bring the flame back into a relationship?

[Dorsil]

First time poster here. be gentle.

Basicly Ive been dating this girl for nearly 5 months. At first it was great, Every chance we could get sneaking away from her family (Were young) we would sneak off and fool around.. Wicked fun when you realize you could get cought at any moment. I would pick her up from school sometimes just so we could fool around in my car.. (oh the pain of trying to do things in a small honda)..

about a month ago she got a job and has been working all the time which is good I supported her 100%. but sence she got the job.. the fooling around has stoped..

its gotten to the point where we will see each other.. and ill even try and inniate somthing ie.. Wispering in her ear.. hey.. lets go to your room and ill go down on you right now and see how fast i can get you off..

and she will reply with "im good"

While i dont want to get dishearted about this dry spot. It seems its becoming a trend now and We havnt done anything pass a hello and goodbye kiss when i see her.

Ive talked with her about it and she says she just tired and being that i was on Christmas break from school she saw me all the time and just didnt get hot anymore because i was too available..

Ive tried basicly everything I could to get some sparks going.. romantic dinner out. Back massages the subtle wispers of i want to please you right now.. To no avail.

Shes says she still loves me and wants to be with me.. But From what im seeing.. shes not showing it.

Is there any advice You could give me in regards to this. Do women just randomly have streaks where they dont want any action at all?... Ive repeatidly told her I need no action back that i just want to be intimate with her even if its 1 sided.

I hate to seem demanding.. but from going from action all the time to nothing My sex drive is comming to a screaching hault and i definatly dont want this trend to continue anymore.

Well.. thats my first post. Thanks for reading and hopefully some of you folks might have some advice.

 

[Eilan]

Are you two in high school or college? If she's busy with work and school and trying to do both well, then I think it's understandable that your sex life might suffer. I can't speak for all women, obviously, but I've had periods when I've been less likely to want to have sex, particularly if I'm under a lot of stress.

Maybe, too, she's burned out on sneaking around behind her family's back and having sex in the car. Having sex when you're worried about getting caught can be fun (and I have kids, so the possibility of getting caught is always very real), but I'd think it would get old after a while. Unless, of course, you're into that kind of thing.

From what you've said, it sounds like even though she's saying she loves you and wants to be with you, she really isn't that into you anymore. It's not uncommon for the sexual "spark" to fade after a point, but I'd consider five months to be a little soon for that to happen.

I don't know what else to tell you. Putting pressure on her, even if you just want to pleasure her without reciprocation, is likely to cause her to withdraw even further.

Good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

I agree with you and Eilan, it doesn't sound like she's that into you. Perhaps she's afraid to break it off because she likes you as a person, doesn't want to be without a bf, doesn't know how, or can't identify/come to terms with her true feelings.

I'd say maybe talk to her one more time, just telling her your feelings (no threats or accusations). Tell her you understand she's got a lot on her plate right now, but you'd like to come up with a specific plan together. If she's not responsive, gives a lot of excuses, etc., it's likely time to tell her as much as you enjoy her, it's just not working and you don't want to add to her stress, so it's probably best to not see each other as bf/gf anymore.

 

[Salendire]

Its probably a good idea if u dont push things, knowing that this is a fairly obvious statement. But make sure u still give her affection, i have found that some guys think because u dont want sex that means u dont want anything phsyical at all, this is not the case (at least this was not the case with me). Keep going with the back massages, the romantic dinner idea was good but maybe she would prefer something a little more creative, midnight picnic under the starts with a bottle of red and candles would probably work well.

I went through a lack of sex drive when i was with my ex, but that was just teh spark fadding away, granted we were together for 2 years before that happened but maybe your chickadee is not sexually driven. If cunning plans to spark things up dont work i believe your only other option is to be blunt and tell her that even though u understand she has not been in the "mood" u still need some sort of gratification.

I dunno, thats the best advice i can think of at the moment, if i have any further thoughts i will be sure to let u know.

 

[thirty]

I guess the only reason is that you are in a puppy love, it happens to a lot of youngsters.

 

[zig]

Run Away--Run Away!!!!!!!!

Most relationships start out strong and intense , eventually the intensity lessens, ...and true Love begins! Thats where you absorb all the other excellent things eachother has to offer ,with sex still being part of the mix.
Keep in mind that if she does still dig you ,but doesn't have a sex drive ...then the shoe may end up on the other foot.You may have to be the one that ends up haveing to be "cruel to be kind".
Best of luck to you. And remember,often times it takes a # of failed relationships before finding the partner that is the "total package".