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Can you fall in love with someone online?

jameslewis said:
The upside, the closeness, yes you do need the physical contact to really have love. But the hurt, man it can sure feel like love does.
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Tenenbaum said:
I think this topic of hurting brings up an interesting point. If someone leaving hurts you that much, don't you think there's a little more to it? I'm sure we've all had friends come and go in real life. The absence of some hurts more than others. But doesn't that mean you had a deeper connection with them than someone else? There was something more there that makes you feel their absence more deeply?

I'm not necessarily saying it's love but if the hurt can make it feel like love, maybe it could be love? Again, I think it still goes back to how we all define love and that's different for everyone.
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Does the possibility of heartache from a lost online connection keep you from getting in deeper? In other words, do you keep your guard up, knowing that these things can be fleeting?
 
SweetSam42 said:
Does the possibility of heartache from a lost online connection keep you from getting in deeper? In other words, do you keep your guard up, knowing that these things can be fleeting?
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At least for some, I'm sure it keeps them from getting in deeper. But again, can't you say the same for real life love? I think that everyone keeps their guard up to an extent.
 
SweetSam42 said:
Does the possibility of heartache from a lost online connection keep you from getting in deeper? In other words, do you keep your guard up, knowing that these things can be fleeting?
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Generally speaking, you tend to protect yourself every time you get hurt. I don't think it matters much whether it's online or offline. One would hope that you learn some extremely valuable lessons for the next opportunity in order to have a much better experience, if that's what you're looking for.

As far as vetting goes, you can only do so much. You have to trust that the other person is as invested in the relationship as you are. Even at that, it isn't a guarantee that your relationship will be a success.

If I sound like I'm rambling, please chalk it up to a messed up time zone and a severe lack of sleep. (Visiting my folks on the East Coast and I'm having trouble sleeping)
 
SweetSam42 said:
Does the possibility of heartache from a lost online connection keep you from getting in deeper? In other words, do you keep your guard up, knowing that these things can be fleeting?
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Yes. I wanna know what we're doing, upfront, if we know. I'm afraid not much in life is fleeting ... at least, for me... I AM learning not to put my all, my full-blown heart, into every interaction, that's for sure... I'm not very good at it, and I'm not sure I wanna be good at it... but, I've learned it is wise on many levels
As far as falling love online... I don't really know what love is, so I can't say. I think you can THINK you're in love with your internet BF/GF... but, is it really love? I dunno.
 
Interesting and intriguing question....to quote a poster...."I don't really know what love is, so I can't say".....Would not one's experience of love/or in loving...surely be a determining factor?
 
If you think you're in love, then I say you're in love. There's no overarching exact definition of "love," so I think that it's up to each individual to set the definition for themselves.
 
drouter said:
Interesting and intriguing question....to quote a poster...."I don't really know what love is, so I can't say".....Would not one's experience of love/or in loving...surely be a determining factor?
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Indeed. What I was getting at is love is never the same. How you love one person, may not be how you love the next... Depends on the individuals involved... (Hello, Mr. router :))
SweetSam42 said:
If you think you're in love, then I say you're in love. There's no overarching exact definition of "love," so I think that it's up to each individual to set the definition for themselves.
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I like this version. And, the love I feel for one person may not feel the same as the love I feel for someone else... Does that make any sense?
 
In love? ---not so sure
Can you get all messed up with somebody online?? ---oh, yeah
 
Love is a crapshoot, whether meeting someone on line, or IRL. There are no easy answers or formulas to crack the magic code of love. Mutual respect and common interests are helpful.
 
Tenenbaum said:
At least for some, I'm sure it keeps them from getting in deeper. But again, can't you say the same for real life love? I think that everyone keeps their guard up to an extent.
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Yes, you can say the same thing about real life, but in an online relationship, aside from the often fleeting nature of things where people take off without warning or goodbye, I still think you're falling for a fantasy of sorts until you meet in real life. So, my guard would be up more in an online situation.

For me, it comes back to how well you can really know someone you only see in the little cocoon of a world you've created for eachother online. Yes, it's fun. Yes, it's intimate. Yes, there's a connection. But there are puzzle pieces missing.
 
SweetSam42 said:
For me, it comes back to how well you can really know someone you only see in the little cocoon of a world you've created for eachother online. Yes, it's fun. Yes, it's intimate. Yes, there's a connection. But there are puzzle pieces missing.
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That's entirely true, of course. But it is also true of real world relationships - think of the woman happily married ten years coming home to find her husband in her panties; the man whose wife leaves him for a woman; the shocking discovery that your significant other actually likes tomatoes (still a little traumatized by that, to be honest). None of us is a puzzle meant to be solved. And sometimes it's good to muddle all the pieces up and recreate the mystery which, after all, was in place when we were first drawn to them.
 
SweetSam42 said:
Yes, you can say the same thing about real life, but in an online relationship, aside from the often fleeting nature of things where people take off without warning or goodbye, I still think you're falling for a fantasy of sorts until you meet in real life. So, my guard would be up more in an online situation.

For me, it comes back to how well you can really know someone you only see in the little cocoon of a world you've created for eachother online. Yes, it's fun. Yes, it's intimate. Yes, there's a connection. But there are puzzle pieces missing.
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One should most definitely be more cautious in an online situation. Ever heard of Nigerian scams? There are these people that pretend to love someone else and then start asking to send things to them like money. It works because people believe it and do it.

Even though it isn't universally obvious, I think it quickly becomes clear who you may be able to trust and who you can't. I know a few Lit people outside of Lit and I've let them into more personal aspects of my life I wouldn't otherwise do. Judgment is key. Anyone trying to get something they want will most likely leave quickly afterwards if they find out they won't be getting what they want. It depends. But on the other hand, it doesn't mean people you meet in your everyday life are any more trustworthy. Anything's a gamble if you ask me.

I think one of the advantages of meeting online is that you meet more of the actual person rather than more superficial things like looks. Again, it is not always universal. It is also easier to be yourself and to be more honest, imo. And it is just as easy to pretend to be something you're not. You may meet someone online you otherwise never would have liked if you had met them in person. It depends.

As for long distance relationships, I wouldn't personally do one. It's not my place to tell someone else that it's right or wrong. I have no problem meeting people online as long as they're local. LDR are more difficult because you're always apart and even if the means to get together is there it isn't always easy. One must weigh the pros and the cons.

I believe it is very possible to fall in love with someone online. And I also don't mean some infatuation of someone just because they post nude pics of themselves online. I think a lot of the negative aspects of being online that many people have cited can be equally applied to everyday life. It's not so different.
 
EndlessNameless said:
One should most definitely be more cautious in an online situation. Ever heard of Nigerian scams? There are these people that pretend to love someone else and then start asking to send things to them like money. It works because people believe it and do it.

Even though it isn't universally obvious, I think it quickly becomes clear who you may be able to trust and who you can't. I know a few Lit people outside of Lit and I've let them into more personal aspects of my life I wouldn't otherwise do. Judgment is key. Anyone trying to get something they want will most likely leave quickly afterwards if they find out they won't be getting what they want. It depends. But on the other hand, it doesn't mean people you meet in your everyday life are any more trustworthy. Anything's a gamble if you ask me.

I think one of the advantages of meeting online is that you meet more of the actual person rather than more superficial things like looks. Again, it is not always universal. It is also easier to be yourself and to be more honest, imo. And it is just as easy to pretend to be something you're not. You may meet someone online you otherwise never would have liked if you had met them in person. It depends.

As for long distance relationships, I wouldn't personally do one. It's not my place to tell someone else that it's right or wrong. I have no problem meeting people online as long as they're local. LDR are more difficult because you're always apart and even if the means to get together is there it isn't always easy. One must weigh the pros and the cons.

I believe it is very possible to fall in love with someone online. And I also don't mean some infatuation of someone just because they post nude pics of themselves online. I think a lot of the negative aspects of being online that many people have cited can be equally applied to everyday life. It's not so different.
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Totally agree with the bolded.
 
People need, and want; they crave intimacy and connection. So we let ourselves build a fantasy world around someone we think is giving us what we need and crave. We let ourselves live in that world, feeling happy. Until the day Reality comes a calling "Wake Up!" and kicks us in the nuts to make sure we get the message. And continues to kick now and then, until it gets bored or tired, or until we get numb from the repeated kicks. And after a while, when the pain goes away we start letting the fantasies come back.
 
Yes.

Between email, IM, chat, BBS, Skype, etc. It is quite possible to fall in love with someone you meet online.
 
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