Bisexuals

[Netzach]

I found the SM people and let myself loose in a second adolescence, what can I say?

 

[trishcd]

Im a bi married man and came out to my wife some years ago.
In my experience, there are many shades of bisexual, from the mostly gay to the primarily straight. I suspect that many people have some sexual ambiguity in their makeup and that this is why they feel so threatened by bisexual people.
There are many closeted bi married men out there - I am one of the lucky ones with an understanding partner. I am not out, however, to the wider family since I know it would upset some deeply and I regard my sex life as a private matter which I share only with people I can trust.
Hope this gives you a glimpse of the life of one bisexual guy at least, and maybe some food for thought.

I couldn't have put it better if I had spent all day trying ot put into words.....thanks ...you said a mouthful !

 

[alli_cat]

Just a few of my thoughts...

simonedb27 - just regarding married bi-sexual life, my husband and I are both 'bi', we have a young son, and all is good! We were both honest about our needs before we married, and we talk about any problems that come up. You guys seem to have an open, loving, creative relationship now, why would that change when you exchange vows? We have occasionally had other lovers if the situation has arisen with friends, and sometimes do a bit of roleplaying, and so far its working for us. Its awesome having a husband who doesn't get upset when you say you miss the taste of pussy!

My family accepted my sexuality quite easily (I already had a child when I told them, so they didn't have to go through the whole 'will we ever have grandchildren' thing!). I think I'm very lucky. Actually, my brother has been known to ask me for tips on how to satisfy his girlfriend which is kinda cool

infinityoverzero had a good point with the labelling - when you're first accepting yourself, it is nice to feel that you belong somewhere. The catch is when you think that being bi means you have to live the stereotype. I have a close friend who is only just learning to embrace her love of women, and she has found it very confusing, thinking that she's not really bi because she doesn't lust after every female walking down the street! Trying to explain that most bisexual people are not after everything that moves has been an uphill battle! To me, bisexuality is mostly about just being open to totally loving people without caring about superficial things like gender - you really look at the true person, their spirit - and being able to express that love physically without worrying about social expectations of appropriate behaviour.

Hope this made sense, my coffee hasn't kicked in yet

 

[TaoistWanderer]

Hear, hear!

To me, bisexuality is mostly about just being open to totally loving people without caring about superficial things like gender - you really look at the true person, their spirit - and being able to express that love physically without worrying about social expectations of appropriate behaviour.

Hope this made sense, my coffee hasn't kicked in yet [/B]

That makes perfect sense to me. For years I was "plagued" by homosexual thoughts and urges as well as ones of a heterosexual nature. Several members of my father's family - both men and women - were gay, and my parents have admitted to me that they were prepared for me to come out, too (I was something of a late bloomer in the dating department - I think "little professor" geeks like me often are). I liked women - I REALLY liked women, but I also thought occasionally about men, too. Not any one man in particular, but I often wondered what it would be like to share intimacies with someone of my own gender. I never shared these thoughts with anyone until I dated a woman a couple of years ago who was unashamedly bisexual. She helped me come to realize that it is PEOPLE we are attracted to and fall in love with. Attraction and love are ultimately genderless and can be celebrated between members of the opposite or the same sex without having to label one's self "hetero" or "homo". I have to this day never been physically intimate with another man, but I no longer feel confused or shame or guilt or whatever if I begin to develop feelings for one.

Just my own fuel to the conversation....
~K.

 

[yaspis]

I consider myself bisexual, though, as stated earlier, two is only the top of the iceberg. I've told my s/o and some of my friends and accidentaly some eavesdropping aquitances, whom will not nowadays share a either a word or locker room with me. I hate the common prejudice which seems to rule all over the world - not just in USA, but in here Europe, as well - if you are bisexual, anything that moves is good enough for you. If you are bisexual, that makes you partially gay, which is dreadful, because all gay people are automatically pedophiles. Bisexual people will never be true to their spouses, they'll cheat and shag everything and anyone without a heartbeat of consideration.

Luckily, most of my friends are bisexual. Some of them are hetero and haven't really taken me seriously, yet. I've tried to tell my mother, but she is convinced still - after fie years - that it is some hormonal quirk and should pass with age. We'll see.

 

[cuteffsb14]

When I came out ot my mother she kept asking me if this was how I was going ot be for the rest of my life or if this was just a "phase". It seems as though she has gotten more used to it now and she's more comfortable with me being gay .... but at first I told her I was bi just to make her feel better. My mother and I fight enough as it si ... I didn't need to have any other reason for us not to talk ... I think it's a little amusing that people are more "comfortable" with the term bi

 

[simonedb27]

Just a few of my thoughts...

simonedb27 - just regarding married bi-sexual life, my husband and I are both 'bi', we have a young son, and all is good! We were both honest about our needs before we married, and we talk about any problems that come up. You guys seem to have an open, loving, creative relationship now, why would that change when you exchange vows? We have occasionally had other lovers if the situation has arisen with friends, and sometimes do a bit of roleplaying, and so far its working for us. Its awesome having a husband who doesn't get upset when you say you miss the taste of pussy!

My family accepted my sexuality quite easily (I already had a child when I told them, so they didn't have to go through the whole 'will we ever have grandchildren' thing!). I think I'm very lucky. Actually, my brother has been known to ask me for tips on how to satisfy his girlfriend which is kinda cool

infinityoverzero had a good point with the labelling - when you're first accepting yourself, it is nice to feel that you belong somewhere. The catch is when you think that being bi means you have to live the stereotype. I have a close friend who is only just learning to embrace her love of women, and she has found it very confusing, thinking that she's not really bi because she doesn't lust after every female walking down the street! Trying to explain that most bisexual people are not after everything that moves has been an uphill battle! To me, bisexuality is mostly about just being open to totally loving people without caring about superficial things like gender - you really look at the true person, their spirit - and being able to express that love physically without worrying about social expectations of appropriate behaviour.

Hope this made sense, my coffee hasn't kicked in yet

thank you so much alli cat!

i too struggle sometimes like your friend about whether or not i am really 'bi' because i don't always lust after women. your post was very insightful.

 

[simonedb27]

Bisexual people will never be true to their spouses, they'll cheat and shag everything and anyone without a heartbeat of consideration.

I guess that is what i am afraid of. i don't really know why, because sdedalus and i are so open and honest with each other now. just scared...

 

[sdedalus]

I guess that is what i am afraid of. i don't really know why, because sdedalus and i are so open and honest with each other now. just scared...

it's not my fault... the dick does all the thinking for me...

 

[simonedb27]

it's not my fault... the dick does all the thinking for me...

that is what i am afraid of. hopefully you can learn to talk to me about it before you let your dick start 'thinking' on someone else. i know you are good about it now, but i am just worried things might change for some reason.

 

[DirkPryde]

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[ammre]

I've dealt with negativity from lesbians about beinig bi and not one or the other, but i've never dealt with negativity fomr a straight person about being one or the other. I think the straight people i know can accept things better if they know that too can find pleasurable what they find pleasurable.

 

[blue eyed muse]

my bisexuality isn't really hidden but it's not proclaimed either. my husband, sister and a few friends of mine know but thats all. i wish i had the prime oppurtunity to proclaim my sexuality. that i find people attractive and it doesn't matter if they are male or female. i want to tell the girl i have a crush on, that i have a crush on her, lol. i'm a wuss.

i refuse to tell my parents. my mom is pretty sure i'm going to hell and id ont' really want to open up that can of worms. if she finds out her suspicions are correct about my bisexuality and rejection of christianity. oh my, that'd be awful to deal with. i supposei f it were to be asked i'd come out with nothing but truthful statements, but i'd be afraid of the repurcussions. i've been disowned three times already, i'm not prepared for that emotional crap again. but thats a whole other story, lol.

in short, i've never had too many problems with my bisexuality; i think thats only because i haven't been that open about it

 

[south_florida_bicur]

why does it matter if a person is gay, bi, or str8? it is just a label. I never liked Ricky Lake and now is another reason not to.

with my online friends I have told them that i am bi curious. I had 1 minor experience and it has left me wanting more.

There is 1 friend in my real life that does know about my curiousity and is 100% behind me.

 

[Mary Hall]

On another message board it seems i`m only bi cuz its the ''cool'' in thing to do

The guy is a fucking idiot and couldn`t seem to accept the fact i`m bi, accusing me of doing whats trendy, i tried to tell him i didn`t have to have had a bi experience to know what i am, but the cunt is too ignorant for his own good

 

[BohemianEcstacy]

This is an awesome thread.

I, too, have heard the perception that bisexuality is the "in" sexuality, and it's kindof a phase for many of the hipster/skater/emo crowd these days.

Then there's the perception that it's just a sex thing or just a phase (which it might be, for some people, but not for me).

And yes, I've seen the perception--from my own pastor, no less-- that homosexuality is totally great and bisexuality is just screwed up. She affiliates it with being promiscuous and not being able to maintain a monogamous relationship.

Or the perception that our sexuality is determined by who we're with at the time (as in if I'm with a woman, I'm a lesbian, and if I'm with a man, I'm straight.) But then, what would I be if I'm single? That makes no sense. Bisexuality doesn't go away, the same way I'll always be attracted to all genders.

I just know that when I figure I've settled into one category because I've only liked one gender for a while, I'll be blown away by this intense attraction to someone who doesn't fit the bill. Then I remind myself that while the sex zones of an individual's body are appealing, they are not what attracts me to a person. It's the intelligence, the compassion, the sense of humour...*sigh*

And I am attracted to a variety of people, but at the same time I'm very picky regarding whom I will date. The way I see it, my dating pool is twice as large, ergo my standards are twice as high.

But I'm the only REAL bisexual I know well. I have a number of gay friends and straight friends and a couple of crossovers, but no one who genuinely affiliates with bisexuality. So I'm isolated and don't really get to embrace my identity much. Straight people lump me in with the gays and gay people seem to consider me a poser or express hostility to my affiliation with the breeders. *sigh* Oh well. Maybe someday everyone will acknowledge his or her attractions to all the hims, hers, and its out there, so they don't feel they have to put me in a box anymore.

 

[original cindy]

Being Bisexual is suspose to double someone's chances of finding love. It also seems it doubles the prejudice. I'm married and bi, my husbnad is strait. It took 10 years for me to tell him and he loves me just as much as before. I'm out to his mother and she thinks it is cool. My family on the other hand if they knew they would all disown me.

original cindy

 

[Mikijl Dragon]

I am openly Bi with my wife. She is great supportive and encouraging. My family on the other hand would not understand so I have not told them. Funny thing is I would not mind anyone else knowing.

 

[brinkeedinkee]

I could care less who knows I'm bisexual, except for my Daddy, wonder why? Anyone know? Not my real dad, but my hubbys dad. He's awesome. Anyone else can bite my ass if theydon't like it!

 

[Guest]

today on Ricky Lake, family members brought on 'loved ones' to say, are you gay or straight- choose! They could all apparently accept a gay relative, but not a bi one. Ricki who is always so open about this kind of thing, really suprised me by going along. (yeah, I know, ratings)

What do you think of this? And is there any one here who is openly bi who has experienced anything like this? Are there any who are gay who agree that bi's are just trying to have it both ways, are just freaks, are confused, or whatever and should just choose? What differnence does it make anyway?

Curiously,

Sweet

Well, I can't say much about Riki Lake, since I don't watch her show. But somehow I'm not surprised that people had more of a difficulty accepting bisexual people than gay people. I think there are some reasons for this: Quite a few people seem to be of the opinion that things are either black or white. In short, they have difficulty comprehending anything that doesn't fit into a dichotomized way of thinking. So it follows that people will often say, "Oh.. you're just confused" to someone who is bisexual. They figure you're either gay and afraid to accept it, or straight and somehow have been "misled" by some sort of confusing factor (such as a gay friend). Even within the gay community there are people who say that bisexuals are gay people in denial. Obviously, I disagree with this, as I am bisexual and don't feel in the least bit like I'm confused or in denial of my sexuality. From a cross-cultural perspective, I'd say the idea that sexuality is dichotomized into straight and gay, and there is very little understanding or acceptance of anything outside of those two things is something unique to Western culture. There are other cultures in the world where it is quite normal for a gay person to be viewed as fitting into a third gender category. In other words, a gay man wouldn't be "a man who sleeps with other men" (and therefore often stigmatized as someone who is somehow confused) but rather he would be understood as having a gender unique from that of either a man or a woman. And for that gender, he would not be considered "wierd" or "deviant" in any way. This is true of bisexual people in many cultures, where people don't consider it an act of dual sexuality, but more an act of wholeness. Some cultures, such as some aboriginal ones in Melanesia, even encourage young people of the same sex to sleep with each other before they are older and take a mate of the opposite sex. It isn't considered deviant at all, but instead is considered normal. So the idea that this is considered to be abnormal or a symptom of confused behavior stems from a Western cultural perspective.

As for myself, I can't say I've had too many problems being maltreated by people who think I'm bi. Most likely, though, the reason is because no one knows I'm bi just by looking at me. No one can make assumptions about my sexuality unless they actually see me with a man, and then later with a woman, or vice verse. So most likely people around me are rather unaware that I am this way, and that keeps them from judging me. For the few who have figured it out, it seems that they are just puzzled, and don't say much because they are in denial about it themselves. I think their thought process goes something like this: "Ohh... that must be her girlfriend [as in friends between women] because I could have sworn I just saw her with a guy last week, who is definitely her partner."

 

[DirkPryde]

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[LingerieandLace]

Thanks for Sharing !

Originally posted by DirkPryde
One thing I have noticed is that bi people don't like "lables" and so we shouldn't ... but because of that people get the feeling / idea that bi people are confused or in denial about being homosexual. And it's hard to understand being bisexual means many different things, even to people that identify as being bisexual.

People readily accept Homosexuality because of the gay movement and the gay community giving themselves a label and therefore a unified voice.

People in general don't like open ideas, things have to be defined, have a set of rules they can follow, but what has to be realised is that when it comes to sexuality it's the individual that has to make their OWN rules and define their OWN sexuality because no one else can.

Well said !

 

[John Doe]

Re: Re: Bisexuals

...For the few who have figured it out, it seems that they are just puzzled, and don't say much because they are in denial about it themselves. I think their thought process goes something like this: "Ohh... that must be her girlfriend [as in friends between women] because I could have sworn I just saw her with a guy last week, who is definitely her partner."

It's not enough that you judge other people, you have to think for them too?

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Bisexuals

It's not enough that you judge other people, you have to think for them too?

I'm not thinking for them. That's the type of reaction I usually get from people who have seen me with both men and women. They often assume one is my lover and the other is my friend. They rarely figure out that both are my lovers. Sorry you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to my posts.

 

[John Doe]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Bisexuals

I'm not thinking for them. That's the type of reaction I usually get from people who have seen me with both men and women. They often assume one is my lover and the other is my friend. They rarely figure out that both are my lovers. Sorry you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to my posts.

Um...I think you're confused (no pun intended_. It's not I who have a chip on my shoulder. On the contrary, it's you, because you have insinuated that I don't like women or I have no respect for them when in reality it's just you I don't like.