Being a single bisexual woman in a world full of straight couples.

[Wolfman1982]

CorsetLvr: I am probably more a number 3, than any of the other two numbers. But then again I am more than just a number in a category, I am a human being, who doesn´t like to categorised .

 

[CorsetLvr]

CorsetLvr: I am probably more a number 3, than any of the other two numbers. But then again I am more than just a number in a category, I am a human being, who doesn´t like to categorised .

Sorry if you feel like you are being pigeon holed but like anything in life, categories are just generalizations. Being "male" or a human being are categories too. Do you not like those as well?

 

[ScaredWarrior]

* point at him slef* i would like to say i have done what hi to bi women things. But not mean for disrespect to any of them. Yes it hard how do say hi to some respeful in that manner. But as well i would not care if she used wanted my love all i ask is i get watch. Can be on video or web cam. But that just me.

I would like to say i am number three. If thresome ever happens it dose and of dont well the porn in me head it still good enought for me. My rules about thresome She is in control( both of them, mainly my love) Why you may ask. I not wiped but never hurt you womans feeling if she doing some like that. Two reasons , One bad if she true love you could lose the best thing ever. 2 never happed a again oh i add one more 3 could be bad for the third wheel not good eather she was nice enought to join you why be mean to such a lovely guest in your bedroom!!

 

[Wolfman1982]

Sorry if you feel like you are being pigeon holed but like anything in life, categories are just generalizations. Being "male" or a human being are categories too. Do you not like those as well?

Hey, being male, is not a category. It IS what I am. being human is not a category either (it is a biological , genetic , a historical and an assload of other stuff "thing" ) so if we should talk semantics , then being categorized is what I am NOT fond of. Get the idea ?

Having Aspergers Syndrome is within the neuro typical spectrum (go look in a book what that means). And you can put people into that category when you are a person with AS, but then again people don´t like labels and they don´t like to be categorized. So when I said I was in the category 3, there I said. I was more than a category I was a human being who didn´t want to be categorized. Since I can be an asshole, I can be the "porn director", but then again I don´t like being either . I just like being me, and that is being male and a human being. And that has : Nothing ! To do with categories, they are just facts.

Get it ?

 

[danielle74]

I am a bi fem, married to a wonderful man. I post on sites and approach bi fem for 3somes because I want them. I love having sex. If I can have my husband and another women at the same time just put me over the top. I am not the type of person that can go out and just meet another women. I have a hard time with it. If fact the only person besides myself that knows I am bi is my husband.

So, if you get approached by a couple it may be me looking to meet you, but you have to enjoy having a man around too.

 

[FluidEmotion]

I understand what you mean, and I think a large contributor to the situations you seem to find yourself in by making your sexual preference public, is that a lot of people think 'Bi' automatically means 'Will do anything, anytime, anywhere. Please?' That just isn't so!

What I would suggest trying is keeping your preference listed... but go further into it in your profile. There are ample spots on profile pages like MySpace to explain what makes you Bi and what doesn't. That may serve to turn would-be threesome fantasizers away from your Message Me button, and hopefully educate them on what being bisexual is all about.

 

[da_bombdiggidy]

Felt compelled to say something

There are a lot of questions that come to mind when I read these posts. To me bisexuality is a greedy pleasure. To be able to be aroused and satisfied by both sexes seem lucky.

However, how do you deal with the multiple relationships? Where is the real commitment. I like to compare things to other scenarios to find answers, this doesn't always work but helps me to understand the bigger picture. In this situation, you could think about food. If you and your s/o don't like a particular food, then the other is pigging out on that food it isn't a big deal. But when you both like the same food, it is important to share or the one who over indulges looks selfish. Bring this back to the relationship level, it seem only fair for this type of relationship to exist in a 3-some. Otherwise, wouldn't that person be cheating?

My other thought questions the term relationship in bisexuality. In a relationship, I would think bisexuality would become a curse. What defines a relationship if the other is intimate with someone else Also, how do you put control over that? What I mean is, imagine how many people with the other would be tied to. For example, imagine a couple and one is bi. If the bi member has a partner of the same sex who is also bi with an opposite sex partner, then the straight person from the original relationship could be tied to a minimum of 3 other people. With a connection to so many people, how can that straight person know faith or loyalty in the relationship. It seems sad to think of a scenario where one of the couples feels incomplete without being able to have sex with the same sex. It's like saying once you get married, not only are unable to try someone else's vanilla ice cream but you can't have chocolate either. This again seems to make the 3-some scenario make sense. It is the ultimate sundae. However, when a bisexual person has sex with a person of the same sex in a 3-some, it could be said they are filling a void. But the straight person having sex with the bi partner's partner could be viewed as unfaithful.

Lastly, I feel bad the way some of the woman here talk about men. It is like the word "man" is becoming a dirty word. You are entitled to your opinions and thinking but don't label us or categorizes us. Not all men are the same, not all woman are the same. Just because I have a dick, doesn't make me one.

 

[Bandit58]

There are a lot of questions that come to mind when I read these posts. To me bisexuality is a greedy pleasure. To be able to be aroused and satisfied by both sexes seem lucky.

Yes I do indeed feel lucky, because I have an extra facet to my sexuality than someone who is heterosexual

However, how do you deal with the multiple relationships? Where is the real commitment. I like to compare things to other scenarios to find answers, this doesn't always work but helps me to understand the bigger picture. In this situation, you could think about food. If you and your s/o don't like a particular food, then the other is pigging out on that food it isn't a big deal. But when you both like the same food, it is important to share or the one who over indulges looks selfish. Bring this back to the relationship level, it seem only fair for this type of relationship to exist in a 3-some. Otherwise, wouldn't that person be cheating?

My primary commitment is to my Husband/Dom. I have a female play partner who I play with alone, and we have another lady we play with together every couple of weeks or so. My friend is married and her husband knows and is ok with us playing together a couple of times a month. My Husband also knows and is supportive in fact He helped me find her on a personals site. I'm not cheating because I'm not doing anything behind my Husband's back, everybody involved knows what's going on.

My other thought questions the term relationship in bisexuality. In a relationship, I would think bisexuality would become a curse. What defines a relationship if the other is intimate with someone else Also, how do you put control over that? What I mean is, imagine how many people with the other would be tied to. For example, imagine a couple and one is bi. If the bi member has a partner of the same sex who is also bi with an opposite sex partner, then the straight person from the original relationship could be tied to a minimum of 3 other people. With a connection to so many people, how can that straight person know faith or loyalty in the relationship. It seems sad to think of a scenario where one of the couples feels incomplete without being able to have sex with the same sex. It's like saying once you get married, not only are unable to try someone else's vanilla ice cream but you can't have chocolate either. This again seems to make the 3-some scenario make sense. It is the ultimate sundae. However, when a bisexual person has sex with a person of the same sex in a 3-some, it could be said they are filling a void. But the straight person having sex with the bi partner's partner could be viewed as unfaithful.

LOL....my Husband is 100% straight and although he has been in group situations before we met, he definitely wasn't interested in touching or otherwise playing with another guy's dick I'm not interested in having sex with other men either. My explorations with women are on a casual basis. I'm not interested in having a relationship with one other than friendship.

The relationship between my Husband and I is based on love, trust, honesty and commitment. When we first started playing in a 3some he told me that if I ever became uncomfortable with sharing him then we would cease it right away and it wouldn't happen again. However our play (and mine alone with my friend) has served to enhance our relationship and only strengthened the bond we have. As he said - no matter how great a guy is in the sack, he can never satisfy a woman's desire to feel the touch of another woman

Lastly, I feel bad the way some of the woman here talk about men. It is like the word "man" is becoming a dirty word. You are entitled to your opinions and thinking but don't label us or categorizes us. Not all men are the same, not all woman are the same. Just because I have a dick, doesn't make me one.

I have lived in an emotionally abusive first marriage. My Husband is nothing like my ex is. I'm very happy and sexually fulfilled and above all loved

 

[mansome]

It has gotten to the point where I am hesitant to list my sexuality as bi on sites like MySpace anymore. I am utterly sick and tired of being approached and hit on by straight couples that simply want to fulfill their 'biggest fantasy'. But then again, if I don't list my sexuality at all, I miss out on meeting women that wouldn't have otherwise contacted me if they didn't know I was bisexual.

Sure, I like a threesome every now and then ... but I want my own sex life! I don't want to be just an addition to someone elses.

Anyone else know what I'm talking about?

haven't read the other posts.. but I don't think myspace is any place to try and meet people.....


Have you tried swinglifestyle.com? I"ve been on that site for almost 3 years... Now for me I'm basically am looking for couples either bi or straight.. I'm totally in tune with just pleasing the woman, but if the guy wants to play and I'm interested, that's just a plus...

I'm sure if you hopped on that site you would find MORE than your fair share of women who are looking to play..........

 

[CorsetLvr]

I just thought I would recommend an excellent book on the topic of being bi/poly/ in a non-monogamous relationship. Its definitely not porn. More like a How To book. I found it very interesting. Its called the The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt.

Here is a Wiki page about it:

Wiki TES

 

[GirlWDirtyLaugh]

Yes I do indeed feel lucky, because I have an extra facet to my sexuality than someone who is heterosexual

I hear that and celebrate! Me too. although I have no takers at the moment, sigh.


My primary commitment is to my Husband/Dom. I have a female play partner who I play with alone, and we have another lady we play with together every couple of weeks or so. My friend is married and her husband knows and is ok with us playing together a couple of times a month. My Husband also knows and is supportive in fact He helped me find her on a personals site. I'm not cheating because I'm not doing anything behind my Husband's back, everybody involved knows what's going on.

This give me hope that such amazing relationships are possible. I want one of those, please sir and madam. But until then, just fun will do too! LOL

The relationship between my Husband and I is based on love, trust, honesty and commitment. When we first started playing in a 3some he told me that if I ever became uncomfortable with sharing him then we would cease it right away and it wouldn't happen again. However our play (and mine alone with my friend) has served to enhance our relationship and only strengthened the bond we have. As he said - no matter how great a guy is in the sack, he can never satisfy a woman's desire to feel the touch of another woman

True that. Thank you for sharing.

 

[lindahotstuff]

There are a lot of questions that come to mind when I read these posts. To me bisexuality is a greedy pleasure. To be able to be aroused and satisfied by both sexes seem lucky.

However, how do you deal with the multiple relationships? Where is the real commitment. I like to compare things to other scenarios to find answers, this doesn't always work but helps me to understand the bigger picture. In this situation, you could think about food. If you and your s/o don't like a particular food, then the other is pigging out on that food it isn't a big deal. But when you both like the same food, it is important to share or the one who over indulges looks selfish. Bring this back to the relationship level, it seem only fair for this type of relationship to exist in a 3-some. Otherwise, wouldn't that person be cheating?

My other thought questions the term relationship in bisexuality. In a relationship, I would think bisexuality would become a curse. What defines a relationship if the other is intimate with someone else Also, how do you put control over that? What I mean is, imagine how many people with the other would be tied to. For example, imagine a couple and one is bi. If the bi member has a partner of the same sex who is also bi with an opposite sex partner, then the straight person from the original relationship could be tied to a minimum of 3 other people. With a connection to so many people, how can that straight person know faith or loyalty in the relationship. It seems sad to think of a scenario where one of the couples feels incomplete without being able to have sex with the same sex. It's like saying once you get married, not only are unable to try someone else's vanilla ice cream but you can't have chocolate either. This again seems to make the 3-some scenario make sense. It is the ultimate sundae. However, when a bisexual person has sex with a person of the same sex in a 3-some, it could be said they are filling a void. But the straight person having sex with the bi partner's partner could be viewed as unfaithful.

Lastly, I feel bad the way some of the woman here talk about men. It is like the word "man" is becoming a dirty word. You are entitled to your opinions and thinking but don't label us or categorizes us. Not all men are the same, not all woman are the same. Just because I have a dick, doesn't make me one.

This is what many people just don't seem to get. Bisexuality is both greedy and a pleasure. And what's wrong with that? The key thing about bisexuality is the three letters s-e-x. It is about sex. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband. I don't have an emotional relationship, or any kind of relationship, with any other man or woman other than a sexual one. Fucking is not about falling in love. It's about fucking. I completely understand that many or even most women are not built like me, although most men do seem to be quite comfortable with separating sex and love. As a woman, I have sex, with men and with women, but the only real relationship I have is with my husband. Fortunately, we both like the same things - other men and other women.
When hubby and I go out for a meal together, we share our food, I give him some of my plate and he does the same. Sexual sharing is pretty much the same for us.

 

[da_bombdiggidy]

Thanks for the responses!

They have all been great answers. Linda, I totally see your point. For me, I just will never know because of the emotional part. My wife wants nothing to do with multiple partners. I understand her concerns. I was just curious.

Bandit, it always makes me laugh when women are open to a FFM scenario but not a MMF or MFM. Which I can't tell exactly which way you feel about it. Obviously you husband has ruled out the MMF.


But going back to Shimmer's orignal post, you make me sad. Why can't all bisexual or hetero females be nymphos? LOL Wouldn't it just make the world a better place...sigh(as I dream about it) Heck, aren't all bisexual or hetero males nymphos?

In all seriousness, I feel your pain and hope you find the right people for you.

 

[Bandit58]

Bandit, it always makes me laugh when women are open to a FFM scenario but not a MMF or MFM. Which I can't tell exactly which way you feel about it. Obviously you husband has ruled out the MMF

In my original reply to you I said:

I'm not interested in having sex with other men

We both have ruled out the MMF scenario. It holds no attraction either for me or him. We have an emotional commitment (read love) to each other and I'm a one man woman

The play with other females is an enhancement to our relationship. We have made two lovely friends and everyone is happy with what goes on and we enjoy their company outside of sex as well. I'm sorry if you feel that is "unfair" in some way and that I get the best of both worlds, but this is the way it works for us

 

[da_bombdiggidy]

Nah...

Unfair.....nah! I'm just jealous and happy for those who can make it work. I just like to hear people's opinions.

 

[UtilityPlayer]

It has gotten to the point where I am hesitant to list my sexuality as bi on sites like MySpace anymore. I am utterly sick and tired of being approached and hit on by straight couples that simply want to fulfill their 'biggest fantasy'. But then again, if I don't list my sexuality at all, I miss out on meeting women that wouldn't have otherwise contacted me if they didn't know I was bisexual.

Sure, I like a threesome every now and then ... but I want my own sex life! I don't want to be just an addition to someone elses.


Why is this a problem? I mean, it's like people are throwing money at you, and it's your choice if you want to pick it up. Be grateful for the opportunities, and take advantage of the ones you want. We all are an addition to someone else's sex life---that's just the way it is unless you want to stay in your room and masturbate.

 

[Sinfullydelightful72]

I totally understand!

I have ran into the same situation. I am currently in a relationship but I want some g/g action on my own. Everyone I have come across is a couple wanting to share/watch etc. I have a man and I do not want another one. My man is ok with me and another woman but not ok with another male added to that. I feel your pain.

 

[co1029]

Yea. I know how that goes. When I came out to my family and friends, a lot of them didn't really understand. They thought that I just wanted to be with both a man and a woman at the same time. They didn't get the whole I'm attracted to Men AND women but I don't want to be with both of them at once, every time I want to be with someone! (Not that I'm opposed to threesomes!)

 

[alaskabibear]

It has gotten to the point where I am hesitant to list my sexuality as bi on sites like MySpace anymore. I am utterly sick and tired of being approached and hit on by straight couples that simply want to fulfill their 'biggest fantasy'. But then again, if I don't list my sexuality at all, I miss out on meeting women that wouldn't have otherwise contacted me if they didn't know I was bisexual.

Sure, I like a threesome every now and then ... but I want my own sex life! I don't want to be just an addition to someone elses.

Anyone else know what I'm talking about?

ShimmeR,

We've been following your thread for a bit but haven't commented until now. We are a married couple (with a bi male / predominantly hetero female).

It seems that the conundrum that you are in is mostly just about finding the "right" person (or people) for your own personal and unique situation. What we have found is that each of us have different personalities and sexual needs. The couples that have responded to you have theirs, but they just don't mesh with yours. It doesn't mean that theirs are wrong per se, it's just that they differ from yours.

We have a fairly unique and restrictive set of criteria for the person (people) we would like to bring into our lives also. And we too get some contact from people that are just not going to fit. However, we try to remember that they too are just people looking for some fulfillment or need to be met. This helps us to not become bitter and judgmental toward others.

The way we look at it is like this; we have a friend who has a gold mine here in Alaska and we sometimes go up and do some recreational gold panning. One thing we have learned is that you have to wash a lot of stones over the pan to find one piece of gold. Trying to find a person (or people) to be a part of your life is a lot like that. The internet helps in finding the "rich diggings", but not every pebble that you pick up will be gold. But, if you don't even go out and sift through the pebbles I'll guarantee you that you will not find that "nugget" that you are dreaming of.

Seems like the best bet is to be up front, honest and specific about what type of relationship you are looking for. But, try to not become discouraged and/or bitter. Consider how hard it is for "straight" couples to find a perfect mate - now add your own "extra" and unique desires/needs into the equation... Well, as you can see, it just takes a lot of searching. We happen to think that the "nugget" of love is worth the search. Wishing you the best.

 

[lindahotstuff]

I have ran into the same situation. I am currently in a relationship but I want some g/g action on my own. Everyone I have come across is a couple wanting to share/watch etc. I have a man and I do not want another one. My man is ok with me and another woman but not ok with another male added to that. I feel your pain.

I think that is really selfish. He is happy for you to be with another woman, because that gets his rocks off, but why not accept you being with another man as well? Anyway, try taking hubby along to see a couple on the basis that the two guys just sit, watch and wank. That way you get FF fun, the guys enjoy themselves,a nd you keep everyone's options open.

 

[Bandit58]

I think that is really selfish. He is happy for you to be with another woman, because that gets his rocks off, but why not accept you being with another man as well? Anyway, try taking hubby along to see a couple on the basis that the two guys just sit, watch and wank. That way you get FF fun, the guys enjoy themselves,a nd you keep everyone's options open.

I have a man and I do not want another one.

Some of us just want the girl/girl sex, are perfectly happy in our relationships with our men, and just aren't interested in having sex with other males. I don't see her hubby as selfish at all, he's happy for her to play alone with women which a lot of men aren't comfortable with.

 

[Sinfullydelightful72]

Some of us just want the girl/girl sex, are perfectly happy in our relationships with our men, and just aren't interested in having sex with other males. I don't see her hubby as selfish at all, he's happy for her to play alone with women which a lot of men aren't comfortable with.

Yes thank you Bandit58! It is not that I want another man. I want the g/g thing with no other men involved!

 

[Julie_in_the_north]

A really interesting thread - and a poignant one, too.

I think there's a common misconception that bisexuality equates to promiscuity, polygamy and swinging. In my experience - I was actively bisexual for several years - bisexual people are different only in that they're romantically and sexually attracted to both gender. I had relationships with men, other times with women, but they were almost always monogamous. I'd have a boyfriend, say, and then a girlfriend for a while. When I was with a particular partner, I didn't sleep with someone of the other sex on the side.

I'm not trying to claim any great virtue on my part - open relationships are great if that's what you both want. And I can really appreciate how, say, a married bisexual woman can love her husband but also want to have as a regular part of her life the joy of sex with other women. I'm just saying that bisexuality is not synonymous with wanting free-for-alls - many bisexual people will stick with their one chosen partner.

I've been in a serious same-sex relationship for the last eighteen months or so, and a few close friends have asked whether I miss sleeping with men. Do I fancy having the odd night stand on the side, so I can get the occasional bit of cock? Although I never stopped enjoying sex with men, it's now for me an irrelevance. I don't ever really think about it. I have an extremely fulfilling sex life with my girlfriend, and I want to be faithful and committed to her - I neither want nor need sex with anyone else, man or woman.

I hope this doesn't sound glib or pleased with myself - I really don't want to imply any kind of moral superiority. I'm just very lucky to have found a really wonderful woman to be with.