Bringing petting to life

[roomfor1more]

I will begin by saying I am looking for considerate replies to this question. Furthermore I am not looking for lectures on morality, I am not looking for lectures on relationships, and I am not looking for an analysis of our relationship. Thirdly, I do understand the difference between a fantasy and the risks involved in trying to bring a fantasy to life when it involves someone outside of the relationship.

Next, in order to understand the question I will provide a bit of history. My wife and I have been married for nearly 20 years. During that time we have had a few threesomes and a few experiences that some might term, cuckold experiences even though I would not necessarily classify them as such. However, it has been a few years since our last experience and lately we have been discussing if we should have another experience. The experience my wife has been wanting to have is best described as either being felt up or petting. In this type of experience should would like to meet someone who would start with feeling her up and then seeing where things go from there. This means she is not necessarily looking for sex with someone else, though it is possible, Instead the experience she is looking for is something that stops just short of sex that involved a lot of touch and feeling. She has not clarified if she wants to use the experience as a stepping stone to have a threesome. Finally for clarification, most likely this type of experience would happen without me being there and she can envision it being something short, last a few minutes if needed.

The question I have is how common is this type of experience? Also where do look for someone that maybe interested in this type of activity that is willing to stop short of having penetrative sex?

 

[LaChica]

Can't help you much on this. Inexperienced on this topic

However, I can help to bump your thread up so that someone experienced can help you

 

[roomfor1more]

Can't help you much on this. Inexperienced on this topic

However, I can help to bump your thread up so that someone experienced can help you

Thank you, please bump my thread up.

 

[amofiga]

I''m not sure I have the exact answer, but I once had an online relationship (never actually met her) with a woman who worked in one of those mailbox/shipping stores. There was one customer that came in frequently and she got to know him fairly well. One day when she was packing something for him, he stepped around the counter and "groped" her as she put it. Put his hands on her breasts and her ass. She didn't stop him or report him to the manager. A couple of days later, he did it again. It continued with him getting more "brazen" and puting his hands up under her sweater and unhooking her bra and also putting his hands down into her pants. One day he took her hand and put it to his crotch to feel his hard-on. According to her, it never went beyond this. Now, I have no way of knowing if this was true or an "online fantasy" she was feeding me. Still kind of hot.

I don't know if your wife works in any environment where there are men that might be brazen enough to do this without fear of being fired or brought up on sexual harassment issues. It can be pretty dicey out there with "flirting" and touching in the workplace, and it's even possible for men to report women for any sort of "inticement". On the other hand, if there is a subway where you live or some crowded "standing room only" bars at happy hour, that could provide an environment for touching by strangers. If you're sort of into it, you might even be nearby but without indicating any connection to her so that if she does experience something, she can indicate it to you with a look or signal so you can know that somebody has his (her?) hand on her ass or something.

 

[roomfor1more]

I''m not sure I have the exact answer, but I once had an online relationship (never actually met her) with a woman who worked in one of those mailbox/shipping stores. There was one customer that came in frequently and she got to know him fairly well. One day when she was packing something for him, he stepped around the counter and "groped" her as she put it. Put his hands on her breasts and her ass. She didn't stop him or report him to the manager. A couple of days later, he did it again. It continued with him getting more "brazen" and puting his hands up under her sweater and unhooking her bra and also putting his hands down into her pants. One day he took her hand and put it to his crotch to feel his hard-on. According to her, it never went beyond this. Now, I have no way of knowing if this was true or an "online fantasy" she was feeding me. Still kind of hot.

I don't know if your wife works in any environment where there are men that might be brazen enough to do this without fear of being fired or brought up on sexual harassment issues. It can be pretty dicey out there with "flirting" and touching in the workplace, and it's even possible for men to report women for any sort of "inticement". On the other hand, if there is a subway where you live or some crowded "standing room only" bars at happy hour, that could provide an environment for touching by strangers. If you're sort of into it, you might even be nearby but without indicating any connection to her so that if she does experience something, she can indicate it to you with a look or signal so you can know that somebody has his (her?) hand on her ass or something.

Thanks, it gives me some ideas and you are going down our line of thought. She works in an job where there is a lot of contact with men but she is a bit concerned about being caught. Also so vacillates between wanting me there to watch and not. My assumption has been I would not be there because it probably put her more at ease and keep her from worrying so much about my feelings.

She has said she does not know how to approach it or how to encourage the contact. I have tried to give some suggestions such as being flirtatious and then pushing the limits of the discussion whereby she becomes more suggestive. Though she is quite sociable, I do not believe my suggestion is what she is wanting. I suspect she wants to be a bit more subtle and let it happen more naturally.

The bar provides some possibilities and I have thought about it; however, she is not into the bar scene.

 

[infinity706]

Well, since you didn't specify male or female, I guess you might want advice on females, too. If she goes the male route, I'd think picking up a guy that's kind of a pussy should work fine. That should make it relatively easy for her to control how far she wants to go.

As for the woman, there's always more than enough bi-curious chicks. From what I've been told, women that describe themselves that way are notorious for backing out, anyway.

 

[amofiga]

She has said she does not know how to approach it or how to encourage the contact. I have tried to give some suggestions such as being flirtatious and then pushing the limits of the discussion whereby she becomes more suggestive. Though she is quite sociable, I do not believe my suggestion is what she is wanting. I suspect she wants to be a bit more subtle and let it happen more naturally.

The bar provides some possibilities and I have thought about it; however, she is not into the bar scene.

I can tell you from my own experience, that being subtly flirtatious or "friendly" at work would indeed make men interested. There were many women where I worked that I had fantasies about, and I did wonder what would happen if I made some sort of move. However, I was in a reasonably significant management position and ANY sort of contact like that, even if "welcomed" could turn around and destroy me if the "welcoming woman" got pissed off at me in the future and reported it sometime later, or if somebody else got any indication that it had happened. Much as there were women at work that I was very attracted to and who seemed like they might have been receptive, I never did anything that would have put me or my career in danger. There were other instances at my company where there had been affairs or "playing around" and the grapevine was brutal. It caused several people to quit or be fired or transferred, and it resulted in several pretty scandalous and "public" divorces. In today's environment, interaction between employees (especially married employees) is highly risky. Any relationships I've had over the years have been with women who were in no way associated with my work environment, family, or regular circle of friends.

I would not think that she would have to be regularly into the "bar scene" to venture in (perhaps with you across the room just for safety) on a few occassions. THere's even the possibility of some sort of dinner party or similar event where there are people, especially people who have been drinking and mixing, that could trigger a little something. Suppose she was at some group event where she split off from you and engaged another guy in some conversation away from the crowd. A little flirtyness, a little slip of a drink onto her dress where she quick handed a napkin to the guy and asked if he could quick help mop it up? A little eye contact while he's drying the vodka spill off her belly or hip? Hmmmm?

The thing is, if she doesn't do something to signal that it's ok to touch, it's probably not going to happen. Most guys I know are pretty "polite" around women they don't know or whom they work with professionally. They might not make any move unless they've been given some relatively easy-to-read signals, even if their dirty little minds are working overtime. It's pretty embarssing to misread signals and be called out, especially in public or with other people you have to live with or work with. I once had a situation in a conference room at work with a relatively attractive woman coworker sitting next to me. She folded her arms over her chest saying, "Man it's chilly in here." I put my arm around her shoulder in (swear to you) an innocent way to give her a little warmth, and she pulled away like I had leprosy. Gave me a look like, "What the hell?" It made for an embarrassing hour during the rest of the meeting, and I was even a little nervous that she might mention it to the company "ethics rep". Today's workplace can be risky.

 

[Gilead]

If she goes with a guy and that guy is at all good at petting and touching, my guess is that she herself will be unwilling/able to stop it from going further. Touching, if done properly, is tremendously erotic and I can't imagine anyone enjoying it and being able to top and say "ok - that was GREAT! Thanks!"

 

[Que]

Frottage. I like it a lot. Goes back to a period in my life where so-called morality suggested to me this would be the lesse of two evils.

 

[SweetErika]

Eh, HT'ers don't judge consensual activities that don't harm. If you two want your wife to be felt up, or even loaned out to the entire town, people are going to give you advice on how best to accomplish your goal(s) in safe ways, even if it's not their cup of tea.

I think your wife is totally right to be concerned about doing this at/through work, particularly since there are tons of applicants for every somewhat decent job these days. Your best bet is to steer clear of a risky situation like that and go for a club, bar or sex-positive event. I agree that at a bar or club, you should probably keep an eye on her to make sure she's not carted off after being drugged and the person she's with sticks to their agreement. That's probably not so important at sex-positive parties because many people are used to negotiating and working with limits, there are usually designated monitors and a universal safe word that players can turn to for immediate help.

 

[roomfor1more]

I can tell you from my own experience, that being subtly flirtatious or "friendly" at work would indeed make men interested. There were many women where I worked that I had fantasies about, and I did wonder what would happen if I made some sort of move. However, I was in a reasonably significant management position and ANY sort of contact like that, even if "welcomed" could turn around and destroy me if the "welcoming woman" got pissed off at me in the future and reported it sometime later, or if somebody else got any indication that it had happened. Much as there were women at work that I was very attracted to and who seemed like they might have been receptive, I never did anything that would have put me or my career in danger. There were other instances at my company where there had been affairs or "playing around" and the grapevine was brutal. It caused several people to quit or be fired or transferred, and it resulted in several pretty scandalous and "public" divorces. In today's environment, interaction between employees (especially married employees) is highly risky. Any relationships I've had over the years have been with women who were in no way associated with my work environment, family, or regular circle of friends.

I would not think that she would have to be regularly into the "bar scene" to venture in (perhaps with you across the room just for safety) on a few occassions. THere's even the possibility of some sort of dinner party or similar event where there are people, especially people who have been drinking and mixing, that could trigger a little something. Suppose she was at some group event where she split off from you and engaged another guy in some conversation away from the crowd. A little flirtyness, a little slip of a drink onto her dress where she quick handed a napkin to the guy and asked if he could quick help mop it up? A little eye contact while he's drying the vodka spill off her belly or hip? Hmmmm?

The thing is, if she doesn't do something to signal that it's ok to touch, it's probably not going to happen. Most guys I know are pretty "polite" around women they don't know or whom they work with professionally. They might not make any move unless they've been given some relatively easy-to-read signals, even if their dirty little minds are working overtime. It's pretty embarssing to misread signals and be called out, especially in public or with other people you have to live with or work with. I once had a situation in a conference room at work with a relatively attractive woman coworker sitting next to me. She folded her arms over her chest saying, "Man it's chilly in here." I put my arm around her shoulder in (swear to you) an innocent way to give her a little warmth, and she pulled away like I had leprosy. Gave me a look like, "What the hell?" It made for an embarrassing hour during the rest of the meeting, and I was even a little nervous that she might mention it to the company "ethics rep". Today's workplace can be risky.

We have lived in the US and know the US is quite strict about workplace rules. Currently, we are living in the UK where the workplace rules like sexual harassment is quite similar to the US and can destroy your career. However, in the UK it is a bit more relaxed when it involves dating and interacting. Though, I expect with all of the changes to employment rules the current government wants to make, I expect rules regarding dating in the work place will be tightened in order to increase productivity. The type of job she does, she is aware of the possible consequences and reluctant to really push the signals. So she is wanting it happen more naturally and if possible out of the workplace.

 

[roomfor1more]

Eh, HT'ers don't judge consensual activities that don't harm. If you two want your wife to be felt up, or even loaned out to the entire town, people are going to give you advice on how best to accomplish your goal(s) in safe ways, even if it's not their cup of tea.

I think your wife is totally right to be concerned about doing this at/through work, particularly since there are tons of applicants for every somewhat decent job these days. Your best bet is to steer clear of a risky situation like that and go for a club, bar or sex-positive event. I agree that at a bar or club, you should probably keep an eye on her to make sure she's not carted off after being drugged and the person she's with sticks to their agreement. That's probably not so important at sex-positive parties because many people are used to negotiating and working with limits, there are usually designated monitors and a universal safe word that players can turn to for immediate help.

Thanks for letting me know HTers do not judge consensual activities since I have previously received negative feedback for describing activities that married couples do that involve someone outside of the relationship. For her, she prefers knowing the individual than picking someone randomly or a stranger. How do you find sex positive parties?

 

[roomfor1more]

Thank you to those who have replied, your input has been valuable. A bit more information, my wife prefers to know someone instead of a random stranger. Someone she knows does not necessarily mean someone like a close friend but at the same time it means it is not some random person from the street. So going to a bar or a club probably would not work, though it is remains a possibility. Instead it means having enough time to allow at physical attraction to develop and allowing enough time for a sexual interest to develop too. Another piece of information I would like to add is she prefers for it to happen naturally and wants a bit of privacy with this. Again a club or a bar probably would not work due to this requirement. The one thing that we do talk about is going on another Hull / Rotterdam or Newcastle / Rotterdam cruise. For some reason, traveling to Amsterdam tends to make her more uninhibited and at the moment, my feeling is this is probably the most likely the place where it might happen. However the drawback is this is quite a hit / miss situation due to the short time you are on the cruise and the most likely she may decide no to go ahead since she may not get to know the person enough to let it happen. My question, what type of situation would allow some privacy and to allow this to happen naturally? Finally I would be interested in hearing form UK members on this topic and getting their thoughts about this idea in the context of the workplace.

 

[NikkiBastion]

I always had a warped little fantasy of a similar nature that involved going solo to a movie theater, sitting beside a solo guy and after a little small talk, getting him to feel me up during the movie, little petting/fondling, getting me off... but obviously it couldn't get out of hand...then going to the restroom shortly before it ends and bailing. Aside from the ego part of the mystery woman, I can't help lmao at the guy later trying to convince his friends what happened to him at the theater that night...knowing nobody would believe him


The point being, the environment could also play a role on restricting things from going too far, keeping it in a boundary until she knows whether or not to evolve it.

 

[roomfor1more]

I always had a warped little fantasy of a similar nature that involved going solo to a movie theater, sitting beside a solo guy and after a little small talk, getting him to feel me up during the movie, little petting/fondling, getting me off... but obviously it couldn't get out of hand...then going to the restroom shortly before it ends and bailing. Aside from the ego part of the mystery woman, I can't help lmao at the guy later trying to convince his friends what happened to him at the theater that night...knowing nobody would believe him


The point being, the environment could also play a role on restricting things from going too far, keeping it in a boundary until she knows whether or not to evolve it.

Thanks for that, since I never considered location as a way of keeping things from going too far and you now have given me something more to consider.

 

[NikkiBastion]

Bars are usually first choice and probably not the best option for something like that because that could be considered too risky - people + alcohol + hormones = not going to appreciate simple "feel me up" without a little something back. Not really sober, either but people tend to be less ballsy without some booze to back them up

Examine more of your interests and work from that angle. Or, consider something practically risk free - a library - usually with cubbies and barriers of shelves of books, a quiet little chat with someone interesting...if all else fails, go for the geek - it'll make his day!

Friends you can trust, invite over for a planned spontaneous game of truth or dare...

Stop the mailman at the door and ask if he can "zip me up, please?" then kind of turn into it...

You're right...it's a tough one...

 

[roomfor1more]

Bars are usually first choice and probably not the best option for something like that because that could be considered too risky - people + alcohol + hormones = not going to appreciate simple "feel me up" without a little something back. Not really sober, either but people tend to be less ballsy without some booze to back them up

Examine more of your interests and work from that angle. Or, consider something practically risk free - a library - usually with cubbies and barriers of shelves of books, a quiet little chat with someone interesting...if all else fails, go for the geek - it'll make his day!

Friends you can trust, invite over for a planned spontaneous game of truth or dare...

Stop the mailman at the door and ask if he can "zip me up, please?" then kind of turn into it...

You're right...it's a tough one...

Thanks for your reply, neither of us are into the bar scene and I do not see it as plausible. The only time it might work, if we are on vacation and everything falls into place. We have come close a few times but she got "cold-feet" at the last moment.

Friends is a tricky one due to the risk involved but if it happened naturally then it might work in a controlled way then it might. However, we never got close with this one.

Library, she works in public facing role and she wold be too afraid of being seen.

One option I have considered is trying to set something up. However when I try to think it through I believe that it will most likely go bad. So, I decide against it. Another option is waiting to go on holiday and see if that will help to make it happen. Since there is less chance of meeting someone we know and less chance that someone who knows her will see her. Final option would watching porn together or with someone. However, the drawback is living in the UK porn is really bad and I am afraid we would all die from laughing too hard at it.