...attract the right kind of friends on Lit

You could start a new identity and forget about the current one.

I hadn't even thought of that. But I think I'm going to stick it out as VaGirl07, and use this as a lesson in building a backbone. And in being much more careful about what I share. And with whom. And when. Yeah, that's a lot of lessons!
 
To be honest, I don't even know where to find the ignore button. Probably should have been the first thing I learned, huh? :confused:

If you want to ignore someone, you go to their profile, then click "add *insert username here* to your ignore list." Great feature.
 
If you want to ignore someone, you go to their profile, then click "add *insert username here* to your ignore list." Great feature.

Thank you! Is it then posted anywhere on your profile that you've ignored said person? Or should I just not give a flying fuck?
 
Thank you! Is it then posted anywhere on your profile that you've ignored said person? Or should I just not give a flying fuck?

Yep. Click "User CP" at the top of the page, then on the sidebar there is a "Buddy/ignore lists" button where you can see all the people you've ignored or added as a buddy.
 
Yep. Click "User CP" at the top of the page, then on the sidebar there is a "Buddy/ignore lists" button where you can see all the people you've ignored or added as a buddy.

Great! Thanks again, Alison!
 
If you are slipping in and out of various threads and you find one that you can relate to, then you should post to it, share your thoughts/opinion. The folks that you'll want to get to know will respond to you in a positive manner, the ones that jump right down your throat and have no desire to hear your input will be the ones you want to avoid.

However, with that said, make sure you don't jump the gun on what they say or don't say, some folks accidentally miss your post and you may feel you got "skipped" others may respond, but you have to remember the emotes on the side don't always work in showing the right emotions. What you may think is sarcasm may not be sarcasm at all.

I think you just need to be yourself and in the end, the ones that matter will be the ones that see you. :rose:
 
Get used to that ignore button.

I agree 100%

This is about pleasure and enjoyment, so you just need to ignore anyone who takes away from your having a good experience.

You should also be proud that you are a nice enough person to feel bad about rejecting anyone.
 
I am definitely trying to build a better foundation here. It's difficult when everything is sooo new to me. But I feel I have a better understanding of how the interactions work on Lit. I still have a ton of questions and am a bit confused on some things, but I plan on slowly putting one foot in front of the other instead of barreling ahead in the dark without a flashlight or a map. I feel funny asking for so much guidance, explanation, etc. I would like to find my niche here, but there are so many waters to test. I appreciate everyone's patience and understanding.

Lit is definitely helping me to get to know myself better. I have had a lot of confusion and turmoil in my life, but I feel good about the paths I'm on concerning work, love, forgiveness, spirituality, etc. I'm getting there, folks. I'm getting there. Thanks again for the advice and support. It means so much.
Give yourself a break! You've only been (posting, at least) here for a few weeks, and it takes more time than that to establish yourself and learn, especially if you've kind of gone the backwards route of jumping in prior to observing.

I just checked out your profile and post history, and if you'd like my honest feedback, they make the kind of impression you're likely trying to avoid making from here on out. From your OP, I suspected as much, which is why I suggested starting fresh. It has nothing to do with growing a backbone (you'd still have to have one or work on that), but at least a fresh history will deter the Horny Net Guys and people you do want to interact with from thinking you're here to hook up sexually right away. You could edit your posts, but the thread titles and forums are damning. Consider what you would think if you got a PM from a guy who had the same history, you know? And women are far more likely to read profiles and posts, so if you'd like to start genuine relationships with some of the wonderful ladies here, you may want to give some more thought to starting fresh with your new knowledge in hand.

Anyway, regardless of what you do, I'd suggest putting what you ARE looking for in your profile and sig in no uncertain terms. There's no harm in warning people (OK, guys) that while you welcome good conversation, you are not seeking slimy PMs, requests for cybersex, camming, pics, phonesex, etc., and any PMs of that type of sexual nature will be ignored. Then you don't have to respond to PMs you don't like at all or worry about being bitchy. :)

Have you been through the 'FAQs - Read Before Posting' and Blank Manual stickies at the top of the main How To forum page already? If not, those may be great resources for you and answer a bunch of your questions. Apart from that kind of stuff, though, what other questions do you have? Maybe we can answer at least some of them right in this thread for you. :cattail:

people have friends on here?
Yep. Online, real-life and some people have even met here and moved in together, gotten engaged and married.

I've met a bunch of amazing people here, some of whom I've had the extreme pleasure to meet in real life. Lit is what you make of it, but it can be an incredible community for exchanging knowledge, support and friendships, just like groups most of us participate in locally.
 
If you are slipping in and out of various threads and you find one that you can relate to, then you should post to it, share your thoughts/opinion.

One of the challenges I have is that I thought I knew a lot about sex and sexuality. I really did. Then I joined Lit, and I couldn't believe some of the stuff I was reading. Things I had never considered. Things that had barely registered on my "possibility" radar before. I'm being sincere here. I had never considered say, BDSM. I had never watched someone masturbate other than those I have been in meaningful relationships with. And those back-of-the-mind fantasies I had were suddenly being expressed and written out before my very eyes. Like, "whoa, I'm not the only one!" at every thread. I still find that really exciting. Growing up in a small town, trying to understand my bisexuality, being labeled a "dyke" in high school, going through some abuse...I have been very confused about a lot of things. Felt a lot of guilt for having a lot of feelings or being curious about some things. At Lit, it seems like there is an opportunity to be yourself without feeling shame. And yet...I'm deeply embarrassed by some of my earlier posts.


The folks that you'll want to get to know will respond to you in a positive manner, the ones that jump right down your throat and have no desire to hear your input will be the ones you want to avoid.

However, with that said, make sure you don't jump the gun on what they say or don't say, some folks accidentally miss your post and you may feel you got "skipped" others may respond, but you have to remember the emotes on the side don't always work in showing the right emotions. What you may think is sarcasm may not be sarcasm at all.

I think you just need to be yourself and in the end, the ones that matter will be the ones that see you. :rose:

I really hope so. I see a lot of posters on Lit (definitely including you here, Red) that I feel like I could learn a lot from, enjoy interacting with and hope to call my friend. I'm a little lost at the moment, but I'm also beginning to really like my actual self, the one that runs a business and has an amazing boyfriend and loves to read and be outdoors. It's been a long road for me, to get to the point of self-acceptance and love. I think I'm good to people, and I'm finally good to myself. I just want people to see that.

*Why is there no "hug" emoticon? I want to send you a hug!
 
I agree 100%

This is about pleasure and enjoyment, so you just need to ignore anyone who takes away from your having a good experience.

You should also be proud that you are a nice enough person to feel bad about rejecting anyone.

Thank you. I try to be kind and sincere and empathetic. To be honest, it hasn't always served me well in the past. But it's not really something I'm looking to change. Having said that, I really don't want to be an online doormat. So I'ma practicin' my mean face!

*You think I'm joking, but I found last night that if I glare at the PM from the obscene moron, my irritation transfers more easily to the keyboard. :D
 
My advice is don't force anything. I also don't PM with guys that have been here for a long time and don't post in the forums...they're just trolling for tail as far as I'm concerned.

When I found the Lit forums I had a fun time flirting and being silly with a little naughty mixed in sometimes. I've been pleasantly surprised to have made a couple of friends. One of which I talk to almost everyday.

I'm not easy to get to know IRL or online, so for me it takes someone being patient and drawing me out of my shell. I don't change that part of me just because it's the internet.

Take your time....
 
One of the challenges I have is that I thought I knew a lot about sex and sexuality. I really did. Then I joined Lit, and I couldn't believe some of the stuff I was reading. Things I had never considered. Things that had barely registered on my "possibility" radar before. I'm being sincere here. I had never considered say, BDSM. I had never watched someone masturbate other than those I have been in meaningful relationships with. And those back-of-the-mind fantasies I had were suddenly being expressed and written out before my very eyes. Like, "whoa, I'm not the only one!" at every thread. I still find that really exciting. Growing up in a small town, trying to understand my bisexuality, being labeled a "dyke" in high school, going through some abuse...I have been very confused about a lot of things. Felt a lot of guilt for having a lot of feelings or being curious about some things. At Lit, it seems like there is an opportunity to be yourself without feeling shame. And yet...I'm deeply embarrassed by some of my earlier posts.

I really hope so. I see a lot of posters on Lit (definitely including you here, Red) that I feel like I could learn a lot from, enjoy interacting with and hope to call my friend. I'm a little lost at the moment, but I'm also beginning to really like my actual self, the one that runs a business and has an amazing boyfriend and loves to read and be outdoors. It's been a long road for me, to get to the point of self-acceptance and love. I think I'm good to people, and I'm finally good to myself. I just want people to see that.

*Why is there no "hug" emoticon? I want to send you a hug!
I do understand what you're saying. I too thought I knew about sex and sexuality, and I too got a wake up call. I've talked about myself so much that I know for a fact people are sick of reading about me, but if my story can relate to someone else than I'll share it and those that are sick of hearing it can chose not to read.

When I came to Lit. I was 31 and a mother of three. I had only had sex with one man, my spouse. I look back now and know I married him because he was safe, he was everything my sisters' previous husbands were not. I had learned early on to avoid the kind of men my sisters had married and I refused to even consider a man that did not fall within my guidelines of the "right guy" - I was in my late teens when I came up with my list. I was young, and scared. I didn't want to end up divorced, abused, and in a lot of pain dealing with the soap opera that was their lives. I didn't want to hurt my parents either, by walking the same path as them. I had been taught at around the age of 12 that masturbation was wrong, and when I married my spouse that teaching was reinforced, because he told me it was wrong, and disgusting. I never thought to masturbate because of the beliefs those I trusted to be wiser than me had to be right - right? I didn't masturbate until coming to Lit.

I also didn't really know much about BDSM, lesbians, gays, bisexual, transgenders - except "those" people weren't normal. Believe me, they are just as normal as we are - however normal we see ourselves anyway.

I showed up here ignorant and I posted a lot, flirted a lot, and yep I cybered and phoned. I did a lot of things I shouldn't have, my spouse knew and still knows I'm here on Lit. He doesn't know I have done the things I mentioned, but our relationship is a whole other story, and for that you'd need a full day to catch up and that's not the topic of the thread. I took a step back from Lit. and worked on my marriage, we're in a better place, but not in a passionate place.

You don't need a new identity to start over, you just need a new attitude. In time those who have formed an unpleasant opinion of you, will see the change, and if they are worthy of your friendship, you'll know it.

Don't be embarrassed about your past posts. Hell I've not even looked at them, so I don't know what you've done/haven't done. I don't think many will care either. Just embrace the good times, discard the bad, and become the woman you want to be, and there will be times you will think off handed comments are aimed at you, but remember there are hundreds of people here at all times of the day and night and not every post will be about you and most likely they aren't.

A good rule of thumb, if they don't quote your post, or name you in the post, there is a good chance it had nothing to do with you. ((hugs)) :rose:
 
Give yourself a break! You've only been (posting, at least) here for a few weeks, and it takes more time than that to establish yourself and learn, especially if you've kind of gone the backwards route of jumping in prior to observing.

Oh yeah, totally backwards. Took a running leap and then paused mid-air to look around!


I just checked out your profile and post history, and if you'd like my honest feedback, they make the kind of impression you're likely trying to avoid making from here on out.

Yep, that's what I was afraid of! :(


Consider what you would think if you got a PM from a guy who had the same history, you know? And women are far more likely to read profiles and posts, so if you'd like to start genuine relationships with some of the wonderful ladies here, you may want to give some more thought to starting fresh with your new knowledge in hand.

I may be new, but I'm definitely already a profile/previous post reader. I like to have an idea of who I'm chatting with. And that's what sent me into a panic. I realized that's probably what everyone does, thought about what I had already put out there, and freaked out! But I have a long past of avoiding the issue, running scared, etc. I don't make a practice of it in my real life anymore, and I honestly don't want to do that here. I have a lot to learn, but I've already learned a lot, too. I know more about who I want to be on here, and that's my real self but with a lot more awareness about what I'm putting out and receiving.

Anyway, regardless of what you do, I'd suggest putting what you ARE looking for in your profile and sig in no uncertain terms. There's no harm in warning people (OK, guys) that while you welcome good conversation, you are not seeking slimy PMs, requests for cybersex, camming, pics, phonesex, etc., and any PMs of that type of sexual nature will be ignored. Then you don't have to respond to PMs you don't like at all or worry about being bitchy. :)

Will definitely work on this today. Thank you for really solid advice.

Have you been through the 'FAQs - Read Before Posting' and Blank Manual stickies at the top of the main How To forum page already? If not, those may be great resources for you and answer a bunch of your questions.

I have not. Can we chalk that up to a rookie mistake? I'll do some heavy reading today. :)

Apart from that kind of stuff, though, what other questions do you have? Maybe we can answer at least some of them right in this thread for you. :cattail:

So many little ones. I don't understand Alts or Trolls...their purpose or intent and how the hell you can spot one. I received a PM from a new member last night...no posts and no profile info, but a good conversationalist. Should I be weary? Also, in checking out all the threads, I have seen sooooo much about Alts and people not being who they say they are...having multiple Alts, leaving and rejoining, public apologies, public stonings...I haven't posted in any of these threads because they are clearly not my battles. Wait, I take that back...I posted once about not understanding why a person was being called out over and over again, degraded and bashed. But it feels impossible to know who the good guy is, so I'll stay away from those threads in the future...but what's up with how personal it can get on here? If I had just joined Lit, and those threads were the first I read...I would've turn around and run the other way. So I guess my first question is...what's up with Alts and Trolls?[/QUOTE]


Yep. Online, real-life and some people have even met here and moved in together, gotten engaged and married.

I've met a bunch of amazing people here, some of whom I've had the extreme pleasure to meet in real life. Lit is what you make of it, but it can be an incredible community for exchanging knowledge, support and friendships, just like groups most of us participate in locally.

That's all I could ever hope for! Thanks again, from the bottom of my heart, for your help. It is dearly appreciated. :heart:

*I do not understand how to multi-quote a message, so I used copy and paste on all the quote/end quote HTML. I hope it looks okay.
 
My advice is don't force anything. I also don't PM with guys that have been here for a long time and don't post in the forums...they're just trolling for tail as far as I'm concerned.

When I found the Lit forums I had a fun time flirting and being silly with a little naughty mixed in sometimes. I've been pleasantly surprised to have made a couple of friends. One of which I talk to almost everyday.

I'm not easy to get to know IRL or online, so for me it takes someone being patient and drawing me out of my shell. I don't change that part of me just because it's the internet.

Take your time....

Thank you. Flirting is definitely fun. And Lit has added a new spark to my relationship with my bf. But now that I'm settling in, I just want to get to know folks. I guess maybe we're opposites in that I'm an open-book type of person. I spent a long time not opening up to anyone about anything, and the past year has been all about making up for that. But I'll get tired of hearing myself talk eventually. And I really do love to listen. I think one of life's greatest gifts comes when you are allowed to truly learn about someone; their fears and hopes and dreams and likes and dislikes...all the things that makes someone who they are. It sounds so corny, but I LOVE people. And I am so greatly touched by and appreciate of each and every person who has replied to my thread. Thank you for taking the time to give advice and share some of your experience. Have a beautiful day!
 
I do understand what you're saying. I too thought I knew about sex and sexuality, and I too got a wake up call. I've talked about myself so much that I know for a fact people are sick of reading about me, but if my story can relate to someone else than I'll share it and those that are sick of hearing it can chose not to read.

When I came to Lit. I was 31 and a mother of three. I had only had sex with one man, my spouse. I look back now and know I married him because he was safe, he was everything my sisters' previous husbands were not. I had learned early on to avoid the kind of men my sisters had married and I refused to even consider a man that did not fall within my guidelines of the "right guy" - I was in my late teens when I came up with my list. I was young, and scared. I didn't want to end up divorced, abused, and in a lot of pain dealing with the soap opera that was their lives. I didn't want to hurt my parents either, by walking the same path as them. I had been taught at around the age of 12 that masturbation was wrong, and when I married my spouse that teaching was reinforced, because he told me it was wrong, and disgusting. I never thought to masturbate because of the beliefs those I trusted to be wiser than me had to be right - right? I didn't masturbate until coming to Lit.

I also didn't really know much about BDSM, lesbians, gays, bisexual, transgenders - except "those" people weren't normal. Believe me, they are just as normal as we are - however normal we see ourselves anyway.

I showed up here ignorant and I posted a lot, flirted a lot, and yep I cybered and phoned. I did a lot of things I shouldn't have, my spouse knew and still knows I'm here on Lit. He doesn't know I have done the things I mentioned, but our relationship is a whole other story, and for that you'd need a full day to catch up and that's not the topic of the thread. I took a step back from Lit. and worked on my marriage, we're in a better place, but not in a passionate place.

You don't need a new identity to start over, you just need a new attitude. In time those who have formed an unpleasant opinion of you, will see the change, and if they are worthy of your friendship, you'll know it.

Don't be embarrassed about your past posts. Hell I've not even looked at them, so I don't know what you've done/haven't done. I don't think many will care either. Just embrace the good times, discard the bad, and become the woman you want to be, and there will be times you will think off handed comments are aimed at you, but remember there are hundreds of people here at all times of the day and night and not every post will be about you and most likely they aren't.

A good rule of thumb, if they don't quote your post, or name you in the post, there is a good chance it had nothing to do with you. ((hugs)) :rose:

*Long sigh* Not to get all overly mushy here, but it's really nice to feel your encouragement and support. And acceptance, validation, understanding. Anyway, many, many thanks for sharing some of your story and experiences. I definitely feel we have some common ground. I haven't been around long, but I don't think I could get tired of learning about your life. I really look forward to getting to know you. :heart:
 
*Long sigh* Not to get all overly mushy here, but it's really nice to feel your encouragement and support. And acceptance, validation, understanding. Anyway, many, many thanks for sharing some of your story and experiences. I definitely feel we have some common ground. I haven't been around long, but I don't think I could get tired of learning about your life. I really look forward to getting to know you. :heart:

I'm in and out of here a lot, so I'm sure you'll tire of me eventually, I know I tire of me. :D

You're welcome and enjoy yourself. :rose:
 
I'm new to lit too, only signed up a few weeks ago. So far, not a lot of posts by me. I'm still looking around & I read a lot but don't comment (need to get better at that). Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and if you'd like to chat feel free to PM me.
 
Hello sweetheart!

I've only been at Lit a few months. I knew what my little "kink" was before I came here. It was listening to erotic audio - stories, sounds etc.,

Since I've been here I've discovered I like erotic photography and some "tasteful" porn.

I have had some strange PMs. I knew where the ignore button was and I used it. I left here for a few weeks but thought "No, I like my kind of threads - I'll ignore the ones that I find distasteful or unappealing"

Since I've been back I've told a couple of my real-life friends and you know what they're really nice about it.

Just be who you want to be here. This is a place for hidden fantasies, exploring yourself, making new friends, discovering what puts a flame to your fire.

I like it here and if you need a friend - I'm here. I've made a couple of really nice female acquaintances and I've also met some lovely men. There are some who are just chasing tail or want something I don't. I just stay away from them.

It's never too late for a fresh start or a clean slate.

Look forward not backwards sweetheart

Good Luck here - you're amongst friends

SL x
 
Hello sweetheart!

I've only been at Lit a few months. I knew what my little "kink" was before I came here. It was listening to erotic audio - stories, sounds etc.,

Since I've been here I've discovered I like erotic photography and some "tasteful" porn.

I have had some strange PMs. I knew where the ignore button was and I used it. I left here for a few weeks but thought "No, I like my kind of threads - I'll ignore the ones that I find distasteful or unappealing"

Since I've been back I've told a couple of my real-life friends and you know what they're really nice about it.

Just be who you want to be here. This is a place for hidden fantasies, exploring yourself, making new friends, discovering what puts a flame to your fire.

I like it here and if you need a friend - I'm here. I've made a couple of really nice female acquaintances and I've also met some lovely men. There are some who are just chasing tail or want something I don't. I just stay away from them.

It's never too late for a fresh start or a clean slate.

Look forward not backwards sweetheart

Good Luck here - you're amongst friends

SL x

SL, I would be so happy to make your acquaintance! Thanks for the positive feedback and reassurance. It's the people like you that you that make me so happy to be here. :rose:
 
Hello sweetheart!

I've only been at Lit a few months. I knew what my little "kink" was before I came here. It was listening to erotic audio - stories, sounds etc.,

Since I've been here I've discovered I like erotic photography and some "tasteful" porn.

SL x

SL, do you have any sites that you like or frequent for erotic audio? I have recently found this to be so very exciting & I'd love to explore it more. Feel free to PM me if you have info to share. Thanks! :)
 
I struggled initially with the randoms, creeps and 3 word pm's, but I finally came to the realisation that I was fully entitled to ignore them. I think when we're lonely we see any interaction as good interaction and we often think if we just got to know someone they'll improve. This might be ok in real life but really doesn't translate well onto message boards, because in my experience a creep will always be a creep and a polite knockback is sometimes just like poking a bear with a stick... it can end messy. :)

Lit is for fun and exploration, there's no rules about who you have to be, but do think about how you come across. I usually keep my posts friendly, chatty and depending on my mood flirty but anything more I keep it off the boards. Seems odd since it's a sex based forum but I like to keep my sex life private rather than in a searchable post history...
 
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