best way to get over being dumped

[swtrthnhoney]

I can understand where you are and why you are asking. Though my relationship was brief, I thought it held a lot of promise. Apparently, they felt otherwise. So I am still working on this one after 6 weeks or so. It still hurts and I keep asking myself why I am "stuck". Not sure if my advice will help but at least you know what sort of validity it might have.

I try to stay positive and focused on what I call "forward" movement actions. Anything that produces a positive outcome - can be tangible or nontangible.
I have days when I am angry at him, days when I am sad, and days when I feel okay about everything. I think the 3rd type of days are becoming more frequent. I think there is a definitie grieving process - you had dreams, desires, and ideals about the relationship and now those are not going to happen.

The weekends are the hardest for me. Not enough mental distraction. Weekends we mostly spent in bed, a treat for me after several years of neglect.

Stay positive, treat yourself kindly, and do things that give you pleasure, take care of yourself, and go out and do things you like to do with or without other people.

 

[Somehowyou]

Comedies are great! If you're down, watch some of Jeff Dunhams comedy specials. Or watch the Hangover haha

This is true. Watch the Charlie Sheen roast...take in Pineapple Express and Superbad. Start running and hit the weights. Get fit because it will help with self esteem.

Try a hobby destination like Canada and get laid by a young hottie. Don't let it impact your job.

Start living

 

[Virgil_Mayhap]

Rule of thumb: Time to completely being over some-one: one week for every month you dated.

During that time, just let yourself be ok with whatever emotions wash over you. It is ok to be sad, and ok to be happy. Ride the rollercoaster!

 

[Fit_guy2011]

Rule of thumb: Time to completely being over some-one: one week for every month you dated.

During that time, just let yourself be ok with whatever emotions wash over you. It is ok to be sad, and ok to be happy. Ride the rollercoaster!

OMG! 23 yrs... = 23 x 12! 5 yrs and 4 months!!!!

 

[Virgil_Mayhap]

Yeah that seems about right. I said completely over the person. 23 years is likely the majority of someone's adult life. Getting over that person won't be a quick affair.

Obviously you won't be emotionally crippled that whole time. But I would say that it isn't unusual to have thoughts of someone for the duration of the "Rule of Thumb" I mentioned above.

 

[swtrthnhoney]

How do you get over someone? I am still trying to push forward in a positive direction - mentally, physically, and emotionally. I find there are times when I think I have dealt with some emotional aspect and I am reminded that I have not. I recently joined a divorce support group. I both dread going and feel I need to be there to start some healing process. I have joined meetup groups to get out and do things that I enjoy and to meet people with no intention of "dating" right now. I have scheduled massages when I need to feel human touch, and spa treatments when I want to treat myself. I find the cost of these to be more acceptable than allowing someone to split my heart in two.

I don't like the rule of thumb measurement for getting over a relationship. I've been in a relationship (technically) for 21 years (just had a 20 year anniversary) even though we've been separated for over a year and before that we were "trying to mend" the relationship for 6 months or more. It means that it would take me almost 5 years to "get over that relationship." I doubt I will ever get over it completely, I was told many things that were not and are not true. I felt alone for many years even though we were considered an "ideal couple" by others. I put up with everything because I kept telling myself it will work itself out and become better, stronger somehow, in an effort to keep the relationship together. I find I am extremely mad at him right now for not being the husband and partner I wanted him to be and for other reasons. I saw him about 4 weeks ago when he came by to pick up some things. I had no desire to talk to him whatsoever beyond being civil. I am trying to scrape together the money for a divorce, preferably with a lawyer so I don't cave in to his requests and so I can concentrate on my educational and career pursuits. I need to watch out for myself now.

Regarding my relatively short-lived relationship of one month, I still miss him. I think it is more what he said and did. I wonder how much of it was contrived and if any of it was real. I have trust issues more now than ever. I think my perception of the situation didn't help. I enjoyed many aspects of the relationship and didn't want those things to stop. I don't think he ever intended to continue them. It's been three months. I find myself being mad as hell at him and I feel very much like he played me in some way. (No I am not a victim, but I would rather not be led on in that manner. If it's just for sex or whatever, then don't pretend there is more to come later.) I have a lot of anger at him, and myself for allowing things to happen that should not have.

When you haven't been taken care of for years, it is easy to put yourself in an unfavorable position and allow yourself to be played. You let your guard down because you need to feel alive again, if only for awhile.

Take care of yourself first and foremost.

 

[Que]

listen to country music....as long as the "Oh she left me and my heart done broke and i just wish i could have her back" songs speak to you, stay in your room. Avoid human contact at all costs...

As soon as the "I got a brand new girlfriend" songs make you smile, you are good to go. Mingle and have fun.

 

[subwannabe]

I agree with Sam. Been there done that. It works but it doesn't usually happen tomorrow.

 

[Loverskitten]

Make a doll in their likeness, sharp pins and knives.......

Yep, Getting out my craft supplies right now...

I'm pretty sure the screen name "kitten" is taken maybe I can change mine to "exLoverskitten"

 

[oo2b8]

With acceptance comes peace. Accept that what you are mourning is what you wish could have been not what actually was. Work on accepting that then dust yourself off, get back up and continue the search for the real thing. Dont waste time mourning a mirage.

 

[Loverskitten]

Accept that what you are mourning is what you wish could have been not what actually was.

Such a good point.