cruelty

[Batch]

I get it. You enjoy it when people cook their own goose.

No.

It isn't enjoyment.

Supposedly we are all adults here. If someone just continues to be a jack ass and continues to bring down the pack of jackals on them, it isn't fun.

I feel embarrassed, sadness, and anger about the situation. Especially, if it is someone I have had communication with.

It is as though they have no concept of when enough is enough, how to stop and withdraw, and take time off from this place.
So there they are being torn apart by cruel words and actions. Nothing is learned, but the reinforcement of that horrid behaviour... goes on and on. No ending, no growth, no peace.

 

[capricious_chic]

Ever catch yourself being cruel?

No. If I'm being cruel then it isn't a surprise. It doesn't catch me off guard. If I'm being cruel, it is w/intent.

Do you ever take pleasure in being mean?

Mean and cruel are not the same. Semantics, perhaps. I take no pleasure in being mean as I see mean as something that is petty and malicious, nor would I say I'm a mean person. I am, however, cruel. Is there pleasure in that? Sometimes.

Here on lit?

Doubtful.

Where does your nasty side come out?

Again, I don't see cruel and nasty as the same.

How do you feel about it?

Going w/cruel and how I feel about that aspect of myself - it is something that I have to be aware of at every moment of every day. The ability is innate, it's not something I have to search for or seek out. It is there, on the tip of my tongue at any given moment. I don't feel any particular way about it. It simply is who I am and I acknowledge it. I don't try to hide it or pretend it doesn't exist. Doing so would not allow me the control I need to interact well with others.

Do you think you're meaner then others?

Again, mean and cruel are not the same. No, I'm not mean. Yes, I may be well more cruel.

Do people think you're nicer then you really are?

Not that I'm aware of. However, few people know how warm and compassionate I am.

Do people think you're mean, and fail to notice your sweet side?

Neither are words I would care to have associated with me and I doubt that anyone would think of either when thinking of me.

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

if they don't know when to stop

or even that they are heading towards trouble

you can't stop people from being asses

they choose

how they are going to handle things

Yes. But what is your relation to that? You watch it happen ... and where are you? Innocent bystander? Witness? What is the connection between that and your sense of yourself as cruel?

Not pressing you to answer all these questions. A number of people have said they get some satisfaction seeing a bully get their due. But you're not saying that either. Yes, I see that too - people getting into trouble.

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

No.

It isn't enjoyment.

Supposedly we are all adults here. If someone just continues to be a jack ass and continues to bring down the pack of jackals on them, it isn't fun.

I feel embarrassed, sadness, and anger about the situation. Especially, if it is someone I have had communication with.

It is as though they have no concept of when enough is enough, how to stop and withdraw, and take time off from this place.
So there they are being torn apart by cruel words and actions. Nothing is learned, but the reinforcement of that horrid behaviour... goes on and on. No ending, no growth, no peace.

What could happen instead? I ask myself that sometimes.

 

[gravyrug]

Yes. But what is your relation to that? You watch it happen ... and where are you? Innocent bystander? Witness? What is the connection between that and your sense of yourself as cruel?

Not pressing you to answer all these questions. A number of people have said they get some satisfaction seeing a bully get their due. But you're not saying that either. Yes, I see that too - people getting into trouble.

I have, on occaision, attempted to intervene when people start going too far. I can't report a large success rate, though. I find myself more and more just backing away when I see it happen.

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

Ever catch yourself being cruel?

No. If I'm being cruel then it isn't a surprise. It doesn't catch me off guard. If I'm being cruel, it is w/intent.

Do you ever take pleasure in being mean?

Mean and cruel are not the same. Semantics, perhaps. I take no pleasure in being mean as I see mean as something that is petty and malicious, nor would I say I'm a mean person. I am, however, cruel. Is there pleasure in that? Sometimes.

Here on lit?

Doubtful.

Where does your nasty side come out?

Again, I don't see cruel and nasty as the same.

How do you feel about it?

Going w/cruel and how I feel about that aspect of myself - it is something that I have to be aware of at every moment of every day. The ability is innate, it's not something I have to search for or seek out. It is there, on the tip of my tongue at any given moment. I don't feel any particular way about it. It simply is who I am and I acknowledge it. I don't try to hide it or pretend it doesn't exist. Doing so would not allow me the control I need to interact well with others.

Do you think you're meaner then others?

Again, mean and cruel are not the same. No, I'm not mean. Yes, I may be well more cruel.

Do people think you're nicer then you really are?

Not that I'm aware of. However, few people know how warm and compassionate I am.

Do people think you're mean, and fail to notice your sweet side?

Neither are words I would care to have associated with me and I doubt that anyone would think of either when thinking of me.

I used three different words - mean, cruel and nasty - without much thought or definition. And then other words got into the mix later in the thread - bullying, for example. I think the word that holds the most value for me is 'cruel'.

I'd like to hear your definition.

I was thinking about something along the lines of excitement or pleasure in aggression. I think I enjoy aggression, and I like to hit my target, but I don't think I can enjoy another person's pain beyond the moment of impact. As soon as their pain is visible, other feelings become dominant.

merriam-webster
cruel
1 : disposed to inflict pain or suffering : devoid of humane feelings <a cruel tyrant>
2 a : causing or conducive to injury, grief, or pain <a cruel joke> b : unrelieved by leniency <cruel punishment>

 

[capricious_chic]

I used three different words - mean, cruel and nasty - without much thought or definition. And then other words got into the mix later in the thread - bullying, for example. I think the word that holds the most value for me is 'cruel'.

I'd like to hear your definition.

It's an idiosyncrasy of mine - the need to clarify exactly what someone means when using a particular word.

Mean, nasty, bully-like behavior fall into a certain category for me. It implies that the person who is such has an emotional investment in the outcome of their tactics. The basis is more in insecurity and the need to tear down another for their own personal edification or to ease their own pain. It is, again, petty and more often than not completely uncalled for.

Cruelty, again to me, is more devoid of emotional investment. One doesn't necessarily need aggression to be cruel. One can be incredibly cruel and civil at the same time. Empathy has been mentioned as if it is the stop gap, and it may well be - but I would also say that those that are the most empathetic are also the ones who are able to be the most cruel. You can't be cruel unless you know exactly how much it will hurt, how much damage will be done.

To take pleasure in such delves into another mentionable - sadism. Sadism doesn't exist w/o cruelty but cruelty can exist w/o sadistic pleasure. I do have a sadistic bent to my nature and yet I would say that isn't the only time I am cruel and I don't get pleasure from cruelty always. Sometimes it is simply the quickest means to an end - which really makes the act/deed/thing that was said so much more cruel.

 

[Batch]

Yes. But what is your relation to that? You watch it happen ... and where are you? Innocent bystander? Witness? What is the connection between that and your sense of yourself as cruel?

Not pressing you to answer all these questions. A number of people have said they get some satisfaction seeing a bully get their due. But you're not saying that either. Yes, I see that too - people getting into trouble.

so hard

I see both sides of the shit fest

and understand the reasons... justice, anger...

My relation to it is that I have talked with people about their behaviour and yet they
choose to continue, poorly.

Pisses me off. What a complete waste of time, effort, energy. On both sides.

I cannot stop them from doing this. I leave and vent off the boards.

 

[Batch]

What could happen instead? I ask myself that sometimes.

they could just stop and actually realize that it is solving nothing to allow this nonesense to spiral, into the out of control places it has gone to

 

[Leverage]

One way we can make cruelty acceptable, as comes up in this thread, is when it is towards "the bad guy". So, once someone has been identified as an asshole, then it's acceptable to take pleasure in their suffering. The kicker here that marks it as cruelty is that it is without limit. There are a few people on lit who behave badly, and the general consensus seems to be that you can say anything to those people and not be considered cruel. After all, they earned it, right?

I noticed myself do that with a couple of people - leverage when he first got here, for example. He spoke up to me about it. I did it before the general consensus turned against him. More briefly with poppy. Barely at all with Killswitch. I do swing at KS once in a while in response to what he's doing at that moment, but the free-for-all was too much.

What happened to your "life before kittens"...LoL...that was cool...

Yeah, true Leverage has somehow earned the moniker of "the bad guy" therefore its alright and indeed acceptable to be cruel.

Anyway, in my current status I don't see it as acceptable or alright to be cruel for no apparent reason to GB members. I find it indeed repulsive...especially when the mob aspect enters into the equation like it so often does especially when referring to the users you mentioned above. It's a fact that it is cowardly to just join the fray and insult someone just because everyone does it...but hey its the GB and like you said, some peeps have "earned it."

Peace...

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

What happened to your "life before kittens"...LoL...that was cool...

Yeah, true Leverage has somehow earned the moniker of "the bad guy" therefore its alright and indeed acceptable to be cruel.

Anyway, in my current status I don't see it as acceptable or alright to be cruel for no apparent reason to GB members. I find it indeed repulsive...especially when the mob aspect enters into the equation like it so often does especially when referring to the users you mentioned above. It's a fact that it is cowardly to just join the fray and insult someone just because everyone does it...but hey its the GB and like you said, some peeps have "earned it."

Peace...

You say "in my current status I don't see it as acceptable". Did you have a change of heart? I'm assuming you did. Because before you had an "as long as I'm having fun" attitude. I suppose you have regrets about some things, or at least you would do it differently in the future. You seem more real now.

But all the characters you play are you too. Otherwise, bank robbers could say "that wasn't me. I had a mask on. I was someone else at the time".

I have a cruel side, and I also find cruelty repugnant at times. I wouldn't post in the 'unsexiest man of lit' thread, because there are a couple of names on that thread who I think would be hurt. Myself, if someone on lit said I was the unsexiest, I could deal easily (unless it was someone I adore). But if I was on a poll where people could vote anonymously, that would make me paranoid, I think.

Oh, I'm getting boring.

The next time I get an urge to go vent my spleen on the neverenders ... Maybe I need a sponsor? Someone to pm and say "I'm feeling an urge to un-hug the person above me. Please talk me through it."

 

[tortoise]

The next time I get an urge to go vent my spleen on the neverenders ... Maybe I need a sponsor? Someone to pm and say "I'm feeling an urge to un-hug the person above me. Please talk me through it."

Can this "talking through" involve spanking, perhaps?

 

[bluntforcemama]

Ever catch yourself being cruel?

It's not contagious. I often would like to rip into someone. I often forego it, though. Someone else gets around to it anyway.

Do you ever take pleasure in being mean?

Sometimes in a perverse way I do, but usually I find that the target of my rebuke is just as mean as I can be. There are only a few sensitive souls that I shelter from my own tongue.

Here on lit?

Of course. People are more likely to be cruel in a state of anonymity, though it is not absolute. They don't have to see the pain they've caused and they can readily ignore it.

Where does your nasty side come out?

Usually among people who are nasty themselves; people who do not deserve kindness for they have given none.

How do you feel about it?

I don't really think about it too much. I find it's not worth thinking about. If I'm mean to someone for no acceptable reason, then I usually apologize. This isn't often, however. My instincts are more often than not spot on.

Do you think you're meaner then others?

No, I do not. I believe I suffer few fools. That's a difference. There are a lot of foolish acts, but few truly foolish people.

Do people think you're nicer then you really are?

No, I doubt that. Most people believe I'm as tough as nails and a cast iron bitch. A few of them are right to believe it in regard to how I react to them.

Do people think you're mean, and fail to notice your sweet side?

Sweet? Honestly, I'm a very kind and generous person to those I enjoy, to those few that are close to me, as many people are when we get to know them on a one-on-one basis. There are always exceptions, but I like to think that most people are kind in their hearts if not their ways.

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

Can this "talking through" involve spanking, perhaps?

What else can "talking through" possibly mean?

 

[tortoise]

What else can "talking through" possibly mean?

In that case, I'm an excellent sponsor. Very firm.

 

[Rambling Rose]

I don't suffer fools gladly. For that, I will now accept my firm talking through.

 

[AnneSexton]

I don’t like any of the new threads, so I’m just gonna bump old threads instead. OY used to ask the best questions. I miss her.

Ever catch yourself being cruel?

To myself? All the time. To others? Not often. I rarely direct cruely at any external target.

Do you ever take pleasure in being mean?

No. I usually apologize if/when I realize I’ve been unkind.

Here on lit?

No. The most mean thing I do on here is not respond, which is sometimes rude, and other times makes me complicit.

Where does your nasty side come out?

Sometimes I think I share my ugliest self with the people who love me the most. Like only in a relationship that is SO safe I know it cannot be lost will I reveal the lowest, darkest part of me.

How do you feel about it?

Simultaneously ashamed to be so awful and grateful to be forgiven.

Do you think you're meaner then others?

No.

Do people think you're nicer then you really are?

No.

Do people think you're mean, and fail to notice your sweet side?

No, but people do fail to noice me, period.

 

[Ann_Tagonist]

I don’t like any of the new threads, so I’m just gonna bump old threads instead. OY used to ask the best questions. I miss her.

Ever catch yourself being cruel?

To myself? All the time. To others? Not often. I rarely direct cruely at any external target.

Do you ever take pleasure in being mean?

No. I usually apologize if/when I realize I’ve been unkind.

Here on lit?

No. The most mean thing I do on here is not respond, which is sometimes rude, and other times makes me complicit.

Where does your nasty side come out?

Sometimes I think I share my ugliest self with the people who love me the most. Like only in a relationship that is SO safe I know it cannot be lost will I reveal the lowest, darkest part of me.

How do you feel about it?

Simultaneously ashamed to be so awful and grateful to be forgiven.

Do you think you're meaner then others?

No.

Do people think you're nicer then you really are?

No.

Do people think you're mean, and fail to notice your sweet side?

No, but people do fail to noice me, period.

You had an "olde smell" about you.

 

[AnneSexton]

You had an "olde smell" about you.

Answer the questions.

 

[AnneSexton]

Pretty please...

Come on, all anyone does around here is fight anymore.

 

[Ann_Tagonist]

Ever catch yourself being cruel?
No. It's never accidental.
Do you ever take pleasure in being mean?
No. It's a tool, like a fork.
Here on lit?
Redundant.
Where does your nasty side come out?
Vague.
How do you feel about it?
Vague.
Do you think you're meaner then others?
It's not really quantifiable.
Do people think you're nicer then you really are?
Who knows what other people think.
Do people think you're mean, and fail to notice your sweet side?
See above.

 

[AnneSexton]

Is it an effective tool?

 

[Ann_Tagonist]

Is it an effective tool?

I think people often mistake cruelty for honesty.

 

[InsightRiot]

I think people often mistake cruelty for honesty.

The truth often hurts.

 

[InsightRiot]

It's easy, instant gratification to feed a man a fish for one day.

It's a fucking pain in the ass to teach a man to fish so he can feed himself.

What do you do when if the student has a low IQ and you literally can't teach them to fish?