Cheating from a Woman's Perspective

[TaniaTulle]

Sorry for the long post, just been bugging me a while and when I saw this thread I thought it was a good opportunity to vent!

 

[BeechLeaf]

TaniaTulle, I remember that story well, and I thought it was superb. My notes tell me there was some personal reason I didn't comment on it, which I am unclear about now, but let me reassure you it was nothing to do with either the quality of your writing or the content: I recall you did it all sensitively and sympathetically.

 

[lwppp000]

Here are 3 very short (1k words) about a wife's perspective on cheating. It is the same story told from a regular wife, then a mature wife, then an incestuous wife.

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-logophiles-trouble-with-lie

https://www.literotica.com/s/mature-logophile-and-the-word-lie

https://www.literotica.com/s/lying-with-my-son



This is a story detailing the mental struggle a wife has with herself regarding her desire to cheat.

https://literotica.com/s/4-thoughts-on-cheating-style-a

 

[StrentWriter]

I wrote a story about a middle-class mum approaching middle age who has an affair. In many ways, she has a perfect life: nice house, posh location, two kids. But she and her husband have grown apart. I did explain why, although perhaps not in great detail (the story was long enough already!).

In her youth, she'd been very different: wild, reckless, and, for a time, working as a high-class escort to help pay her student costs. Now, part of her misses that life. Looking glamorous, luxurious hotels, expensive dinners, being desired, and the sex.

While clearing out some junk, she comes across her old escorting phone. Out of curiosity, she switches it on and discovers that her favourite client has still been sending her messages over the years, including one from just a few weeks ago.

This man had been more than just a client. They'd had a connection, and he'd regularly selected her. She'd chosen her husband partly as a rebellion against her former life: it was time to grow up, settle down and leave all that behind. But now she's realising you can't just switch off parts of yourself, and that repressing that side of her has started to affect the rest of her life.

Long story short, she's tempted to go and see him. To get dressed up, stop being Mum for one evening, and slip back into her old character as a glamorous courtesan for one night, and remember what her old life was like. Of course, one thing leads to another...

Her reasoning for doing this isn't exactly strong, and she knows what she's doing is wrong. At one point she feels like a complete fool. At another, she's full of regret about what she's done. And, slight spoiler, she eventually comes clean to the old client about what her life is like now and what she's done.

We never see whether she tells her husband. I think I implied that the marriage probably needs to end, but that wasn't really the story this particular tale was trying to tell.

What surprised me was some of the negative feedback, including from commenters who'd really liked my other stories.

That's fine. We all have things we like and don't like. Things that turn us on, and things that give us the ick. But I did feel there was a strong hint of misogyny in some of the responses, and that genuinely surprised me.

Comments like this:

"Didn't bother reading about a whore romanticizing about being a whore. Let's hope her husband has security that exposes her quickly so he can move on in his life."

And:

"She's going to have marks on her body and charges on her credit card that she will have to explain to her husband. And probably some questions about where she went and what she did while she was gone. A follow-up or part 2 should address the consequences of her fling. And she will probably have to reveal things to her husband about her past that he doesn't know and may not be happy with."

Look, it's nothing compared with what it might have got in LW's (I'm avoiding that category like the plague). But it did make me wonder: if this had been a man cheating on his wife, would the reaction have been the same? Would there have been the same demand for consequences and punishment?

I don't generally respond to negative comments, and I leave them up. A lot of the time they're relevant, quite often right, and I do take negative feedback on board. But I didn't like the underlying tone here.

But if I did respond, I think I'd say something along these lines:

1. It's a fantasy. No one actually did this. Fiction lets us explore scenarios where people make choices we wouldn't necessarily make ourselves, or even approve of. That's why it's fun.
2. There seems to be an assumption that if someone is, or has been, a sex worker, there must eventually be some terrible price to pay. I have friends who are, or have been, escorts. They lead pretty normal lives and are in loving relationships. Their lives aren't perfect, and some days they don't like their jobs, but that's true of plenty of people.
3. There also seems to be a difference in how cheating is treated depending on who's doing it. If a man plays away, it can just be a fun, sexy story. If a woman does the same, suddenly she has to be punished and there have to be consequences.
4. We can write and read about people doing stupid, selfish or bad things. Sometimes they even get away with them, just as people sometimes do in real life. Our MCs are allowed to be dicks. Sometimes that's what makes them interesting to write.

There was also a comment from @StrentWriter that put this much better than I could have (I hope he doesn't mind me sharing):

"I feel like some of the other comments could be summed up as “because they’re human”. Humans err. It’s not all rational, and it’s not all good. I thought this was an excellent story because the characters are flawed, not in spite of it. There isn’t logic in sexual attraction or where sex is the goal: that’s the point. I really enjoy this and I wish I had read this before publishing my novel, as your first-person prose is really beautifully done.

(The story is Selene if you want to read or see comments).

Was pleased to have been noticed and for my comment to have made some sense! And I stand by it of course.

 

[lc69hunter]

You are asking the wrong question.

Several studies indicate that women grow bored with monogamy far more and far sooner than men.

Opportunity

There is no need to go deeper than that. They are able to compartmentalize parts of their lives much easier than men, who tend to have binary brains. It rarely has anything to do with hubby and her marriage.

No harm, no foul...

 

[TaniaTulle]

Was pleased to have been noticed and for my comment to have made some sense! And I stand by it of course.

I should have put it in the 'Comments that make your day' thread, as it did!

 

[Dodola]

Another way to try to see it:
Your story was written so well that those commenters were fully engaged, to the point that they had an emotional reaction so powerful, that they had to tell you.
It's not the same as positive feedback, but it's still a win, when your story strikes a nerve.

 

[StrentWriter]

I should have put it in the 'Comments that make your day' thread, as it did!

There’s still time!

I should add without fanboying too much that I went back and re read it to try and capture a bit of the overall emotional feel for my own work of late.

 

[WCSGarland]

I like the story and thought the main character was relatable and interesting. It was well told being both poignant and erotic. Good job @TaniaTulle.

 

[Comshaw]

But it did make me wonder: if this had been a man cheating on his wife, would the reaction have been the same? Would there have been the same demand for consequences and punishment?

Hmmmm...interesting. A two-part story maybe? The first part detailing the husband's cheating and how he thinks he is getting away with it. The second part detailing the wife's cheating because she found out what he was doing and decided that if it was okay for him, it would be okay for her. I have a great start on that second story. Maybe I'll finish it, then do the husband's story and post them at the same time in LW and see what shakes out.

Comshaw

 

[BiFunHusband]

I would add that for many men, having their wife betray them, or be a hotwife, etc., is a way to vicariously, transitively experience their bisexual curiosity or desires. This is surely not true for all men who are into it, but for many, the idea of, say, fucking a pussy that's just had another man's cock fucking it, maybe cumming in it, has a certain homoerotic sheen, whether some people admit it or not.

And that's OK!

 

[EmilyMiller]

But I did feel there was a strong hint of misogyny in some of the responses, and that genuinely surprised me.

It doesn’t surprise me.

I’m quite accustomed to a tiny - but vocal - proportion of readers making comments like.

“The dirty whore is going to be full of germs fucking multiple men bareback, I hope she has good insurance.”

[this is a portmanteau of comments, I tend to delete the actual ones]

As I often feature a character called Emily in my stories, “dirty whore” is sometimes replaced by “you.”

Strangely, this type of reader always focuses on the seuxal health of the women involved, never the men.

I mean our mucosal surfaces are much larger and vaginal tissue is thinner (i.e. easier for pathogens to get through) than penile, so - for PIV sex - it’s not a symmetrical risk. But I doubt relative anatomy is what drives such comments.

 

[Stanfield2025]

What surprised me was some of the negative feedback, including from commenters who'd really liked my other stories.

That's fine. We all have things we like and don't like. Things that turn us on, and things that give us the ick. But I did feel there was a strong hint of misogyny in some of the responses, and that genuinely surprised me.

Comments like this:

"Didn't bother reading about a whore romanticizing about being a whore. Let's hope her husband has security that exposes her quickly so he can move on in his life."

And:

"She's going to have marks on her body and charges on her credit card that she will have to explain to her husband. And probably some questions about where she went and what she did while she was gone. A follow-up or part 2 should address the consequences of her fling. And she will probably have to reveal things to her husband about her past that he doesn't know and may not be happy with."

Look, it's nothing compared with what it might have got in LW's (I'm avoiding that category like the plague). But it did make me wonder: if this had been a man cheating on his wife, would the reaction have been the same? Would there have been the same demand for consequences and punishment?

The first comment is just kind of amusing, obviously misogynistic, and dumb, but the second one is at least engaging deeply with the story (at least, from the looks of it).

Personally, I'd like to get a comment or two explaining all the ways my MCs are being dickheads, but that's because the story I wrote is meant to have divisive MCs, especially the FMC. It would be nice get diverse comments on her. If the story was popular enough, there probably would be more diverse opinions on her.

I don't generally respond to negative comments, and I leave them up. A lot of the time they're relevant, quite often right, and I do take negative feedback on board. But I didn't like the underlying tone here.

But if I did respond, I think I'd say something along these lines:

1. It's a fantasy. No one actually did this. Fiction lets us explore scenarios where people make choices we wouldn't necessarily make ourselves, or even approve of. That's why it's fun.
2. There seems to be an assumption that if someone is, or has been, a sex worker, there must eventually be some terrible price to pay. I have friends who are, or have been, escorts. They lead pretty normal lives and are in loving relationships. Their lives aren't perfect, and some days they don't like their jobs, but that's true of plenty of people.
3. There also seems to be a difference in how cheating is treated depending on who's doing it. If a man plays away, it can just be a fun, sexy story. If a woman does the same, suddenly she has to be punished and there have to be consequences.
4. We can write and read about people doing stupid, selfish or bad things. Sometimes they even get away with them, just as people sometimes do in real life. Our MCs are allowed to be dicks. Sometimes that's what makes them interesting to write.

There was also a comment from @StrentWriter that put this much better than I could have (I hope he doesn't mind me sharing):

"I feel like some of the other comments could be summed up as “because they’re human”. Humans err. It’s not all rational, and it’s not all good. I thought this was an excellent story because the characters are flawed, not in spite of it. There isn’t logic in sexual attraction or where sex is the goal: that’s the point. I really enjoy this and I wish I had read this before publishing my novel, as your first-person prose is really beautifully done.

It's so weird to me how people are so selective when it comes to moralizing stories on Lit. Plenty of people will let rape and murder go, but when it's cheating, that's when there must be consequences and accountability. That's when there's no moral grayness.

 

[MrsIndianPeach]

https://www.literotica.com/s/mayura

One of my fav stories