Can you fall in love with someone online?

[hilton1958]

Speaking from experience, yes, definitely, but I won't go there again, it was too painfull in too many ways, so now I just settle for casual friendship and/or lust.

 

[SweetSam42]

But even very pleasant distractions and intense interactions can suddenly end. Sudden disappearances are a real slap in the face. No discussion, goodbyes, no knowing what has gone on the the other person's life or what went wrong. You can try and hold tight, but you have to be prepared to let them go.

This is very true, and a thought I try to keep in mind. It's a tough one - you think you have a relationship with someone, and while that may be true to some extent, the very nature of the interaction is what allows for sudden departures for any number of reasons. Sometimes, it's easy to forget that this may - at times - not be as real as it feels. Does that make sense?

Bites, was it you who said in another thread the other day to "hold on lightly" to these relationships? I love that phrase. I'm going to credit you with it - well done.

... For me it goes beyond however much time I might be able to spend with someone online. It's the time spent looking into their eyes, the time sitting next to them and feeling their energy, and warmth. It's the smell, the sensory experiences shared. It's the surprise silent hug, where there's nothing but proximity and the feeling that rushes out when it happens. ...

This is lovely, Q, and I tend to agree with you.

Very fascinating to see this thread evolve. What seemed to begin with a more generalized "Is it possible to fall in love online?" has turned into a deeper "Can I personally fall in love online?"

I won't get into the intricacies of "What is love?" (baby don't hurt me), or online versus offline. But for me personally, I wouldn't want to dismiss the potential for love in any situation.

Also a very good point.

(And yeah - I got a good thread thing going here, didn't I? Ha. )

 

[QSco]

This is lovely, Q, and I tend to agree with you.

Thanks Sam, every now and then I have a thought worth sharing.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I think there is a significant difference between falling in love online, sustaining a relationship online, transitioning that love into the off-line world, and then, finally staying in love.

Falling is love is simply a doorway into a fuller relationship. Sometimes, online partners do not want to go through that doorway for a lot of different reasons. Personally, I don't see meeting someone online as significantly any different from meeting someone in any other venue. It has it's advantages and disadvantages - one of its very strong advantages is falling in love online requires a significant commitment to communication.

Sustaining a relationship online has its own set of challenges, but they aren't really any different from the off-line world. Questions of timing, questions of interest, the slow revelation of "who a person presents as" and "who a person really is" will always arrive, whether you meet online or offliine.

Transitioning to the offline world is the same as taking a casual relationship offline to another dimension. The main added challenge from online is the frequent challenge of distance. Who moves? How do you swing dates when getting together might require taking time off work or cost several hundred dollars to go out for a cup of coffee? The very real challenge of tremendous intellectual connection and suddenly discovering there is no physical chemistry.

Then, keeping the love alive - well, that is not different at all. As has been mentioned, there are multiple crucibles that a love goes through. The first period of discovery that always comes when you spend extended time together in an intimate setting - can you eat at the same restaurants, can you listen to the same music together, do the same movies interest you, who sleeps on what side of the bed, toilet seat up or down, how frequently do you wash dishes. All of the very ordinary things that make ordinary relationships a challenge.

So, even with all that included, I still think it is possible to fall in love online and then, if that is what you want, carry it through to a loving relationship in all its aspects. It may have some unique challenges (the angle of the laptop cam shooting a perfect shot right up her nose), attraction-at-a-distance, etc., but otherwise, it is the same journey. I've known people who've met online, fallen in love online, and then transitioned to the off-line world, only to have the relationship fail - not because they started online, but because sometimes relationships fail.

 

[SexyRedLace]

I don't really have much to add. I'm enjoying what everyone has shared thus far. Every perspective has its merits, some I agree with, some I may not. The bottom line is to find what works for you, what rings true for you and whether or not it is right for you at the time. You hope that you don't hurt anyone or yourself in the process and that's not an "online" exclusive only. We're all searching for something and whatever we search for, we eventually find.

Having never been in an online relationship and reading the pitfalls of sudden disappearances or things disintegrating without warning, it's frightening to think that one might choose to engage in it. The one thing that you can't predict is who you're going to meet and how they're going to affect you. The choice is yours to go down that road.

 

[Bitesback]

This is very true, and a thought I try to keep in mind. It's a tough one - you think you have a relationship with someone, and while that may be true to some extent, the very nature of the interaction is what allows for sudden departures for any number of reasons. Sometimes, it's easy to forget that this may - at times - not be as real as it feels. Does that make sense?

Bites, was it you who said in another thread the other day to "hold on lightly" to these relationships? I love that phrase. I'm going to credit you with it - well done.

What you said, Sam, makes sense. I wonder if the lack of eye contact makes it easier to say things, and easier to believe things said.

Thanks for the compliment, but those words were not originally mine....
Litiquette 2 thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul_Chance
I'd agree - when it comes to online, hold lightly. People simply vanish.

Something to keep in mind.

 

[SweetSam42]

I don't really have much to add. I'm enjoying what everyone has shared thus far. Every perspective has its merits, some I agree with, some I may not. The bottom line is to find what works for you, what rings true for you and whether or not it is right for you at the time. You hope that you don't hurt anyone or yourself in the process and that's not an "online" exclusive only. We're all searching for something and whatever we search for, we eventually find.

Having never been in an online relationship and reading the pitfalls of sudden disappearances or things disintegrating without warning, it's frightening to think that one might choose to engage in it. The one thing that you can't predict is who you're going to meet and how they're going to affect you. The choice is yours to go down that road.

So well said. Thank you.

What you said, Sam, makes sense. I wonder if the lack of eye contact makes it easier to say things, and easier to believe things said.

Thanks for the compliment, but those words were not originally mine....
Litiquette 2 thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul_Chance
I'd agree - when it comes to online, hold lightly. People simply vanish.

Something to keep in mind.

Could be - but you forget Skype. And while it's not exactly the same as eye contact, I argue that you can get a pretty good simulation of it going. I have no idea what my point is in all that, but just throwing it out there...

 

[coati]

It's so easy for a person to misrepresent their self on-line. Generally, all you can do in that venue is fall in love with a concept, two-dimensional visual image, or voice stream. Once you actually meet the person, that is when you open up to the subtleties of body language, affection, scent, taste, touch, aura, and other lines of communication that have not even been defined by humans yet.

 

[Jenny_4]

I think there is a significant difference between falling in love online, sustaining a relationship online, transitioning that love into the off-line world, and then, finally staying in love.

Well put Paul.

I don't think people are able to fall "in love" online but the chemicals created by the online fantasy makes them think otherwise.

 

[Hipshot1554]

Not Really

People have different opinions of what love is.

I think you can develop an emotional attachment online. Enjoying sharing your ideas, fantasies, and even your troubles. Real love is something else. It has the physical element of involving all of the senses.

I do believe it can start online.

 

[chinakat]

It is now estimated that 40% of couples now meet online. I think initially it makes you talk about things and establish if there is any compatibility.

I was thinking about how many couples meet online these days too. But the truth is falling in love can't possibly happen until after meeting in person. There are just way too many things that you can't find out about someone over messages. I think the people here that are claiming you can genuinely fall in love with someone you only know on the internet probably haven't been in love with someone in real life.

That's just my opinion though, you can definitely catch some feelings for people you've only talked to online

 

[DirkPitt06]

Truth be told I think I was at the very least smitten with someone on Lit. They've been gone a long time though. I doubt we'll ever have the chance to reconnect.

 

[chinakat]

Also, there are much more intimate ways to communicate than just messaging you know ^_^

Yeah but chatting and sending pics is the main way that people communicate online.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

I say yes. Because there are just so many different kinds of love.

 

[SweetSam42]

I don't think people are able to fall "in love" online but the chemicals created by the online fantasy makes them think otherwise.

Isn't any kind of "love" a bunch of chemicals anyway?

One difference i feel though is that when it ends the after effects or sadness if you like does not seem to last as long as after the ending of a real life relationship.

I say yes. Because there are just so many different kinds of love.

So, is online love not as "real" as real-life love? What's the difference?

 

[Itsahard1]

I've made the mistake of forgetting that this is a fantasy site, I won't do that again. The sex is fantasy, the love is fantasy. It feels as real as you want it to, but it's still just fantasy and exists in your own head.

 

[pfflyerhot]

I've made the mistake of forgetting that this is a fantasy site, I won't do that again. The sex is fantasy, the love is fantasy. It feels as real as you want it to, but it's still just fantasy and exists in your own head.

For everyone, though? Or just for you? See? I know it's all fantasy, particularly the sex, because there is nothing tangible, nothing I can lay my hands on, so to speak. But, if the feelings feel real... how is that fantasy? And, how can I be sure of the other person's intentions... if they feel anything in their hearts until they lay them out (their intentions) with actions... and even then... what's their motivation? What is mine? is it the sexual arousal that causes us to THINK we're in love?
Now, I'm completely muddled... Ah fuck it. My whole life is a fantasy, anyway...

 

[SkAoUt]

I don't believe its possible. I think you need to be in the same physical space for love to happen. Which sounds dumb but I don't believe we've evolved as much as we think we have. And as such are slaves to chemical processes. These processes control our behaviour and with whom we fall in love. None of which can happen through the web. So you might feel a variety of other things for an individual however I don't believe it will be truly validated until you both meet.

 

[JadedBliss]

I've had this debate with a few people recently, and I'm curious what others think. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never met? Someone you only know virtually?

It is definitely possible. It is how I met my husband.

 

[quitealady]

In my opinion it is not love that happens online but more like a person telling us what we want to hear. They make you feel good about yourself and you open yourself for a lot of feelings you wouldn't have otherwise had. These feelings are real. Yes the kind that break your heart when you no longer hear from these people or see them flirting with others. Then there are the ones that reach out to you and you become friends and you wouldn't give those friendships up for anything.

 

[britishlegman]

My two pennies....

To each his own.

I believe that is the best answer.

Let's subtract the men and women who play online and are not looking for anything real, who develop relationships with people for fun or because of addiction, who are not honest for various reasons, and think nothing of disappearing in an instant because they lack common decency and have little regard for the feelings of others.

Let's do talk about the men and women who look for love online due to personality and lack of social skill or a job that eats up all of their time. People who frequent sites like Literotica and unexpectedly come across someone really special. Like any other word in the dictionary, love has a definition, but for all and/or most people, has a different meaning. Correct or incorrect.

I know and have met people who established connections online, met after 2 plus years, and have been married even longer. I also know people who met in the "real world", had a 2 plus year engagement, and were looking to get divorced not even a year after they were married.

Unless unhealthy, I would never challenge what the word "love" means to someone. Everyone needs love, experiences love, and handles love in their own special way. Love comes in many forms. The same forms in which solid relationships, marriages, and long years of love are built.

So, yes, I do believe you can fall in love with someone online. Just takes the right kind of people, honesty, trust, and the willingness to make the relationship what you each want it to be.

 

[JadedBliss]

So, yes, I do believe you can fall in love with someone online. Just takes the right kind of people, honesty, trust, and the willingness to make the relationship what you each want it to be.

I would agree with that sentiment. Despite having instant chemistry when we first began communicating, my husband and I had an online platonic friendship for almost fourteen years before we even entertained the idea of taking things to the next level. We saw each other through many ups and downs in other relationships. When we finally did meet face to face, what we experienced online transcended to our offline relationship and it was even better than either one of us could have imagined.

It wasn't the first online relationship to move offline for either one of us, so I think we both learned from past experiences and used that knowledge to make our relationship stronger. I certainly don't think we are the norm, and it took a very long time for us to get where we are.

 

[ForeverDreaming]

I believe you can. It just happens differently. If your heart is open, then you can do anything. If you are on here(or any online forum) to be honest and tell someone all about yourself, you are letting them get to know you. The real you. As you take the time to get to know a person, you let them in more. If feeling develop, it goes to pictures, voices, calls, web cams etc. You show them all of your good and all of your bad. Eventually you have to meet and see if it's the same in person. But I believe that as long as it's not a game and you are truly letting that person know you and all your strengths and weaknesses, it's no different then the real world. It just may not have started with only the physical.

I see no reason to be anything less then honest. But that's just me.

 

[SweetSam42]

So how do you know when it's fantasy, and when it's real?

I would argue that the online sex isn't always pure fantasy. There can be an intimacy during those sessions that can be intense, and I wouldn't call that pure fantasy.

 

[rubydlite]

You know....i keep seeing this thread pop up and I keep trying to answer the question...i still can't. but I found this diddy. ..and I think it applies...

"If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — ...
....
It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good."

So I guess all I'm saying is I think it's possible because love doesn't have to be a two way street. If one feels it but the other doesn't ....maybe one thought it fun or a game...it doesn't lessen the other person's feelings.

I've met many people....in real life and virtual who have affected me in profound and unique ways. Some know...some don't. ...but they affected me nonetheless.


*is this gobbledygook? ?