Are you dominant or submissive

[LauraWilling]

I have always been naturally submissive.

 

[Duggc70]

Finding out definitely Dom

 

[Stacy_TG]

Sub. Definitely. I love pleasing others because I derive so much personal satisfaction from it....

 

[DVS]

I never tell a dom what they did wrong after I turn them down- I don't ever want a faker getting better at faking.

LOL, very smart!

 

[novicev]

i like the dominant role..but i want to give what the other person wants

i had such an interaction we both enjoyed but i think it works more in a fwb situation

 

[CeriseBuss]

Completely submissive.

 

[Smoothshavendad]

Daddy Dom here for you.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Sub. Definitely. I love pleasing others because I derive so much personal satisfaction from it....

This raises the question for me: cannot dominant partners be pleasers as well?

 

[AlwaysFara]

This raises the question for me: cannot dominant partners be pleasers as well?

Absolutely.
He gets off when I submit to him. He pleases me every single day, not just sexually. Pampers me.

 

[CCorteeze]

Dominant, of course.

 

[AlwaysFara]

A lot of this is very spot on. Especially the parts about what I call Fake Doms. In my experience, about 4 out of 5 doms are fake. Most of them are easy to spot in the first couple of minutes of conversation (if you are an experienced sub), but occasionally there's one who has learned the lingo and how to answer appropriately - at least in email/chats, but then the body language is the dead giveaway.

In my experience, most of the doms and submissives out there are the opposite of what they are in life. For instance, I'm straddled by huge responsibilities, decision making, and stress in my work, and powerful / successful, etc.

In the bedroom, I want to shed that power, not have to be in charge, at all. I've found that while I've only had a handful of doms since I got into this, that they tend to have low responsibility and/or success in life, and often have no control, therefore they crave control in the bedroom. Certainly it's not a rule, but I would say it's a 'tendency', if that makes sense.

As a sub, I've turned down probably the last 10 'doms' who've tried to get with me because of something they said or did in chat or email. Not one of them made it to actually meeting.

I never tell a dom what they did wrong after I turn them down- I don't ever want a faker getting better at faking.

I love everything about this, and I hope you post more.
The one exception I have is the opposites in RL... my BF is not a submissive person in any way. He can bend, but he’s a fixer. He speaks up. He follows his own path.

 

[Mei5ter]

I’ve seen so many of those. Are they faking out of ignorance or just not wanting to be responsible enough to put in the work that either Dom or sub requires? I’m submissive but with lots of imagination

Oh, the fakes work both ways.

I’ve no idea how I’d label myself, or be labelled by others. But I’ve come across ‘subs’ who, I’m sorry to say, are lazy rather than being genuinely submissive.

 

[DVS]

Oh, the fakes work both ways.

I’ve no idea how I’d label myself, or be labelled by others. But I’ve come across ‘subs’ who, I’m sorry to say, are lazy rather than being genuinely submissive.

LOL, I don't doubt this at all. I've experienced the same thing. They seem to just lay there and sort of say "do me".

But, while it does tend to piss you off, it isn't as serious as a fake dom would be. The dom is in charge of the safety of the scene and he/she has an obligation to watch for and listen for anything that needs to be addressed. It could be a rope that's too tight, cutting off circulation to an arm or a leg. It could be watching the body language of the submissive, to notice something that just doesn't seem "right" for what's going on. It could be listening to the safe words of the submissive and strictly abiding by them. All of this is the job of the dom and more.

Oh, but I do agree with you, that a submissive that assumes the dom does all of the work and even expects a fantastic orgasm after it's all over...I wouldn't call that a faker or even a newbie. Just like you've said, the word lazy comes to mind. But in my experience, I'd just call that a lazy ass bitch! Oh, did I say that out loud?

 

[DVS]

Oh, the fakes work both ways.

I’ve no idea how I’d label myself, or be labelled by others. But I’ve come across ‘subs’ who, I’m sorry to say, are lazy rather than being genuinely submissive.

Oh, to address the bold text in your post...and I'm not directing this to you, but to anybody who might be reading this.

Labels are just that, labels. They are intended to put you into a certain category so others can tell how they should relate to you. I do think that labels are necessary, but only to a point.

I consider myself a dom, but there is so much more to me that the label dom doesn't include. And with many people, when they see the label dom, they assume something that might not apply to me. But, it's the closest label I can include myself in.

I've said labels are necessary, but only to a point. And this applies to everybody. If anybody is new to this lifestyle and you feel you are a sub or a dom, don't try to conform yourself into that label, as quoted by some sexual dictionary. Use labels as a starting point. Then, express yourself as you want.

This is why Angelic Assassin created the PYL/pyl term. In case you don't know, pyl stands for pick your label and he was right on point by creating that. I wish he were still posting. He's one of Lit's past regulars.

Maybe you're a dom....BUT you don't like everything the label says about one. Maybe you consider yourself as submissive...BUT you don't care for something that you read that a submissive "is".

This is related to limits, but it goes further. We all have limits, but our kinks are very individual and personal to us. So don't try to fit into any labels, aside from the basics. And don't feel obligated to be something you aren't.

You have a voice. In any negotiations, be sure to mention anything you don't like about being a dom or a sub. There are no rules, other than everybody's limits and consensual play. After that, be creative. Be adventurous. Be safe and have fun.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I do whatever the fuck i want.

 

[gateau66l]

absolutely dominant

 

[sweettalk4u]

I have gone back and forth with men and women. I really think I am a switch though you would not know it to see me dressed in hose, garter, bra, panties and wig.

 

[englishr99]

Submissive

Always a submissive... still in search of my master.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

absolutely dominant

This cracks me up.

If you are so sure of yourself, why do you feel the need to use a qualifier?

 

[Soraya1]

I'm submissive in all sexual or sexually-related situations. For me it feels freeing, not restrictive.

 

[Dreamer110]

I'm usually very dominant in bed but I'd really like to let a woman take control. Unfortunately my wife takes the sub role.

 

[Jerseyshore]

I'm submissive in all sexual or sexually-related situations. For me it feels freeing, not restrictive.

Indeed it is, Soraya! I am coming to peace with my gender neutrality, and one sign of it is my pleasure at pleasing and serving a lover that i has been natural for me for many years. I am biologically and physically male, but otherwise I love being free to offer my body for both my partner's pleasure and mine.

 

[LauraWilling]

I'm naturally submissive. Have been all my life and especially sexually.

 

[The__Boss]

Always very dominant.

 

[Lilyrose2737]

Well me, i'd be whatever you want me to be, as i love doing both.