Bisexuality, the Divided Self and Coming Out

[simonedb27]

Re: What a Beautiful thread

I am bisexual...have always been bisexual..never wanted to be anything else. I think in some respects that it is a trifle easier for women to come out to their S/O's or their friends. Guys like that type of thing and women are expected to be *touchy-feely*.


Goddess bless and be well

pet

i also think it is easier for women to come out than men. i know i was a lot more open with my boyfriend, sdedalus, before he was with me.

it has only been recently that i have really accepted myself as being bi and it is going to take some time before i can come out to other people

 

[sdedalus]

Re: Re: What a Beautiful thread

i also think it is easier for women to come out than men. i know i was a lot more open with my boyfriend, sdedalus, before he was with me.

it has only been recently that i have really accepted myself as being bi and it is going to take some time before i can come out to other people

I think we are having fun saying it over and over. We're dorks!

 

[Ekals]

I have felt for over 25 years that I was "gay". As an earlier posting mentioned I had no knowledge of bisexuality.

For all those years I supressed my gay sexuality and tried to keep it out of my life. I was sucessful until about 3 years ago when I was suffering a major depression that lasted about a year and I still suffer occasional bouts.

3 years ago I finally had to tell my wife that I was bisexual. I guess it was the only way I could see to deal with what had become something almost impossible to cope with. I've had sex with a guy since then and it confirmed what I had been too afraid to accept, that I was bi.

The tears and long nights of discussion were terrible and although she now knows about it, she hates the idea of me with men. I have to be honest and admit that our marriage was almost ended because of this and my involvement in D/s too.

I cannot even begin to suggest that either of us are entirely happy with our situation but for the sake of our kids its the best compromise we can come to.

I have given up D/s and am not looking for any kind of intimacy outside the marriage. I wonder what concessions my wife has made. None that I can see, other than for me to be able to see my kids on a daily basis

 

[Ramoana]

Thank you - this is exactly what I needed to hear

Originally posted by Satin Kitty 69

Although my secrets and past are not the same as your and the issue quite different, I too find it hard to open up and say this is really who I am. I know how people see me, and often am haunted by the fact that this image is not who I truely am. Somedays I am not sure if even I know what I want and what lays hidden (even from me) in my inner self. Every once in a while I seem to self-destruct inside and shatter into the million versions of my self. My past selves, the images that others have of me, who I am right at this instant, and who I hope to be. Everytime I rebuild I again realize 2 points:
1) I can never leave behind my past and who I was and what happened for it will always be apart of me.

2) My past is only a small part of me, and although it has shaped much of my life and self now, everyday I can chose who I am. We are not trapped by our pasts, our options just slightly shaped and constrained by them.

Thank you for a very touching message that is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I am one of those bi's married to the opposite sex that has been lurking around here for awhile. You so succinctly described exactly how I am feeling, but also gave me a push in the right direction with your two points.

I have been married for 10 years and prior to that I had a 4 year relationship with a woman and several short-term relationships with people of both sexes. Every day it seems I struggle with who I am and the choices I have made.

Until reading your post I hadn't registered consciously how lonely I am feeling about this and it is so reassuring to me that I am not alone in these questions.

As with everyone on this board, I have my own story to tell, but I will save it for another time.

Thank you again

 

[Satin Kitty 69]

What has everyone been up to recently? Infinity?

 

[lil ozzie sub]

I'm bisexual and proud of it.

I came out to my first husband when he left the marriage to live as a Transexual. I felt that if he knew that I also had relationships with women that it might keep our marriage alive. It didn't work, but I now have a fantastic person who I can talk to about anything. Even though he has returned to living as a male
and is now openly gay, I appreciate him for what he's been through and support him in all his endeavours, as he does with me.

I attempted another marriage that lasted 12 years and we broke up earlier this year. There wasn't really any sexual involvement with him for the last few years and I didn't know what it was that I needed to be happy in myself.

After my marriage broke up earlier this year, I decided that I'd had enough of men and was going to actively seek out another woman. I'm now in a relationship with a lovely lady, we are both bisexual and have a few 'toy-boys' that we have visit either for one on one sex or for threesomes. This arrangement seems to be working well for us and friends are now ok with my new situation. If they aren't... Tough bloody luck. I've been through enough bullshit in my life to worry about what some of the people I hang around with feel. If they don't like it, I don't see them.

Coming out at work was an experience. I've taken it slowly and felt I needed to do it because my relationship is so much a part of my life that if I didn't acknowledge my partner I was not being true to myself or our relationship. I work with about 10 lesbians who have supported me and we have even set up a GLBT support group in our workplace. It helps when one of the Managers is a militant feminist and has been with her partner for 12 years.

Be strong in your convictions and be true to yourself. Don't hide who you are because that is when problems and stress occur leading you into the horrible world of depression and despair.

Good Luck.