Daddy's Little Girl - Fourth Edition

[FrenchLopBunny]

 

[SilentSometimes]

The red light green light thread had me thinking about the red flags when “Doms” approach.

Immediately declares he’s a Dom, or has dominant tendencies.
Says nothing about the lifestyle and instead introduces himself and attempts to get to know me.

Immediately calls me a pet name like Babygirl, Little One or Good Girl wanting to be manipulative but it fills me with ick.
Addresses me like we’re just friends.

Negs
Encourages

Quick Temper
Good Emotional Regulation

Behaves in a way that conveys interest and possible future
Plays hot and cold.

Expects immediate submission
Plays the long game to earning submission


There’s more but I have to run

Whoa whoa whoa. Can I ask a question here?

I started seeing this guy but through a fetish site, so we already knew each others preferred dynamics. Fine. However, he kept asking a lot about what I liked/wanted/required but was very vague about his needs or feelings and then would randomly send me photos of restraints or collars. He also immediately started calling me “babygirl” and “bunny” and would use possessive terms like “my bunny” or “my little vegetarian” and it made me feel icky. We had only been on a few dates and that felt way too fast.

However, in person, he’s quite charming and easy to talk to. I couldn’t quite get past his texting side vs his in person side so I ended it before I got in too deep.

My question is: are these actual red flags or am I just being hypersensitive?

 

[cascadiabound]

Whoa whoa whoa. Can I ask a question here?

I started seeing this guy but through a fetish site, so we already knew each others preferred dynamics. Fine. However, he kept asking a lot about what I liked/wanted/required but was very vague about his needs or feelings and then would randomly send me photos of restraints or collars. He also immediately started calling me “babygirl” and “bunny” and would use possessive terms like “my bunny” or “my little vegetarian” and it made me feel icky. We had only been on a few dates and that felt way too fast.

However, in person, he’s quite charming and easy to talk to. I couldn’t quite get past his texting side vs his in person side so I ended it before I got in too deep.

My question is: are these actual red flags or am I just being hypersensitive?

Anything that makes you feel icky is by definition a red flag. It sounds like in writing/text he was running way ahead of his skis and being inappropriately possessive.

The "texting" side of his personality is just as much/maybe more, who he is, as they way he presents in person. In fact, since texting requires writing, planning, possibly editing and then deciding to hit the send button, it should tell you what/how they are thinking even more than in person because it is easier to consider whether something is or isn't a good idea before sending.

I wonder if you called him out on it or told him it felt too fast? You could learn a lot about a person depending on his response to that kind of query/ interaction. It might even help form a basis (or not) for good D/s communication going forward. If he said - you are being too sensitive, don't take things so seriously - major red flags. If instead he said, oh gosh, I'm sorry that made you uncomfortable, I'll stop doing that. Green light.

 

[FreckledSprite]

Whoa whoa whoa. Can I ask a question here?

I started seeing this guy but through a fetish site, so we already knew each others preferred dynamics. Fine. However, he kept asking a lot about what I liked/wanted/required but was very vague about his needs or feelings and then would randomly send me photos of restraints or collars. He also immediately started calling me “babygirl” and “bunny” and would use possessive terms like “my bunny” or “my little vegetarian” and it made me feel icky. We had only been on a few dates and that felt way too fast.

However, in person, he’s quite charming and easy to talk to. I couldn’t quite get past his texting side vs his in person side so I ended it before I got in too deep.

My question is: are these actual red flags or am I just being hypersensitive?

I feel Predatory “Doms” contact subs hoping to poach an inexperienced one with their inappropriate tactics.

They know we yearn for the Collar so it’s so manipulative to bring it up that early before they prove themselves worthy of our submission.

And when they’re data mining you for info to use to manipulate but not being open about themselves

I’m glad you followed your instincts.

 

[Strixaluco]

The icky ones are not necessarily all manipulative - some are perhaps just somehow immature, emotionally unskilled and following bad role models.

But it doesn't change the conclusion, as that doesn't make for a good Dom material. It's not your job to educate them - IF they even can be educated. You don't want a project after all.

Learning bdsm together would be a totally different thing.