Bi but...?

[TheExperimentalist]

Hmm, I'm thinking of my spouse's current total obsession with Elvis Presley. May seem silly, but it's a 'stone jones'. I can say,"Dang, I think I've heard that video clip of 'Love Me Tender' seventeen times now'." But why be snarky? This is her new friend and the friend makes her very happy. Still, I reserve the right to be puzzled by this new love. I guess maybe in the original post I was wondering how I, or someone like me who has been shedding some older ways, would react to a person I was falling for saying, "Hey, if you didn't know already, you should know I'm bisexual." And whether the me in the story I was writing would react to that in is as fucked up a way as some folks here have said I did. And that might be the end of that; but it might make a good story.

I believe you might be starting to get it. And yes, not only could I imagine someone whose understanding is incomplete in that way having a similar reaction to the initial thoughts you had here, I've SEEN it happen firsthand. Someone I know very well who came from the same sort of conservative upbringing I did found out the person they'd started dating was bi. Luckily, the person in question learned, grew, changed, and then realized that a lot of the things they took for granted about themselves had actually been bothering them for as long as they could remember for reasons they couldn't even have begun to explain. So perhaps take that as an answer to your original question, that, a realistic outcome to someone who hasn't been exposed to these ideas sort of ending up neck deep in them would be an intense sequence of trying to learn, misunderstanding, coming to terms, growth, and eventually acceptance and understanding.

 

[LargoKitt]

I don't remember anyone here being aware that you "had a reaction" to that at all - especially since you're talking about something that hasn't really happened so why would anyone talk about how you reacted to it?

Why would anyone talk about how your character reacted to it either? I don't remember seeing you talk about the content of this story and the way the character behaved.

Are different things getting mixed up, here? People definitely did talk about how you reacted to something, but it wasn't your (or your character's) reaction to your (character's) new lover telling you(r character) they're bisexual.

The OP: "I am intrigued by writing a story where one of the members of a couple identify as bi. They are faithfully married to their spouse. Does this mean they say they were bi? In couples with a bi partner, who don't want an open marriage, what does the bi partner do about the fact that the sex is '50% fulfilling'? Role playing? Erotica featuring the other gender? People have said about this, "Well, you are just committed to your partner once you seal the deal." So your loving mate just blows away all those other desires? What do engaged couples with a bi partner say to each other?"

 

[LargoKitt]

I believe you might be starting to get it. And yes, not only could I imagine someone whose understanding is incomplete in that way having a similar reaction to the initial thoughts you had here, I've SEEN it happen firsthand. Someone I know very well who came from the same sort of conservative upbringing I did found out the person they'd started dating was bi. Luckily, the person in question learned, grew, changed, and then realized that a lot of the things they took for granted about themselves had actually been bothering them for as long as they could remember for reasons they couldn't even have begun to explain. So perhaps take that as an answer to your original question, that, a realistic outcome to someone who hasn't been exposed to these ideas sort of ending up neck deep in them would be an intense sequence of trying to learn, misunderstanding, coming to terms, growth, and eventually acceptance and understanding.

Whoof! Yeah. I'm thinkin'... And like poet Wiliam Carlos Williams said, "No ideas but in things." People as real as we can make them working out some of the currents in their personal lives of the late 20th and early 21st C.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

The OP: "I am intrigued by writing a story where one of the members of a couple identify as bi. They are faithfully married to their spouse. Does this mean they say they were bi? In couples with a bi partner, who don't want an open marriage, what does the bi partner do about the fact that the sex is '50% fulfilling'? Role playing? Erotica featuring the other gender? People have said about this, "Well, you are just committed to your partner once you seal the deal." So your loving mate just blows away all those other desires? What do engaged couples with a bi partner say to each other?"

To cut to the chase and go back to this original question: I think it unlikely the bi partner themselves would say it in the past tense like that, but I can 100% imagine (and, as I said, have seen with my own eyes) the partner with no prior experience with these topics having those misconceptions.

I recall having those misconceptions myself, back before I really understood a lot about this stuff. Around fifteen years ago, I was talking with a good friend, in a loving, stable marriage, one kid already with another on the way, and she mentioned being bi. I looked at her in confusion and said "you mean you were bi, right? At this point you're just (her husband's name)sexual, just like I'm (my spouse's name)sexual." And she looks at me very seriously and says "No. I am my own person, and (husband)'s existence in my life doesn't change who I am. His presence in my life doesn't erase the rest of my sexuality. I do intend to be married to him for the rest of my life, but if something changes and I'm not, or if god forbid something were to happen to him, I could never replace him, but it doesn't mean that there would be no one else in the world I could ever be attracted to again. And since that someone else I could be attracted to includes both men and women, it means I'm bi, even if life does go the way I want it to. I don't assume that just because you're married to (my spouse's name) it means you're incapable of being attracted to anyone else, all it means is that you're committed to (my spouse's name) and don't pursue anyone else." Then she smiled at her husband, and I smiled at my spouse, both of whom nodded and smiled back supportively, and we went on to deal out the cards for the board game we'd been setting up.