bit of help with my gf

[Down_UnderKid]

hey all
after having a great session of sex (i thought) with my gf last night she seemed a bit off, not talking much or been quieter than normal.
when she got home (doesnt live with me) she told me that it was because she hadnt cum. we often use a vibrating egg and rest it between us on her clit, she says that if its on her there she is almost a certainity for orgasm. but the toy was on the blink and the batteries were a bit low .
i think she feels frustrated that she cant cum anyother way than with clit stimulation, and from what ive read on here thats often the case with most women.
is it the case, and are there any other tricks/tips that people could offer me to try help her?

 

[Last_Rider]

try doggy style, either of you can use a spare hand to manipulate her clit during sex.

There's a few other positions that afford similar availability to her clit, or you could find something else to use on it.

Not the greatest ideas, so my apologies for that, but hopefully they help, and best of luck to you in your search

 

[viper2000]

http://www.sex-techniques-and-positions.com/positions5b.html

This article has some really good postion ideas for you or her to stimulate the clit.

Also you could get a vibe cock ring and turn the motor up ways so it vibes her clit.

 

[kimbernee]

Maybe try a new battery?

I'm betting part of the problem is that you didn't notice/didn't care that she hadn't come.

 

[Down_UnderKid]

I'm betting part of the problem is that you didn't notice/didn't care that she hadn't come.

well then ill take all of your money if your gonna bet on that.

think before you type. if i didnt care about her cuming, then why would i bother asking how to improve myself more?
we have to be rather quiet where we have sex and i dont like asking if she has cum or not, because it puts pressure on both of us if she hadnt

thankyou for the other replies people

any other help would be great

 

[viper2000]

I get your point of view on the pressure thing may i suggest that you focus less on the cumming aspect and focus on the enjoyable state. I know for me I can have sex not cum and feel great im male btw. But theres been times my partner hasnt cum but has throughly enjoyed herself. Im def not trying to rag on you one bit just offering a different perspective on the situation. Maybe try more foreplay aswell could improve her experience aswel as yours.

But lol you could just change the batteries to. Or couple all your skills with the batteries and make it a experience she talks about for a while.

 

[niv78]

Maybe try a new battery?

I'm betting part of the problem is that you didn't notice/didn't care that she hadn't come.

You are quite the mistress of assumption, and tend to be wrong from what I've seen.

 

[Firebrain]

I would dump the toy and get you to go down on me, but that's just me.

If she can climax with a vibrator she can do so manually; you just need to get the moves right. It will take a lot longer of course (to begin with especially) but you should both make the time to enjoy perfecting it for her.

My favourite way is to have him lick me until I'm about to cum and then I get on top. It then takes a good few minutes to get back to where I was but once you recognise that, it's all good.

 

[Down_UnderKid]

a few more great tips.
we have been together for nearly 2 years now and i love nothing more than going down on her, and we have a few different toys that we use now and then.

we spoke about it tonight and all is well, i think i may have to be a bit more creative and rather than rely on toys to do my job lol
thanks again peeps

 

[SubNebGuy]

FWIW, my wife says she doesn't expect to cum every time we have sex. Other times, she gets to cum two, three, and even four times. It kind of balances out. She says sometimes shes's just not that horny and its more for my benefit than hers. Other times she gets frustrated as hell by the lack of cumming. She does state that it always feels good, regardless of orgasm.

That said, I DO want to make her cum every time. Sometimes that means I get her off with toys, fingers, tongue...everything in my arsenal...before I ever insert my penis. That way I know she had a good time and often it means she's primed for at least one more orgasm from vaginal penetration.

Just remember, women are much more difficult to get-off than men. For us its very much 'mechanical' since the goal is simply to produce semen for reproduction. A female's orgasm is unrelated to reproduction and just requires more finesse.

 

[silverwhisper]

downunder kid quoth:
we often use a vibrating egg and rest it between us on her clit, she says that if its on her there she is almost a certainity for orgasm. but the toy was on the blink and the batteries were a bit low.

so clearly, suggesting new batteries is pretty pointless.

downunder kid quoth:
i think she feels frustrated that she cant cum any other way than with clit stimulation, and from what ive read on here thats often the case with most women. is it the case, and are there any other tricks/tips that people could offer me to try help her?

yes, it's true that most women can't come from vaginal stimulation. last figure i saw was 80%, for what it's worth.

me personally, i've always been a big fan of cunnilingus for orgasm. however, i should point out that putting a lot of emphasis on the big o is a mistake a lot of people make: sometimes, the intimacy alone is worth it.

kimbernee quoth:
i'm betting part of the problem is that you didn't notice/didn't care that she hadn't come.

that's fascinating, b/c i'm betting you like to shoot your yap off without a care in the world for your credibility. :>

ed

 

[kimbernee]

No, I'm not too worried about my credibility on an anonymous online forum.

The level of hostility that my suggestion generated is interesting. It seemed like a no-brainer to me. I'm a woman who can only come one way, my partner knows this, the toy is on the fritz, partner doesn't check in, I have to tell him what's wrong. Yeah, I'm feeling a little pissy at that point.

Women hate having to tell you what's wrong. That's not just a sex thing. But given the way you jumped down my throat for suggesting it would bother me, I can see why she might be leery of bringing it up at all.

 

[Firebrain]

I honestly think vibrators have done women a disservice: they make both sexes lazy. Sure, they're good when you find it very tricky...but you'd have got there in the end, if you stuck at it long enough. Frustration and low self worth ("I can't let him go on any longer, this is embarrassing") often have more to do with lack of orgasm in women than lack of ability in men, I think. Partners can be taught (usually!) but bad feelings about yourself just fester and multiply.

I like the sensation of a vibrator but the orgasms are nothing compared to the ones I have when he's inside me, pressing right into my g-spot and my clit is bumping off him as I ride. Or when he's licking me and there's a curved dildo stuffed inside...I could go on and on, but I think reliance on vibrators has made for very poor sex for some women (and I'm not sure it's anyone's fault - just the way it is).

I don't speak as someone who orgasms as soon as he enters me, either...I've just done an awful lot of experimenting and I think my orgasm is as important as his.

 

[Mr.G]

First off

... I'd have a heart to heart with her. Explain that you LOVE getting her off and her NOT telling you at the time that she hadn't orgasmed yet did you BOTH a disservice. Many women will NOT communicate that until later which is a baaaad thing because in the interim she'll likely persuade herself that you don't give a damn anyway. It takes YEARS sometimes to make women understand that if you are a loving attentive partner there is nothing - NOTHING - that gives you more pleasure than making HER orgasm - once or 50 times. As long as SHE is getting off you'll BOTH be happy - if ya follow.

SO TALK to her and explain that she HAS TO tell you that she hasn't orgasmed yet. Tell her you NEEED to know that THEN ... not an hour later when she's in a funk. "Baby, I never made it there ... come here...." *grabbing you by the hair* can be incredibly sexy. WHAT lover out there wouldn't do an extra few minutes of gobbling when he knows that's what she needs to get off.

I agree with the one poster above. Vibrators have made many of us lazy and has DE-sensitized many a clit so that what took a minute or two of tongue lashing now takes 15 or 30 minutes. SO back off the vibrator for a while and enjoy what God gave you. It's fine as a toy or to help out some nights when you're both horny AND tired but it should NOT be used to replace a warm loving tongue and lips.

As far as OTHER ways to get her off. Have you Read any of my TRY THIS thread. It's about half way down this page and if it works for you guys she will NEVER EVER complain again of not getting off. She will likely get lots of practice screaming, NO PLEEEAASE stop. I can't take any more."

The *Technique* does not work for everybody the first time but if you are long term lovers and she trusts you then TRY THIS and see what happens. You may need to make several attempts before it fires the first time. After that you can do it each and every time. You'll be able to give her more orgasms than either of you ever dreamed possible. G'luuck

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=70892

 

[wicked woman]

me personally, i've always been a big fan of cunnilingus for orgasm. however, i should point out that putting a lot of emphasis on the big o is a mistake a lot of people make: sometimes, the intimacy alone is worth it.

ed

As someone who is easily multi-orgasmic, I still needed to quote the part in bold because it's so true.

 

[Adakgirl]

i dont like asking if she has cum or not,

This right here raises a red flag. If you can't tell if your g/f has come or not, something is major wrong there. You shouldn't have to ask her, you should be able to tell, you should know, you should be able to feel her build up and her release. Having a vibrating anything between you while you are having sex keeps you from feeling her and from being closely in tune with each other as you should be during sex.

If she expects to reach orgasm every time you have sex then the focus of her expectations are a bit self involved, I'd say. Her orgasm is just as much her responsibility as it is yours. It's nobodies JOB to make sure she has an orgasm and she shouldn't be disappointed in YOU for not giving her one. . Orgasm should not be the main goal of sex for either one of you anyway. Pleasuring each other should be, regardless if that pleasuring ends in orgasm or not.

Communication is the name of this game. You both need to take the time to talk about the sex you have, what excites you, what doesn't, talk about when your sex is not so satisfying, discuss whats happening in your heads when you have sex, and talk about it when you are not having sex. You need get to know what the other wants and needs. You need to have mental intimacy, you need to know how to fuck her mind before you fuck her body.

Once you take the time to find out these things then you can use that understanding of each other to have great sex without any dependence on toys. In my opinion you both need to stop, back up, refocus and start from scratch.

 

[Down_UnderKid]

thanks for more replies
we spoke about it last night together and she said that she enjoyed every moment that we spend together and that she throughly enjoys sex, even if sometimes it doesnt end in orgasm, she gets enough pleasure from us been together.

i think that we may just have to leave the toys out of it for a while and then bring them out occasionally as to not ruin our moments.

 

[Firebrain]

If she expects to reach orgasm every time you have sex then the focus of her expectations are a bit self involved, I'd say. Her orgasm is just as much her responsibility as it is yours. It's nobodies JOB to make sure she has an orgasm and she shouldn't be disappointed in YOU for not giving her one. . Orgasm should not be the main goal of sex for either one of you anyway. Pleasuring each other should be, regardless if that pleasuring ends in orgasm or not.

I take a bit of issue with this. Why on earth is expecting to orgasm every time self involved? 99% of men do, quite easily. Just because it's harder for a woman does not make her self involved to expect it. This used to really annoy me when I was younger; men seemed to get there with a few thrusts (I realise it's not the same for all men but the proportion is far higher than women) and I was left wanting and feeling really quite inadequate that it wasn't so easy for me.

Sure, women have to put in some effort, but who's to say she wasn't in whatever way she knew? If my partner changes the pace of something it can put me back a good five minutes. If he does that more than once (e.g. he's become uncomfortable) then that makes it ten minutes and so forth. Men play a much bigger part in a woman's orgasm than women do in men's, for the most part. We rely on them to be doing the right things (of course, we have to verbalise what those things are - often, many times). There are some men who likewise, can only get off in a certain way - but a large proportion can still get there from missionary.

If your partner's pleasure is your responsibility then likewise, their orgasm is too - provided that you guide them, of course. If they're not in the mood etc then you do what you can. If it's a case of the batteries running out...well, it appears that it was never your responsibility in the first place.

 

[Snip2]

I insist......

that the ladies always have a sheet clutching, head back, mouth open, feels soooo good she can't scream, toe curling, orgasm each and every time. Whether or not it happens............it's all about having the time and patience. Sometimes it's right around the corner.....other times it's a few blocks down. How patient are the BOTH of you?

Toys are fine............vibes, not so fine all the time. I'm a guy, so I'm not exactly speaking from experience, but it seems that gals can become somewhat dependent on them for orgasms. Whether that's because of a lack of patience or an actual desensitization, I'm not sure. Leave the vibe in the drawer except for special occasions.

 

[sugar_shaneh]

I take a bit of issue with this. Why on earth is expecting to orgasm every time self involved? 99% of men do, quite easily. Just because it's harder for a woman does not make her self involved to expect it. This used to really annoy me when I was younger; men seemed to get there with a few thrusts (I realise it's not the same for all men but the proportion is far higher than women) and I was left wanting and feeling really quite inadequate that it wasn't so easy for me.

Sure, women have to put in some effort, but who's to say she wasn't in whatever way she knew? If my partner changes the pace of something it can put me back a good five minutes. If he does that more than once (e.g. he's become uncomfortable) then that makes it ten minutes and so forth. Men play a much bigger part in a woman's orgasm than women do in men's, for the most part. We rely on them to be doing the right things (of course, we have to verbalise what those things are - often, many times). There are some men who likewise, can only get off in a certain way - but a large proportion can still get there from missionary.

If your partner's pleasure is your responsibility then likewise, their orgasm is too - provided that you guide them, of course. If they're not in the mood etc then you do what you can. If it's a case of the batteries running out...well, it appears that it was never your responsibility in the first place.

I couldn't agree with you anymore!

I believe it's a hell of a lot easier for me to get off than my wife. I don't feel gratified if she does not have an orgasm.

 

[SensuousSpice]

I take a bit of issue with this. Why on earth is expecting to orgasm every time self involved? 99% of men do, quite easily. Just because it's harder for a woman does not make her self involved to expect it. This used to really annoy me when I was younger; men seemed to get there with a few thrusts (I realise it's not the same for all men but the proportion is far higher than women) and I was left wanting and feeling really quite inadequate that it wasn't so easy for me.

This is an excellent point. I have spent years coming to terms with the understanding that it is NOT selfish of me to feel disappointed if my lover comes in just a few minutes, while I'm just getting warmed up. Then if he rolls over and goes to sleep, that leaves me in a state of arousal and I can either take care of myself or just go to sleep feeling frustrated.

It has also taken me years to feel comfortable verbalizing what I need and want to my partner. Too many times, I've gotten the message in return that I'm oversexed, too demanding, should "try this" or "that" to get off, .... in other words, the problem is mine to solve, not his.

If enjoying sex and really wanting to orgasm because it feels so damn good is self-involved, then I cop to being self-involved. But the absolute best is when you have a partner that knows how to ring your bell, and you know how to ring his, and you mutually enjoy doing so on a regular basis.

To the OP -- sounds like you and your girl cleared the air and are going to try it without the vibrating egg for awhile. I think that's great and I hope you guys have a lot of fun giving and receiving pleasure. As others have mentioned, what seems to work well is lots of foreplay, in which the woman has time to reach and enjoy at least one orgasm before the two of you have actual sex.

In my case, my partner loves to suck and nibble on all sorts of places on my body: my neck, my breasts, my stomach and my butt. It's very erotic and I often am completely aroused before he even reaches my pussy with his lips and tongue. In the meantime, I can be kissing and sucking him in all the parts that he enjoys. A lot of times, when I'm getting closer to orgasm, he will penetrate me with one or two fingers and that often makes me orgasm. If not, it does bring me further along so that when we make love, it's rare that we both don't orgasm.

 

[silverwhisper]

downunder quoth:
i think that we may just have to leave the toys out of it for a while and then bring them out occasionally as to not ruin our moments.

i think that makes sense. if it's the only way you guys have sex, there's a good chance that there are other avenues to explore that you might now be able to investigate.

kimbernee quoth:
no, i'm not too worried about my credibility.

you've that abundantly clear. and you know, this may be an anonymous site, but i'll cheerfully take the advice of erika, FB and a host of thers before bothering to read any "advice" you offer, kimbernee. they've earned credibility, post by post. sure, erika's been here for years, but FB has been here half a year and has earned metric assloads of credibility.

kimbernee quoth:
the level of hostility that my suggestion generated is interesting. it seemed like a no-brainer to me. i'm a woman who can only come one way, my partner knows this, the toy is on the fritz, partner doesn't check in, i have to tell him what's wrong. yeah, i'm feeling a little pissy at that point.

the level of "hostility" (and if you call this hostile, you really don't spend a lt of time online) is a reaction to your insistence on blaming people first without first ascertaining things. put more plainly: you do a lot of assuming, and it makes you look like a moron. if you're happy with that, great!

kimbernee quoth:
women hate having to tell you what's wrong. that's not just a sex thing. but given the way you jumped down my throat for suggesting it would bother me, i can see why she might be leery of bringing it up at all.

and who the hell suggested it bothers you? neither i nor anyone else in this thread has made that statement. this thread isn't about you or your tastes: it's about downunder and his gf.

unless you're saying you're downunder's gf?

ed