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Are you dominant or submissive

Definitely submissive, but I find it difficult to get there. My controling and pleasing nature gets in the way..
 
Definitely dominant sexually, I naturally like to take charge and I'm lucky to have have someone who revels in that and allows me to fully embrace that during sex
 
DamHarraway said:
Definitely submissive, but I find it difficult to get there. My controling and pleasing nature gets in the way..
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My ex sub was like that, she was very precise and controlling in every day life..and as a sub, she needed detail to focus on. So, I was very prescriptive, the tasks i set precise...by having something to focus on, bu tno control of, helped her to focus on letting go and fulfilling her other need, to submit and please
 
DamHarraway said:
Definitely submissive, but I find it difficult to get there. My controling and pleasing nature gets in the way..
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I find it interesting that you feel your pleasing nature gets in the way of being submissive. Would you mind telling a little how it gets in the way?

I'm asking, because for me it's the opposite - my willingness to please is key to my submissiveness.

I'm not suggesting what you're feeling is weird or wrong in any way, I'm just genuinely curious about it. :)
 
I am naturally dominant in every day life. I like to decide on plans: where to go, what to eat, what to wear out.
In the bedroom I yearn to submit and be told how to please my partner(s). I have always wanted to try submitting to a male.
 
Switchy

I'm a bratty switch. I love domming insecure, soft spoken boys with body/foot/ass worship and mindfucking, etc. And when it comes to being a sub I'm a babygirl to the core. <3 Any true Daddy will make me melt. I also love extreme pain, degradation, and watersports
 
I switch really, sometimes I like control then others I'm happy to be a complete cuckold bitch offering up myself to the guy fucking my wife. Just depends on the mood/day/fantasy!
 
I'll say Dom. I'm in that sexless marriage group. so i'm always horny. would love to have a sub that i could tell how to please me and listen. Dont think i want to tie them up cause i want there hands free to caress my body and ensure i get the pleasure i need. One that can swallow a 8 cock and enjoy giving me that pleasure. I better stop i'm getting horny as hell...
 
I'm naturally Submissive sexually and have been since my teens x as an older woman have attended sex and dungeon parties with my now ex-hubby who was Dom/Cuckold, have experienced so much and enjoyed most experences but still have more boxes to tick x x x
 
While I have always preferred that my partner take the lead sexually, I have submitted to only one.
 
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simpledude said:
Pretty insecure in real life so full on sub obviously.
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When you are timid in your day to day life, you can be reserved or even submissive in your sexual life. Many times, you just want someone else to take charge, because you aren't that assertive.

But, that doesn't mean you are for sure submissive. Many submissives are far from insecure in their day to day lives. They know what they want and they actually are the ones who go out looking for someone to be their dominant.

They will actually interview people, talk to them and ask specific questions, to find out about their personality. It's sometimes vaguely similar to a police interview, asking questions and watching their body language and listening to the answer at the same time.

It's very important to find someone that fits their sexual desires and there are so many wannabees out there who like to say they are experienced doms and have done this and that and know what they're doing. Unfortunately, that isn't being very helpful, when a submissive is trying to find a partner.

I guess it's partly an ego thing and partly a desire to just get to have sex with somebody that makes people lie about their experience. Of course, a submissive doesn't want a newbie for her dom, if she can find an experienced one, instead.

Newbies make mistakes. Newbies sometimes can't control their desires. Newbies sometimes don't listen to safe words. Not that experienced people don't also do these things, but they aren't as likely to. Any of these things can be dangerous to a submissive.

So, just because you are pretty insecure in your day to day life, you might be amazed to find out that with a little experience, you might become less insecure. Finding out about your sexual desires and fulfilling your fantasies can really do a lot to help you be a more secure and confident person.

Sometimes, you can be the opposite in your sex live than you are in your day to day live. So, if you are reserved during the day, there could be a time when you become confident enough to assert yourself sexually. Our deep inner sexual desires can fool us. Experiment a little bit. That's really the only way to know for sure.
 
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DVS said:
When you are timid in your day to day life, you can be reserved or even submissive in your sexual life. Many times, you just want someone else to take charge, because you aren't that assertive.

But, that doesn't mean you are for sure submissive. Many submissives are far from insecure in their day to day lives. They know what they want and they actually are the ones who go out looking for someone to be their dominant.

They will actually interview people, talk to them and ask specific questions, to find out about their personality. It's sometimes vaguely similar to a police interview, asking questions and watching their body language and listening to the answer at the same time.

It's very important to find someone that fits their sexual desires and there are so many wannabees out there who like to say they are experienced doms and have done this and that and know what they're doing. Unfortunately, that isn't being very helpful, when a submissive is trying to find a partner.

I guess it's partly an ego thing and partly a desire to just get to have sex with somebody that makes people lie about their experience. Of course, a submissive doesn't want a newbie for her dom, if she can find an experienced one, instead.

Newbies make mistakes. Newbies sometimes can't control their desires. Newbies sometimes don't listen to safe words. Not that experienced people don't also do these things, but they aren't as likely to. Any of these things can be dangerous to a submissive.

So, just because you are pretty insecure in your day to day life, you might be amazed to find out that with a little experience, you might become less insecure. Finding out about your sexual desires and fulfilling your fantasies can really do a lot to help you be a more secure and confident person.

Sometimes, you can be the opposite in your sex live than you are in your day to day live. So, if you are reserved during the day, there could be a time when you become confident enough to assert yourself sexually. Our deep inner sexual desires can fool us. Experiment a little bit. That's really the only way to know for sure.
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A lot of this is very spot on. Especially the parts about what I call Fake Doms. In my experience, about 4 out of 5 doms are fake. Most of them are easy to spot in the first couple of minutes of conversation (if you are an experienced sub), but occasionally there's one who has learned the lingo and how to answer appropriately - at least in email/chats, but then the body language is the dead giveaway.

In my experience, most of the doms and submissives out there are the opposite of what they are in life. For instance, I'm straddled by huge responsibilities, decision making, and stress in my work, and powerful / successful, etc.

In the bedroom, I want to shed that power, not have to be in charge, at all. I've found that while I've only had a handful of doms since I got into this, that they tend to have low responsibility and/or success in life, and often have no control, therefore they crave control in the bedroom. Certainly it's not a rule, but I would say it's a 'tendency', if that makes sense.

As a sub, I've turned down probably the last 10 'doms' who've tried to get with me because of something they said or did in chat or email. Not one of them made it to actually meeting.

I never tell a dom what they did wrong after I turn them down- I don't ever want a faker getting better at faking.
 
I’ve seen so many of those. Are they faking out of ignorance or just not wanting to be responsible enough to put in the work that either Dom or sub requires? I’m submissive but with lots of imagination
 
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