Can the past be redeemed (closed)

[SandS13]

Lillian was lost in the feeling of his mouth as she rode out her orgasm. She was breathing hard as he moved to kiss her.

She kissed him back. As he spoke, Lillian did her best not to react. Pity. He was doing this because he pitied her. She closed her eyes and as there was more space between them she began to dress once more.

“Of course. Thank you for your generosity Marcus.” She shifted away from him and tied the robe closed once more. She had no words to explain to him that she had never thought of him as replacing her husband. This was different, separate. Then he said he wanted to make her feel good...after all she had been through...The words resonated in her. Lillian stood and smoothed out her nightgown and robe. “I am ready when you are.” Her tone was more civil than familiar.

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus could tell something had changed.

Was it his words?

Maybe the sudden Civil was best after all he couldn't provide the kind of life Lillian would need.

They rode back and after Marcus helped her off her horse he said "goodnight Lillian" hoping using her name and his soft tone would ease some of the tension in the air.

His Dreams that night were of her a wishful dream of a life one he knew he couldnt provide.

 

[SandS13]

Lillian kept her eyes on the landscape as they road back to the house. She wanted to be angry but it was best to just be civil, polite. He pitied her. He pitied her situation. She was hurt in a way but in the end, she supposed she could not blame him. part of her wondered if it was her inexperience and he was just being kind, letting her know as politely as he could that she was disappointing.

"Goodnight, Marcus." She gave a slight nod of her head before turning so he could not see her glassy eyes.

Inside, Lillian made her way up to her room and quietly closed the door. Removing her robe she sat and brushed her hair before getting into bed. There she let the tears come and they carried her into her sleep.
---
"She was crying. I could hear her through the walls. She must be terribly lonely." Anne said at breakfast. The rest of the family was there but Lillian remained in her room.

Eleanor shook her head. "She is young, she will be over it soon enough. In a few months many will be reaching out to court her."

"But what if she doesn't want that?" Anne rubbed her swollen belly. "What if she cannot find love again?"

"Pish- of course she can. You are too full of romantic notions. There are always others and you can learn to love someone." Eleanor stated flatly.

"Well, I hope she falls madly in love with someone. She deserves it. I mean widowed so young?" Jennifer said before biting her toast.

"Enough. Now, everyone will be coming to dinner in town. The mayor and some others are hosting at the hall."

Anne shook her head. "I can't. Nothing fits save my nightgowns and the doctor said I need to stay close to home."

"I will stay with her. I am not much in the mood for socializing." Lillian appeared in the doorway once more with her hair up and in a black dress. "No one wants a widow around anyway. I am in no mood for condolences and looks of pity."

"Very well."

An half an hour before supper the family, save Lillian and Anne got into the carriage and headed off. They enjoyed a simple meal of stew and bread. Outside they could hear the ranch hands finishing up their meal and preparing for the night.

They sat in the parlour until late when Anne fell asleep on the chaise. Lillian went to her room to change into her nightdress and robe before returning to read a book. She did not wish to disturb Anne.

The footsteps on the porch drew Lillian away from her reading. The family would not be home yet and as she put the book down, the door was opened and four men, bandanas over their faces and guns in hand stepped into the home.

"Well, well..."

One stepped into the parlour and Anne woke up. She screamed.

"What do you-" Lillian started to speak.

"Hush now, we are looking for the money that is owed our boss and to send a little message. You will do nicely." He stepped closer as the others stepped into the room and blocked the door.

It was clear from the look the man was giving Lillian that he was intent on hurting her or worse. She tried to pull her robe tighter around herself but it was no use.

"One of you stay with the pregnant one. I am taking this one." He grabbed Lillian's arm and pulled her in. She cried out and tried to fight but he was quite a bit stronger than she was.

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus' thoughts of Lillian kept him busy that night "I shouldn't have been so rude to her but why did I do that stuff with her? I know i can't stay I can't give her the life she deserves was it just pity tha made me console her or something more...'

The next day was a blur most of the men went out to town Marcus volunteered to stay behind one to watch the land and two to mend some fense that the herd had managed to tear up."

He was on his way back when he saw some horses near the main house that he didn't recognize. He stay quite and approuched only to see a bandana wearing stranger rumage through stuff through the window.

Managing to stay unseen he saw atleast three one watching Anne the other two looking for what looked like valuables. When he heard Lillian scream and fight he knew there was a fourth.

Taking his knife out he covered the one with Anne's mouth and ran the knife into a vital area to keep him quite.

He gave a shsh motion to anne to not let the other two know by screaming.

Making his way through the house he took the second one out with his knife.

The third one saying "HEY WE GOT ANOTHER GUY HERE!" Marcus whirled around and had his gun drawn before the guy could get his out as the shot rang through the house.

Making his way to the room that the man had been assaulting Lillian the man had lillian in front of him gun to her temple. "Easy now partner or this pretty little things brains are gonna be all over the place." The bandnit sneered.

Marcus cocked the hammer and said "let her go now!" No hesitation or fear in his eyes just determination if this guy hurt Lillian he would be six feet under by the end of the day.

The bandit said "you aint got the winning hand in this pocker game cowboy I do." Suddenly Lillian suprised Marcus and the bandit as her foot came down HARD on the bandits he yelleped and flinched witch got Lillian far enough away that Marcus took his shot the bullet whizzing past her shoulder by a few inches and hitting him square in the chest.

Marcus took Lillian and held her comfortingly "its okay its okay Anne is safe. So are you."

 

[SandS13]

Lillian was crying, scared of the man and what he might do to her as he took her out of the parlour and into another room. "Please- please don't hurt us."

The man laughed. "I am not going to hurt you but I will enjoy this..." He put one hand in her hair and pulled her head to the side as his mouth molested her neck. She struggled against him. This made him suck and nibble harder on the tender skin.

"HEY WE GOT ANOTHER GUY HERE!"

The man growled and turned, pulling Lillian in front of him. She felt the barrel of the gun on her temple. She cried out in fear.

Lillian was looking at Marcus as he entered the room. Her eyes were wide and her hair mussed from his manhandling. They were speaking- mocking each other and she brought her bare foot down on his booted one. The surprise was enough and he let her go enough for her to get away. She ran at Marcus.

She barely registered the bullet that passed by her. The noise was deafening. She found herself in his arms. Lillian's ears were ringing and she began to sob as he told her she was safe.

She clung to him. "They- Anne- Money-" She tried to speak between her gasping sobs.

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus held her close whispering "it's okay your okay Anne's okay there all gone."

He rocked her and brushed her hair to ease her the whole time. Never letting go till the rest of the family returned.

Marcus explained what happened expecting the fact he killed three men on there property to upset the ranchs patriarch.

When Anne defended him though he was surprised.

He was still holding Lillian till she was feeling more calm.

 

[SandS13]

Lillian clung to him. She would not let him pull away or leave her, not even a little bit. Her head was pounding and her ear ringing from the gunshot. It was not until her family returned home that she had managed to calm down some and even them she remained in his arms, seeking security and comfort.

The family returned and there was panic. Benjamin demanded to know what had happened as the women fretted over Anne. Jonathan looked almost ill. Patrick looked at his brother, eyes narrowed.

Benjamin made it clear to his sons that they would talk later about this. He ordered them to take the bodies out before looking back at Marcus. “You will stay in the house tonight and for the foreseeable future. Where there are these, there are others that will come looking for them. Tomorrow, we discuss options for guarding the house. I can’t have the women in danger.” He eyed the way Marcus was holding Lillian.

“Will you take her up to her room?”

“Ben- he can’t do-” Eleanor protested but he silenced his wife with a lifting of his hand. “You and Jennifer just see to Anne. Get her to a ground floor room. Send for the doctor. I want to make sure the stress of all of this hasn’t harmed my grandchild or her.”

The women did as they were told as the men began taking the bodies out back. Others were woken and called to assist.

“Take her to her room and stay with her until she can sleep.” Benjamin told Marcus. “She looks like she is in shock and needs the help.”

Lillian’s fingers were tight on Marcus’ clothes as if she might never let go.

“Up the stairs, room at the back right of the hall.” Benjamin told him. “And Marcus, we will discuss your position here in the morning. Thank you for taking care of my family.” He gave the gunslinger a nod before heading off.

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus listened to Benjamins words and said "of course I'm glad I had stayed behind to mend fence."

When Benjamin talked of his future position he nodded and said "In the morning then."

Gently he coaxed Lillian to her feet still holding her not that she would let him go.

He said "come on Lillian lets get you to bed your safe now."

Escourting her he stayed with her rubbing her hair and saying calming words wondering if she even would be able to go back to sleep.

He thought about seeing that man threating Lillian and thought 'god if she had been killed infront of me.' Not wanting to think about that.

 

[SandS13]

Lillian let Marcus guide her to the stairs. As she climbed them, just ahead of him, she reached back to keep some contact between them. She was scared of being alone at the moment she realized. She wondered about what her uncle had said, about others. Her heart began to beat a little faster.

“I doubt sleep will come easily. Thank you, for coming with me. I am on edge now. I have never been near when a gun has gone off and that man was going to-” Her stomach lurched as she opened the door to her room. Lillian rushed away to the bowl she used for washing up at night and held it, fearing she might vomit. It was only hitting her now that that man, his hands on her body was going to force her to have sex with him.

She was trembling as she put the bowl back and turned to face Marcus. “If you hadn’t come when you did-” She moved to him and hugged him tightly. “Thank you.”

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus watched her try not to vomit.

When she turned and hugged him his own arms took her in holding her close to comfort her.

"Your okay now" He whispered "I'm not going anywhere and I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

He thought about his own feelings and voiced. "When he had the gun to your head I was so scared that he was gonna kill you."

He whispered in her neck as he held her "I'm so glad your safe."

 

[SandS13]

He hugged her and Lillian found herself not caring about decorum or manners. She knew that if it was not for him she might have suffered a great deal at the bandit’s hands. She closed her eyes and pressed against him.

There was no pity in his words. She trembled in his arms as he talked of his fear. “Do not leave me tonight. Please. Stay with me. I do not want to be alone at all. Will you-”

Lillian looked up at Marcus. “Stay here, lay in the bed and hold me a while please?” She shouldn’t have asked such a thing, put him in such a position but he had just told her he was scared for her life and she was too vulnerable right now to be proper. Her uncle had told him to stay until she slept but sleep would be elusive Lillian knew.

Pulling back from him Lillian removed her robe and stood there in her nightgown. It hung on her body and as a bit of the moonlight shone through the window behind her, her silhouette could be seen through the material. Narrow waist, soft hips and breasts. "Lay with me in the bed? I do not want to be alone and I would rather you close than in the chair."

The bed had more than enough room for two with a lavish comforter and wooden head and foot boards. It was clear, once Marcus took time to take the room in that money had been no expense to make the room comfortable. A wardrobe, a dresser with wash bowl. A vanity table with her jewelry box. A rug and large chair in a corner with a book case full of books. A writing desk completed that part of the room.

 

[RidePlayer]

"Stay here lay in my bed and hold me"

Her words shocked him he was about to protest that it wouldn't be proper her look though the sincere fear and desire for the security he offered broke his will.

Either two her fear or his own he didn't want to leave her.

He watched her drop her robe her form hugged under the nightgown as he looked at her the hunger and desire there not pitty but honest desire to be near her for the fear he had felt earlier in the day that he would lose her."

He walked up stroking her cheek as he got in bed with her.

Unbottoning his shirt he wraped his arm around her holding her against his chest if only so he didn't overheat in his sleep.

He said "i'm not going anywhere."

He smelled like work from the day his scars and muscles now easily accessed by her.

 

[SandS13]

Lillian closed her eyes as his rough hand stroked her cheek. She fought tears of relief as they got comfortable in the bed. As Marcus drew her in, her hand instinctively went to his chest and sought the open front of his shirt. She held her hand still for a moment, feeling him breathe and his heart beating.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Lillian shivered at his words. She leaned against him and let her hand begin to touch his chest, learning it by feel. She moved over side to side and then down over ribs. The first pass she said nothing, just inspected his chest. As her fingers moved back up, Lillian lifted her face upwards. “You have scars. From work on farms?” She brushed one that was definitely a bullet wound, even to her untrained touch. “Or other things? I saw how you shot them, how you fought. You are no stranger to such things.”

There was no criticism or condensation in her tone. It was stated as fact. It was these skills that had saved her life this night and she would not see that as a negative. She was alive and in his arms because of the things he had done in the past.

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus felt the chill of the night air as she opened his shirt soon replaced by the warmth of her hands.

He felt her caress his chest every muscle and contour.

He froze some when she lingered on some of his scars hearing the question in her voice.

He sighed and said "you really are smart." There was no anger or upset in his voice instead just joy at her level of intellect and reasoning.

He hesitated to tell her though "you'll hate me have your uncle send me away but...you deserve to know after what you went through."

He said "Lillian I'm not a good man. I ran with a bad crowd since I was a boy raised by a man named Thomas in his gang."

"We robbed people and I have hurt people in self defense. Never out of spite and never anyone other than maybe rival outlaws."

"Then somehow the feds found our camp not sure if they got lucky or tipped them off all I know is I was one of the VERY few who didn't end up behind bars or six feet under."

He said "I decided to dissapear get work on a Ranch till I could get enough money to just start over get a small patch of land somewhere far from any civilization so I could live out the rest of my days alone...its all a man like me deserves"

 

[SandS13]

Lillian listened intently. She wanted to comment that she was merely observant and that he should not assume she would hate him. She took in all he had to say.

“Why do you deserve to be alone? A man working to change his life deserves all his opportunities a new life can afford him. Good is a relative term. You did what you thought you needed to do. Surely some part of you knew the good- you say you did not hurt out of spite and not civilians. While it is never good to justify violence, I cannot see myself hating you for such things.”

Her hand rested on his ribs and she looked up at him. “I will not tell my uncle though I would wager he has thoughts about you after seeing what you did- those men did not come for you but my cousin. I hope you know that. He is a gambler but it has clearly gotten bad.” She sighed, laying her head back on his chest. “I do not hate you, Marcus. I do not understand as I have never been in your position but I can sympathize.”

Her fingers resumed caressing his chest.

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus almost cryed hearing how she thought someone like him deserved a second chance at life.

Lillian" her name left his lips not as a concern but a bit of longing. He felt her continue to caress his chest.

"When when he had his gun to your head I was so scared I was gonna watch you die infront of me."

"I couldn't stand the thought of losing you." This was insane he barely new her but she had opened up herself so much to him and now he had her about the real him a man on the run and he had opened up to her and she didn't judge him.

He stared into her eyes then lingered on her lips as he leaned in kissing her.

 

[SandS13]

The way he said her name made her heart race. She whispered "oh..." as he said he couldn't stand the thought of losing her. It seemed strange, they had barely known each other for very long and yet...

She tilted her chin up to meet the kiss. "I am here. And you are here. Let us think on this night and this night only." She opened his shirt more. Lillian pulled back from the kiss and leaned in to kiss his chest.

 

[RidePlayer]

When lips touched it was like a new fire was ignited in marcus he kissed her fiercly with passion.

When she felt him open his shirt more her lips left his

Trailing down his chest he shuddered as her lips left tingling along his pecks.

Lillian?" question in his voice wondering what she meant by her words and how far she was willing to take this.

 

[SandS13]

His questioning tone made her pause. Lillian stopped, pulling away to look at his face. "Is it too much?" Her eyes were soft. She had not thought that perhaps he might not wish to more intimate contact. It had been a stressful day and he had faced violence. He had also told her his past. She was only thinking about this moment and inwardly scolded herself for being so thoughtless towards him.

She rested her head back on his shoulder and simple placed her hand on his chest once more. "Thank you. For telling me about your past, for staying with me tonight."

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus listened to her words.

"Lillian" his voice was quite but she would hear the care in them.

"I want this but....I don't want you to regret anything."

"You keep getting told what is and isn't proper but you are probably one of the smartest woman ive ever known far smarter than me a lowly criminal who just wants to dissapear into the wilderness."


"I just don't want you to do something because you feel like you ow me for saving you."

He looked in her eyes and said in a honest question "what do you want Lillian."

There lips close again as he whispered the words.

 

[SandS13]

“No one gives women credit for intelligence, Marcus. Strange to hear.” She shifted a little but kept her hand on his chest. She wanted to look at his face as they talked. “I do not feel I owe you anything. I want….connection and closeness. Tonight showed me how dangerous life is. I lost one man, even though I did everything right. I waited for him, married and then just like that he was gone before our life even started. Is that my reward for doing things the proper way? We didn’t do anything early beyond some slight messing around-” She half rolled her eyes at herself. “And I felt guilty and then rejected. And for what? Honour sake? What is the point of having a life if you never live it? Do I want to go and steal horses or gamble away my money? No. Do I want to do the things I enjoy, that I desire? Yes. Should I have to hide those things in order to be considered a lady? I do not think so even if society seems to.”

Lillian sighed. “I am sorry. All of this has me muddled but I am sure of this. I want you to stay here with me tonight. I want you to hold me. I want to touch you. I do not want us to over think anything but just feel. Can I ask that of you? Can I ask you to be with me, here and not think too much on it, just feel and do what feels right?”

 

[RidePlayer]

Marcus listened to her words one thing was clear he had almost lost her tonight the first decent person around him since the ones in his gang he considered brothers.

Marcus looked into her eyes wanting those very same thigns to hold her and not let go.

Leaning in he ran his hand through her hair pulling her into heated kiss.

Decoram forgotten as his tongue traced her lips begging for entry.

His other hand caressed her thigh running her nightgown higher and higher.

 

[SandS13]

Lillian’s eyes closed as his hand went into her hair. She loved the feeling of his rough, large hand in her hair. The way he cradled her head, pulling her in. The kiss was consuming. She moaned into his mouth.

His tongue traced her lips and that made her inhale. Her lips parted allowing him into her mouth. She wanted to feel him there with her, hold her to him and not let go.

She moaned again as his hand moved up her thigh. It made her shift, letting him draw her clothes upwards. She let her arms move around his neck. She kissed him passionately and then pulled back. “Undress me.”

 

[RidePlayer]

There kiss sent fire down his spine every touch and lick sending jolts down south.

When she broke away telling him to undress her he did just that pulling the nightgown down and off her body.

Seeing her bare as the day she was born he could die a happy man.

Her smooth skin and perky breasts flawless and glowing in the moonlight.

He was stuned for a moment. Trying ot find the words as he settled to kissing her again.
He started at her lips down her jaw and across the pulse of her neck.

His lips continued south finding her right breast as he licked and latched onto her nipple rolling it with his teeth.

 

[SandS13]

Lillian was a little worried when Marcus undressed her but then didn't say or do anything. She immediately thought he was changing his mind or stopping things as he had done earlier. All worries were put at ease as he kissed her neck.

Lillian melted in his arms, arched and pressed against him. She began to reach for his shirt, to finish removing it and then she would remove his pants so they could be naked together but Marcus had other ideas.

He had kissed down to her chest and she bit her lip hard to keep herself quiet as his mouth found her nipple. She inhaled sharply as her arms circled around him, almost cradling and pressing his head to her breast. her body felt a rush of heat. One hand moved, fingers running through his hair , silently encouraging him to keep going. Thoughts of undressing him gone as she lost herself in the feel of his mouth on her body.