put in her french braid every morning at 7 a.m. for a year without ever saying so much as "hello" to her.

Scrape up some beer cans..Recylce them and get some cash (hey I know what its like being a poor college guy)...go by a single red rose..or pink..or white....just not yellow... attatch a note...somthing like...
"Hi..I see you everyday and I think you are beautiful and would like to get to know you..(and put your number and name on it.) "

Next time though that line hand it to her and simply say hi, thank you and walk away...I gaurantee either way she will talk about that for weeks!!!

Best wishes my friend!!!

FF

 

[RanchHen]

If you are looking to overcome shyness by quickly asking her out that probably won't work. First try to overcome shyness in your day to day interaction with her. Tell her your name. Give her a compliment. Ask her something about her. Talk to her without expectations. Don't put pressure on yourself. If something starts to click between you then simply ask her to join your table for coffee or something. If you find she likes a certain kind of movie or band or anything then keep an eye out for the right movie, band etc then tell her about it. She how she reacts, and if the signal is right ask to take her.

Get rid of the pressure and be yourself.

 

[potatohead]

Step 1 - Go to places that you can find women

Step 2 - Find a women who's attractive

Step 3 - Talk to attractive women. Say hello. Engage in conversation.

Step 4 - Ask her if she'd like to go out or hang out sometime. Ask for name (if not already known from engaging in conversation) and get phone number

Step 5 - Call women and setup date.

Ya see, it's that easy. You can talk to women anywhere. I've gotten phone numbers from women in Walmart & Pep Boys when I was waiting in line and struck up a conversation. The only thing I'd say is don't push it. If she doesn't wanna talk then leave her alone.

Now get out there and meet some women.

 

[Mogwai7]

[Removed]

 

[ABN_Ranger]

And for gods sake.. whatever you do... disregard all advice that crazy Ranger guy tries to give you... as established in a previous thread... he's fuckin nuts.

Nah... seriously. Find one you'de like to go out with, and be honest... tell her you're not too good at this type of thing but you're gonna give it a try anyway. She'll either blow you off of be impressed by your honesty. If that don't work... see the cheesy pick-up line thread.


J

 

[CelticFrog]

Oh geez.

I can't believe I'm saying this.

*squidging up my face*
Ranger has some good advice.

*shudder*

Ang

(NOT about his pickup line thread!!!)

 

[Ugod]

I think I'd better get to know you, cuz you seem to be part of the late night crowd, and I require companionship. Or distraction so I can keep procrastinating from working

Oh geez.

I can't believe I'm saying this.

*squidging up my face*
Ranger has some good advice.

*shudder*

Ang

(NOT about his pickup line thread!!!)

 

[OneQuickWit]

First of all, if you are really inexperienced and shy around girls I wouldn't make it your goal to approach this girl first. First you need to get more comfortable and CONFIDENT. Confidence is key in everything you do.

Hopefully I won't get flamed for this, but this is a good site to read:
http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/

I've read everything there at least twice (and there is a lot). Although the attitude of some of the people who created this is a little off, a lot of the stuff written in there will definetely help you meet more girls, get closer to them, and have more fun with them (many types of fun - not all bad, not all good).

It's not so much about being a 'player' as much as this is one of the closest things you'll find to an instruction manual for girls.

It really helped me out (I was shy as all hell). And not only do I get along a lot better in social situations now, it's helped me find a girl I've been with for over 2 years! And it's even surviving a distance problem now!

Good luck

 

[fgarvb1]

A few suggestions and criticisms. {mixed}

1. Ask more of the ladies out!

2. Ask them out more often!

There are several reasons for this.

Waiting to ask them out wastes your time and theirs, as they know if they are going out with you in about two minutes or less.

The more you ask out the more dates you are going to get.

You need the practice and experience of dating. The only way to really get this is by dating.

All of your dates are not going to work out good, well or to your satisfaction. You will learn more from the ones that do not work than from the ones that do.

But, if you don't have them well, your stuck in the same place.

Getting no for an answer about a date doesn't mean she will say no twice, sometime life gets in the way for them too.

Many times getting no for a date has NOTHING to do with you.

Talking is fine but, you can learn a lot more about someone when your dating them...talk is cheap, its what they do that counts.

I would suggest you try dating more than one woman at a time, that way you not a likely to fall head over heels in love with the first one who really likes you.

 

[dollface007]

Okay, so it hasn't been too long since i was a 20 year old undergrad. And i went to an even bigger school than you did, and it was really freakin hard to meet people at first (or so i thought at the time).

Don't go up to a stranger and give her a rose. That's creepy. Creepy!!!! You know why? Because if you buy her a rose then she knows that you've been thinking about her and fantasizing about her enough to buy her a rose. And you make this weird move instead of talking to her like a human being, and then she'll feel this weird pressure to talk to you just b/c you bought her a crappy rose and it will just be weird. Talk to her, be friendly, ask her out, and THEN buy her a rose. Man, what is wrong with people????

Anyways, here's my advice on meeting people of the opposite sex in college. Make LOTS of friends. Male or female, it doesn' t matter. But make sure these friends are people that like to go out and hang around other people (in whatever capacity) and not people that like to lock themselves in their dorm rooms every night and play Doom or whatever. You may not like the party/club scene, but if you go there with friends, you'll have more fun and there's safety in numbers. Also, though alcohol use can turn ugly if you're not extremely careful, there's a reason why people call it a "social lubricant." The reason why people drink at parties is b/c most people are just as nervous as you about approaching other people. Have a COUPLE drinks, enough so that you feel relaxed, but not enough to where you become pukey drunk guy that everybody hates.

As a general rule to approaching women in any situation, just be a gentleman and introduce yourself with eye contact and a big smile. If you REALLY can't think of ANYTHING to talk to her about, ask her if she would like to hang out some time then ask her for her phone number or email address. Otherwise, find something to talk to her about first...it's a little thing i like to call "flirting." If you have any sense of humor at all, you can flirt. Chat her up. Sympathize with her about school/work. Anything. Then you can ask for the digits/email.

Let us know how it goes!

 

[CelticFrog]

I think I'd better get to know you, cuz you seem to be part of the late night crowd, and I require companionship. Or distraction so I can keep procrastinating from working

well, uh... if you're saying companionship or distraction in any way that might even irritate the Ranger in the teensiest of manners, then... no. No desire.

But if you're saying that you should get on my good side? Probably a smart move. Everybody keeps saying that us redheads can be horrendously E-ville.


Ang

 

[JRaven]

Cold Calls

Asking a woman out is a lot like a sales call. You get a lot more 'NOs' than you do 'YESs'

Just like a salesman, you have to make more calls.

As was mentioned, DON'T buy the girl a rose as a way to meet her. It really is creepy. You're not creepy, are you?

My personal favorite pick up line is "Hi, I'm <name here>"
It instantly tells me how confident the guy is. Us ladies like confidence in a guy.

If you tell her that you're extremely shy, but there was something about her that made you want to stick your neck out, she will either slice at the neck, or be flattered and listen to you.

You're in college. That means that there are probably a few women in at least some of your classes. That alone brings a similarity to the relationship table. Make a point to try and befriend at least one girl in every class. Don't try to befriend them all, you'll look desparate. Pick one, say hello. Say hello every day. Talk about the class (remember, it's something you have in common with her).

If doing any of this makes you physically ill, there is something more involved. See the college health clinic. Extreme shyness is covered under Medicare.

I'll PM you yet another suggestion. I know I'll get flamed big for it, so...

Jenny

 

[potatohead]

Don't go up to a stranger and give her a rose. That's creepy. Creepy!!!! You know why? Because if you buy her a rose then she knows that you've been thinking about her and fantasizing about her enough to buy her a rose. And you make this weird move instead of talking to her like a human being, and then she'll feel this weird pressure to talk to you just b/c you bought her a crappy rose and it will just be weird. Talk to her, be friendly, ask her out, and THEN buy her a rose. Man, what is wrong with people????

I dunno...

I thought it was a good idea. But then again...

I'm a guy.

 

[ABN_Ranger]

well, uh... if you're saying companionship or distraction in any way that might even irritate the Ranger in the teensiest of manners, then... no. No desire.

But if you're saying that you should get on my good side? Probably a smart move. Everybody keeps saying that us redheads can be horrendously E-ville.


Ang

Hell I been trying to get on your good side for... 4 years now... has it worked???

J

 

[SanDguy_22]

just do what i do

go to a stirpclub with your friend ( after he whines about it for a friggin month.)
get a lapdance from the most agressive dancer... during which she will most likely stick her tongue in your year and kiss ya.

afterwards just go out and hire a professional...
why bother with love and dating since your the one paying for the hole anyways. (that allimony and child support if you get kids)
Plus all that lovey dovey crap will only end up in you getting hurt and molested by the woman you try to get to know...
after a decade of that you will no longer feel a want nor need for compation and who knows what you will do at that point.



But if you are looking for a way to get a date just remember this...
The first of 8 words you can use to make someone fall in love with you forever is "Hello...".

 

[SanDguy_22]

Oh and....

Just to the commentaries about talking to a woman as a human being....
I have been doing that for the past decade...
does not work.

you will have more luck by saying somehting to the order of
"nice rack can i spill my spices on it?"
or "nice shoes wanna fuck?"


Oh and giving the flower idea... its kind of creepy unless you know the person likes you and you have talked to her before.

 

[dollface007]

Oh and giving the flower idea... its kind of creepy unless you know the person likes you and you have talked to her before.

See Mr. Potatohead!! Even SanDguy thinks the rose idea is creepy. And he's the creepiest guy on the planet earth!!!
<Note to self: Put SanDGuy on "ignore" list. >

It sounds romantic and all, but in reality, if you ever try it and the woman is not desparate beyond all measures, you'll be more likely to get a restraining order than a date.

 

[SanDguy_22]

heeeyyyyy

I may be creepy but even i know that...

The first of 8 words you can use to make someone fall in love with you forever is "Hello...".

 

[SanDguy_22]

Oh and note to self....

send dollface perverted animatronic bukake porn.

 

[ABN_Ranger]

Note to self... Send SanDguy that nifty article entitled "Natural Selection and You; Doing your part to make this world better by not stealing our air."

 

[SanDguy_22]

well ranger...

ill breathe extra hard from now on... just so that i can make the global warming trend go along a little bit faster.


Just doing my part to aide in other peoples suffering.

 

[ABN_Ranger]

Here's an idea... put a plastic bag over your head... then go on and breathe really hard. That would be great.

Oh and let's take a quick count shall we... show of hands from everyone that has SanDguy on ignore... Oh wait... that's just about everyone. That should tell ya something junior. Or do I need to spell it out for ya?

 

[SanDguy_22]

The only ones who have me on ignore are the ones who have no
neural pathways to process the type of humor i put out there.

Just think of it thisway....
Im sick of my own life.... and the fact that regardless of what i do it does not get better. In association to that im sick of other people for not extending any of the kindness and courtesy i have given them...

Hence from that... i tend to make fun of my self and other people at the same time trough a really really really freakishly sarcastic ans synical plain of thought.