Can the past be redeemed (closed)

[SandS13]

Lillian found his compliment, even if he did criticize himself to be sweet. It brought tears to her eyes which she quickly tried to hide. "Thank you, Marcus. It has been a long time since anyone has given me such a lovely compliment though I dare say I do not believe you to be an unintelligent man."

She nodded a little. "Yes, we should go back. Not because I am hungry but as you say, so you are not thought of as being improper." Lillian reached up to do up the delicate pearl buttons at her neck. "If I was a man no one would bat an eye at us being alone. As a widow some notice only because I am a woman and it is out of the ordinary. If I was-" She shook her head and did not finish her thoughts though she longed in that moment to be free and wild and brash. There was a part of her that was fired up from their talk and it showed her how lonely she was. Each touch despite its innocence reminded her how much she missed physical contact with someone.

"Now we should go before my words get me into trouble." Lillian began walking towards the door.

 

[RidePlayer]

Chuckles as he escorts her out the door and back to the main house.

After supper he had found it difficult to sleep.


The flashes of the day his gang his family were either arrested or gunned down by federal agents.

Rising so not to disturb anyone he headed out doing a late check of the fences.

As he rode back he spotted a figure on the porch of the main house realizing it was Lillian.

He rode up and said "Lillian can't sleep?" Dismounting from his horse ad he rubbed the beasts head.

 

[SandS13]

Dinner was...predictable. There was an argument about money. Anne left to go to bed early. Jennifer whined a little about how bored she was. Eleanor lectured her on how they could not entertain until after Lillian was done mourning. It was the same thing every night.

By the end, Johnathan had left the house to go to town and eventually everyone went to bed.

Lillian sat at her vanity and brushed out her hair. Her pale blue night gown and dark tresses made her look even paler than she was. She found she could not sleep, had no interest in resting. She stood and donned the matching robe, tying it at her waist.

She made her way on bare-feet down the stairs and to the sitting room which had a door out to the front verandah. She went out and took in the night air.

She was surprised to hear the horse and even more so to hear Marcus' voice. Lillian realized she would look very different now in her night dress with her hair loose and down. "I- no I found myself unable to rest. What has you up so late? Are you on the nightly rounds?"

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus was speechless for a moment Lillian looked pale and beautiful in her night gown. Her skin almost glowing in the moonlight.

Regaining his senses he tried not to stare at her.

He said "sorry Lillian no I just was not finding myself restful so I reckoned I could make myself useful and check the fences."

He smiled at her and said "forgive me for staring you just look very fetching with your hair down."

 

[SandS13]

She blushed at his compliment. "My aunt would be scandalized. She would say it is more about how I am almost naked before you more than she would notice my hair." Lillian moved to the stairs and came down to the ground, moving to the horse's head. She stroked its muzzle.

"It seems sleep wasn't in either of our plans tonight. Bunk not comfortable?" She looked up at him. The horse turned its head and was nibbling at the belt on her robe. It pulled the loose bow and the robe opened. Her nightdress had thin straps and a neckline that showed off her collar bones but just barely kept her cleavage from sight.

Lillian chuckled and pull the belt from the horse. "Playful one."

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus watched as she stepped forward and muzzled his horse.

He said "especially if she knew you were alone with me in the bunkhouse teasing her some.

When her robe slipped open he saw the creamy skin of her neck and collar exposed as he found himself lost for words again.

When Lillian acted like she didn't mind he said "troublesome is more what he is but he's loyal."

Rubbing the beasts muzzle as his hand touched hers again.

 

[SandS13]

"Oh, I don't know about troublesome." Lillian smiled and leaned in to press her face to the horse's muzzle too. Her hand lingered, touching his. She didn't feel overly shy in this moment and instead did not wish to ruin the enjoyment of the contact.

"My aunt finds a great deal about me surprising. My nightgown and where I was just adds to her list of concerns." She stepped closer to the horse. "I love horses. I always have. He has a wonderful stance." She didn't bother to tie the robe up again as she was so focused on the horse.

Her fingers moved, brushing over the back of Marcus' hand as she spoke.

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus felt his skin tingle where she brushed against the back of his hand.

Against his better judgment the words left his lips "would you like to go for a ride since we both can't sleep."

Realizing what he asked "unless unless you think that would get you in trouble. Nothing off the ranch I wouldn't want parade you around the countryside in just your night gown and robe."

 

[SandS13]

"I would love that." Lillian looked up at him. She was honestly surprised at his offer. It was shocked her that she so readily accepted. "I appreciate that we would stay on the ranch. Lots of space to ride here." She smiled.

Lillian stepped back and did up the robe before coming to the side of the saddle. "Would you mind if I sat in front? I should sit side given my current attire." She held out a hand to him.

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus nods taking her hand to help her up so she is sitting side saddle infront of him.

He put his arms on either side of her taking the reigns and forming a cage so she wouldn't fall.

He started out slow till they got out away from the main house then really opening his horse up to a full gallop.

He whispered in her ear trying to ignore the scent of her hair "warn me if I'm going to fast."

 

[SandS13]

His breath on her ear made her shiver. Lillian settled into his arms. "I like fast but I will let you know." She turned her head a little and found their faces very close together.

As the horse took off, Lillian pressed back into him a little more. His frame was strong as were his arms and she felt safe there. Her head found a natural place near his shoulder so she could look forward at the scenery before them. Her backside was nestled tightly into his thighs as the acceleration moved her back into him.

She was smiling. It had been over a year since she had ridden.

 

[RidePlayer]

As they rode he tried to focus on the land. Not her closeness or her scent.

When she turned he noticed how close there faces were once again blushing.

A bit thankful she looked forward her head resting on his shoulder.

Till he felt her backside pressed in-between his thighs.

He tried to will himself not to react unfortunately the bouncing of the horse and her place firmly between his thighs had other plans as he felt his trousers tighten hoping she wouldn't notice.

 

[SandS13]

"It's beautiful out here at night. The air is so clean. A little cool but I don't mind. You are keeping me warm." Lillian turned her head to smile up at him. "Slow a little, let's enjoy the view.."

She let a hand run down his arm. "You are very strong. I feel safe with you like this. Silly isn't it? We barely know each other." Lillian leaned her head against him. "Thank you for this."

 

[RidePlayer]

Hearing her wish he slowed so they could enjoy the night sites.

A shudder running through his body as she ran her hand down his arm.

He listened to her words a part of him chuckled inside 'would she think that if she knew the real me.'

While the idea of finding love settling down was great did he deserve it he had killer not first like some of his former brothers in arms but he still had.

"I could never hurt someone like you" the words felt true leaving his lips but still he had his self doubts.

"Your welcome" letting her enjoy herself even if he knew he would have to work and leave.

After all she had lost so much might as well let herself enjoy this idealic view of him she had created.

 

[SandS13]

Lillian nodded a little and looked forward once more. She brought her hands back to her lap. "I almost ran away you know." She didn't know why she was telling him this, she had never told anyone.

"Before I married Matthew. I was afraid of what it would mean to be married. That I would lose the things I loved and I almost ran off despite how I felt about him. Then, after he died as I sat alone in the house before the funeral I almost did it again. I considered throwing it all away, getting a new name, a new life to get away from all the hurt. I was too scared, too responsible."

Lillian closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the night air. "I came out here because it wasn't home. I wanted to be away from the pity in people's eyes. The looks of men who couldn't wait for me to be available again. I don't want a man who wants my money or my reputation. I want someone who would see me. Did you know I jump horses or that I have so many investments that there is more money than I can spend? Do you know how much I miss pretty dresses? Or that I am studying native wildlife here and the medicine of the indigenous people? I am more than the meek widow everyone sees."

She put a hand to her mouth. "I am so sorry. Oh you must think me a madwoman. I didn't mean-it just came out. You said someone like me and I- I don't know I wanted you to know who that was."

 

[RidePlayer]

Hearing her and the way she covered her mouth trying to explain herself.

He couldn't hold back he held her in his arms as the horse stopped.

"Shh it's okay Lillian it's okay" trying to calm her as he released his embrace.

He smiled and said "you by far are the most interesting woman I think I've ever met Lillian."

A part or him felt conflicted she wanted him to know her but she did not know the real him.

How could she if she did her family would drive him off or worse call the law on him.

 

[SandS13]

He held her. When he released her, Lillian turned her body and hugged him. Her face was buried against his neck. "Thank you. I did not mean to pour myself out at you like that. You were right, family is not the same. I cannot tell them these things and I have no one. I have made you my friend without even asking."

It felt good to be close to someone, to be in their arms. He smelt like- the air and soap. Lillian closed her eyes.

"And now I am practically on top of you- you may find me interesting Marcus but you must also find me strange." Lillian shook her head a little. "I have forgotten how to behave it seems."

She put a hand on his chest and looked up at him. "Thank you for humouring me."

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus chuckled and said "anytime you need reprieve from your worries consider me all ears."

Hearing her words of behaving he chuckled and looked in her eyes "well I told you about Elizabeth so for the most part I've always lived a life of not behaving" among other stuff he kept to himself.

Looking in he eyes as she faced them again he felt himself drawn in leaning forward before he stopped before there lips touched.

"We ugh we should probably go back."

 

[SandS13]

Their eyes met. Lillian was supposed to look away coyly, to play the flirt but she didn't. She watched as he leaned in and she tilted her chin up so that she met his lips.

It was sweet, gentle and it made her inhale. Almost a year since any man had kissed her. Lillian felt herself swoon just a little but was brought to reality by his words.

"Oh- yes, I suppose so." Lillian looked down and then turned. She didn't want to go back. Her body screamed for her to turn around and kiss him again only deeper, longer. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her and rough hands on her face, in her hair. She was trembling a little.

"Do you- do you think we could take our time? I am in no rush to be back in the walls of the house." Her voice was soft as she tried to hide her emotions from him. She was supposed to be a lady, manners and decorum but all she wanted to do was kiss this man and feel him holding her.

If her aunt knew she would call her ill and send for the doctor. A woman wasn't allowed to be anything but proper in her aunt's eyes.

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus flinched at her reaction.

"Yeah.....yeah we can go slow." He hated himself he wanted to kiss her pleasure her feel her soft skin. Give her everything she desreved.

That wasn't him though he wasn't a good man and he didn't want to give himself a reason. To stay knowing he never could.

He nudged the horse slowly to turn around walking slow as they rode still enjoy the night sky and her.

He said "I'm sorry Lillian I should not of kissed you like that not without asking. You must think me a brute. I hope you will not go and get me fired. I really need this work."

 

[SandS13]

Lillian looked up. "I do not think you a brute. I am desperately trying to control myself, Marcus. I am so glad you kissed me. No one has touched me or kissed me since my husband's accident. Do you know what it is like to be deprived of touch, of contact. I am young and it feels wrong to be without the contact of a man."

She turned her head. One hand found his face. "I want to thank you. I would not get you fired. You let me know for the first time in a long time that I was desirable. It is wrong of me because I wanted you to kiss me, I wanted to be kissed again. I wanted to kiss you. I want-" She paled. "I am the one who is not proper."

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus tried to calm her loving the feel of her soft hand on his face.

He cupped her hand with his.

Looking into her eyes he said "sometimes when we want something g we have to forget what's proper."

He knew this was a mistake but he didn't care seeing the desire in her eyes.

He Leaned in again there lips connecting.

 

[SandS13]

Lillian's chin trembled a little. His hand covered hers. She had no time to respond to his words as he leaned in and kissed her again.

She sighed and melted into his arms. She let out a soft noise. Her eyes closed and she gave herself into the kiss. She wanted this, wanted to kiss him, wanted to feel his body close. Her other hand gripped his shirt.

When she broken the kiss, Lillian was breathing heavily. Her chest heaved up and down. "Oh. I am glad we are forgetting propriety."

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus felt her grip his shirt as if wiling him to make them closer.

There lips collided in a dance of pleasure parting only enough so he could taste her sweet breath.

His hand ran through her hair holding her close with his powerful arms.

When they parted he also took in needed breaths "I know I wanted to do that badly Lillian"

His hand rested on her hip hand on her robe clad thigh.

He wanted to kiss her all night explore her body make her cry out in pleasure. He wanted all of that.

He remembered they were out in the middle of the pasture and he had a job he couldn't lose "what should we do now. No rather what do you wanna do now"

 

[SandS13]

Lillian bit her lower lip. "You wanted to kiss me. I would like to kiss you again, do you have a blanket? I am not ready to lay with you- I think but I long to feel your hands and remember what it is like to be desired by someone."