Blind Date

[Maid of Marvels]

Welcome to my Nightmare

I still can't believe Tim brought me to the same place he'd dumped me on our first date. Well at least it was 'Ladies Night' again so all wasn't totally lost. Waving my hand at the barmaid, I beckoned her over to our table.

"Hiya! What can I get the two of you?" she asks cheerily.

"JD and Coke. Skip the Coke on the second one and put the JD in the first glass, will you?" I reply.

Tim's eyes open wide, and wider still as I feel someone's lips on my neck.

"Kate! Babe! Long time!" Oh my god! I'd recognize that voice anywhere. It's Chaz. The King of Disco. I close my eyes and wish I could just fall into a big hole somewhere and die.

 

[Tibxo]

Oh no!!

As I watch the big black guy come up and nuzzle into Kate's neck, I think to myself: "Who is this guy?"

Then the realisation hits me like a sledgehammer.

Oh no! This is this the guy I left Kate with when I left her to go to the Dinner!

I feel my face redden as I remember Kate's reaction at the Dinner. Then how she seemed to be cold when we arrived here.

She almost cost me my job and genitals the last time we came here. What's she going to do to me this time?

Not feeling very well, I quickly make my excuses and make for the bathroom.

"Don't worry about her, man! Ol' Chez will take care of her. Y'know what I'm saying?"

First the Doctor, now the refugee from Saturday Night Fever. This woman has more boyfriends than Liz Taylor had husbands...

 

[Tibxo]

Coming out of the bathroom...

Feeling better, I walk back towards the table. Only to see Kate and that disco guy kissing.

What!!!???

I suddenly feel all my hopes go up in smoke.

There's no way she's going to listen to me now!

At that moment, they both stop and turn to look at me. Kate's face looking all flushed...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Smoke gets in your eyes...

Hearing Tim clear his throat, I look at him over the top of Chester's fro. "Something in my eye. Chester was helping me get it out."

Chester grins and brandishes the lime green handkerchief that he had been using to help take the stray eyelash out. Why does it look like Tim doesn't believe a word of it? I haven't been with anyone except him in eons.

Sighing, I kiss Chez on the cheek. "Thanks, sweetie. We'll talk soon, okay?" (All the while thinking, AS IF!)

Chez grins and turns to Tim with his hand outstretched, though he appears to be fussing with some lint on his black tee and doesn't notice. Chester just shrugs and dances his way back into the crowd, waving over his shoulder as he goes.

"Tim," I say quietly. He doesn't answer.

"Tim!" I repeat loudly. This time he looks up at me.

"Look. I don't know why you brought us here. We had such a bad beginning in this place. Even so, let's try to make the best of it, all right? I really do want things to work out for us. I mean... You must too or you wouldn't have asked me out. Right?"

 

[Tibxo]

Lost in thought...

"Tim!"

Is someone calling me?

"Tim!"

Hearing Kate calling my name, I look at her.

"Look. I don't know why you brought us here. We had such a bad beginning in this place. Even so, let's try to make the best of it, all right? I really do want things to work out for us. I mean... You must too or you wouldn't have asked me out. Right?"

For a moment, I am tempted to just walk out. To leave her like I did the first time.

But the money!

"Ahem! I..."

Do it!

"Look! I would like to apologise for that night."

She looks at me.

"You do?" She asks.

"Yes. I acted appallingly when I left you here."

I hope this is worth it!

"I-It's just that I thought you liked that guy", pointing to Chez, "so I thought you had wanted to stay. I am....."

I can't say it!

I feel my face going red trying to say the word 'sorry'.

"Tim? Are you okay."

Nodding, I try again. "I-I-I..."

"Tim! You look like you are about to have a heart attack."

I finally give up.

"I''m okay. Just got something caught in my throat!" I lie. "Anyway, I know that it would never work for us now..."

I could imagine my mother having a heart attack of her own if I tried introducing her to the family!

"...not with what has happened. But maybe I have got a way to make things up to you."

"Oh?" She says.

"Yes. Look, you had better read this." Fishing out the letter from the TV company, I hand it to her.

"What's this?"

"Just read it." I tell her, confident that she will take it the same way as I did...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

That ain't working, that's the way you do it: Money for nothin'...

"Anyway, I know that it would never work for us now... "

I feel a lump in my throat when he says that. He never even gave us a chance. Sighing, I listen to him telling me he'd like to make up for things.

Congratulations!

The two of you have been selected to appear on our new show, House for a Month.

For further information, please phone me on 1234033333.

Yours sincerely

Kelly Brians
Executive Producer
ABC Television Company

I read the letter Tim handed me. Turned it over to look at the back and reread it. Why do people do that, I wonder? Look at the back of letters when they are obviously complete on one side of the page. Giving a mental shrug, I look up at Tim who is watching me intently now.

"What exactly does this mean, Tim? We have to do this together? As a married couple? How much money are we talking about here?"

 

[Tibxo]

"What exactly does this mean, Tim?

"We have to do this together? As a married couple? How much money are we talking about here?"

"Ahem!", I reply, rubbing my throat. "I think so. Kelly says that it could be at least ten kay a day for the each of us!"

"Ten kay? As in ten thousand dollars?" She asks.

"A day which would make it something like thirty thousand dollars for the entire month - each!!!

I watch her face as I pray for the first time (I think) in my life...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

I'm getting married in the morning...

"When are we supposed to meet with this Kelly Brians person? I presume we will have to meet at some point?"

Tim nods. "Tomorrow at noon."

Tomorrow at noon! My mind is reeling with questions that need answers. I wonder how thoroughly Tim has considered this. I mean, the money is nice and all...

"Won't she ask for some proof that we are married? What then? Will we have a contract specifying the amount that we will be paid? Is it only for one month? Will you be able to handle this situation for that long... Or longer?"

Taking a deep breath, I continue on. "Have you ever watched that program? They don't give the couple any privacy. Well... except for intimate moments. We will have to sleep in the same bed, Tim. You do understand that, don't you?"

 

[Tibxo]

Sleeping in the same bed???

I shake my head.

Surely not!

Will they???

I feel my pulse race and my skin starting to perspire.

Hey!!?? What if we have to stay in the same room. We could always have separate beds. I would just make her undress in the bathroom.

With that thought, I am feeling a lot better.

Still! She is a man-eater. Remember the bathroom at the Dinner?

But think of the money!!!

Greed conquering all, I finally answer.

"Ahem. Sure I have seen it and they don't make you do it (I hope). Besides, she may pay us more."

Maybe fifteen? Or twenty?

Dollar signs appear in my eyes as I think of all that money...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

I can't help but remember what a disaster it was the last time we pretended to be married, but hey! this time I was going to make some cash on the deal. How bad could it be, really? We're talking a lot of money here. As long as Tim behaves and doesn't go all psycho...

"I think you have yourself a deal, Mr. Murphy" I grin, offering my hand. "I'm thinking 70/30 here. With me getting the 70%, of course. Even at that, you'll be making a pretty penny."

Tim pulls back his hand, refusing to shake. He is blinking furiously and his mouth is beginning to open... wide. Oh, god. Please don't scream here," I hiss at him. "It was only a joke, Tim. I really meant 60/40."

Tim begins to rise from his chair, almost knocking it over in his haste to leave. Now why did you have to go and say that, Kate, I admonish myself. At this rate, we'll never make it a week, let alone a month.

Just as I decide whether or not to go chasing after him, he turns and sits back down. His hands are shaking as he reaches for his drink, downs it and grabs for mine. "Look Kate. We're already talking a lot of money here. Why do you have to make things so difficult all the time?"

"ME? Make things difficult? Need I remind you... " I begin to rebut and stop myself before I get a chance to switch feet completely. "Dammit, Tim. I don't know why you bring the worst out in me like this. I was joking. Only joking."

I try to smile, showing him that I really was only teasing, but the look in his eyes shows me that Tim just isn't buying a word of it.

"Look, maybe we should just call it a night? Noon tomorrow, right? I won't let you down, Tim. Promise."

Jesus I hate always sucking up to this guy, but we're talking cash here. BIG cash. And besides, who knows what other perks will be involved. Looking at Tim, I see he is quite skeptical of my sincerity. I offer my hand once more.

"Friends? Please say yes."

 

[Tibxo]

Happy 500th!!!

OOC:

Maid of Marvels,

Just wanted to wish you a Happy 500th and welcome to Literotica Guruhood!

 

[Tibxo]

That woman drives me nuts!!!!

I feel my resolve beginning to crumble as I look at her across the table.

How can I spend a month with her? She'll drive me insane!

I rack my brains as I try to think of someone else who could take her place.

Please let there be someone else!

But there isn't. For the past five years, I have let my social life slip and now I am going to suffer for it. For a mad moment, I am even tempted to ask Sandy if she could be by "wife". But sadly I know that Bob won't go along with it.

Not for any amount of money!

"Friends? Please say yes." I realise that she is still yakking away.

I have no choice! It is either her or no-one (and no cash)

"Yeah!" I sigh, "Friends. But it is a fifty/fifty cut and no touching my dog! Deal?" I quickly add...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

"Friends. But it is a fifty/fifty cut and no touching my dog! Deal?"

"Fine!" I retort. "But will you keep your hands off my pussy? Erm... I mean pussies? Uh... Cats Yeah, that's it. CATS"

Tim just looks at me, wide-eyed and blinking. With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I suggest that Tim take me home. After all, we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.

 

[Tibxo]

Cat?

What is she on about?

"Look, Tim. I think we should call it a night. We have got a big day tomorrow and we both should get a good night's sleep!"

Yahoo! She's agreed!

I can almost imagine me on that desert island beach, surrounded by all those girls.

Suddenly grinning, I almost literally jump up in my haste to get going.

"Great idea! I'll pick you up at 11."

I am almost out the door before I hear her shouting out behind me...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Can you believe this guy???

"Hey YOU! TOM!" I just can't believe my eyes as I run after this jerk who is actually trying to dump me here for the second time.

Sweet heavens above, he's even getting used to answering to Tom, I can't help thinking as he stops and turns, a puzzled look on his face. How can I have even imagined being in love with him. He's so maddening!

"Yes? I thought we agreed I would pick you up at eleven... " Tim's voice trailed off as he suddenly realized that he was also my ride home.

"What are you like? I mean forgetting that you picked me up to go on this date," I shriek at him, finally at my wit's end. "Let's go. Now!"

Not letting him get a word in edgewise, I grab his arm leading him out to the parking lot and the car. "What? Did you think you were going to dump me a second time? And you want us to pretend we're married?? You can't even remember that when we go places together we are supposed to leave together. Just go gallivanting off as the whim strikes you."

Tim unlocks the car door while I stand waiting and tapping my foot. "Well?? Aren't you going to open the door?"

"Some gentleman you are," I continue my tirade as I slip into the front seat of the car. "No wonder you don't date. You lose everyone you take out."

A half hour later, my mouth still running, we pull up in front of my apartment. I see him wince as I lean over toward him.

"Oh relax, Tim. I wasn't going to kiss you. There was a spider crawling on your sleeve." I hold the squirming insect up to show him before opening the door and dropping it onto the ground.

He is still sitting there, a very strange look on his face. I'm so damned mad I don't even care as I call over my shoulder, "Eleven. Sharp. And don't forget!"

OOC: Thanks for the congrats, Sweetie. You've made my time here very pleasurable. ~N

 

[Tibxo]

Think of the money! Think of the money! Think of the money!

( OOC: It has been a pleasure writing with you! )

"Eleven. Sharp. And don't forget!" I hear her snap before going inside.

At last she's gone! What a night!

I can still hear her voice as she went on and on about me leaving her at the bar. It was an honest mistake, for God's sake. I thought that maybe she had wanted to stay.

She did last time!

Turning on the ignition, I drive off.

At least she didn't invite me in! I chuckle to myself.

But seriously, is she going to be like that when we live together? She'll drive me mad.

Think of the money, Tim! All that lovely money!

It's only for a month.

A whole month?

I start to feel the depression coming down on me in waves.

But it's only for a month. Then you will not have to see her again.

I hope not.

I just hope that we don't have to sleep in the same room - the same bed!

I try not to think about it as I reach home...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

After Tim dropped me off...

I went inside and mixed myself a tall JD and Coke... heavy on the JD light on the Coke. The night's events had been interesting. (To say the least)

We're talking a lot of cash here. A LOT of cash. But is it worth it? That man gets right under my skin like a bunch of chiggers. I must be out of my mind! Then again... Maybe this is the only way he can get to really know me.

I made a couple of phone calls and set the alarm for bright and early. There were a couple of errands I needed to run before he picked me up at eleven.

PS Hold on to your hat, Sweetie. Tim's in for a very bumpy ride. ~M

 

[Tibxo]

The big day!

The alarm goes off as usual at 8 not that I needed it. I had been awake most of the night thinking about the interview.

Would we get it?

Getting up, I let the dog out while I shower and shave. After doing some chores around the place, I put on my 'interview' suit.

"Wish me, boy!" I say to my dog as I hand him over to my next door neighbour.

"I do appreciate this." I tell her. She just tells me to 'knock them dead'.

On the way to Kate's, I stop off at a service station and pick up some flowers. Unfortunately, there is only one bunch left (and they looked half dead) but I buy them anyway, thinking she would appreciate the thought.

I arrive almost an hour early (well she can't blame me for being late) and with flowers in hand, I ring the door bell...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Early morning errands complete, I'm back home and getting ready...

Who the hell can that be? I wonder as I go to answer the door. Certainly not Tim... Leaving the chain on, I open the door and peek out nearly dropping my cup of coffee.

"Tim! What are you doing here? It's only just ten. I'm not ready." He blinks and shuffles his feet, looking like he would really rather be anywhere but here.

"Oh, where are my manners? Come in?" I close the door to unfasten the chain before he can answer. When I reopen the door, he is just standing there, his face only an inch or so from the door. I didn't hit him with it... Or did I? No. I couldn't have. I don't think...

"Come in. I just made coffee... Unless you want something other?" I ask, pulling my robe tightly closed around myself. "I'm just going to get dressed."

"I... erm... I brought you... " Tim holds out a bouquet of flowers, a shower of petals falling to the floor as I take them. Dead flowers. I guess this says it all, doesn't it? Yup. A sure way to impress a girl. Say it with flowers. Dead ones.

"It's all they had left... " he stammers, making me wonder if he meant well or if he is just being the normal garden variety jerk... as usual.

"I'm sure I don't know why, Tim. Let me get them into something and I'll be ready in a jiffy," I say turning toward the kitchen. Yeah... I'll put them in something all right. The waste basket.

Fifteen minutes later, dressed for success, I come out of my bedroom and swirl around in front of Tim. "Well... how do I look? Do you think we'll pull this marriage thing off?"

 

[Tibxo]

My poor nose.

I still in the kitchen, nursing my poor nose after she had hit with the door.

Shit! It does hurt!

For the umpteenth time, I check it to make sure it isn't broken. I didn't think it is and nor is it bleeding. Thank God!

At least she likes the flowers.

Finally, after what seems ages...

"Well... how do I look? Do you think we'll pull this marriage thing off?"

My voice dies in my throat.

"Well? Don't you like it or not?" She asks again.

Oh God! What has she done to herself?

Last night, she looked okay. Okay, a bit tarty but at least it wasn't over the top.

But today?

She is wearing pink shoes, pink leggings, a short pink leather mini-skirt and a white blouse. She even has a plastic pink handbag.

Okay! I could live with that but...

She has also dyed her hair pink!!!

I had wondered why she had that bag over her hair when I came in.

And there's the wopping great big beauty spot she has plastered on her cheek.

What have I done? I groan to myself...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Pretty in Pink

"So... What do you think?" I asked Tim with a big grin on my face. "I was thinking that we need a gimmick to make us more desirable to the producers. I mean... We want to look like we're a fun couple. Right? Right???"

Tim's eyes had that wide deer-in-the-road uh oh, here comes a big truck look. Oh, please don't scream. Please.

"The flowers were really... Umm... flowers... " I said quickly, trying to detract his attention from all the pink. "You really are very sweet. Thank you... " My voice trailed off as I slipped my hand through his arm. Things were not going very well, it seemed. A month playing the happily married couple. I wondered if either of us would survive.

"I... uh... guess we should go now?" Poor Tim rubbed the tip of his nose thoughtfully and nodded. I made a concerted effort not to feel guilty about hitting him in the face with the door. After all, it was an accident. Right? Right??

 

[Tibxo]

Despite Kate's yabbering on about her mother or something (or maybe it's because of it), I don't seem to remember driving to the television studios.

Finally, we reach our destination. At the main gates, I hand the guard Kelly Brians' letter. After doing a double-take on Kate, he gives me directions to the main reception.

Parking the car, we enter the main lobby where promptly a guy old, enough to be my granddad, takes one look at Kate and keels over. After telling main reception that someone is possibly having a heart attack, I tell them we have come to see Kelly Brians and that we have an appointment.

"Yes, Mr Murphy." Says the receptionist. "And where is your wife?"

"Over there." I tell them, pointing to Kate as she comes out of the Ladies still powdering her nose. It is then that the receptionist's face almost drops onto the desk. A colleague of hers who is drinking almost chokes herself and a man walks straight into a supporting column.

I can still feel the eyes burning into us as the receptionist escorts us upstairs to Ms Brians' office...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Shake your groove thing...

"Wow! This is really going to be fun!" I whisper in Tim's ear, slipping my hand through his arm as we're escorted into Kelly Brians' office. I thought I heard him whimper, but that was quickly forgotten as the door to her office was opened and we were ushered in.

"Mr. and Mrs. Tim Murphy, Miss Brians," her secretary announced, closing the door behind her with a barely audible snigger.

Much to her credit, Kelly Brians barely blinked at my "attire" when she rose from behind her desk. "Tim! Good to meet you! And this is... Kate?"

I could hear a low whine building in the back of his throat as he shook her hand. On tippy toes, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him full on the lips while whispering through my teeth. "Don't you dare scream, Tim Murphy!! Think of the money!"

Turning to Ms. Brians with hand extended, I giggled. "Isn't he just the cutest thing?"

"Ahem. Yes, I guess he is," she replied awkwardly. "Won't you have a seat? We have some formalities to attend to before we go any further."

Sitting down, I place my hand on Tim's thigh in a decidedly
proprietary sort of way as he asks, "Erm... What sort of formalities?"

"Nothing serious, Tim, I assure you. We just need to establish the validity of your marriage. As I said... minor formalities, you understand."

Feeling Tim ready to bolt, I squeeze his thigh and jump up perkily. "You're gonna just love this, Kelly. I may call you Kelly?"

Tim's mouth begins to drop open and I send him a scathing glare as I lift my miniskirt up and turn toward the flabberghasted Miss Brians. Revealing the pink thong I wore to color coordinate the rest of my outfit, I pat my right cheek. "C'mere. You're going to love it."

On my buttocks, in rather small print, was a tattoo of our "marriage certificate", complete with state seal. "We had a tattoo artist at our wedding. He guided the judge's hand where he had to sign. See?" I look over my shoulder toward my ass to point it out for her.

"You should see where Tim's is!" I bound over to him and begin to unfasten his trousers. "C'mon, honey. Show her!"

"Umm... Mrs. Murphy. I don't think that will be... necessary?" she interjects quickly.

"Are you sure? It's really cute... " I say, sounding a little disappointed.

"I'm... quite sure." Kelly seems quite insistant at this point, so I pat Tim on the zipper and whisper that he should be careful closing it back up as I pull my skirt down and take my seat.

Did I pull it off? I hope so... At any rate, I have the paper 'backup' copy in my purse. Thank god for Chez. He knows so many brilliant people. Blinking innocently at Kelly, I can't help thinking how much fun this is going to be.

 

[Tibxo]

Er.......

I just sit there, my mouth open not believing what I am seeing. Even more incredibly, Kelly Brians..

Christ! She's sexy!

...is buying it all.

Apart from the odd word, here and there, I say nothing. Allowing Kate to do all the talking.

As if I had any choice anyway. If there was an Olympic Event for Talking the Hind Legs off a Donkey, she would win it hands down.

But I don't care, as long as we get in this show and get all that money. Then I can really start worrying.

Talking about the money, I wonder if we can increase the amount?

 

[Maid of Marvels]

After a bit more conversation...

and not a little haggling, Kelly Brians pulls out the contract for us to sign. I give Tim's thigh a tight squeeze and grin at him. We did it! A contract and a very nice boost in the cash department.

"You understand that this contract is renewable on a monthly basis for up to ninety days depending on the ratings?" Kelly asks both of us as she begins to slide the papers across the desk toward Tim. "And we want this to look as natural as possible... Do you have pets? I must insist that they come with you to the house."

I can hear Tim gasp quietly, but I pinch his arm and answer quickly. "Oh, yes! We have three darling cats and the cutest little dog. You should see him when he's all dolled up in his bows."

"Oh, that sounds really precious," Kelly replies as she hands Tim the pen.

"Sign it, Tim" I growl softly seeing his hand begin to tremble as it hovers over the paper.