omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
Funny Letters to Dear Sprinkles
DEAR Sprinkles: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never
seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they
could be Lebanese?
CURIOUS
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins.
My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the
morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that
is his hobby.
---------------------------
.....I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not
even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
---------------------------
.....I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the
pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend
should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss
money with him.
---------------------------
.....I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I
confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would
never happen again.
---------------------------
.....Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor?
---------------------------
.....Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was
raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
---------------------------
.....I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get
out?
---------------------------
.....My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour
every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
---------------------------
.....I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank
until one night he came home sober.
---------------------------
.....Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little
gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did
it.
---------------------------
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her
mental pause.
---------------------------
I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting
officer.
---------------------------
..... Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex
to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years
ago and he is a doctor.
---------------------------
.....This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband said
"I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see
each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but
he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for
what he can get?
GERTIE
DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and
make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend.
Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a
cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to our
final judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy day.
FORTY YEARS HITCHED
DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining!
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd
like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd
like?
CAROL
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: Are birth control pills deductible?
KAY
DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife
had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me,
can a baby this big be that early?
WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: Do you think about dying much?
CURIOUS
DEAR CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the
same time?
JAKE
DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and
he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
ANNIE
DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if
he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.
DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: What inspires you most to write?
TED
DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've
heard a lot about you"?
RITA
DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my
age with no bad habits.
ROSE
DEAR ROSE: So would I.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
BESS
DEAR BESS: Night and day.
DEAR Sprinkles: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never
seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they
could be Lebanese?
CURIOUS
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins.
My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the
morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that
is his hobby.
---------------------------
.....I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not
even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
---------------------------
.....I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the
pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend
should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss
money with him.
---------------------------
.....I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I
confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would
never happen again.
---------------------------
.....Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor?
---------------------------
.....Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was
raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
---------------------------
.....I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get
out?
---------------------------
.....My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour
every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
---------------------------
.....I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank
until one night he came home sober.
---------------------------
.....Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little
gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did
it.
---------------------------
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her
mental pause.
---------------------------
I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting
officer.
---------------------------
..... Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex
to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years
ago and he is a doctor.
---------------------------
.....This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband said
"I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see
each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but
he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for
what he can get?
GERTIE
DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and
make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend.
Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a
cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to our
final judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy day.
FORTY YEARS HITCHED
DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining!
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd
like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd
like?
CAROL
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: Are birth control pills deductible?
KAY
DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife
had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me,
can a baby this big be that early?
WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: Do you think about dying much?
CURIOUS
DEAR CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the
same time?
JAKE
DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and
he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
ANNIE
DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if
he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.
DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: What inspires you most to write?
TED
DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've
heard a lot about you"?
RITA
DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my
age with no bad habits.
ROSE
DEAR ROSE: So would I.
---------------------------
DEAR Sprinkles: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
BESS
DEAR BESS: Night and day.
