Break me

I meant that as I am inexperienced I need training into the role and to explore my tastes and boundaries.

I am not looking to top from bottom.

So it would seem that you're not in my mind.

Don't you just hate that?

V :kiss:
 
haha a very good burn pet :)

amazing how many of these "experienced masters" can't even see what someone wants
 
In the end, is it what the slave or sub wants?

Telling a Dominant that you want to be broken is topping from the bottom, no matter how you look at it.

If you had to conjure up a reply, I am in there somewhere.

Everyone loves a piece of ass, no one likes a smartass.
 
look again, she didn't say she wanted to be broken, she merely titled it "break me" because it is mor epoetic and sultry
 
INSIDEYOURMIND said:
Everyone loves a piece of ass, no one likes a smartass.

In that case I believe you're perfectly safe.

I dont want to get into a convoluted argument with someone who patently has no sense of humour or respect for anyone else's point of view. Hide behind your terminology but if a Dom pays no regard to a sub's desires what he's got is a slave and if a sub doesn't enter into the relationship in order to fulfill a deep seated desire of her own, why else is she there?

I pity the woman who falls into your hands.
 
Anyway, this thread's starting getting too heavy. Gonna lighten the mood...

:nana: :cathappy: :nana: :cathappy: :nana: :cathappy: :nana: :catroar:

That should do it.

Thanks so much to everyone who's posted and also those who've sent me a pm.

Velvet :kiss:
 
RL slave

VelvetDarkness said:
I pity the woman who falls into your hands.

If you genuinely meant that you are inexperienced & need training in the role and to explore your tastes and boundaries, you may do better to learn to follow your own advice and 'not hide behind the terminology' of a catchy title (aka learn to say what you mean, mean what you say, and learn to posess the ability and confidence to do so, etc). People miay actually mistake you for being serious.
The ability to exercise good communication skills, would serve as a solid foundation toward learning anything about BDSM.

i'll answer your question of, "If a Dom pays no regard to a sub's desires what he's got is a slave and if a sub doesn't enter into the relationship in order to fulfill a deep seated desire of her own, why else is she there?".

1)Any sub with at least half a clue, and even a minimal level of RL experience is aware of, (and understands that, and should expect that) a genuine RL dominant who is serious in his responsability toward his charge, who has a genuine & trusting RL submissive or slave at his feet (who is serious in her desire to serve), doesn't need to break her, & doesn't need her to TELL him what she wants and/or needs.
2)She'd already have gained a keen sense of awareness and understanding, through experience, that those involved in RL D/s experiences have the advantage of reading each others reactions and body language rather than following and *acting* out cues on a computer screen.
3)If a 'dom' doesn't permit topping from the bottom, one should not automatically assume that he doesn't have regard for a sub's or slave's desires. It would be more accurate to assume that he values his right to determine how and when her desires will be met.

If a 'submissive' expects to decide, and dictates exactly how she will serve it's not submissive nor a slave .... it's usually just a vanilla wanting some mutual-cyber-masturbation sessions, or looking for some kink on the weekends.

If you think any RL, genuine dom wants a woman who is insistant upon dictating what the details of his role as dom to her should be, you'd do better to seek a vanilla husband who would be quick to agree to lie down for you so you can wipe your domineering little feet upon him. Or are you so inexperienced that you think that only subbies fit the role of doormats? If you want a doormat perhaps you should make the searching easier on yourself & just go find yourself a soft spoken little vanilla man who wants to roleplay and limit your kinky fantasy to the bedroom on weekends? i'd suggest that you should be a bit more careful of what you ask for, or you might actually get exactly what you ask for.

As a 20something fem/sub who claims to have no practical experience with a RL partner, who has yet to build the confidence, who does not know herself, nor her own tastes or boundaries, you are not qualified to take pity on this woman.

You have a great deal to learn about RL BDSM, D/s & M/s relationships. Not knowing everything is a good thing, though. i always say that if i wake up some day and have nothing left to learn it will be a mistake and i will learn that i am just dead.
If you decide you have serious interest in learning about RL BDSM, D/s and M/s relationships & desire a confident & experienced female RL ownedslave to assist as your mentor, feel free to PM me.

Regardless, with all due respect, i wish you luck & i wish you well.
 
Thanks for your comments sinn0cent1

To begin with, it was not my intention to hide behind the title of my thread. It just came to me as I was writing it. The words 'break me' were meant in context in that I am looking to be trained to the role of submissive, without topping from bottom or dictating what I want. I accept that I'm not just going to learn what is truly expected of me and how the dynamics function in RL without working at it. This I am prepared to do. On reflection, when I wrote 'break me' I was thinking more about my own naivity and potential failings than any need or desire to dictate my needs or indeed rebel against training from an experienced Dom.

I was offended by the sarcasm in INSIDEYOUMIND's post and felt that he had misunderstood me without being well meaning. I responded angrily and probably shouldn't have done but this really means a lot to me and it hurt to have my first attempt pissed on from a great height by a guy who claims to know what I mean better than I do. It's easy to trip newbies up on how they phrase things. I'm only just finding words for how I truly feel about sex and relationships. It felt like a cheap shot.

I feel that this thread is getting away from its purpose and that saddens me. I don't know what people reading it will deduce about me. I don't expect to decide "how I will serve" but I would need to build a strong bond of trust before I moved into the realm of perpetual servitude or slavery. Part of consent for me makes it important to have my desires and tastes considered and to be able to ultimately refuse something I'm not ready for or really unhappy with. That is different from the notion of dictating or wanting to be a part-time bottom, for me at least.

I probably misunderstood INSIDEYOURMIND as much as he misunderstood me but I guess, he put me on the defensive and I typed without giving it, or indeed him, much thought. I took what he said too personally and it seems, whatever I write, someone will decide that it's inappropriate or suggests something other than what I actually mean.

I am the first to accept that I have an awful lot to learn and although I have tried to keep this thread light-hearted (because, after all, all this is supposed to be an enjoyable part of the journey) my sub side is a serious one that I've carried around, nameless, for over 10 years. It's painful to have it trivialised and dismissed simply because I haven't yet learned to articulate it in the fashion that the Lit BDSM community expects. There are a lot of people here who will jump down my throat for phrasing something clumsily - insisting that I don't mean what I intended to say. It's getting a little disheartening to be honest.

But I have every respect for your point of view - even for INSIDEYOUMIND's to whom I'll apologise now for misunderstanding - any advice or wisdom that you are willing to offer I will store up and treasure for future use. I wish you every happiness sinn0cent1.

Velvet :kiss:
 
velvetDarkness,

That was a well written, and very detailed response.

My initial reply was meant to be light hearted, and I hoped to make a point without coming across in a rude manner.

The second post was another attempt in a light hearted manner to convey my thoughts on your follow-up.

I allowed my slave (sinnocent) to reply to your comment about pitying the woman that I get my hands on because she lives this life 24/7 completely and absolutely as my slave. She regularly tells people she has never been as free as she is now in her enslavement.

I have many years experience in this lifestyle in real time, I have never and would never be involved in a cyber or phone relationship. It is not the same as real life, and leaves you wanting. I was not attempting to show I knew more than you, just as is the basis of these boards, I was stating my opinion.

I have very little patience for people who dabble in, or think of this as just a way to get laid, not even taking into consideration the men, and women that use BDSM as an excuse to abuse, or allow themselves to be abused.

My father was a Dominant, he taught me, I have no doubt from what I was told, his father was as well. He taught me about honor, loyalty, respect, trust and what place a woman should have in my life. I love this lifestyle, and sometimes my passion comes across as rude, please understand that was not my intention.

While I appreciate you may want to express your likes and desires to your potential Dominant, look at it this way, by allowing him to guide you, and show you what he likes instead, he may open you up to ideas and thoughts you might never experienced. It will be a test of your submission, but it should give you a deeper understanding of yourself.

Good luck in your quest for a Dominant, it can be a dauntiung task with all the wannabes, posers, phonies, and HNGs(horny net geeks) out there. I will tell you to keep looking, the cream really does float to the top!
 
You are quite welcome, VelvetDarkness.

i hope that you do not mistake any part of my post as offensive, personal judgement, a cheap shot, or an attempt to chastise, ridicule, etc ect.

As i read the original post, and it's title, my first thoughts were, "Either she doesn't realise how others define 'breaking', or she is not at all serious and just interested in 'playing' BDSM online.".

In reading your second post, i thought, "She would do so much better and would make it easier for others to understand her if she just stayed clear of the labels and expressed her thoughts and feelings in simple common terms.".

Perhaps instead of titling this thread 'Break me', it could have been titled as "Train me, Teach me-Apply Here". i'd understand a title of that sort. It would certainly up the odds of recieving replies of serious and genuine intent.

i understand that it's not always easy to read the intention and mood behind posts. Also, i can still remember how out of the loop i felt as a newbie on these forums, as well as others. i'm currently a newbie at others sites which i have recently been frequenting. There was a time when i'd allow myself to be offended at the drop of a hat, which would lead to feelings of and expressions of anger.

One of the most valuable lessons that i have learned as my Master's slave: Anger is a wasted emotion. Outbursts of anger rarely help toward accomplishing anything positive. i've also learned that when we express anger toward others, they often interpret it as disrespect. When we disrespect, we dishonor. When we dishonor others, it reflects poorly upon the image that others may percieve of us. In the long run, we end up dishonoring and disrespecting ourselves.

i wouldn't worry too much about what people reading your posts will deduce about you. The only person i worry about in that regard is my Master. Although, of course, i am cautious in making certain that i always treat others with common courtesy. It seems you hold yourself to the same rules. i understand that if you didn't, you'd not have felt any responsability to appologise or offer any extension of appreciation, or to even reply and explain yourself further.

i would suggest though, that you may save yourself a lot of grief and misunderstandings by expressing exactly what you mean. There are many times when i break my thoughts down into very simple terms rather than risk being misunderstood. Sometimes when i have been uncertain of the meaning behind certain online and/or BDSM labels and mumbo-jumbo terminologies ... i google for the appropriate words, acronyms & meanings or i just ask someone of more experience (and then i double check their advice via google anyway just to be certain ;) ... i'll never forget the first time i heard an online submissive friend explain her role as a submissive to me. All i caught were the words, "spankings, cuffs, Master, brat, and smart ass". i sat there staring at the PM window, and found it odd that a tiny little bratty girl like her was able to hold down, cuff and spank her 200+ pound smart ass Master. i decided she must have explained it poorly, or i misinterpreted.

i'm quite greatful for the availability of search engines for a clearer understanding of where that first conversation regarding BDSM, and M/s relationships have lead me! ;) heh ...

Every happiness to you, as well, VelvetDarkness.
 
tonguezilla said:
Is this the Dr. Phil does Dominant thread?

:)
Is that YOU Phil? i didn't recognise you in your thigh highs and nipple clips.





heh ...
:p
 
Picturing Dr Phil in thigh highs and nipple clamps.....must go gouge eyes out now lol


sinn0cent1 said:
Is that YOU Phil? i didn't recognise you in your thigh highs and nipple clips.





heh ...
:p
 
Daunting Task

Seriously though, VelvetDarkness you have a daunting task ahead of you. This darn web has a way of masking the true personality of people on the other end. Trust your first instincts, statistics have shown that they are pretty accurate.

Dont let the submissive frenzies get to ya!

:)
 
jumping in i am sure velvet would answer your informative and may i say sincere messages but she is still unable to get on line, so its not her being rude, as arni say's she will be back
 
Phew!

Thankyou both for your replies sinn0cent and INSIDEYOURMIND, they have both given me food for thought. I didn't immediately click that you are a couple. I appreciate the insight I've gained from reading both your points of view, even in such a short exchange. I'm very glad that you're both happy and wish you all the best.

My journey is just beginning and I can expect to fall flat on my face a few times. I'm so pleased that there's no bad feeling in this thread now.

Thanks for all the comments and pms I've received.

Velvet :kiss:
 
mickyp123 said:
jumping in i am sure velvet would answer your informative and may i say sincere messages but she is still unable to get on line, so its not her being rude, as arni say's she will be back

Hi Micky, thanks once again for bump xx
 
lol i pmed..no response so no action lol :) but still g/l in your search
 
So once again someone posts a thread hoping to explore a facet of their psyche/personality that finally they`ve been brave enough,and it does take guts,to come to terms with.Anyone reading what she`s said as opposed to going into their own fantasy world will see that she`s looking for someone to point the way,to encourage,support and understand.What she`s got is the usual clueless jerk-offs explaining "the rules",wagging the finger and more than likely denting her confidence along the way.So what are "the rules"?What are the rules to a happy marriage,a successful affair? There are none,people adapt,do what they`re comfortable with at their own pace in their own time.I`d hope that a place like Lit would be an oasis of free-thinkers,a place where people aren`t judged by what they want,feel or try.The reality seems to be that the site is full of people who,probably sub-consciously,are just following yet another set of rules,imposing them on others which is worse,reading "the usual" BDSM web-sites and accepting everything on them as some kind of gospel or handbook.Basically "whatever works" is right for any individual and those taking a pop at Velvet,telling her what`s "wrong" and "right" would be best advised to conform(yes,that`s what you`re doing) and leave free-thinkers like her to find their own way,find what works,what turns them on whatever some dork on a web-site says.Amazes me that those who consider themselves alternative often merely swap one conformity for another.Whatever Velvet chooses for herself is right no matter what "Master Doomslayer" or whoever says on some poxy web-site,stuff your labels,your expectations,your rules and regulations,what is right for the individual is right for the individual,is that so hard to understand?
 
Wow, don't stand on ceremony davro, say what you really think!

Thank you very much for this post, it reads as passionate and heartfelt and I was touched by it.

I'm kind of taking a step back from this thread right now and having a think. The responses I've had have all given me insight and I've had lots of pms - not all of which I've replied to yet, sorry. So it's basically decision time for me at this point. I am grateful to have been offered so many opportunities to learn and grow in my desired sexual role and hope to find someone with whom I connect on other levels as well.

So we'll see...

Velvet :kiss:
 
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