Dear X

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Dear Hotter Than God Should Have Made You Guy At Starbucks Friday Afternoon After Work.......

I very seldom give guys my correct phone number......I want you to use it, but it does have a 72 hour shelf life........

Signed

I know you wanna.....

Dear Starbucks guy -

You better use that #....
 
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i still think it.


and if you're referring to me, I'd highly recommend you watch what you say...and feel free to mind your own business.
 
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Dear Royal Dumbfuck,

I know I can say some rude, stupid, insensitive shit. I do it on a regular basis, sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. And so I generally know what rude, stupid, insensitive shit sounds like. But that... that was impressively bad. I'm just wondering if you got your dick cut off when you were still young enough to actually have a use for it, and so that's why you're perpetually mad at the world. And you know, I don't say this often, but you're one of those people that shouldn't be allowed to breed, and should also be laryngectomised so no one has to hear any of the glib flip shit that you seem to be fond of spouting.

Learn something called respect, and something else called humility. No one's perfect, and sure as hell not you. You have no shame. But then again, you probably think that's a good thing. Until you're civil, keep your rancorous thoughts to yourself. And keep that shit out of my inbox.

Acerbically yours,

Un-Fucking-Believing Litster
 
Dear Neighbor Who is Now On the List;

Since you feel your dog barks so much inside your house that you need to put it outside to get a break from it... maybe it barks enough to now drive all of your neighbors crazy, too... right? :mad:

BARK BARK BARK, BARK BARK BARK, BARK BARK BARK

is getting very old. How about some courtesy, hmmmm?

Ticked Off and Wanting to Adopt out a Dog or Take Up a Collection for Obedience Classes.
 
Dear mummy dearest,

You have tried three different ways to get here this weekend, and each time I have said no. The message isn't that difficult.

Got to admire the tenacity of you, that on Sunday morning you're still trying to get a roast dinner out of me. I'd be annoyed if I wasn't giggling so much at your blatant attempts to find out WHY I said no in the first place.

So, when you no doubt do a drive-by later because "you happened to be near" (albeit going in the wrong direction).....that other car you're going to see in my drive? Yeah, it's going to drive you crazy not knowing and not being able to ask, because for the fourth time...

NO.

Lots of love,
Really fucking sad that my beautiful mum turned into such a pain in the arse, and I probably have another 30 years of it yet, me.
 
Dear X,

Your jealousy over my best friend is coming through loud and clear. You're being an asswipe and you're taking it out on our son, b/c he was merely informing you of what his grandma said about the damn cookies.

Get your head out of your ass. And get rid of the attitude.

(Also, I am not responsible for how my best friend acts......don't treat me like shit b/c of something she may or may not have done. I guarantee it was an unintentional thing. I think you enjoyed seeing her boobs hanging out of her dresses. Also, I know you lied to me this morning. But I am choosing to ignore it b/c I do not wish to spend my Sunday arguing with you over stupid ass shit.)

Thanks for doing your part to make this an enjoyable weekend to the end. :rolleyes:
 
Dear X,

Your jealousy over my best friend is coming through loud and clear. You're being an asswipe and you're taking it out on our son, b/c he was merely informing you of what his grandma said about the damn cookies.

Get your head out of your ass. And get rid of the attitude.

(Also, I am not responsible for how my best friend acts......don't treat me like shit b/c of something she may or may not have done. I guarantee it was an unintentional thing. I think you enjoyed seeing her boobs hanging out of her dresses. Also, I know you lied to me this morning. But I am choosing to ignore it b/c I do not wish to spend my Sunday arguing with you over stupid ass shit.)

Thanks for doing your part to make this an enjoyable weekend to the end. :rolleyes:

Dear fucked off,

Hugs

Your Irish buddy
 
Dear Mom,
It's been over three years since you passed but I've missed you ever day since then.

I've missed...
  • calling you every day after work and filling you in on my life.
  • calling you to tell you about what your grandsons were up to (like J's gymnastics or G's first year of jr. high)
  • calling you when I need a confidence boost on how to cook something just like you make it.
  • sitting with you looking over photo albums and reliving fun family memories
  • playing cribbage or gin rummy or scrabble and still shaking my head that you continue to kick my ass!
  • sharing with you what's been going on since the divorce and my experiences in dating and love and lust

I miss you best friend.
 
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Dear Mom,
It's been over three years since you passed but I've missed you ever day since then.

I've missed...
  • calling you every day after work and filling you in on my life.
  • calling you to tell you about what your grandsons were up to (like J's gymnastics or G's first year of jr. high)
  • calling you when I need a confidence boost on how to cook something just like you make it.
  • sitting with you looking over photo albums and reliving fun family memories
    playing cribbage or gin rummy or scrabble and still shaking my head that you continue to kick my ass!
  • sharing with you what's been going on since the divorce and my experiences in dating and love and lust

I miss you best friend.

Love you, honey.
 
Dear Nail Lady,

Aside from not being able to understand you clearly, I think I love you. You thought I was 18.......and had asked me why I wasn't in school. You couldn't believe that I was 35 and had 2 kids.

Thank you for the giggle....and for doing my nails so fast! 20 mins...and I was on my way!

Signed,

I'll go to you again
 
Dear Woman I was interested in --

I am done with the silly games. Grow up and stop living in your past, this isnt three years ago. If you dont, you will become the crazy cat lady that your friends tease you about. You are missing out on someone who would have really cared for you more than any other guy you have been with. Too bad, your loss because I am done waiting around.

Sincerely,

Tired of dating guy
 
Dear dumbass,


If you didn't want to know why did you ask? Seriously it didn't matter to me one way or the other.

I know the difference litster
 
If you're a fan you'll have to see it out. I'll be interested to hear what you think. When does it air?

Dear Disappointed Dexter Fan

What a crock pot of shit that was.

It should have been visceral and dark. In the end, he couldn't even grow a decent beard.

Disgruntled and Dismayed Me :(
 
Dear Disappointed Dexter Fan

What a crock pot of shit that was.

It should have been visceral and dark. In the end, he couldn't even grow a decent beard.

Disgruntled and Dismayed Me :(
Ditto. Ditto. Ditto.
I didn't like it at all!!!!:mad:
 
Dear T,

My heart is breaking and weeps for your family. Never in a million years did I think something like that could ever happen with one of your loved ones. I have prayed so hard for it not to have gone this way for her. Despite the time and rift, the connection has never truly broken and I still care about all of you more than you could possibly know...especially you. So now I pray for you all to be surrounded with the Lord's love and it gives you strength in this time of need.

always,

elizabeth
 
Dear coworkers,
I know I'm better at our job than you. You should just accept that.
Dear manager & director,
You need to stop playing favorites and open your eyes. I'm a damn good worker and I deserve more than what you are giving me.

-Peeved employee
 
Dear autocorrect,

Quit changing my sensual, smutty, naughty words into gibberish.

:mad:

Please & t'anks,

Wishing I hadn't updated my celly litster
 
Dear One That Left My Life Too Soon,

It’s been a long time since you went away, yet is still feels like only yesterday that you, and your beautiful smile, were right here with me where you should be. Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what my life would be like if you were still here. I think about what you would be like now, what path you would have chosen (or created), what your views, ideas, and thoughts would be and how you would inspire those around you. In the short time you were here I was amazed by your compassion, selflessness, beauty, and wonder at the world. Although you will always be in my heart, eleven years was nowhere near long enough to have you in my arms.

I still wake up to the sound of your voice…in those few moments before I realize that it was just a dream I feel completely whole again. And when I do wake up enough to know that a piece of me is still missing, it makes me smile because even though that piece is missing it will never be completely gone and your memory will always be with me. Keeping your memory with me is, at times, what keeps me going. When I think life is being difficult or I hurt inside it only takes a second for me to close my eyes, see your sweet face, and remember that I have been through the worst pain and hurt imaginable and if I can make it through that, and be a stronger person because of it, I can make it through anything. I wish the people around me could see that your memory is one of the things that I cherish most in my life. Bringing you up in conversation does not hurt me or make me sad. The ones that love me trying to protect me by not bringing you up or talking about you and the acquaintances that still have a hard time looking me in the eye are what cause the most pain. Yes, I do hate the fact that you are gone, and I will never understand why things happened the way they did, but if I dwell on why you’re gone I wouldn’t have time to be grateful for the fact that you were here.

It’s getting close to the anniversary of the day you went away. While every day I wish you could be with me, anniversaries and birthdays cause me remember everything about you even more…the sound of your laugh, the sassiness of your attitude, the stubbornness and independence that were by far beyond your years, the way you were thankful for the smallest things, how much you appreciated and cared about everyone around you, and how our last words to each other were ‘I love you’.

I miss you so much but know how fortunate I am to have spent what time I did with you and to have you as my daughter and as my angel.

With All My :heart:,

Mommy
 
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Dear jerk,
Just because I left you doesn't give you the right to ignore me after we agreed to do this amicably. I need to know what the hell you want to do with mutual belongings so this can be over with faster. I don't appreciate this and it's going to result in me throwing your stuff in the trash.
I'm pissed, why don't you answer your phone, you jerk??
- your pissed off & soon to be ex-wife
 
Dear Wasband,

Are we really negotiating a fuck date? I tell you, it's very tempting.

Laughing out loud to the let your plastic dildo rest to go have sex with you,

because I need penetration comment.


Signed,

At least I don't have to shave my goodies. :D
 
Dear One That Left My Life Too Soon,

It’s been a long time since you went away, yet is still feels like only yesterday that you, and your beautiful smile, were right here with me where you should be. Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what my life would be like if you were still here. I think about what you would be like now, what path you would have chosen (or created), what your views, ideas, and thoughts would be and how you would inspire those around you. In the short time you were here I was amazed by your compassion, selflessness, beauty, and wonder at the world. Although you will always be in my heart, eleven years was nowhere near long enough to have you in my arms.

I still wake up to the sound of your voice…in those few moments before I realize that it was just a dream I feel completely whole again. And when I do wake up enough to know that a piece of me is still missing, it makes me smile because even though that piece is missing it will never be completely gone and your memory will always be with me. Keeping your memory with me is, at times, what keeps me going. When I think life is being difficult or I hurt inside it only takes a second for me to close my eyes, see your sweet face, and remember that I have been through the worst pain and hurt imaginable and if I can make it through that, and be a stronger person because of it, I can make it through anything. I wish the people around me could see that your memory is one of the things that I cherish most in my life. Bringing you up in conversation does not hurt me or make me sad. The ones that love me trying to protect me by not bringing you up or talking about you and the acquaintances that still have a hard time looking me in the eye are what cause the most pain. Yes, I do hate the fact that you are gone, and I will never understand why things happened the way they did, but if I dwell on why you’re gone I wouldn’t have time to be grateful for the fact that you were here.

It’s getting close to the anniversary of the day you went away. While every day I wish you could be with me, anniversaries and birthdays cause me remember everything about you even more…the sound of your laugh, the sassiness of your attitude, the stubbornness and independence that were by far beyond your years, the way you were thankful for the smallest things, how much you appreciated and cared about everyone around you, and how our last words to each other were ‘I love you’.

I miss you so much but know how fortunate I am to have spent what time I did with you and to have you as my daughter and as my angel.

With All My :heart:,

Mommy
:rose::rose::rose:
 
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