A cute young girl goes away to college, the first time away from home and her daddy, who has always given her everything she has ever wanted. The campus is rather large and her classes are on oppisite sides of it, but she notices that many of the students have bikes to get around on. She calls daddy and explains the situation and daddy wires her money for the bike. She goes to town to get her bike and on the way passes a pet store. In the window is a cute little monkey and she falls in love with it and buys it. Later that week she notices that the hair is coming out of her new pet in clumps and rushes to the phone to call daddy. As soon as he answers she yells into the phone that the hair is falling out of her monkey, and what should she do? He quickly tells her to sell the bike.
Contribute a favorite joke or two,,, I know ya got 'em
- Thread starter CW
- Start date
Ticklish Girl
Bloody but unbowed
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2000
- Posts
- 1,161
Saw this on another site and loved it
Things a Man Should Never Say at Victoria's Secret
#10 Does this come in children's sizes?
#9 No Thanks. Just Sniffing.
#8 I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
#7 Mom will love this.
#6 Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
#5 No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.
#4 Will you model this for me???
#3 The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
#2 45 bucks?? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway!!
And the number one thing that a man should never, ever say out loud in Victoria's Secret:
#1 Oh, honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!
Things a Man Should Never Say at Victoria's Secret
#10 Does this come in children's sizes?
#9 No Thanks. Just Sniffing.
#8 I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
#7 Mom will love this.
#6 Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
#5 No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.
#4 Will you model this for me???
#3 The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
#2 45 bucks?? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway!!
And the number one thing that a man should never, ever say out loud in Victoria's Secret:
#1 Oh, honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!
I apologize in advance.......but I cant get enough of this rascal! hehe
Another day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit.
"Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of
fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about."
"Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely
ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered, "An apple."
"No, Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the
second.
It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is
hopping up
and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But
she
skips him again and calls on Billy.
"Is it a peach?"
No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's
another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about
to
explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again
and
calls on Sally.
"A banana," she says.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've
got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it:
it's round, hard, and it got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!
Another day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit.
"Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of
fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about."
"Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely
ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered, "An apple."
"No, Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the
second.
It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is
hopping up
and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But
she
skips him again and calls on Billy.
"Is it a peach?"
No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's
another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about
to
explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again
and
calls on Sally.
"A banana," she says.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've
got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it:
it's round, hard, and it got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!
Floating Head
Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2000
- Posts
- 77
Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His
curiosity roused, he ask, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?"
"Well Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods.
That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!"
"And the boar tore up his leg?"
"No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved 'em all!"
"So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?"
"No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out 'fore I drownded. Sure did save my life."
"And that was when he hurt his leg?"
"Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too."
"OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?"
"Well", the farmer tells him, "A pig like that, you don't want to eat all at once."
[Edited by Floating Head on 11-28-2000 at 05:03 PM]
curiosity roused, he ask, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?"
"Well Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods.
That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!"
"And the boar tore up his leg?"
"No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved 'em all!"
"So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?"
"No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out 'fore I drownded. Sure did save my life."
"And that was when he hurt his leg?"
"Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too."
"OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?"
"Well", the farmer tells him, "A pig like that, you don't want to eat all at once."
[Edited by Floating Head on 11-28-2000 at 05:03 PM]
forgetunome
Kisses Sweeter Than Wine!!
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2000
- Posts
- 1,181
From a turkey's perspective...
BLACK NOVEMBER
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink, and scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;
But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming..."
-- Author unknown.
BLACK NOVEMBER
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink, and scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;
But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming..."
-- Author unknown.
forgetunome
Kisses Sweeter Than Wine!!
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2000
- Posts
- 1,181
Divert Your Course
This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
sinister169
Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2000
- Posts
- 34
Ho Ho Ho
Two extremely attractive, but relatively naive young girls are driving from the backroads of WA down to San Diego for Spring Break.
The further south they get, the drier and warmer it is and so by the time they get near the OR / CA border the can put the top down on their little sports car.
They're talking to each other about how lucky they are that even though they've been stopped 6 times for speeding they havn't yet been given an actual ticket.
As they're driving through the wilds of northern CA they hear that now familiar noise of a siren behind them so over to the side they pull - and wait. Soon a young trooper is on each side of their car looking down at two sets of fantastic breasts just covered by small halter tops and long legs coming out of cutoffs.
"Ma-am" one of them says to the driver "we clocked you at 98 mph. That's a serious offence in these parts - I may have to impound your vehicle".
"OH NO" says Katie "we're on our holidays - isn't there some way we can settle this - we'll do almost anything!"
The two troopers exchange glances and suggest that they all go for a short walk in the woods to 'talk' about the situation. The girls are more than happy to do this so they hop out and start towards the bush with the two Officers following them. They look back over their shoulders to see the guys laughing and starting to undo their pants.
"Katie" says Missy "I think we're going to be given another of those breathalyser tests!!!!!".
Two extremely attractive, but relatively naive young girls are driving from the backroads of WA down to San Diego for Spring Break.
The further south they get, the drier and warmer it is and so by the time they get near the OR / CA border the can put the top down on their little sports car.
They're talking to each other about how lucky they are that even though they've been stopped 6 times for speeding they havn't yet been given an actual ticket.
As they're driving through the wilds of northern CA they hear that now familiar noise of a siren behind them so over to the side they pull - and wait. Soon a young trooper is on each side of their car looking down at two sets of fantastic breasts just covered by small halter tops and long legs coming out of cutoffs.
"Ma-am" one of them says to the driver "we clocked you at 98 mph. That's a serious offence in these parts - I may have to impound your vehicle".
"OH NO" says Katie "we're on our holidays - isn't there some way we can settle this - we'll do almost anything!"
The two troopers exchange glances and suggest that they all go for a short walk in the woods to 'talk' about the situation. The girls are more than happy to do this so they hop out and start towards the bush with the two Officers following them. They look back over their shoulders to see the guys laughing and starting to undo their pants.
"Katie" says Missy "I think we're going to be given another of those breathalyser tests!!!!!".
Lil-Brandi
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2000
- Posts
- 804
...Tis the season
What do the female reindeer do on Christmas Eve while the male reindeer are out pulling Santa's sleigh?
They go into town to blow a few bucks!
~
What do the female reindeer do on Christmas Eve while the male reindeer are out pulling Santa's sleigh?
They go into town to blow a few bucks!
~
Ticklish Girl
Bloody but unbowed
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2000
- Posts
- 1,161
Long ago, there lived a sailor named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man's man, who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored garment, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates.
That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?" The captain replied, "If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood. Thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat in and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual orders. Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants!"
That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?" The captain replied, "If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood. Thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat in and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual orders. Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants!"
Bathroom Instruction
Bathroom Instruction
The teacher of a first grade class gives instructions to the little boys on how to go to the bathroom.
The teacher tells them the following:
One - unzip your zipper
Two - pull your pecker out
Three - stroke the skin back
Four - take a pee
Five - stroke the skin forward
Six - put it away and zip up the zipper
So the boys go to do their thing and return a few minutes later. The teacher asks, "Where is Little Johnny?"
One of the boys replies "He is still in the bathroom."
The teacher goes down the hall to the boy's restroom and hears Little Johnny "Three, Five, Three, Five, Three, Five............"
Bathroom Instruction
The teacher of a first grade class gives instructions to the little boys on how to go to the bathroom.
The teacher tells them the following:
One - unzip your zipper
Two - pull your pecker out
Three - stroke the skin back
Four - take a pee
Five - stroke the skin forward
Six - put it away and zip up the zipper
So the boys go to do their thing and return a few minutes later. The teacher asks, "Where is Little Johnny?"
One of the boys replies "He is still in the bathroom."
The teacher goes down the hall to the boy's restroom and hears Little Johnny "Three, Five, Three, Five, Three, Five............"
Samuari
Twice Blessed
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2000
- Posts
- 4,072
with applolgies to Spider Robinson
The Starship Enterprise discovered a planet, that when scanned, showed a massive life form on its surface. The away team found a huge form squatting in the midst of an otherwise barren plain. Dr. Mc Coy ran every test known to medical science, and all that he could discover was that the creature was alive. Mr. Spock then tried his hand, but he too was stymied. Captain Kirk then tried to stimulate the being with music, and then ever-closer faser fire, bursts of radiation…all to no avail.
Finally, in a fit of frustration, Dr Mc Coy exclaimed, “God wouldn’t make a critter that just squatted, would he?”
The thing shuddered, and slowly rose to its full stature. “ No, She wouldn’t” and then slowly resumed its crouch.
“Of course,” Mr. Spock smiled, “It only stands to reason.”
The Starship Enterprise discovered a planet, that when scanned, showed a massive life form on its surface. The away team found a huge form squatting in the midst of an otherwise barren plain. Dr. Mc Coy ran every test known to medical science, and all that he could discover was that the creature was alive. Mr. Spock then tried his hand, but he too was stymied. Captain Kirk then tried to stimulate the being with music, and then ever-closer faser fire, bursts of radiation…all to no avail.
Finally, in a fit of frustration, Dr Mc Coy exclaimed, “God wouldn’t make a critter that just squatted, would he?”
The thing shuddered, and slowly rose to its full stature. “ No, She wouldn’t” and then slowly resumed its crouch.
“Of course,” Mr. Spock smiled, “It only stands to reason.”
forgetunome
Kisses Sweeter Than Wine!!
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2000
- Posts
- 1,181
Husband: Hey ... Hey! Where are you going with your bags packed?
Wife: I am going to Las Vegas. You make no money and show me no love. I just can't take it anymore.
Husband: You don't gamble, why are you going to Vegas?
Wife: Hey I hear that you get $200 for performing oral sex out in Las Vegas.
Husband: Runs upstairs, and comes down with his bags packed.
Wife: Where are you going?
Husband: I am going to Vegas, I want to see how you live on $400 a year.
Wife: I am going to Las Vegas. You make no money and show me no love. I just can't take it anymore.
Husband: You don't gamble, why are you going to Vegas?
Wife: Hey I hear that you get $200 for performing oral sex out in Las Vegas.
Husband: Runs upstairs, and comes down with his bags packed.
Wife: Where are you going?
Husband: I am going to Vegas, I want to see how you live on $400 a year.
Chuckus
'Master' of all things good and pleasurable
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2000
- Posts
- 6,187
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde
female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box,
opened it again, an slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again.
She marched to the mail box once more, opened it and then slammed it
closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying,
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box,
opened it again, an slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again.
She marched to the mail box once more, opened it and then slammed it
closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying,
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
Q: How does a wood chuck kill a fish?
A: he drowns it!
Q: How does a wood chuck kill a bird?
A: he throws it off a cliff!
Q: How does a wood chuck lose five pounds?
A: he takes off her make-up.
Q: Why do wood chuck wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why do wood chuck wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: What did the wood chuck think of the new computer?
A: he didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: Where do wood chuck go to meet their relatives?
A: The woods.
omg Chuck, Im a horrible person! hehehehehehehehehe
A: he drowns it!
Q: How does a wood chuck kill a bird?
A: he throws it off a cliff!
Q: How does a wood chuck lose five pounds?
A: he takes off her make-up.
Q: Why do wood chuck wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why do wood chuck wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: What did the wood chuck think of the new computer?
A: he didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: Where do wood chuck go to meet their relatives?
A: The woods.
omg Chuck, Im a horrible person! hehehehehehehehehe
Chuckus
'Master' of all things good and pleasurable
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2000
- Posts
- 6,187
jcgirl said:
OK, I see how it is? I started you on some cadence with wood chucks.......so I suppose it is my cross to bear.....er cross to make........er whatever....in any event you have made me laugh tonight, which was the ideal thing for me after a tough day at the office and no wood to chuck!!!! Thanks
shit4brains
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2000
- Posts
- 111
In keeping with the season--
Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year!
Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year!
PENIS STUDY
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000.00. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of
the British study were incorrect. After three years of research and a
cost in excess of $250,000.00, they concluded that the head of a man's
penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure
during sex.
When the results of the German Study were released, Poland decided
to conduct their own study. The poles didn't really trust the British
or German studies. So ,after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a at cost of around $75.00, the Polish Study was complete. They came to the conclusion that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft, is to prevent their hand from flying off and hitting them in the forehead.
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000.00. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of
the British study were incorrect. After three years of research and a
cost in excess of $250,000.00, they concluded that the head of a man's
penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure
during sex.
When the results of the German Study were released, Poland decided
to conduct their own study. The poles didn't really trust the British
or German studies. So ,after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a at cost of around $75.00, the Polish Study was complete. They came to the conclusion that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft, is to prevent their hand from flying off and hitting them in the forehead.
RudeNastyAssBitch
Don't drink the water!
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2000
- Posts
- 18,483
Dirtiest WhoreHouse In Town!!..LOL
Ok. I Have THE Grossest joke of all!
Dude, has been out at sea for many, many months & finally gets back to shore.
He is sooo horney and of course, heads straight for the town's local WhoreHouse.
running in the door, he loudly asks for " The Best Of Your Whore's, I Need It Real Bad!" To the lady behind the desk.
" I am very sorry sir, but all your shipmates got here before you and I only have Olga left!"
"She will do! I care not about the looks, I only care for the pussy" He says with breathless anticipation.
The lady behind the desk turns and grabs the key for room number 7, and hands it to him. He grabs the key, says thank you and quickly turns and is gone to release his sexual needs.
Dude knocks once then opens the door to room number 7. there sits Olga on the edge of the bed. She must have been 70 if not older with hanging boobies and wrinkly skin!
Thinking to himself that all he needs is release and that he'll just shut his eyes and dream of madonna or something, he strips his clothes off and tells her to lie back on the bed....
Pressing down ontop of the old Olga, he tries to push his penis inside her but finds that it is bone dry!
" Listen Olga, I Can't get inside! Your too dry! Do You have some lube or something?"
" Oh Yes Sir! Turn off the lights and I'll be back in a jiffy!" She says and moves towards the bathroom
Waiting Breathlessly he turns out the lights and lies back to wait...Soon she reappears and climbs ontop of him, sliding his cock effortlessly into her now warm, wet pussy he is soo surprised!
"What did you do! It Is Wonderful!" he asks.
" Well Darlin', I just picked all the scabs off!"
Told Ya, Told Ya, Told Ya!
Yick!~Laughing Loudly~
Be Well,
RNAB.
Ok. I Have THE Grossest joke of all!
Dude, has been out at sea for many, many months & finally gets back to shore.
He is sooo horney and of course, heads straight for the town's local WhoreHouse.
running in the door, he loudly asks for " The Best Of Your Whore's, I Need It Real Bad!" To the lady behind the desk.
" I am very sorry sir, but all your shipmates got here before you and I only have Olga left!"
"She will do! I care not about the looks, I only care for the pussy" He says with breathless anticipation.
The lady behind the desk turns and grabs the key for room number 7, and hands it to him. He grabs the key, says thank you and quickly turns and is gone to release his sexual needs.
Dude knocks once then opens the door to room number 7. there sits Olga on the edge of the bed. She must have been 70 if not older with hanging boobies and wrinkly skin!
Thinking to himself that all he needs is release and that he'll just shut his eyes and dream of madonna or something, he strips his clothes off and tells her to lie back on the bed....
Pressing down ontop of the old Olga, he tries to push his penis inside her but finds that it is bone dry!
" Listen Olga, I Can't get inside! Your too dry! Do You have some lube or something?"
" Oh Yes Sir! Turn off the lights and I'll be back in a jiffy!" She says and moves towards the bathroom
Waiting Breathlessly he turns out the lights and lies back to wait...Soon she reappears and climbs ontop of him, sliding his cock effortlessly into her now warm, wet pussy he is soo surprised!
"What did you do! It Is Wonderful!" he asks.
" Well Darlin', I just picked all the scabs off!"
Told Ya, Told Ya, Told Ya!
Yick!~Laughing Loudly~
Be Well,
RNAB.
Samuari
Twice Blessed
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2000
- Posts
- 4,072
An elderly lady walked in to her neighborhood pharmacy, to ask the pharmacist for some advise.
It seems that she thought that she wanted to know if Viagra would help them to have a more active sex life.
“Oh yes, I’m sure that it would, I use it myself.”
“Can you get it over the counter.”
“Well maybe…if I take two.”
It seems that she thought that she wanted to know if Viagra would help them to have a more active sex life.
“Oh yes, I’m sure that it would, I use it myself.”
“Can you get it over the counter.”
“Well maybe…if I take two.”
Chuckus
'Master' of all things good and pleasurable
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2000
- Posts
- 6,187
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained. "It took us awhile to find a new pilot."
Ticklish Girl
Bloody but unbowed
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2000
- Posts
- 1,161
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."
