Being Overweight And Bi Sucks.

[ars_amatoria]

I'm neither overweight nor do I have long hair (nor much hair at all), but my male lover is pretty overweight, and until he found me (or I him, or something like that), he thought he was condemned to paying for sex. Why did I choose him? He's sweet. He's pretty muscular under the fat (a lot of overweight guys are, the result of carrying the extra pounds around), he's got a sweet 7.5" dick, he loves how I look and shows it, he's become a friend as well as a fuck buddy, and he shares my sense of adventure, which is pretty, um, adventurous. I don't love him but the feeling I have for him is both passionate and tender.

You're probably younger, I'm guessing. That sucks because young people tend to be really shallow when it comes to how their partners *must* look. I wonder if maybe you're a touch that way too...or, if a guy who had a bod and hair like yours was interested in you, would you be interested in him? If not, then you've got that issue to deal with. My lover was (and to some extent, is) that way, although he's let a lot of that go.

You never know for sure where your next lover will come from. It might be an older man who appreciates your youth, it might be someone who looks like you, somoene who thinks like you and you enjoy that, it might be a str8 guy who has gay fantasies and has decided to act on them (that was me some years ago). In other words, maybe you need to expand your definition of who you find sexy.

 

[midwestscribe]

HottieMama is right. It's incredibly difficult for an overweight female to get noticed, no matter what her sexual orientation. Frustrating and heart breaking in a lot of ways.

A woman's size isn't nearly as important as her personality. And, for big girls, a pleasing personality is probably more important than for smaller women.

Guys will often put up with a b*tch just because she's a real hottie. On the other hand, being a b*tch and big is difficult to ignore.

A pleasing smile is usually the first thing any of us notice. Likewise, so is a permanent frown.

So, regardless of size, the first thing for any of us to work on is how we come across for that all important first impression.

 

[none2_none2]

You're probably younger, I'm guessing. That sucks because young people tend to be really shallow when it comes to how their partners *must* look.... My lover was (and to some extent, is) that way, although he's let a lot of that go.

I think it runs the gamut on what guys want for sex -- regardless of their age. In my experiences when I was younger, there were plenty of middle aged guys or older who had no interest in guys their own age or older, but just had to have someone younger. Perhaps for them it was a yearning for lost youth or the fact that some may have felt resentful that they didn't get to do all the m2m sex stuff when they were that age. (Age preference is just one item that some guys may find important.)

When I was younger it used to really wreck my self-image to be turned down for this or that reason. However, as I got older I realized that why would "I" want to be with someone who wasn't attracted to me? Do I want to be someone's second, third, or even last choice? Likewise, why shouldn't I search for someone that interested me. Not just someone who happened to have a penis -- as if a penis is what I'm attracted to.

My big turn on has always been the same thing: masculine, muscular, hairy guys who like to bottom. About 8 or so years ago, I met someone who was masculine enough, decently muscular, smooth like on his legs, and was a virgin so didn't know if he was top or bottom. I let myself fall for this guy because he seemed to be a such a wonderful man who wanted me. I did all the right things. For instance, we waited several months before going all the way, etc... So your probably thinking happy ending because I expanded my horizons and didn't rush into sex. Nothing could be further from the truth. Two years into the relationship he told me he had never loved me, and it was all a mistake. I could go on an on, but the short lesson here is he didn't know WHAT/WHOM he wanted -- I just happened to return his affection.

This Labor Day, I will have had 5 years with my current partner. He is hairy, masculine, muscular, and loves bottom. Now did I put in an add or limit myself to ONLY the exact physical type I like? No. However, the emotional attraction was extremely enhanced by the fact that he was exactly what turned me on. The funny thing too is that we don't do sex that often. Not because I've lost interest in him, but probably more because for once in my life I'm content. I don't have to be on the "hunt" anymore for sex or for companionship. (In all fairness, I suppose some of it also do to slowing down of the sex drive with age.)

So yes, some people are picky and some people go the opposite extreme and do it with anybody who has a penis. A person has to figure what is important to them. Personally, in hindsight, I wish I had been much more picky because some of the worst heartbreaks were with people that I had loved for what I THOUGHT I saw on the inside -- not the outside. But the manual for life, forgot to warn me that people can fool you and hurt you regardless of the level of attractiveness that you find in them.

So have sex with someone that you WANT to have sex with, and expect them to feel the same. If either of you don't have an attraction for whatever reasons, be happy that you discovered it up front. There are so many people out there in the world that you'll find someone with mutual attraction. As to the emotional end of it if you are looking for that too, just be prepared to get hurt. It happens to many of us.

 

[Hitchiker69]

You know, it's also easy to stay "get on a diet and exercise." There are factors you may not have taken into account. Dieting is expensive. Gyms are expensive. What if a person has health issues that prevent certain forms of exercise?

I don't mean to sound rude, but it irks me to see people just say that.

Dieting is expensive??!!??!! How do you figure? Nothing is cheaper than cooking vegetables, rice, grains, pasta, etc., at home. Very cheap and very healthy. Also, going for a walk doesn't cost anything. Try walking 1/2 hour a day, rather than watching another 1/2 hour of TV. Your life and your body will be changed forever.
Quit moaning, get away from your keyboard. Dump this 'virtual reality'; get outside and get real!

 

[DerelictionOfSanity]

Dieting is expensive??!!??!! How do you figure? Nothing is cheaper than cooking vegetables, rice, grains, pasta, etc., at home. Very cheap and very healthy. Also, going for a walk doesn't cost anything. Try walking 1/2 hour a day, rather than watching another 1/2 hour of TV. Your life and your body will be changed forever.
Quit moaning, get away from your keyboard. Dump this 'virtual reality'; get outside and get real!

Well, I do agree that dieting need not be expensive. It is, however, usually more time consuming to actually cook something healthy than to eat junkfood. Frankly, I've been mostly following this plan myself (with the exception of dumping digital; I've cut out TV instead and usually walk an hour each day) And I grant that I have largely stopped gaining any weight. The only problem for me is that I'm not losing any either. My metabolism is such that only very serious dieting/LOTS of exercise actually knocks weight off. I'm not saying that I couldn't do that, but it would require more time than I have at the moment. Possibly something I'll be able to do after graduation.

I'm glad that your program works for you, and it's certainly a good start, but you don't have to sound quite so self-righteous. Some people just need a lot more effort than you if they wish to lose weight. (Myself, once I reach a healthy weight, I'll probably just concentrate on staying there, even if I still have some fat)

 

[DerelictionOfSanity]

sorry, that was a little harsh.

 

[none2_none2]

I'll add this much about dieting...

When I was young, I could just exercise off my large eating habits. However, with age it appears that metabolism slows down. What is strange is what worked for me wasn't exercise, wasn't restricting fats, wasn't being almost a vegetarian, but rather to restrict my carbs.

I really wasn't a fan of such diets. I wasn't a big meat eater. I love animals, and that aside, I'd rather have a casserole that includes lots of pasta/rice with some meat, than to have a slab of meat on my plate.

I went from about 230 lbs down to 210 lbs in just a few weeks. Unfortunately, I gained it back -- not because the diet failed me, but because I got seduced by carbs again. I will get the courage to get back on it. Why? Not only does lower weight feel better, it is also important because I'm pre-diabetic. I love carbs, but they don't like me. I still don't like a lot of meat, but at least there is cheese. I went from looking at the fat content on the food labels to looking at the carb content. I'm SHOCKED by how much carbs are on many foods. Also it is shocking that sometimes LOW fat means HIGHER carbs!

This change also meant that I had to cut back on lots of fruits and veggies. Beans, peas are full of carbs (excluding green beans). We all know that Potatoes are full of starches (also carbs). Carrots and sweet potatoes are also full of carbs -- that is why they have a sweeter flavor. Fruits are full of carbs -- boy do I miss my fruit juices, bananas, oranges, etc. . I used to drink fruit juice all the time as I could only drink so much water before I'm bored with it. Now I do sugar free pop which gives me the flavor of sugar without the sugar.
It still bothers me that exercise didn't do squat. A year ago, I jogged about 45 min to 1.5 hours every day. Not much change. I do some jogging now when the weather is good, and I also try to do weight lifting every day. (Yes, I know you can gain some weight from weight lifting since muscle is heavier than fat.) Nothing really made much dent. I'm not saying be lazy and just skip sugars/starches and other forms of carbs in your diet to loose weight. Still if you really want to loose weight for your health, vanity, or whatever, nothing works better or faster like severly restricting your carbs. I was a skeptic, but then I did it myself and it worked.

 

[DerelictionOfSanity]

I'll add this much about dieting...

When I was young, I could just exercise off my large eating habits. However, with age it appears that metabolism slows down. What is strange is what worked for me wasn't exercise, wasn't restricting fats, wasn't being almost a vegetarian, but rather to restrict my carbs.

I really wasn't a fan of such diets. I wasn't a big meat eater. I love animals, and that aside, I'd rather have a casserole that includes lots of pasta/rice with some meat, than to have a slab of meat on my plate.

I went from about 230 lbs down to 210 lbs in just a few weeks. Unfortunately, I gained it back -- not because the diet failed me, but because I got seduced by carbs again. I will get the courage to get back on it. Why? Not only does lower weight feel better, it is also important because I'm pre-diabetic. I love carbs, but they don't like me. I still don't like a lot of meat, but at least there is cheese. I went from looking at the fat content on the food labels to looking at the carb content. I'm SHOCKED by how much carbs are on many foods. Also it is shocking that sometimes LOW fat means HIGHER carbs!

This change also meant that I had to cut back on lots of fruits and veggies. Beans, peas are full of carbs (excluding green beans). We all know that Potatoes are full of starches (also carbs). Carrots and sweet potatoes are also full of carbs -- that is why they have a sweeter flavor. Fruits are full of carbs -- boy do I miss my fruit juices, bananas, oranges, etc. . I used to drink fruit juice all the time as I could only drink so much water before I'm bored with it. Now I do sugar free pop which gives me the flavor of sugar without the sugar.
It still bothers me that exercise didn't do squat. A year ago, I jogged about 45 min to 1.5 hours every day. Not much change. I do some jogging now when the weather is good, and I also try to do weight lifting every day. (Yes, I know you can gain some weight from weight lifting since muscle is heavier than fat.) Nothing really made much dent. I'm not saying be lazy and just skip sugars/starches and other forms of carbs in your diet to loose weight. Still if you really want to loose weight for your health, vanity, or whatever, nothing works better or faster like severly restricting your carbs. I was a skeptic, but then I did it myself and it worked.

eek. I'm extremely dubious about this diet. My father went on it and lost quite a lot of weight, but his cholesterol levels went through the roof. He saw a doctor who told him that this was a terrible diet to be on. He's since gained most of it back.

Meanwhile, my mother has reduced fats and processed starches (i.e. white flour/sugar) and eats lots of fruits, vegetables and whole grains, and her cholesterol and weight have been very slowly but consistently dropping. Over the past year, she's gone down 3 sizes. It's not as impressive a loss as 20 pounds in a few weeks, but it's sustainable. (She was actually only trying to lower her cholesterol in the first place)

I'd be pretty happy if I could manage that.