Confronting your inner coward

[shereads]

As the owner/operator of a nursing facility you take both legal and civil responsibility for the safety and well being of your patients/clients. You must protect them from foreseeable threats against their health and well being. (This doesn't just include Bedsores.) If you fail in this, either through inaction or ignorance then you are liable. (If, and I say if, the owners of this facility left these people to fend for themselves then they are legaly and moraly liable.)

As a member of the medical proffesion I took an oath to not cause further harm to those under my care. I take that oath seriously and will protect my patients, to the point of injury and/or death on my part if needed. (Again I am old fashioned on this. If I give my word then I give my word. It is a matter of honor.)

My aunt who died last year at 80-something spent her last days in a depressingly impersonal nursing facility, after having spent years as a dietician in one that was made so much nicer by the presence of a staff who knew their patients. The nursing home where she had worked was in a rural community, not much larger than the one in the news. The elderly patients my aunt helped care for had been her school teachers, her neighbors, the parents and grandparents of friends, and members of her own extended family.

My aunt was a terrific Southern cook of the fried-chicken, black-eyed-peas and biscuits school. She could clog your arteries just by asking what kind of pie you like. When she was in charge of the nursing home kitchen, she somehow accommodated medical diets and budget constraints without relying on bulk-buy institutional foods. Until she retired twenty years ago, the nursing home in her little town served food as unlike typical hospital stuff as a real biscuit is different from the Pillsbury ones you buy in a cardboard tube.

She traded cakes and pies to local farmers for the the right to raid their corn and tomato fields. If a few patients wanted to come along, she'd sneak them out of the home in violation of the rules. When she saw how picking corn perked them up, she put them to work shelling peas, because it reminded them of they way they'd lived growing up.

She knew her patients birthdays and what kind of cake they liked. If they couldn't communicate, she'd track down a friend or family who knew what foods they loved or hated. When a new administrator questioned the cost of making hamburgers from ground beef instead of using the pre-formed frozen ones, my aunt threatened to quit. When he backed down, she made him buy a charcoal grill.

The place where she worked closed down a few months before my aunt died. The one where she ended up was big, modern, under-staffed, impersonal, and never entirely clean. There was rarely a staff member who had time to feed her, much less ask what she liked to eat. It wasn't that they didn't care; there just weren't enough of them. It wasn't cheap, either. It was probably typical of what's affordable to most families. No wonder old people cringe when they hear the words "nursing home."

The last time I saw my aunt, she was trying to show some enthusiasm for a plate of unidentifiable meat served cold with canned green beans. The irony made a sad situation that much worse. I fed her ice cream, but she was in too much pain to eat very much. I've never been more eager to get out of a room than I was that night.

I was facing a long drive back to Miami, but I knew I needed a better way to say goodbye than with reassurances that weren't relevent anymore. I remembered her saying her patients wanted more than anything to be asked about their lives and have someone listen. So I asked her to tell me the story about the new administrator and the hamburgers. She was the heroine of that story, and had always liked telling it; it changed a bit each time. She talked for nearly an hour that night. I listened the way we listen when we know it's the last time.

THANK YOU, SEADOG. Anyone who's spent time at the bedsides of people they love knows that the smallest kindness is enormously important. If my aunt were alive, she'd bake you a Red Velvet Cake.

 

[amicus]

"...Confronting your inner coward ..."

African Americans, Black people, Negroes, Niggers.. a litany...

As a young boy I lived in Nashville, Tennessee, in a black neighborhood; they, they, were different than white folk.

In Indiana, there were black and white neighborhoods, when I was still a young boy. They were separate and stayed that way.

In Tacoma, Washington, after the War, WW2, there were housing projects, Salishan was one, populated by Negroes and poor whites...I was a poor white boy; and had to fight and learn to use a knife, as they did.

There was not much more for years as the West has a small percentage of blacks.

Then I joined the Navy at age 17 and mixed with all races and all ways of life, without much of a problem.

Then I went into the Air Force, as a cryptography specialist and was stationed in Goose Bay Labrador.

One fine day...I walked past a doorway to a room of two black guys and heard music, such as I had never heard before.

It turned out to be, in about 1960, Dave Brubeck and Blue Rondo Ala Turk, music such as I had never heard before.

From Black guys.

I went to college at four different Universities, after the military service and met many of all races and ethnic groups.

There are a hundred more anecdotal examples of 'knowing' African Americans, I lived with them, worked with them, competed against them and fought with them.

Like white trash, their are Niggers among the black.

But like good white people, poor or not, there are good people amongst the blacks.

Even more so, I spent several months about the black people in the Bahama's, who spoke with a British accent and were real people, as real as you will find anywhere among any race of people.

I am not personally entranced by black culture or ritual, but I do love Jazz, good Jazz, not the Charlie Parker and only some of the Miles Davis, mainly I think because of Heroin and Cocaine.

I could provide an equally wide portrait of the Japanese and Chinese I have known, or the Italians and the Germans and the Native Americans whose heritage I share.

Am I biased and pre judgemental, you bet your ass I am, and I am because I know and accept the differences between, class, race, ethnicity, education and culture.

There is a world wide race problem; it is time to look at it realistically, not in the 'bleeding heart liberal' sense of equality, we are not equal, we are different and wonderfully so.

As are males and females.

Deal with it.


amicus... http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=210739

Yeah, I know, who asked me...

 

[shereads]

Amicus: are you high on crack? Which thread are you replying to?

"...Confronting your inner coward ..."

African Americans, Black people, Negroes, Niggers.. a litany...

As a young boy I lived in Nashville, Tennessee, in a black neighborhood; they, they, were different than white folk.

In Indiana, there were black and white neighborhoods, when I was still a young boy. They were separate and stayed that way.

In Tacoma, Washington, after the War, WW2, there were housing projects, Salishan was one, populated by Negroes and poor whites...I was a poor white boy; and had to fight and learn to use a knife, as they did.

There was not much more for years as the West has a small percentage of blacks.

Then I joined the Navy at age 17 and mixed with all races and all ways of life, without much of a problem.

Then I went into the Air Force, as a cryptography specialist and was stationed in Goose Bay Labrador.

One fine day...I walked past a doorway to a room of two black guys and heard music, such as I had never heard before.

It turned out to be, in about 1960, Dave Brubeck and Blue Rondo Ala Turk, music such as I had never heard before.

From Black guys.

I went to college at four different Universities, after the military service and met many of all races and ethnic groups.

There are a hundred more anecdotal examples of 'knowing' African Americans, I lived with them, worked with them, competed against them and fought with them.

Like white trash, their are Niggers among the black.

But like good white people, poor or not, there are good people amongst the blacks.

Even more so, I spent several months about the black people in the Bahama's, who spoke with a British accent and were real people, as real as you will find anywhere among any race of people.

I am not personally entranced by black culture or ritual, but I do love Jazz, good Jazz, not the Charlie Parker and only some of the Miles Davis, mainly I think because of Heroin and Cocaine.

I could provide an equally wide portrait of the Japanese and Chinese I have known, or the Italians and the Germans and the Native Americans whose heritage I share.

Am I biased and pre judgemental, you bet your ass I am, and I am because I know and accept the differences between, class, race, ethnicity, education and culture.

There is a world wide race problem; it is time to look at it realistically, not in the 'bleeding heart liberal' sense of equality, we are not equal, we are different and wonderfully so.

As are males and females.

Deal with it.


amicus... http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=210739

Yeah, I know, who asked me...

 

[rgraham666]

New Orleans isn't typical of the US with respect to the scale of poverty. The national poverty level is nothing to be proud of, but it's not as bad as recent news makes it look.

The "Survival of the Fittest" doesn't really describe the prevalent philosphy in the US either. The looting and lawlessness seen in New Orleans over the past couple of weeks is, unfortunately all too common and doesn't require a natural disaster to be set off, but it isn't "survival of the fittest" except in a very broad view.

I'm not quite sure how to characterize what it does represent about some Americans, but survival has nothing to do with it -- in many cases it's actually counter to survival, almost nihilist in the way some people try to prevent anyone from helping in any way.

Harold, if you'll allow me to express my view.

It seems to me that there is a strong propensity for violence in the American makeup.

Your country was born in violence, grew up through violence, defined itself in many ways through violence.

Violence is very often not the last resort, but the preferred method of solving problems. The fact that instruments of violence and their possession is enshrined in The Constitution is an acknowledgment of that facet of the American psyche.

This, together with often severe poverty, as well as the nihilism characterised as 'individualism' makes for an explosive mix. Of which the explosion in New Orleans is just the latest example.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Amicus: are you high on crack? Which thread are you replying to?

LOL, I was about to say "Amicus, you are either an alchoholic, or a shizophrenic. I haven't figured out which." (BTW- I have known both)

 

[sweetnpetite]

My aunt...

Wow, that was amazing. Thanks for posting that, sher. Rarely do I actually read all of such a long post (I know, I write them though) but this one just pulled me in. What a beautiful testimonial to the life of a wonderful woman. (and a few important lessens tossed in) Probably the best we can do for anyone in life is to really listen. Maybe that's why we are all here.

 

[scheherazade_79]

The "Survival of the Fittest" doesn't really describe the prevalent philosphy in the US either.

What about the medical system in the US? What happens if you're sick but can't afford medical insurance or doctors' fees?

 

[Weird Harold]

What about the medical system in the US? What happens if you're sick but can't afford medical insurance or doctors' fees?

Being rich isn't the same as being fit any more than being poor is the same as being unfit -- the state of health care in the US can't be characterized as "survival of the fittest" in any way. In many ways it is the exact opposite: it is often the parasites and bloodsuckers who don't contribute that are rich enough to afford the best medical care.

Harold, if you'll allow me to express my view.

It seems to me that there is a strong propensity for violence in the American makeup.

Your country was born in violence, grew up through violence, defined itself in many ways through violence.

The USA of the 21st century is a much different place than the USA I grew up in during the last half of the 20th century. I don't see the change to the conditions you describe fairly accurately as a result of America's history but of a slow drift away from America's roots.

Explaining the differences and what I see as the causes of the changes is not a simple topic and not relevant to this thread, so I'll leave it at just the personal observation that the US has changed in my lifetime in ways I don't like, but not IMHO because of some "american culture of violence."

 

[BlackShanglan]

What about the medical system in the US? What happens if you're sick but can't afford medical insurance or doctors' fees?

You go to the emergency room of a hospital, where they are obliged to treat you. This, ironically, is part of the problem in funding; people without health insurance have no choice but to use emergency rooms, which are the most expensive way of delivering care. That moves non-life-threatening problems into already overcrowded immediate-care facilities. There's some truth to the suggestion that more comprehensive coverage for those without other insurance would save money by freeing up those services only for the most urgent cases.

That said, there is this as well: people tend to feel differently about things that they are not personally working or paying for. I was rather stunned, during my time in England, by the ways in which people spoke to doctors and the manners that they showed to them. It was rather depressing, to me, to see someone who had sacrificed years of her life and thousands of dollars to become a trained professional treated as if she was an especially dull presence behind the counter at McDonald's. It would be nice to see a middle ground where people are grateful for the aid given them rather than unpleasantly "entitled" and imperious.

Shanglan

 

[shereads]

I was rather stunned, during my time in England, by the ways in which people spoke to doctors and the manners that they showed to them. It was rather depressing, to me, to see someone who had sacrificed years of her life and thousands of dollars to become a trained professional treated as if she was an especially dull presence behind the counter at McDonald's. It would be nice to see a middle ground where people are grateful for the aid given them rather than unpleasantly "entitled" and imperious.

Shanglan

My mother has had a succession of cardiologists and heart surgeons over the decades, including two who explained things as if she had the right to know, and several of the most outrageous egos I've ever come across.

There was a power struggle between a cardiologist and a surgeon who couldn't agree on my mother's post-operative treatment regimen. Neither of them could answer a direct question from her family without acting offended.

My mother doesn't like to question authority figures; like a lot of very sick, very old people she'd rather take them at their word than risk having them be angry with her. When she got sick from taking a new medication that the doctor had prescribed without telling her why (I later read online about a patient study that I think she became part of without knowing), I asked her to try thinking of her heart surgeon as a highly educated auto mechanic. It was the only way I could think of to make her realize that she's the customer and they are suppliers.

Those two jerks could have used a dose of the McDonalds counter-help treatment. I'd have paid to see it.

A middle ground would indeed be nice: one that takes doctors off their pedestals without making the profession unappealing.

 

[amicus]

Shanglan....interesting post...

I might suggest that you look upon British and Candian doctors as 'postal clerks' to gain an understanding.

When a government nationalizes any form of private enterprise, be it railroads, steel mills or medicine, all those employed become government workers.

When a field is price and wage controlled and micro managed as to procedures whether it is railroad timetables or medical treatment under government medicine, individual pride and choice is overwhelmed by the bureaucratic mentality.

amicus...

 

[Boxlicker101]

Shanglan....interesting post...

I might suggest that you look upon British and Candian doctors as 'postal clerks' to gain an understanding.

When a government nationalizes any form of private enterprise, be it railroads, steel mills or medicine, all those employed become government workers.

When a field is price and wage controlled and micro managed as to procedures whether it is railroad timetables or medical treatment under government medicine, individual pride and choice is overwhelmed by the bureaucratic mentality.

amicus...

Unfortunately, this is true but it doesn'r matter whether it is government or not. I am now covered by Medicare and have ben for almost a year. Before that, I was covered by private insurance through where my wife used to work and that company is now the secondary carrier. Both the carriers micro-manage everything, having a schedule of payments allowed for every procedure imagineable.