Christmas party at The Velvet Vulva

[Colleen Thomas]

I still have my Alvin and the Chipmunks 45 and Grandma got run over by a Reindeer on the flip side

Also have a full liquor cabnet and can't drink anymore so help yourselves!

-Colly

 

[shereads]

AAAAL-VINNNNNNN!!

Yes! I knew there was something missing. It's not Christmas without singing chipmunks.

"Okay Dave!"

I feel better already. Merry Christmas, Colleen, and thank you for remembering our cartoon rodent friends at this time of year when we should all pull together to annoy our manager, Dave.

I'm not much of a drinker either (it makes me throw up, which loses some of its luster after the sophomore year of college. But I will toss back a cup of Bailey's laced with milk, and I'll be singing along with Alvin and the Chipmunks.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

AAAAL-VINNNNNNN!!

Yes! I knew there was something missing. It's not Christmas without singing chipmunks.

"Okay Dave!"

I feel better already. Merry Christmas, Colleen, and thank you for remembering our cartoon rodent friends at this time of year when we should all pull together to annoy our manager, Dave.

I'm not much of a drinker either (it makes me throw up, which loses some of its luster after the sophomore year of college. But I will toss back a cup of Bailey's laced with milk, and I'll be singing along with Alvin and the Chipmunks.

As it just so happens I still have a hoola hoop, so after you toss down your bailys maybe we can convince you to show off your skill for us

-Colly

 

[shereads]

ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS: BEHIND THE MUSIC

From the "unauthorized" website (I love the internet!):
Record executive, Lionel Spitz: I was immediately taken with them. The second they walked into the room, I knew. I had the next big thing right front of me. I was particularly impressed with Alvin. He had such a raw sexuality to him, even though he was, you know, a child-like rat. I remember the first thing he did when he walked in was get busy with my secretary’s leg. And she was screamin’ and cryin’ and jumpin’ up and down. And I’m thinkin’ damn. Not even Elvis got that sort of reaction right out of the gate.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Theodore: Yeah...Alvin had that problem initially.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alvin: It wasn’t a problem. It’s natural for a chipmunk to explore his own sexuality. I have certain animal tendencies. A natural heat. You can’t extinguish that sort of thing. The best you can do is hold on and enjoy Mr. Alvin’s Wild Ride.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Simon: Did he say that? He’s such an idiot. You know I ran into that secretary years later at the Super Stop and Shop. I heard she’s a roadie for Quiet Riot now. Which is really great although I seriously would have bet money that they died in a plane crash or something. Who am I thinking of? Is Whitesnake still alive?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was during that fateful meeting that the boys recorded their first hit: The Witchdoctor. With it’s edgy, clever, and irreverent lyrics that poked fun at pagan medical practices, the Witchdoctor was catapulted to the top of the charts. A TV show soon followed, as well a Christmas Album......

Dave: I don’t think the boys were ready for the TV show just yet. I had just finally gotten them to stop pooping in the sandbox at the park.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Simon: Alvin hated doing the Christmas album. That was just the complete opposite of what he was into at the time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alvin: It was really a shame because here I was, you know, living the American Dream. I mean, what kid doesn’t want to be a rock star? And here I was, an honest to goodness rock star.........and it wasn’t on my terms.
------------------------------------------------------------------------


It was 1961. Just a few years after the boys blasted onto the charts with Witchdoctor, when it all fell apart. The boys started getting older and harder to control. And the found money was taking a toll on David Seville.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dave: I went from like not being able to afford a sandwich at Burger King to being able to buy like, lots of sandwiches. I mean, suddenly I was faced with all these options. It was like, hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us. Well, maybe it upset me, man!!! All right? Jesus. Maybe...it upset me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Simon: Yeah, it was about this time when Dave started smoking pot.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alvin: He was rockin’ the ganj pretty hard.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Theodore: I don’t really know what that means but it always smelled funny in the bathroom.
------------------------------------------------------------------------


Simon: The thing that was amusing about Dave was that he always was able to reinvent himself to fit in with the latest burn out trends. I mean, he was right there in the 60’s, sporting this ridiculous beard. He got into this phase where he was making his own clothes for awhile, trying to play White Rabbit on the piano. Then he was right in that pseudo-porn scene in the 70’s... And then of course there was the repentant yuppie phase in the 80’s, where he had a mullet and would light up in guilt ridden relapses under his bed sheets like we wouldn’t notice. I didn’t really care. Everyone has to have a hobby, you know?

 

[shereads]

Hmm. Rhino's new AV plus the mistletoe that Black Tulip brought plus the Doctor's space-age bachelor pad and whatever Esquivel is...A person could almost edited because "he knows if you've been bad or good"
with the whipped cream!

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[Clay Tanner]

Christmas Party at the Velvet Vulva

Has the party started without me? I am bringing a pot of glogg to warm the innerds, and a couple of squeeky clean Christmas balls.

Glad to see so many of you are coming!

 

[dee1124]

Oh, by the way, Colly, if I make it in time, expect to be asked to dance.

Dee

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Oh, by the way, Colly, if I make it in time, expect to be asked to dance.

Dee

Merry Christmas Dee

As to Dancing, as long as you lead I'll be tickled pink to follow

Merry Christmas to all :0

Wheeeee!

-Colly

 

[Guest]

I know I'm early, 12:50 am here, but it's party time for some of you somewhere. Just finished making 8-1/2 dozen tamales (pork w/chile poblano sauce) with my sons, brother, sis-in-law and niece. Very all-day job but lots of fun and merriment.

Glad to see more boyz.

Colly I will lead you in a tango; that means I'll be butch for a few minutes.

OK, going to start trying some of the treats mentioned above. Champers, anyone?

Merry Christmas!

Perdita

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I know I'm early, 12:50 am here, but it's party time for some of you somewhere. Just finished making 8-1/2 dozen tamales (pork w/chile poblano sauce) with my sons, brother, sis-in-law and niece. Very all-day job but lots of fun and merriment.

Glad to see more boyz.

Colly I will lead you in a tango; that means I'll be butch for a few minutes.

OK, going to start trying some of the treats mentioned above. Champers, anyone?

Merry Christmas!

Perdita

Whoo Hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this rate my dance card will be full in no time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mery XXX-Mas to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Colly

 

[shereads]

Re: Christmas Party at the Velvet Vulva

squeeky clean Christmas balls.

Hey, you're cute. Why haven't I seen your face before?

Welcome. Perdita was first to arrive, and I was dozing but the smell of the tamales woke me...It's traditional in my home, beginning this year, to have flan and tamales for breakfast on Christmas Day, with a Diet Coke.

I'll put some coffee on later. First, I'm gonna grab a tamale and go eat it in bed.

I hope Santa brought me some better-fitting ankle cuffs...Those old ones had way too much "give."

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Up and morose, wandering around in jeans and a bathrobe, peering outside at the bleak streets (no snow here this Christmas) waiting for the trumpets. Something.

Merry Christmas to all...

---dr.M.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Up and morose, wandering around in jeans and a bathrobe, peering outside at the bleak streets (no snow here this Christmas) waiting for the trumpets. Something.

Merry Christams to all...

---dr.M.

Merry X-mas doc.

Colly

 

[Dirt Man]

Merry Christmas

The Filling Station
> ====================
>
> The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve.
> He hadn't been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away.
> He had no decorations, no tree, no lights._ It was just another
> day to him._ He didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a
> reason to celebrate._ There were no children in his life.
> His wife had gone.
>
> He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling
> for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when the
> door opened and a homeless man stepped through._ Instead of
> throwing the man out, George, Old George as he was known by
> his customers, told the man to come and sit by the space
> heater and warmup.
>
> "Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude," said the stranger.
> "I see you're busy._ I'll just go"
>
> "Not without something hot in your belly," George turned and
> opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger.
> "It ain't much, but it's hot and tasty._ Stew._ Made it myself.
> When you're done there's coffee and it's fresh."
>
> Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell.
> "Excuse me, be right back," George said.
>
> There in the driveway was an old 53 Chevy._ Steam was rolling
> out of the front._ The driver was panicked.
>
> "Mister can you help me!" said the driver with a deep Spanish
> accent._ "My wife is with child and my car is broken."
>
> George opened the hood._ It was bad._ The block looked cracked
> from the cold; the car was dead._ "You ain't going in this
> thing," George said as he turned away.
>
> "But mister._ Please help...."The door of the office closed
> behind George as he went in._ George went to the office wall
> and got the keys to his old truck, and went back outside.
> He walked around the building and opened the garage, started the
> truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting.
>
> "Here, you can borrow my truck," he said._ "She ain't the best
> thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good."
>
> George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it
> sped off into the night._ George turned and walked back inside
> the office.
>
> "Glad I loaned em the truck._ Their tires were shot too._
> That 'ol truck has brand new tires........" George thought he
> was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone._ The thermos
> was on the desk, empty with a used coffee cup beside it.
>
> "Well, at least he got something in his belly," George thought.
> George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start.
> It cranked slowly, but it started._ He pulled it into the garage
> where the truck had been._ He thought he would tinker with it
> for something to do._ Christmas Eve meant no customers._
> He discovered the block hadn't cracked, it was just the bottom
> hose on the radiator.
>
> "Well, I can fix this," he said to himself._ So he put a new one
> on._ "Those tires ain't gonna get 'em through the winter
> either."_ He took the snow treads off of his wife's old Lincoln.
> They were like new and he wasn't going to drive the car.
>
> As he was working he heard a shot being fired._ He ran outside
> and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground.
> Bleeding from the left shoulder, the officer moaned, "Help me."
> George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training
> he had received in the Army as a medic._ He knew the wound
> needed attention.
>
> "Pressure to stop the bleeding," he thought._ The laundry
> company had been there that morning and had left clean shop
> towels._ He used those and duct tape to bind the wound.
>
> "Hey, they say duct tape can fix anythin'," he said, trying to
> make the policeman feel at ease._ "Something for pain," George
> thought._ All he had was the pills he used for his back._ "These
> ought to work." He put some water in a cup and gave the
> policeman the pills.
>
> "You hang in there._ I'm going to get you an ambulance." George
> said, but the phone was dead._ "Maybe I can get one of your
> buddies on that there talk box out in your police car."
>
> He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the
> dashboard destroying the two way radio._ He went back in to find
> the policeman sitting up.
>
> "Thanks," said the officer._ "You could have left me there.
> The guy that shot me is still in the area."
>
> George sat down beside him._ "I would never leave an injured man
> in the Army and I ain't gonna leave you." George pulled back the
> bandage to check for bleeding._ "Looks worse than what it is.
> Bullet passed right through 'ya._ Good thing it missed the
> important stuff though._ I think with time your gonna be right
> as rain."
>
> George got up and poured a cup of coffee._ "How do you take it?"
> he asked.
>
> "None for me," said the officer.
>
> "Oh, yer gonna drink this._ Best in the city." Then George
> added: "Too bad I ain't got no donuts."
>
> The officer laughed and winced at the same time._ The front door
> of the office flew open._ In burst a young man with a gun.
>
> "Give me all your cash!_ Do it now!" the young man yelled.
> His hand was shaking and George could tell that he had never
> done anything like this before.
>
> "That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer.
>
> "Son, why are you doing this?" asked George._ "You need to put
> the cannon away._ Somebody else might get hurt."
>
> The young man was confused._ "Shut up old man, or I'll shoot
> you, too._ Now give me the cash!"_
> The cop was reaching for his gun.
>
> "Put that thing away," George said to the cop._ "We got one too
> many in here now."
>
> He turned his attention to the young man._ "Son, it's Christmas
> Eve._ If you need the money, well then, here._ It ain't much but
> it's all I got._ Now put that pee shooter away."
>
> George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young
> man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time._ The
> young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and
> began to cry.
>
> "I'm not very good at this am I?_ All I wanted was to buy
> something for my wife and son," he went on._ "I've lost my job.
> My rent is due._ My car got repossessed last week..."
>
> George handed the gun to the cop._ "Son, we all get in a bit of
> squeeze now and then._ The road gets hard sometimes, but we
> make it through the best we can."
>
> He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair
> across from the cop._ "Sometimes we do stupid things." George
> handed the young man a cup of coffee._ "Being stupid is one of
> the things that makes us human._ Comin' in here with a gun ain't
> the answer._ Now sit there and get warm and we'll sort this
> thing out."
>
> The young man had stopped crying._ He looked over to the cop.
> "Sorry I shot you._ It just went off._ I'm sorry officer."
>
> "Shut up and drink your coffee." the cop said.
>
> George could hear the sounds of sirens outside._ A police car
> and an ambulance skidded to a halt._ Two cops came through the
> door, guns drawn.
>
> "Chuck!_ You ok?" one of the cops asked the wounded officer.
>
> "Not bad for a guy who took a bullet._ How did you find me?"
>
> "GPS locator in the car._ Best thing since sliced bread._ Who
> did this?" the other cop asked as he approached the young man.
>
> Chuck answered him, "I don't know._ The guy ran off into the
> dark._ Just dropped his gun and ran."
>
> George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other.
> "That guy works here," the wounded cop continued.
>
> "Yep," George said._ "Just hired him this morning._ Boy lost his
> job."
>
> The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher.
> The young man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered,
> "Why?"
>
> Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas, boy._ And you too, George,
> and thanks for everything."
>
> "Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there._ That
> ought to solve some of your problems." George went into the
> back room and came out with a box._ He pulled out a ring box.
>
> "Here you go._ Something for the little woman._ I don't think
> Martha would mind._ She said it would come in handy some day."
>
> The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he
> ever saw._ "I can't take this," said the young man.
> "It means something to you."
>
> "And now it means something to you," replied George.
> "I got my memories._ That's all I need."
>
> George reached into the box again._ A toy airplane, a racing
> car and a little metal truck appeared next._ They were toys
> that the oil company had left for him to sell._ "Here's
> something for that little man of yours."
>
> The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150
> that the old man had handed him earlier._ "And what are you
> supposed to buy Christmas dinner with?_ You keep that, too.
> Count it as part of your first week's pay." George said.
> "Now git home to your family."
>
> The young man turned with tears streaming down his face.
> "I'll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is
> still good."
>
> "Nope._ I'm closed Christmas day," George said._ "See ya the
> day after."
>
> George turned around to find that the stranger had returned.
> "Where'd you come from? I thought you left?"
>
> "I have been here._ I have always been here," said the stranger.
> "You say you don't celebrate Christmas._ Why?"
>
> "Well, after my wife passed away I just couldn't see what all
> the bother was._ Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a
> good pine tree._ Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just
> wasn't the same by myself and besides I was getting a little
> chubby."
>
> The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder._ "But you do
> celebrate the holiday, George._ You gave me food and drink and
> warmed me when I was cold and hungry._ The woman with child
> will bear a son and he will become a great doctor.
>
> The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being
> killed by terrorists._ The young man who tried to rob you will
> become a rich man and share his wealth with many people.
>
> That is the spirit of the season and you keep it as good as any
> man."
>
> George was taken aback by all this stranger had said._ "And how
> do you know all this?" asked the old man.
>
> "Trust me, George._ I have the inside track on this sort of
> thing._ And when your days are done you will be with Martha
> again."_ The stranger moved toward the door.
>
> "If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now._ I have to
> go home where there is a big celebration planned."
>
> George watched as the man's old leather jacket and his torn
> pants turned into a white robe._ A golden light began to fill
> the room.
>
> "You see, George, it's My birthday._ Merry Christmas."
>
> Author Unknown

 

[whispering_surrender]

Up and morose, wandering around in jeans and a bathrobe, peering outside at the bleak streets (no snow here this Christmas) waiting for the trumpets. Something.

Merry Christams to all...

---dr.M.

Actually, by a strange coincidence, I could serenade you with a trupet or french horn.....your choice.....

*hugs* Happy Holidays

Whisper

 

[Guest]

 

[shereads]

waiting for the trumpets. Something.

Merry Christmas to all...

---dr.M.

Here is something, Doctor M. A cyber-hug...and a fresh pot of coffee, and some flan.

Oops. I can't seem to un-hug...I'm attached to you like a 5'1" 105 lb. leech, and I can't seem to get loose. Looks like you're staying at the party.



S

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Merry Christmas Shereads

Glad to see you made it through your tamales in bed without giving in to temptation and snuggling up for a few more hours rest

-Colly

 

[Pure]

A Sunny Day, just above freezing. "They" predicted flurries, but none are around.

A quiet morning. Best wishes to all for the holidays: shereads, colleen, dr. m, perd, rhino, mckenna, black tulip, whispering, and any others I've forgot.

J.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Merry Christmas Pure

Glad you dropped in.

-Colly

 

[Guest]

Up and morose, ... Merry Christmas to all...

Mab., I cordially appoint you our Ebineezer S. or Dr. Morose? Aw, couldn't help myself. Glad you came. Now for all those youngsters who never heard of it, shall we lead them in "The Stroll"? Oh, let me get that leech off you first. Ouch!

Rhino, how delightful, looking forward to the new AV. Clay, let's tango, you lead. Xarumptl! I can't believe Gauche never showed. I declare him our Grinchcritic.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Perdita

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Hey McKenna

I am sure Santa thought you were very good

Merry X-mas

-Colly

 

[Clay Tanner]

Perdita, my pleasure to lead...

But, what if I become aroused by the way you wrap your leg behind mine and senuously grind upon me? I am drinking my second glass of glogg now...and beginning to enjoy very much the party here in this amazing Velvet Vulva.

Ciao and a Merry fucking Christmas to all.