Misty Knight
Experienced
- Joined
- May 23, 2003
- Posts
- 45
I knew he was pretending to sleep and I wasn't sleeping either! What bothered me most was I had tried to use sex as a weapon to get even for him laughing at me. I started something harshly and then walked out. I didn't like myself very much at the moment. Not much at all. But I didn't like being laughed at either. Especially sharing something as personal as a family nickname with him. Sure I had sex with him but sex can be very impersonal, especially considering how this entire thing had begun. A mistake of me being pissed at the world and forgetting I had leased my cabin out. I had suggested guilt free sex and he had agreed.
But somehow when he asked for my nickname, and I shared something very few people had ever known about me and he laughed, I felt like an even bigger fool than I had suggesting guilt free sex. Actually I felt like the most intimate part of me had been rejected.
Men really piss me off! Trying to keep my anger under control, or rather the hurt I was feeling, I walked in and stood by the sofa. I think I mumbled the apology. Not sure if I did or not. So I repeated it louder. But still not sure if I had said it and he had heard it, I launched into a long explanation of everything. I explained why I left the city so rapidly and drove through a snow storm to get here. I explained about my business and my insecurities and still I wasn't sure if he was really listening to me.
I could see him staring at me so I know he heard. But did he really listen? I paused for a very long time and finally heard him say "I'm sorry Madison. I don't know what else to say."
Then I couldn't believe what I said next. So pitiful but I just couldn't stop myself. "You haven't seen me at my best, you know. I mean, I've been angry and frustrated ever since I walked in the door. But normally I am a sunny type personality. I am usually happy and cheerful. And it was my Dad who said I was a Sunnie. And it just caught on. And no one outside my family even knows that. Ever since I left home for college, I have been Madison. But I told you something very very dear to me and you laughed. That's what hurt the most! And the old man can take his business and I'll....."
Suddenly, Matt sat up and grabbed me, pulling me down on top of him, cradling the back of my head gently, his lips next to my ear. "You mean to tell me that your nickname is Sunnie? With a "U"? And not Sonny with an "O"?" I nodded and then I realized the mistake I had made by not explaining. And then I was the one laughing and he was making love to me. Gently.
But somehow when he asked for my nickname, and I shared something very few people had ever known about me and he laughed, I felt like an even bigger fool than I had suggesting guilt free sex. Actually I felt like the most intimate part of me had been rejected.
Men really piss me off! Trying to keep my anger under control, or rather the hurt I was feeling, I walked in and stood by the sofa. I think I mumbled the apology. Not sure if I did or not. So I repeated it louder. But still not sure if I had said it and he had heard it, I launched into a long explanation of everything. I explained why I left the city so rapidly and drove through a snow storm to get here. I explained about my business and my insecurities and still I wasn't sure if he was really listening to me.
I could see him staring at me so I know he heard. But did he really listen? I paused for a very long time and finally heard him say "I'm sorry Madison. I don't know what else to say."
Then I couldn't believe what I said next. So pitiful but I just couldn't stop myself. "You haven't seen me at my best, you know. I mean, I've been angry and frustrated ever since I walked in the door. But normally I am a sunny type personality. I am usually happy and cheerful. And it was my Dad who said I was a Sunnie. And it just caught on. And no one outside my family even knows that. Ever since I left home for college, I have been Madison. But I told you something very very dear to me and you laughed. That's what hurt the most! And the old man can take his business and I'll....."
Suddenly, Matt sat up and grabbed me, pulling me down on top of him, cradling the back of my head gently, his lips next to my ear. "You mean to tell me that your nickname is Sunnie? With a "U"? And not Sonny with an "O"?" I nodded and then I realized the mistake I had made by not explaining. And then I was the one laughing and he was making love to me. Gently.