Damn, I love the library

[DeliciousMaiden]

Maddie Brookes

Sat with my head bowed, I sense Raven kneeling even before I see him dip his head to look up into my face. His eyes search mine, his voice is full of shocked.

"Maddie, my dearest Maddie, what have I done?

I shake my head trying to explain that he has done nothing wrong, but cannot find my voice. His concern touches me and if anything, I cry harder.

”Why are tearing up on such a beautiful night?
If it is anything that I have said or done, please let me know, so I can make it right.
I do not wish you to be unhappy tonight, or the anytime in the future."

I look into his face as he begs for an explanation.
I meet his eyes and take a ragged breath, trying in vain to steady myself.

"Please Maddie, help me understand."

I lower my eyes guiltily trying to hide from his gaze.
Guilt is so natural to me. How dare I cause this man concern after all the inconvenience he has been forced to go through because of me?
I know I should be happy, laughing, grateful… and I am grateful, but this has all happened so quickly… I cannot quite believe that it’s all over… that I’m safe…

As I hang my head, letting my hair shield me from Raven’s gaze, he reaches out to hold both hands. He makes no move to force me to look up, makes no plea for me to halt my tears, he simply holds my hands, brushing the back of them with his thumbs.

I watch as he moves gently across my skin: The feel and the movement of the act strangely calming.
Finally, as the silent shuddering sobs subside I let my eyes flit upwards to meet the intent gaze, which has been bent on my head all the while.

His eyes hold mine and I catch my breath.
I feel his finger light upon my chin brushing my skin where a tear still hovers.
I swallow with difficulty and try to find my voice..

”It… it’s not you Raven.. you.. must never think that… “

I speak hoarsely as my eyes appeal to him to accept this, to understand, but I know I must explain somehow…

”It… it’s just that I’m … confused… all this… it’s been so sudden.. I.. I always thought that if I were better.. smarter… prettier… more what he wanted… then.. it would be o.k. again…. and now I’ve walked out… and I know I’m safe .. but… “

I break off; sure that Raven cannot understand my feelings… I know they don’t make sense, not even to me.
Raven squeezes my hands and smiles, encouraging me to continue.

” .. it’s like … I should have tried harder… or.. something… I don’t feel like I have the right to break free… I don’t have a right to be sat here in this place whilst he….. “

I break off guilt filling me as I think where I should be.
Now I have found my voice, I allow all the insecurities to come rushing into my mind.

I imagine what might be happening back home; the rage he will be in by now, my actions today giving him just cause to …

I look into the fire, my mind going over past scenes, the violence, the harsh words, all provoked by some … deficiency of mine…
I do not realise how the many comments, the criticisms have combined over the years to make me feel so worthless.

But in my mind, I know that I am unworthy of all the care and consideration Raven has been lavishing on me over the last few days.
I know he will discover eventually what kind of person I am, but by then….
I know I have to try and convince him of his mistake in offering me help…

Staring into the fire and unable to meet his eye, unaware of Raven’s intense gaze upon me, I whisper softly …

”…you’ve been so kind… but … you don’t know me… maybe I deserved to be treated like that… “

 

[Dj_Maximus]

...

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Maddie Brookes

I glance up at Raven, timidly, wondering if he will understand.
His look is tender, but he speaks firmly.

"Maddie, no one should ever be beaten. You are not a object nor a stress relief.
You appear to be a very nice person, intriguing and attractive."

My eyes widen as he tells me I’m “intriguing” and…. “attractive”?
I look questioningly, but he stands and walks away to the balcony.
I sit thinking over his words. Wondering if he could be right…
Wishing I could understand what it was that he saw in me…

Raven's hands envelop mine once more and I stand as he draws me towards him.
I shake slightly as he wraps his arms around me and gently presses me against him.
He holds me, his grip secure, but tender.
He caresses my hair.
I sigh softly and relax against him, letting the whispered words wash over me.

"Tonight you are safe, tomorrow you will be safe, and I will keep you safe for as long as you need me.

I lift my head about to speak, but he interrupts as if reading my thoughts.

”Yes, I don't know everything, but for tonight let us forget about the world outside."

I nod.
I am more than willing to escape reality, even just for a night.

His body warms me, his arms make me feel safe.
I breathe slowly, feeling much calmer now as I stand beside him.
... and still his hand is on my hair, stroking, giving me comfort as if I were a lost child.

Finally, Raven leans back and takes my face in his hands, drawing it up to meet his eyes.
I am so aware of his closeness. I hold my breath.

"The bedroom should be a little warmer and more comfortable now.
Why don't you get some sleep and we can figure out what comes next in the morning. You must be exhausted."

I let out a soft sigh and nod.

"There's a washroom downstairs, at the foot of the staircase.
There's a full bath and shower if you need to freshen up before bed.
There are fresh towels in your closet in the bedroom.
I am gonna go downstairs and make us some more tea."

Taking my hand he walks with me back into the bedroom.
I shiver, missing his body heat and finally realising how chilled I had become.
I stand and watch him walk out of the room, then follow him, until I am leaning against the door post watching him going downstairs once more.
As if aware of my eyes on him, he turns and smiles softly.

"Everything will be ok Maddie, I promise."

Again I nod, wordlessly, amazed at his determined optimism.

I stand until he disappears into the room downstairs then turn and move to my bag.
Slowly I shake out my clothes, moving to drawers and the closet to hang or fold them away.
I look at the pitifully few belongings I brought with me, knowing that they are inadequate, but take Raven’s advice and do not dwell on the problems, not yet, not tonight.

Hanging up the last of my tops, I glance at the neat pile of towels and decide to go for a quick shower.
I pick up two of the towels and realise that I have brought no toiletries with me.
Content just to feel the rush of hot water over my body, I slowly pick my way down the stairs carrying the towels with me as I go.

The bathroom is easy to find, the light and shower already switched on with a mat ready on the floor.
As I open the shower cubicle, I see shampoo and shower gel laid out for me: the masculine kind, but welcome none the less.

I peel off my clothes and fold them neatly, laying them out to avoid creasing and, turning the shower on full and hot, step under the steaming water.
Sighing with pleasure I turn and wash myself carefully.
As I lather up my body, I no longer see the faint marks, the slight discolorations, not even the vivid bruise which stands out on my shoulder.

It is only as I wash my hair that I wince and have to work carefully around the most recent injury, becoming aware of the bruising and the slight gash, that has not had time to heal yet. Out of habit I carefully move my hair to cover the wound and turn to rinse myself thoroughly.

Reluctantly I step out of the shower and stand on the mat, dabbing carefully at my hair. Still unable to dry it effectively, as my thick black hair retains the water, I wrap a towel about my head, scooping the hair high, away from my injured temple.

I wind the other larger towel about me, secure it and sit on the bath, feeling suddenly exhausted and lulled by the heat of the water. The room is hot and steamy, filled with the masculine scent, which now seems to envelop my body.
I feel clean, cleansed somehow.
I sit, enjoying the peace of the silent room…

Suddenly I become aware of a tentative, then more insistent knock on the bathroom door.
I hear a concerned voice and realise that I’ve lost track of time.

”Maddie..?…. Maddie…! … Are.. you OK in there.. ?”

I stand up and move quickly to the door.

”Raven.. yes.. I.. I’m fine… “

Without thinking I open the door to reassure him that all is well.

”I was just…. “

I break off realising his worried look has not yet left his face.

”..I.. Is.. tea ready… ?”

I ask unable to read his expression.

 

[Dj_Maximus]

...

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Maddie Brookes

”Maddie..?…. Maddie…! … Are.. you OK in there.. ?”

”Raven.. yes.. I.. I’m fine… “

I smiled and continued to explain…

”I.. guess I lost track of time.. sorry… “

His exclamation cut through his words.

"Oh my god Maddie! What did he do to you?
Come with me and let's clean that up properly."

I looked at him bewildered, as he moved to me and lifted a light finger to my head and softly brushed the bruise on my shoulder…

”These.. oh… they’re… nothing… I.. fell.. kinda…. Don’t worry…. “

My words did not sway him from his determination and I followed as he took my hand and led me back into the bathroom, totally forgetting I was dressed in a towel and forgetting my earlier wish that I had brought a robe with me, although the removal of such a bulky garment would have been impractical.

I meekly followed his instructions to sit and sat as he cleaned the wound almost managing not to wince at the sting. He pulled out a bandage and although I whispered that it was not necessary he continued to secure it and finally ran his finger against the secured material, moving me to him as he kissed my head tenderly.

"There, that should heal nicely now."

I smile back at him.

”Yes.. thank you.. but… it really wasn’t necessary… I bruise easily, but heal quickly… this was just a scratch… don’t worry Raven…. “

Though I hasten to reassure him, he looks unconvinced. I feel his hand circle mine and allow him to help me stand and lead me back to the kitchen.

"Yes, tea is ready."

I look at the tea set out before me.

”You’re very kind… but you don’t have to run around after me you know… I’m more than capable… and I won’t break… you really don’t have to worry so much about me Raven… I’m O.K….”

My voice insists.
I’m not used to anyone doing things for me, caring for me, being so concerned about my welfare…
I find I don’t know how to cope with his attention….
I sit and take the cup and sip it gratefully.
Putting down the cup I raise my hand unconsciously to my head and close my eyes wearily.
I realise for the first time that my head is throbbing… tension headache perhaps… result of the gash…. I sip my tea once more and contrary to my previous protestations I look up, almost shyly at Raven and ask…

”You don’t have any painkillers do you… sleeping pills.. anything like that…?”

 

[Dj_Maximus]

...

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Maddie Brookes

Raven nods and returns to the bathroom to fetch the necessary painkillers.
He slips into my hand.
I don’t recognise them and I don’t query what they are.
Raven hands me a glass of water and watches as I swallow them down.

"I am going to get cleaned up myself. I will be back in a few minutes.”

I nod and speak softly.

”Ok… “

He smiles and gently takes my hand.

”I lit a fire in the living room if you want to make yourself more comfortable."

I nod and watch him move to the bathroom.
I secure the towel around me. The action is automatic.
For some reason my mind no longer registers that walking about in a towel is “inappropriate”.
I walk slowly to the living room and note the contrast as the warmth of the fire hits me.
Gratefully I sink down on the sofa and watch the flames dancing on the newly lit wood.
I glance towards the bathroom, unable to hear water or any movement.
I pull a cushion, lower my head onto it and tuck my legs, curling onto the sofa.
Still I watch the red, the orange, the yellow dancing as they randomly change shape and colour and flicker in the softly lit room.

I close my eyes, but still I can see the hypnotic glimmers playing on the back of my eyelids.
The warmth suffuses my body and I sigh… relaxing….
I sigh softly and drift off to sleep, forgetting where I am, how I’m “dressed” or Raven, still showering in a room beyond…

I do not hear him call my name as he returns from his shower.

 

[Dj_Maximus]

...

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Maddie Brookes

My sleep is deep and seems long.
Images of sunsets, trees, carefree days of childhood seem to flit through my mind as I sleep undisturbed for the first time in months.

My hand is tucked beneath my cheek as I curl my legs higher, then wrap an arm about my body as the chill of the cooling room seems to creep into my bones.

The images before my closed eyes change.
I'm lost, running, pursued, but I do not know by who or what.
I hear myself cry out, still deeply asleep and unable to shake the image I only half see before me.
From somewhere I hear a soothing sound, seem to feel a hand stroking my hair, taking my hand.
I hear words and murmur a response, unaware of what is being said, the feeling of being pursued still with me, making my body rigid with fear.

Slowly, somehow I am soothed, I relax.
Something covers me. Warmth returns to my body.
I sigh softly and feel my body sinking into the softness which now cocoons it.

I drift into a dreamless, restful sleep once more.

A sound wakes me.

A banging door, a crash of a chair...?

I start and open my eyes, only to blink dazedly at the sun glaring at me from through the window.
Hesitantly I look around, disorientated and unable to recall where I am or why until the tall figure cuts across the morning's brightness and stands silhouetted before me.
Again I try to straighten my confused thoughts.
My concerned expression smooths into a smile as I recognise the face of Raven as he approaches me.
I turn slowly onto my side to face him as he kneels on the carpet, dropping down to put himself at the same level as I am as I lay on what I realise is his sofa...

 

[Kelson]

Bump

<CRASH>

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

OOC:

Thanks for the attention hun... I think my partner is busy with computer trouble... hoping he will get back to Maddie soon!

{{{huggs}}}
DM x

 

[Kelson]

ooc

Okay Making me wait to read the rest -sniffles sadly-

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

OOC:

Maddie's waiting to make her next move too ... you and I will have to be patient ... what else is there to do ...?

{{{huggs}}}

DM x

 

[Kelson]

OOC) Just keep bumping it I suppose BUMP!

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

OOC:

Maddie blinks upwards, looking for her rescuer, Raven...?

What is to become of the poor girl?

DM x


Kelson - I'm assuming computer probs are keeping "Raven" away... still... *bumping* with you hun x

 

[Kelson]

ooc) We keep bumping with each other like this and someone might think we're up to something...

 

[Kelson]

ooc) Not having horrible computer problems...he went back and editted all his posts to "..." hmm...wonder what is up. Actually, all his posts across lit are "..." now. Very curious, underage maybe?

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Looks like Me and Maddie have been dumped!?!

Hey Kelson.. you can *bump* with me anytime!

Thanks for telling me... didn't realise that he'd withdrawn from everything.. a PM would have been polite or at least useful!?!


::twiddles thumbs:: now what do we do..?

Does this mean we'll never bump together again!

OMG - poor Maddie.. she could be waking up anywhere, with anyone!

::sighs::

::Moves to sit in the dumped corner::

DM x

 

[Dj_Maximus]

Raven:

Maddie, Maddie, I have returned!!!!

I woke up this morning and found that I no longer was of right frame of mind. I discovered that the lies had to stop. I had to find myself and change the evil ways lurming inside of me.

Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Glad you found yourself BUT you could have PMed and WHY did you think it necessary to delete all your posts??

Hope you enjoy Lit, but I don't want to write with you again thanks.

DM