boyfriend does not like anal sex

[DuckLover]

The Madonna-Whore Dichotomy

...as it's generally called, can often manifest as follows:

The man wants to marry the pure, virginal, sexually conservative Madonna. She's the woman he wants to show to the world.

However, in the bedroom, he wants the kinky, lustful, sexually liberal Whore. She's the woman he wants to fuck.

For some guys, the ideal is a woman who appears pure and conservative in public and with friends, but who, in private, puts on the leather, ties him to the bed, and fucks the heck out of him!

 

[HoHoBomb]

forbidden territory

We have not done it together, but we've each done it with others. It's been my experience that guys whine and beg for it, so I offered it to the current boyfriend because I thought he would be excited. But he's very ho-hum about the idea. He says that there isn't enough stimulation once you actually penetrate, that it's like a big, empty cavern in there. Was there just something weird about the girl he did it with or did they do it wrong, or is it that he's simply someone who doesn't enjoy it? Do any other men feel that way, that there's not enough stimulation with anal sex?

i have a friend who wanted to do this with her boyfriend, he did not enjoy it and ended up breaking up with her shortly afterwards. my male friends say the sensation is different. tighter.

 

[Guest]

Re: The Madonna-Whore Dichotomy

...as it's generally called, can often manifest as follows:

The man wants to marry the pure, virginal, sexually conservative Madonna. She's the woman he wants to show to the world.

However, in the bedroom, he wants the kinky, lustful, sexually liberal Whore. She's the woman he wants to fuck.

For some guys, the ideal is a woman who appears pure and conservative in public and with friends, but who, in private, puts on the leather, ties him to the bed, and fucks the heck out of him!

Women have always known about this - I think it can be a cultural or a religious ideal.

As I am a woman who enjoys the respect of her man (as well as great sex) I find it slightly insulting. If I dare to enjoy sex I am somehow less than a true woman? Ridiculous!

I know I am lucky with my husband - and I think I'll go remind him of that right now . . .

 

[Another Shy One]

Actually, I wasn't talking about the Madonna-whore dichotomy. The confusion comes from the fact that I used the words "Madonna" and "prostitute".

Let me try again and see if I can it right this time

In general terms, men are attracted to two types of women. The type you can marry and have a family with (the good girl) and the girl you can have fun with. This sounds crude, but it is synthetized to the maximum. What I have mentioned above is also proven by experiments where men chose two different types of women depending on the purpose of the relationship.


Now, in sex terms, men would do anything with the girls you have fun with. However, the mojority won't do the same with the "good girls".

This is what I was trying to say.



About the Madonna-whore dichotomy, I don't think it's true, nor fair. As Sarah said, women are free do enjoy sex and, as a man, I don't want a virgin who turns prostitute with me. I want a nice girl all the time.

 

[Another Shy One]

(and the first time we tried anal sex? It was MY idea! )

haha ... I wish one of my girl friends could read what you wrote!
She thinks that anal sex is only a male thing.

I have heard that argument before - concerning wives giving blowjobs - but I still don't think it is a respect issue. That kind of attitude - "saving" your wife by not forcing her to condone or participate in such actions - is actually quite demeaning to women, in my opinion.

No woman should be forced to have sex.

 

[RoughPlay]

In general terms, men are attracted to two types of women. The type you can marry and have a family with (the good girl) and the girl you can have fun with.

As regards marriage I think most men want someone who is a "good girl" in
public and a "fun girl" in private. I certainly do.

However any past "fun girl" behaviour needs to have shown a reasonable
amount of constraint and discretion particularly as regards public display
and number of partners. I think few men want to marry a woman who has
had sex with large numbers of other men.

 

[Guest]

. . . I think few men want to marry a woman who has had sex with large numbers of other men.

So men should also remain pure for their future wives?

*Giggles*





You are promoting such an archaic double standard, gentlemen. *Sigh*


The times, they are a-changing . . .

 

[RoughPlay]

You are promoting such an archaic double standard, gentlemen. *Sigh*

In what way exactly do you think my words promote a double standard?

 

[crazybbwgirl]

*sigh* I agree with Sarah. That double standard will take a long time to go away. In the meantime I intend to go on ignoring it as I have since high school. so ok I don't have the best reputation for being a 'Madonna' I'm sure I've had fewer partners than most men and I am comfortable with myself enough to not care what some guys might want to label me as...... Chin up Sarah - we can change the world one person at a time....

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Another Shy One]

Actually, I would be interested where's the double standard also.

 

[SexyChele]

Uh, hello, guys? The double standard was not stated, but is implied. In other words, men won't marry women who have had "too many" sexual partners. (And who the hell knows how many is "too many"?) However, the men here have said nothing about the idea that men should also limit their sexual partners before marriage.

The double standard being: a woman who wants to marry should keep herself pure or "reasonably" pure, but a man is expected to have as many sexual partners as he wants.

This standard is changing, although a good many men still have difficulty with it. It's why most women do not reveal the full number of partners they've had.

So, c'mon, you guys already know all this. Don't be dummying up now!

 

[Another Shy One]

Uh, hello, guys? The double standard was not stated, but is implied. In other words, men won't marry women who have had "too many" sexual partners. (And who the hell knows how many is "too many"?) However, the men here have said nothing about the idea that men should also limit their sexual partners before marriage.

The double standard being: a woman who wants to marry should keep herself pure or "reasonably" pure, but a man is expected to have as many sexual partners as he wants.

This standard is changing, although a good many men still have difficulty with it. It's why most women do not reveal the full number of partners they've had.

So, c'mon, you guys already know all this. Don't be dummying up now!

The fact is that you implied this double standard. Nobody in this thread said anything about whom women should or shouldn't choose. In fact, if you read carefully our posts, you'll see that we talked only about what men prefer. You simply took a phenomenon and blamed it on us. Now, this is not fair nor smart.


Some people here talked about society and how it's changing, which is true. However, nobody here mentioned about the other side of the story, the "nature" (as in the "nature/nurture" explanation). What are your thoughts on this? Can it be possible that men feel this way about women because of an innate predisposition? If it is so, wouldn't it be unfair to criticize men because of what they simply are?

 

[RoughPlay]

Uh, hello, guys? The double standard was not stated, but is implied. In other words, men won't marry women who have had "too many" sexual partners. (And who the hell knows how many is "too many"?) However, the men here have said nothing about the idea that men should also limit their sexual partners before marriage.

Uh, hello, girls?

I think its a good idea for men to limit their number sexual partners before
marriage and its certainly reasonable for a woman to select her husband based
on his number of partners if she wants to.

My personal opinion is that women (and men) should have as much impure sex
as possible (particularly anal) before they get married but with a moderate
number of partners as opposed to a large number. They should continue to have
lots of impure sex once there're married too.

STD's, particularly AIDs, is one good reason for limiting the number of partners.

IMHO ten is a moderate number of partners. Up to twenty is okayish but I would
have more and more doubts the higher it goes from there.

To me large numbers of partners suggests shallowness, lack of commitment, lack
of intimacy. Not the best start to a marriage.

 

[Guest]

The fact is that you implied this double standard. Nobody in this thread said anything about whom women should or shouldn't choose. You simply took a phenomenon and blamed it on us. Now, this is not fair nor smart.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

You know quite well about the double standard, implied or not!

(in other words, ignorance of the law is no excuse!! - lol)

Originally posted by Another Shy One
Some people here talked about society and how it's changing, which is true. However, nobody here mentioned about the other side of the story, the "nature" (as in the "nature/nurture" explanation). What are your thoughts on this? Can it be possible that men feel this way about women because of an innate predisposition? If it is so, wouldn't it be unfair to criticize men because of what they simply are?

Oh my. Well, I have to say I have heard this argument before. On the surface it almost sounds plausible, but in reality seems to be a convenient excuse. It allows men free reign to play the field while forcing women to remain monogamous or even virginal.

And it is an excuse, really. There has been no scientific evidence suggesting that men must have a virgin in order to feel sexually complete. How can you logically expect something of your partner that you yourself are not willing to give? That is not an equal marriage or relationship.

I think it is quite sexist to believe that men need "chaste" women to mother their children and feather their nest. We are animals, after all, but if you examine the wild kingdom, you will find that it is the female who tends to take on multiple partners to ensure the propogation of the species.

My husband who is reading over my shoulder (football coach, geologist, self-described knuckle dragger who often thinks with his dick instead of his brain) quite easily noticed the doubled standard that was implied, by the way.

We're not talking about wanting to take on the entire football team sexually. When I was dating I was never interested in having sex with every man I went out with. Nope. But THEY were - always.

(Except for the one I married - *sigh*)

We just want the same freedom as men. We should be ALLOWED the same freedom as men. That's all.

 

[Guest]

We have not done it together, but we've each done it with others. It's been my experience that guys whine and beg for it, so I offered it to the current boyfriend because I thought he would be excited. But he's very ho-hum about the idea. He says that there isn't enough stimulation once you actually penetrate, that it's like a big, empty cavern in there. Was there just something weird about the girl he did it with or did they do it wrong, or is it that he's simply someone who doesn't enjoy it? Do any other men feel that way, that there's not enough stimulation with anal sex?

_____

Not enough stimulation. Not enough stimulation??? WTF?

Come on, guys. Give your lady what she wants and needs, and feel the pleasure in pleasuring her!

My wife encourages me for anal sex because we discovered (way back when we were dating) that it was the most stimulating thing for her--she orgasms the strongest from it! And because she's so excited (and I encourage her to masturbate furiously to enhance the pleasure that much more when we do it), it excites me to no end.

Without a doubt, anal sex, for me, is incredibly lusty and sexual, providing my partner with extreme satisfaction and a wonderful release.

And sweetsubsarahh, I couldn't agree with you more. Sexual relations is a equal opportunity partnership between a man and a woman. (And I had the audacity to think we were living in the 21st century instead of the Victorian era, but with some of the commentary expressed here, it almost anachronistic! )

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: boyfriend does not like anal sex

_____

And sweetsubsarahh, I couldn't agree with you more. Sexual relations is a equal opportunity partnership between a man and a woman. (And I had the audacity to think we were living in the 21st century instead of the Victorian era, but with some of the commentary expressed here, it almost anachronistic! )

Thank you ....been there done that.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

Hear hear....

We just want the same freedom as men. We should be ALLOWED the same freedom as men. That's all.
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I agree 100%...... this applies to everything from sex on the first date issues to anything else you can think of. I have OFTEN found myself explaining to WOMEN I am chatting with that they are NOT considered by me to be "loose" or " a whore" just because they want the same thing I want....it is crazy to think that.....if I am considered fairly normal by expressing my desire for a woman early on...why is a woman NOT given the same consideration as normal if she should express herself in exactly the same way?

And a last note...when I am chatting with these same women about anal sex...it boggles my mind the number of them that initially hate/fear the idea of anal due to previous guys who haven't the decency to make it PAINLESS as possible....guys who just shove away and enjoy only themselves...like the woman is suppossed to always LOVE the pain of entry.....makes convincing women they CAN enjoy it much tougher and prevent some women from EVER experiencing the incredible satisfaction anal gives....

A pity....