Corrupt Wish

[impressive]

I wish I could tour Europe.

Granted.

But on the first day you are hit with vicious traveller's diarrhea that does not respond to treatment. Thus, you get a deluxe tour of all the public restrooms in Europe -- many of which have no toilet tissue.

I wish for health, happiness, and long life.

 

[rgraham666]

I wish for health, happiness, and long life.

Granted. Shazam! You're a Galapagos tortoise.

I wish I could play the guitar.

 

[Guest]

Granted. Shazam! You're a Galapagos tortoise.

I wish I could play the guitar.

Granted, but you can only play through a 3000 watt amplifier and you can only play Sid Viscious licks.

I wish Jaque Villenueve drove for Ferrari's F1 team.

 

[RebeccaLeah]

Granted.

But - you are now getting so much fan mail that the post office is sending it in bags - every day - and your agent expects you to answer it all - personally, and handwritten.

I wish I could tour Europe.

Granted, but on the last day of your trip you go to England to visit Lou, but instead meet Shocky who ties you up and keeps you there, playing with you for 25 very long years. (not that I'm saying that's a bad thing Lou)

I wish I didn't live at home with my parents and little sister.

(edited because I'm admiting I'm an idiot and missed that someone alreayd answered this, but I like my idea too much to delete. )

Dran - granted, but he breaks his right foot and can't drive anyway so they get you to fill in.

 

[rgraham666]

I wish I didn't live at home with my parents and little sister.

Granted. Now you live in a coffin with a vampire.

Oh, wait! Narf! That's not a bad thing, is it?

I wish I had broadband access to the internet.

 

[RebeccaLeah]

Granted. Now you live in a coffin with a vampire.

Oh, wait! Narf! That's not a bad thing, is it?

I wish I had broadband access to the internet.

(thanks.... )

Granted but you are now addicted to the speed and can never leave lit. How awful for you!

I wish.......I wish I could make everyone's problems go away.

 

[doormouse]

(thanks.... )

Granted but you are now addicted to the speed and can never leave lit. How awful for you!

I wish.......I wish I could make everyone's problems go away.

Granted, but for the rest of eternity you have to run around Disneyland dressed in a monkey suit.

I wish LDW lived closer.

 

[gauchecritic]

Granted, but for the rest of eternity you have to run around Disneyland dressed in a monkey suit.

I wish LDW lived closer.

Granted, but after three weeks you discover that he actually is a dragon and he bites your neck off.

I wish we had teleports so that I didn't have to drive to Manchester tomorrow.

Gauche

(edited to add no hard feelings )

 

[doormouse]

Granted, but after three weeks you discover that he actually is a dragon and he bites your neck off.

I wish we had teleports so that I didn't have to drive to Manchester tomorrow.

Gauche

(edited to add no hard feelings )

LOL!!

Granted, but during transport you get turned into a goldfish who just happened to be on the same port as you and you live the rest of your life swimming around in circles.

I wish chocolate mud cake wasn't fattening 'cause I have a yummy looking slab sitting in the fridge screaming for me to eat it

 

[RebeccaLeah]

LOL!!

Granted, but during transport you get turned into a goldfish who just happened to be on the same port as you and you live the rest of your life swimming around in circles.

I wish chocolate mud cake wasn't fattening 'cause I have a yummy looking slab sitting in the fridge screaming for me to eat it

Granted but the corperate jerks at slim fast, jenny craig, weight watchers, and every gym and workout place in the world has now come after you with pitchforks raised.

I wish Abstrusions was a real bar (with a coffin in the back office )and all Litsters could go there whenever needed while time in real life stood still for them. (don't know how the hell it would work but it would kick ass)

 

[Belegon]

LOL!!

Granted, but during transport you get turned into a goldfish who just happened to be on the same port as you and you live the rest of your life swimming around in circles.

I wish chocolate mud cake wasn't fattening 'cause I have a yummy looking slab sitting in the fridge screaming for me to eat it

Granted, but having discovered it is not fattening you suddenly realize that it's being forbidden was the reason you liked it anyway and now you are hopelessly addicted to rice cakes...

I wish I could hit a curve ball.

 

[Weird Harold]

I wish I could hit a curve ball.

Granted, but you can only hit a curve ball into fair territoy with the ear-hole of your batting helmet; any that touch your bat go just foul as they pass the foul pole.

Originally posted by RebeccaLeah
I wish Abstrusions was a real bar (with a coffin in the back office )and all Litsters could go there whenever needed while time in real life stood still for them.

Granted, but Abstrusions is soon shut-down because of the sudden epdemic of inexplained drunkenness and liver disease among litsters; You're visiting Abstrusions when it is shut down and trapped there forever.

I wish everycity in the world had an efficient, cheap and non-polluting mass transit system that people loved to use.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Granted, but you can only hit a curve ball into fair territoy with the ear-hole of your batting helmet; any that touch your bat go just foul as they pass the foul pole.



Granted, but Abstrusions is soon shut-down because of the sudden epdemic of inexplained drunkenness and liver disease among litsters; You're visiting Abstrusions when it is shut down and trapped there forever.

I wish everycity in the world had an efficient, cheap and non-polluting mass transit system that people loved to use.

Granted, but while trying to outrun the cops for stealing Fred Flinstone's car, your feet suddenly burst into uncontrollable flames, forcing you to spend your remaining days carpooling with that annoying Barney.

I wish I could pee my name in the snow.

 

[RebeccaLeah]

Granted, but while trying to outrun the cops for stealing Fred Flinstone's car, your feet suddenly burst into uncontrollable flames, forcing you to spend your remaining days carpooling with that annoying Barney.

I wish I could pee my name in the snow.

Granted, but while peeing with your new dick, it gets frostbite and falls off. (sorry to all the guys wincing right now)

I wish I had unlimited cell phone minutes without having to pay for them.

p.s. I love the av sin_hel, beautiful, like you.

 

[cloudy]

Granted, but while peeing with your new dick, it gets frostbite and falls off. (sorry to all the guys wincing right now)

I wish I had unlimited cell phone minutes without having to pay for them.

p.s. I love the av sin_hel, beautiful, like you.

Granted.

But they change your cell phone number to 867-5309 ("Jenny, I've got your number..."), and you have perverts calling you 24/7.

I wish I could see my brothers and sisters more often, instead of once every couple of years.

 

[Guest]

Granted.

But they change your cell phone number to 867-5309 ("Jenny, I've got your number..."), and you have perverts calling you 24/7.

I wish I could see my brothers and sisters more often, instead of once every couple of years.

Granted. They all come to live with you. So do their children. And their grandchilren. And all their families.

I wish Jenny would answer her phone when I called onstead of that snide, cruel screaming old lady.

 

[RebeccaLeah]

Granted. They all come to live with you. So do their children. And their grandchilren. And all their families.

I wish Jenny would answer her phone when I called onstead of that snide, cruel screaming old lady.

Fine bitch I won't ever answer your calls again.

GRANTED - but she answers in the best phone sex voice you have ever heard and hangs up everytime before you can get off.

I wish I could write lesbian erotica that was soooo marvelous that I published it and became a multi multi millionaire.

 

[Guest]

Fine bitch I won't ever answer your calls again.

GRANTED - but she answers in the best phone sex voice you have ever heard and hangs up everytime before you can get off.

I wish I could write lesbian erotica that was soooo marvelous that I published it and became a multi multi millionaire.

Granted but your writing turns off women and turns on men. You have 300 stalkers and have no privacy.

I wish the sky the sky was red.

 

[RebeccaLeah]

Granted but your writing turns off women and turns on men. You have 300 stalkers and have no privacy.

I wish the sky the sky was red.

Granted - You wake up to find the sky blood red but also find that you slept on your wings wrong and not only are you stuck in dragon form due to the weird sci fi music that keeps playing from the red sky, but you have sprained your left wing and can't fly when the villagers come up to blame you for the god awful music that won't stop.

I wish I was a cat.

 

[Guest]

Granted - You wake up to find the sky blood red but also find that you slept on your wings wrong and not only are you stuck in dragon form due to the weird sci fi music that keeps playing from the red sky, but you have sprained your left wing and can't fly when the villagers come up to blame you for the god awful music that won't stop.

I wish I was a cat.

Like that's never happened before.

*Poof*

You're a cat. And you've been spayed. And you live with a bitter old man who feeds you well but never even touches you.

I wish politicians were honest. And the church too.

 

[doormouse]

Like that's never happened before.

*Poof*

You're a cat. And you've been spayed. And you live with a bitter old man who feeds you well but never even touches you.

I wish politicians were honest. And the church too.

Granted, but you soon are forced to live with the knowledge that Lucifer_Carroll really is God. Life will never be the same again after he elects David Lee Roth as President and you are forced to wear spandex pants for all eternity.

I wish it was Summer.

 

[Weird Harold]

I wish it was Summer.

Granted. It is now summer everywhere on Earth at once.

However, since it's summer everywhere, the world's waether patterns are totlly disruppted and the oxygen produced in equatorial rain forests never reaches the high latitudes and the carbon diaxide produced in the high latititudes never makes it the rain forests; everything on Earth dies and you live just long enough to know that it's ALL YOUR FAULT!

I wish good manners would make a comeback.

 

[RebeccaLeah]

Granted. It is now summer everywhere on Earth at once.

However, since it's summer everywhere, the world's waether patterns are totlly disruppted and the oxygen produced in equatorial rain forests never reaches the high latitudes and the carbon diaxide produced in the high latititudes never makes it the rain forests; everything on Earth dies and you live just long enough to know that it's ALL YOUR FAULT!

I wish good manners would make a comeback.

Granted, but after "Little Miss Maners" sells out of bookstores and the Queen once again rules all social circles, people realize they don't really want to sip tea with their fingers curled at a perfect angle and sit with sticks up their asses and a mass revolt occurs. They kill the queen and her grandsons, leaving England in Charles' incapable hands without even the handsome young princes to lust after and everyone moves Canada which can easily include the refugees to do large land mass and few people that would choose to live there. (Sincere appoligies to all of you in England, bitchy morning, I guess to the Canadians too)

I wish I had two plane tickets to NYC and that time in the rest of the world would stand still for a couple weeks (at least).

 

[Belegon]

Granted, but after "Little Miss Maners" sells out of bookstores and the Queen once again rules all social circles, people realize they don't really want to sip tea with their fingers curled at a perfect angle and sit with sticks up their asses and a mass revolt occurs. They kill the queen and her grandsons, leaving England in Charles' incapable hands without even the handsome young princes to lust after and everyone moves Canada which can easily include the refugees to do large land mass and few people that would choose to live there. (Sincere appoligies to all of you in England, bitchy morning, I guess to the Canadians too)

I wish I had two plane tickets to NYC and that time in the rest of the world would stand still for a couple weeks (at least).

Granted, but your luggage goes to New Orleans instead of NY and since time is standing still in the rest of the world you can't get it back.

I wish I could call in sick today.

 

[Weird Harold]

I wish I could call in sick today.

Granted.

You immediately suffer chest pains and stuipdly call in sick to work first instead of calling 911. You survice just long enough to dial 9-1 when you do remember to call for help.

I wish common sense were more common.