Blind Date

[Yoc]

Something flies thought the windows...

Eh?

He and Trixie watch with a sick fascination as the white dog rushes off into the coast with three hissing cats after it.

Then the door opens and a frantic looking Murphy comes running out followed by his wife.

"Call those brutes off of him!"

Jehanox and Trixie look at each other.

What in Hell is going on with those two?...


(OOC: My 500th Post )

 

[Tibxo]

Call those brutes off of him!

Is the madwoman so bent on destroying my life.

First, I take her out to a corporate dinner only to wind up in hospital with my gay boss having the 'hots' with me.

Then she manages to find my little retreat and distrupt it.

Now she sets her rabid beasts on my poor dog.

When will this all end????

I watch in horror as my poor mutt runs around in circles while her horror creatures surround him.

"Oh!" She laughs. "They are only playing. They like him really. Aren't they cute?"

Cute?

I watch in horror as the largest of her cat wrestles my poor dog down to the ground with a whimper in a move which would have made Rambo proud.

"And they are not brutes." She shouts, hands on hips.

"W-what!!!??? Whaddya mean they are not brutes? Just look at them. Look at them."

Two of them now lift up my cowering dog and body slams him.

"Your dog does seem to be in trouble. Need any help?" It is Jehanox. With a snip of his fingers, three men appear handling three mean-looking dobermans.

"Just say the word and these guys will save your mutt."...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

OOC: Congratulations, Jx... you big guru you.

Looking fondly on as the boys play with Chumley on the beach, I am shocked to the core when Tim insists they are brutes. "BRUTES?? Look how cute they are playing WWF."

Tim blinks and his mouth begins flapping, though no words come out. With a snap of his fingers, three of Freddie's goons appear with their pups. Dobermans, by the look of them. I reach out to pet one just as the boys run back up the beach and onto the porch, this time with Chumley bringing up the rear.

The tables have turned and I grin smugly at Tim. "They're playing. See?"

Suddenly the dobies are lunging at the boys and poor Chumley, their handlers hard pressed to control them. Trixie is screaming. Freddie is tangled in the leashes. Tim stands frozen, his mouth open in the now familiar silent scream. And me? ME? Enough is enough.

I open the screen door and let the four little sweeties in, following close behind, mumbling "They are mad. All of them. C'mon boys... You must be starving after all that hard play."

 

[Tibxo]

Et tu, Chumley?

He can't like her? Can he?

I watch, as my once faithful companion runs happily into the cabin.

"Looks like everything's sweet, buddy! Your pooch's safe! Or is it your wife's? Seeing that it likes her better than you?"

"Yeah! It's hers." Trixie says.

Their words cut deep.

Another finger click and the men and their dogs are gone.

"Anyway, babe! Let's go!" I watch them turn to go.

"Freddie, honey!" His girlfriend whispers something in his ear.

Nodding, Jehanox turns back.

"Tom!"

Tim!

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Erm...I-I..." I try to answer.

"Nothing? Good! You and your wife are invited to my cabin for dinner tonight. Say 8 o'clock?"

What? Nooooo!

"See you then and don't disappoint me." And I watch dumbstruck as he winks at me before they both walk away.

What do I do?...

 

[Yoc]

Dr Dave

(OOC: Thank, Maid. Much appreciated (though I wonder why Messa didn't say anything?))

Watching the couple walk away, he shuffles around the back of the cabin. Peering through every window.

In one, he sees that the dog (why is it wearing a pink bow) and the cats are eating. But no Kate.

The second room is empty.

The third, he finds that she is in her bedroom. Stripping.

His eyes ablaze with love/lust, he watches as slowly her naked body is slowly revealed. His torpedo sized manhood growing down the leg of his trousers as his yearning increases...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Don't let the sun catch you cryin' The night's the time for all your tears...

After feeding the boys and putting a new bow on Chumley (he looked so cute), I needed to get out of the clothes I had on. I was hot, sweaty and full of sand from the tousle on the beach earlier. And I needed to think. REthink.

I ran the water in the shower while I undressed. Bubble baths were good for relaxing, but I needed to feel the water pounding against my skin. I looked at myself in the mirror. It was old and warped (probably needed re-silvering) but I could see my reflection in it all the same. I wasn't so bad looking. In fact, I looked pretty damned good.

What is it about me that Tim doesn't like? (Aside from the fact that he seems to bring out the worst in me.) I'm smart. I have my own business, which is pretty successful. I can hold a conversation on a variety of topics. I look pretty good... (And he DID sample the goods at the party.) Even his dog likes me, for Pete's sake.

Yet with all of that, I just seem to repulse him. The thought makes me kind of sad, and I feel a tear slip down my cheek as I step under the running water.

 

[Tibxo]

My mind reeling, I find myself back in her cabin.

Where is she?

Seeing that she isn't in the living room, I look in the kitchen.

She's done it again!

I look in horror as Chumley finishes off his little snack. Around his neck is a pink ribbon.

It's then I hear the sound of running water, a spray.

She's having a shower!

Now's my chance.

Quickly snatching Chumley up, I rip the bow off him and rush outside, leaving her front door wide open as I run back to my cabin...

 

[Yoc]

Doctor Dave

He watches her go naked into the bathroom, his colossal erection almost reaching his knee.

I gotta have her!

His train of lust is broken for a minute by Murphy rushing out with his dog.

She's alone!

Moving back to the front of the cabin, he sees that the door is wide open.

Grinning lustily, he steals into the cabin. Locking the door behind him.

She's mine now!

Somehow, he thinks that once they have made love, her heart will be his.

He is naked, his black 12 inch erection sticking almost straight up from his white body*, by the time he enters the bathroom. He approaches the cubicle...

(*Thanks to an accident years earlier, he had to have a penis transplant. There were not many donors around. )

 

[Tibxo]

I am outta here...

Back at the cabin, I quickly pack my bag.

Job or no job! No way am I having dinner with that pervert!

Bag in my hand and with Chumley on the lead in the other, I leave the cabin for the last time.

Using the bushes that went along the back of the beach as cover, I creep down towards my car.

Unfortunately, there is one problem with this route. I have to go past the devilwoman's cabin. Gulping nervously, I slowly approach it. Keeping my head down just in case she pops her head out and sees me.

It is as I am creeping past that I hear some strange noises coming from it.

What?

Unable to resist, I lift my head and look through one of the windows. What I see makes my eyes pop out.

What is she doing? And isn't that the mad doctor? My God! I didn't know you could do that!!! And isn't that a black....???

Finding it too much, I rush the rest of the way to the car. Seconds later, I am driving home...

 

[Yoc]

Lambert

Since he had been told to blend in by his boss and having no bathers, he instead had elected to watch the car park.

So he is the first of Jehanox's men to see Tim making his getaway.

While raising the alarm, he jumps into his car to pursue.

"All units! This is Lambert. Tom Murphy has driven out of the car park and is heading east. Give chase. I repeat give chase! Go! Go! Go!"

He then informs Mr Simpson...

 

[Yoc]

Jehanox

"He did what!!!???"

Jehanox is fuming as he listens to Simpson giving his report about Murphy's departure.

"Just up and left, Sir. We have searched his cabin and all his clothes have gone and the dog."

"How dare he leave like that! And I have got him such a nice dinner tonight too."

"Sir. If Murphy's profile is correct, we believe he is heading back to home."

Jehanox stops pacing and sits down.

"Hmmmm! Good! Is our little plan all ready?"

Simpson nods.

"Yes, Sir. He will find a little envelope waiting for him."

Jehanox smiles.

"Excellent!"...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Splish splash I was takin' a bath...

My eyes closed, I let the water run over me before reaching for the shampoo and lathering up. My eyes popped open with a start as I heard the shower curtain being pulled open.

I couldn't believe my eyes. And when I looked down, I REALLY couldn't believe my eyes! A chocolate willie! A big, hard chocolate willie!! Shaking my head to make sure this wasn't just some wicked dream, I close my eyes and open them back again. Nope. Doctor Dave is still there. Naked. With a hard on. In MY shower!

"DAVE!! What the hell are you doing here?" I barely grasp what he is saying as I reach for him. Something about love was it? I don't know and I don't care. There is only one thing on my mind at the moment, and that is...

Dave doubles over clutching his balls as I bring my fist up and smash him in his nose, sending him toppling out of the tub and skidding across the floor and under the sink. I jump out after him, both hands clenched in fists as I move into a boxing stance and dare him to move. No fear of that though, the man is out cold.

Oh goodie, I think to myself as I lean to get a closer look at his willie. I can't help wondering where he got it. Amazing. Absolutely amazing!

Should I or shouldn't I? Hmm... I should!!

My decision finally made, I throw on a robe and go into the kitchen to phone the police.

 

[Messalina]

Trixie

OOC: Jehanox, I didn't forget you sweetie. Congratulations on your 500th.

Trixie wasn't much for "outdoor" activities and a cottage at the beach was too much like camping as far as she was concerned. So saying, she was quite relieved when Freddie announced that they were returning home.

Jehanox poured out two snifters of cognac from a crystal decanter for himself and Trixie, settling back for the ride into the city. They were in good hands with Simpson driving the limo and Lambert following behind in Trixie's little Mercedes.

After an hour, Trixie began to feel the silence. She knew Freddie when he was like that... his stetson tipped down over his eyes. He was contemplating some sort of business coup, no doubt. It always made him hot. Really hot. She grinned as his hand on her thigh began to creep upward. It moved higher and higher, as the bulge in his pants grew higher and higher in direct proportion.

"Ooooh, Freddie" she purred, straddling his lap in one fluid movement. The fact that Trixie wore a mini left her wide open to him as his fingers slipped beneath the silk of her panties, parting her cleft. Freddie dipped into her honey as she unbuttoned his shirt and began to unfasten his trousers.

Jehanox lifted his ass to allow her to lower his pants off his hips, exposing his enormous cock. As it bobbed between them, he grabbed the crotch of her panties and ripped them open. "Get on your knees!" he demanded.

Trixie quickly obeyed, knowing she must do as he bid when he was in this kind of mood. Not that she minded, though. She looked over her shoulder at him as he mounted her from behind. "Ride me cowboy," she cried out.

"Where's my crop, Simpson?" he growled to his goon.

"Umm... You didn't bring it with you, Mr. J" he replied, looking at his boss and his girl in the rearview mirror. "Remember why we came down here? I didn't think you were going to need it."

Ah, yes. Jehanox remembered. Tim. Tim Murphy. He swelled to enormous proportions as he pounded into Trixie, the whole while thinking of that hot young stud and what he had planned for him. No one. NO ONE spurned Frederick Jehanox and got away with it.

He began to move with determination as he pounded into Trixie, continuing to smack her ass with his hand. As he reached his climax, he doffed his hat and waved it in the air over his head, "Hi ho Silver awaaaaaay!"

Trixie whinnied in response as her first orgasm hit her.

 

[Tibxo]

End of Scene II

We leave Scene II with Tim rushing back home after his doomed holiday.

After the disasterous Blind Date (see Scene I), he had hoped that getting 'away from it all' would solve all his problems.

Not so!

First he finds that the 'blind date from Hell' (who everybody thinks is his wife) comes and stays in the cabin next to his. Then his amorous gay boss turns up and tries to give him his own special version of the 'kiss of life' (using the tongue).

(Thankfully though, he doesn't know anything about the mad doctor with the chocolate willy).

Unable to cope (especially at the prospect of spending an evening with both his 'wife' and boss), he cuts and runs. Heading for the safety of his own home.

Surely things must get better for him? Surely????

Scene III

After a non-eventful drive (thank God!), he arrives safely home to find a special letter in the post...

 

[Tibxo]

Home at last!!!!

Shoving the key into the lock, I open the front door.

Home!

I never thought I would be so glad to see the place.

Letting Chumley into the back yard, I throw my hastenly packed case onto the floor and sink into my armchair.

"Ahhhh!"

I look at the post that I have taken from my mailbox on my way in.

Bills I suppose. But first a drink.

Making a coffee, I come back and start to go though the mail.

Bill...bill...sales blurb - throw away....bill....ANOTHER bill (I thought I paid that!).

What's this?

In my hands, I find I am reading an envelope with the words CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU HAVE WON!! in bold letters.

Wonder what's that about? Suppose it's just some sales promotion!

I almost chuck the envelope to one side but instead find myself starting to open it...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

I've got the subterranean homesick blues...

While I'm waiting for the cops, I dress and begin to pack up my stuff. So much for a vacation get-away. I'm not doing this anytime soon, I think to myself. Vacations are just too stressful! I can do all the thinking I need to at home.

Two hours later, with Doctor Dave and his chocolate willy well-ensconced at County General for observation, I'm on the interstate and one fourth of the way home.

"No more vacations for us," I tell the boys grimly. "As for Tim? I'll take my chances at becoming the dreaded Cat Lady. I like you guys fine. It can't be as bad as Sandy makes it out to be."

 

[Tibxo]

"Dear Mr and Mrs Murphy,

Congratulations!

The two of you have been selected to appear on our new show, House for a Month.

For further information, please phone me on 1234033333.

Yours sincerely

Kelly Brians
Executive Producer
ABC Television Company"

Wow! They want me to appear on a television programme?

I have sudden visions of me becoming famous. Meeting the likes of Bruce Willis, Kim Basinger, etc.

I look at the phone number on the letter.

"Of course, Your Highness. I do like Corgies but I feel that Schnauzers are a superior breed."

Should I phone? Why not? What harm would it do?

Reaching for the phone, I start to punch in the numbers, little realising what I am letting myself in for...

 

[Tibxo]

"Thank you for calling, Mister Murphy...

"I take it you have read the letter?" Kelly Brians asks.

She sounds nice!

"Hem! Yes. Thought it doesn't say much." I reply.

"I didn't want it to. I rather prefer talking face to face. Would you be willing to meet?"

She sounds very nice!

"Hem! Yes. I would love to." Then my curiosity getting the better of me, I ask: "But could you at least give me a hint of what it is about?"

I can almost hear her smiling on the other end of the phone.

"Why certainly, Mister Murphy. Can I call you Tom?"

"Yes." Not realising that she has got my name wrong (nor caring).

"And call me Kelly. Anyway, Tom. It is a new show documenting the life of a couple moving into a new condo. How they cope, etc."

"Sounds interesting. I maybe able to get a few days off to do it."

"Oh! Tom!" She laughs (so sexily), "It would take more than a few days. If you are interested, it would be approximately for a month."

A month?

Then as if she knew what I was thinking, she continues.

"But you would be paid handsomely for doing it."

"Paid?" I say blankly.

"I can't go into figures over the phone but I would say approximately 10,000 dollars a day."

TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS A DAY????...

"Tom? Tom? Are you alright?"

I realise that Kelly is still taking to me.

"Hem. Yes. You did say $10,000 a day. US dollars?"

She giggles.

"As a ballpark figure, yes. Now when would we be able to meet up?" She asks.

"How about tomorrow?" I venture.

"Sure. Say at noon?"

"Okay." $10,000 A DAY!!!!

"Okay, Tom. I will look forward to seeing you and your wife, Kate, tomorrow then. The address is on the letterhead."

"Okay. Tomorrow it is." And I put down the phone.

I am whistling happily as I go into the kitchen. Suddenly, I freeze.

Did she say that she is looking forward to seeing both me and my wife????

Kate!!!!????...

 

[Tibxo]

"Thanks, Sandy."

"No problem, love. Go get her, Tim. She is really a lovely girl!"

"Ehm! Yeah! Right!" I tell her, feeling that I am going to choke. "Well, thanks anyway and tell Bob I will catch him later."

Putting the phone down, I study the piece of paper I have in my hand. More importantly, the phone number on it.

I can't believe I am going to ring her.

For a moment, I consider screwing it up and throwing it into the trashcan.

But all that money!!! Ten thousand pounds a day!

At least!! It could be more!

Kelly said they will want him - them for a month. That's thirty times ten grand.

That's three hundred grand! Three hundred thousand dollars!

I literally start feel my mouth water as I think of all that money.

You'll be okay, Tim. It's only a month with that nutcase and then I will have all that cash. Besides, I won't see her during the day because I am at work. And we would have separate bedrooms. That only leaves weekend day times.

A piece of cake!

Taking a really deep, deep breath, I dial the number.

I wait as it rings a few times.

Sandy did say she is in. Oh well! If she's out...

I'm just about to hang up when I hear a voice on the other end, her voice...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Hey, won't you play another... Somebody done somebody wrong song?

(And make me feel at home)

I can hear the phone ringing as I fumble with my keys, letting myself into my apartment. Shifting the bag of groceries in my arm, I pick up the receiver.

"Hello?" No reply.

"Hello!!" Oh, they'll call back if it's anything important, I think. Getting ready to hang it back up, I hear a voice I never expected to hear ever again...

"Kate? It's me. Tim. We have to talk."

My heart lurches. Has he finally come to his senses just as I had begun to think there was no hope for us?

"Why of course, Tim. What can I do for you?"

"Can we meet for coffee or a drink? This really is rather important."

"Well... I had big plans for staying in and washing my socks. I don't know... "

I can't believe I just said that. What is it about this guy that makes me want to snap out?

"I'm sorry, Tim. Yes, I'd love to. Would you like to come over or meet on neutral turf?"

Oh god! There I go again. Answer me. Say something, you big lummox. Sighing, I wait for his response.

 

[Tibxo]

"Neutral turf!!" I quickly blurt out before I have a chance to stop myself.

Idiot! You don't want to antagonise her!

"I mean I thought it would be nice if we go out for a drink."

"Okay! How shall we meet and what time?"

I can't believe she is being so nice!

"Erm! How about I pick you up around 8?" I ask.

"Okay!" I hear her answer.

"Erm......great!" Suddenly finding I have nothing to say. "Well...erm.....then! I will see you then."

"See you later, Tom!"

It is only when I have hung up the phone do I realise she has got my name wrong.

"Tim! My name is Tim!" I say out loud to no-one in particular...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

One enchanted evening...

Pinching myself for calling the poor sod Tom instead of Tim, I hurry to get ready. I decide to dress conservatively this time as he wasn't overly impressed by my little red number on our first date.

As I begin to look through my closet for something 'suitable', the boys scatter from the room. "Come back here you chickens! Mr. Misanthrope is finally beginning to thaw. He probably wants to apologize for his bad behavior at the cottage. He was rather rude, you know... thinking you were all attacking his sweet little Chumley that day."

Midir sashayed back into my bedroom and perched on the nightstand. "Hey dude!" I say to him. "Traitors!" I call over my shoulder to Godfrey and Eldrich.

"So how do I look?" I swirl in front of Midir who merely blinks and swishes his tail. "Guess not huh?"

Four outfits later, I get a small mrrow from him and know that this is the outfit. A white silk blouse. Low cut, but not too low. A gray skirt and a navy blazer. Black pumps. Pretty low key, but that's the way Tim Murphy appears to like things.

Applying a dab of perfume at the base of my neck and on my wrists, I brush my hair just as the doorbell chimes.

"He's here!" I say excitedly to the boys who all go running into another room. "Get back here and say hello," I hiss at them as I open the door, smiling my sunniest smile.

"Well, hello Tim! Won't you come in?"

 

[Tibxo]

Turning off the TV...

"I better get ready!" I miserably tell my dog. "I wish I could stay home with you. Heck! I wish I could go to the Dentist than go on this second date."

Think of the money, Tim! All that cash!!!

After a shower, I pull on my black t-shirt, black jeans and white leather jacket.

Folding the letter and placing in my inside pocket, I say 'goodbye' to Chumley.

"Wish me luck, boy. I think I will need it."

He just waves his tail at me as I shut the door behind me.

I grip the steering wheel of my car nervously as I drive to Kate's. Just stopping off to get some flowers (and go to use the john). Finally I arrive outside Kate's front door with five minutes to spare.

I close my eyes as I pray.

Please God! Let me survive this evening!

Taking another deep breath, I knock on the door while a war wages in my head.

Please let her be out!

Think of the money!

The voices in my head are suddenly silenced as the door opens and Kate? stands there.

"Well, hello Tim! Won't you come in?"

For a moment, I just stand there dumbly. Taking in what she is wearing.

What has happened to the tart I took out on that blind date?

"Ohh! Are they for me?"

I dumbly nod as she takes the flowers from me.

"How sweet!" She says, as she ducks back inside. "Come in! I am just finishing brushing my hair."

"Okay." I say simply as I take a few steps into her lair. Being careful not to go too far. Immediately, I can smell her cats and feel my nostrals starting to clog up.

"Okay! I am ready!"

Taking her to my car, we head off to a small bar that I know...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Déjà Vu

"The flowers were lovely, Tim. How did you know that I love daffodils?" I say in an attempt to make conversation.

"Didn't. They were on sale."

Oh, brother! Time for a change of subject already. "How's work? Seen Bob and Sandy lately?"

"On leave. Talked to Sandy today."

I nodded. "I'll see her in the office tomorrow I guess. I haven't seen her since I decided to go on vac... " Oops! Kate, don't even go there. I quickly segue into something safer.

"Nice weather we've been having," I'm beginning to feel a little panicky here. Will I ever say anything that sparks his interest... or gets me more than a monosyllabic answer?

"Uh huh. Looks like rain though."

Jesus! I can't help wondering how the hell are we going to get through a whole evening at this rate. The man is a veritable treasure trove of conversation, though he doesn't seem to have trouble shouting and yelling at me.

I'm almost relieved when Tim pulls into the busy parking lot of a small bar. Looking up, I notice a flashing neon sign declaring that it's Ladies Night: Buy One/Get One (between the hours of 6:00 and 7:00). My stomach takes a lurch.

 

[Tibxo]

Won't she ever shut up!!??

All the way to the bar, she just goes on and on and on and on...

Be nice to her, Tim. Remember the money!

Oh! The money.

Getting out of the car, I make for the entrance of the bar and to find Kate not following.

What?

Looking back, I see that she is still in the car.

What? Why hasn't she got out?

Then I realise why. Grumbling to myself, I go over and open the passenger door and let her out.

"Thank you, Tim." And Kate walks into the bar with me following.

Once inside, Kate stops and starts looking around.

"You okay?"

"Huh? Oh yes!" At that moment, I see that she is looking at a black guy standing by the stage.

Don't I know him from somewhere?

"Let's find a table." Kate says abruptly (I think) and we end up sitting in a dark corner as far away from the bar as possible.

Is she miffed about something?

Once seated, I ask if she wants a drink.

"Someone will be over in a minute." She simply says, not even looking at me.

What have I done?

"Okay." I simply say and we just sit there in silence while I try to figure out how to raise the subject about the TV offer...