shereads
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Okay, but when did she begin kissing him back?
Are These Sentences Equivalent?
- Thread starter dr_mabeuse
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Okay, but when did she begin kissing him back?
Boxlicker101
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First, I have to wonder why only one of her lips is involved, and is it an upper or lower lip. This is a porn site, you know.
It would be hard to gasp while being kissed, so you should say: Joyce gasped as she pulled her lips from me, and kissed me back.
In B, you cannot simultaneously pull away and kiss, so I would say: Joyce gasped, pulling her lips away, before kissing me back.
I think I prefer the second sentence, although I consider them to be two ways of saying the same thing.
gauchecritic
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The only problem I can see is the 'and' in the second which I would replace with 'she then'. Which would make gasping and pulling synchronous and the kissing back linear.
Joyce gasped. Pulling her lip from me she then kissed me back.
But as Joe noted, 'me' and 'my' are interchangeable particularly in the north so 'kissing me back' becomes, depending on inflection, 'kissing my back'
On the whole, by and large and in the main 'B' is more immediate.
Boxlicker101
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"Me" and "my" are not commonly used interchangeably anywhere in the USA. One is a subjective pronoun and the other is possessive. Occasionally, I will read "me" used as a possessive in dialect, especially Irish.
gauchecritic
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your point being?
Boxlicker101
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boxlicker101
"Me" and "my" are not commonly used interchangeably anywhere in the USA. One is a subjective pronoun and the other is possessive. Occasionally, I will read "me" used as a possessive in dialect, especially Irish.
I'm just disagreeing with you statement that the two words are used interchangeably.
Originally Posted by Boxlicker101
"Me" and "my" are not commonly used interchangeably anywhere in the USA. One is a subjective pronoun and the other is possessive. Occasionally, I will read "me" used as a possessive in dialect, especially Irish.
I'm just disagreeing with you statement that the two words are used interchangeably.
gauchecritic
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but they are. [amicus mode] it's an undeniable, fundamental truth [/amicus]
Boxlicker101
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I will concede that sometimes "me" is improperly used as a possesive pronoun, especially when writing in dialect. There may even be a few people who use it in speaking. However, I have never heard or read of somebody using "my" as an objective pronoun. "He gave my a birthday present."? "The teacher kept my after school."? The judge sentenced my to thirty days."?
dr_mabeuse
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Author's Note: I can see I'm going to have to clarify the mechanics of this kissing situation.
Gasping into someone's mouth happens all the time in my stories. As to the single lip business, He was just biting her lower lip. She gasped into his mouth, pulled her lip away, then immediately kissed him back full on the mouth
Okay. Here's the whole paragraph, in context:
=====
I held her face and kissed her, suddenly frantic for her and I don't know why. My cock was already hardening in my shorts and it was as if I licked some sweetness from her mouth which fed me but only left me hungrier. That hunger kindled some seething anger inside because I could never get enough and so I bit her lip and Emma gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back, tender, conciliatory, her kiss trying to calm me and placate me and beg me not to go too fast...
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jomar
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Off topic: It read better for me without the 'in my shorts'.
dr_mabeuse
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Everyone's a critic!
It turns out his shorts are the murder weapon.
No, good point, Jomar. I'll change it.
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jomar
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Elianna
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In context, I feel that the "non-ing" endings flow better with the paragraph. You didn't use any other "ing" endings to indicate simulataneous actions before, so I probably wouldn't start now.
Just my 2 cents.
D
DeeZire
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'Me' can be used as a possessive if you're a pirate.
shereads
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Context is everything.
WRJames
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Last May when I was out in Chicago visiting my daughter, for some reason I started to read a Biblical Greek Grammar she had lying around (Biblical Greek is also known as Koina Greek). She and her husband both had one, so she let me bring it home.
Anyway -- Greek verbs are much more subtle than English verbs, and to understand the difference you have to make the distinction between indefinite and continuous actions. Pulling and kissing are "continuous" actions. Pulled and kissed are indefinite
Selena_Kitt
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No complaints, Doc? *chuckle*
Using the present participle clause (-ing: Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back.) implies the action hasn't been completed yet. It provides an immediacy to the sentence (and generally, to the work) that finite forms (past participle) don't. (i.e. Joyce gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back.) In erotic work this is especially important, and most especially during the sex scenes. It puts the reader into the flow of the action looking forward, rather than stopping them at every sentence, looking backward.
So goes my rationale.
Although now that I'm reading it, I agree there should be a "then" in there... Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and then kissing me back.
cantdog
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No complaints, Doc? *chuckle*
Using the present participle clause (-ing: Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back.) implies the action hasn't been completed yet. It provides an immediacy to the sentence (and generally, to the work) that finite forms (past participle) don't. (i.e. Joyce gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back.) In erotic work this is especially important, and most especially during the sex scenes. It puts the reader into the flow of the action looking forward, rather than stopping them at every sentence, looking backward.
So goes my rationale.
Although now that I'm reading it, I agree there should be a "then" in there... Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and then kissing me back.
Well, okay, but have a look at W R James' post. You can do "Pulling and then Kissing" but they both wind up being subsumed. They are told as if happening while, or as a result of the action of the main verb "Gasped" taking place.
A policy that simply litters, willy-nilly, the prose with -ing words, for the sake of immediacy or any other reason, is sheer poison. For heaven's sake, use the language. You are a native speaker of English. You already know what these words do.
AS:
He bore down harder, building the pressure intolerably and then splitting the eyeball like a grape.
Both those participials have to do with the main verb's action.
This is how we communicate these relationships. The two forms mean something different and are not just interchangeable, to be selected by prettiness.
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dr_mabeuse
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No complaints, Doc? *chuckle*
Using the present participle clause (-ing: Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back.) implies the action hasn't been completed yet. It provides an immediacy to the sentence (and generally, to the work) that finite forms (past participle) don't. (i.e. Joyce gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back.) In erotic work this is especially important, and most especially during the sex scenes. It puts the reader into the flow of the action looking forward, rather than stopping them at every sentence, looking backward.
So goes my rationale.
Although now that I'm reading it, I agree there should be a "then" in there... Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and then kissing me back.
For me, the present participle quickly gets tedious and repetitious if overused. I used it when the actions were simultaneous:
I kissed her, pushing her back against the wall and tearing open her blouse in my excitement...
And in that regard you caught me on a lot of sentences where I was using past tense unnecessarily and helped clean up my act.
But when things are sequential, I'm going to make sure they're sequential.
I reached for her zipper, pulled it down, unhooked her skirt, and pulled it off her.
not
I reached for her zipper, pulling it down, unhooking her skirt and then pulling it off her or even "...pulled it off her"
That's just not English to me.
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oggbashan
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Boxlicker101
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I don't care for that sentence. It is grammatical, but I just don't like the way it reads. How about: "He bore down harder, building the pressure intolerably, until it split the eyeball like a grape." After all, it was not "He" that split the eyeball; it was the pressure he was applying. Besides that, I just don't like using the Phrase "and then" if I can avoid it.
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cantdog
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I agree.
cantdog
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