Dick will make you slap somebody

[Emerson40]

Frozen meets Breaking Bad


http://geekplanet.nl/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/frozen-bb-01-300x225.jpg

Click the pic. Bitch.

 

[NightL]

Bloody hippies
http://youtu.be/Ur2IujHsSfQ

 

[Aphro]

This music video...just...so funny but SO inappropriate! The mustard and ketchup, omg, cliché

Satisfaction Guaranteed

 

[Emerson40]

Grapefruiting your man

Back in the old days of the Interwebs, there was a website called Angels Erotic Solutions.

Among ol' Aunt Angel's many tips and suggestions, one of the strangest was her clip on how to Grapefruit Your Man.

Watch your speaker levels with this one. I think her sound engineer was too taken with LOLZ during editing to adjust levels during the "oral" portion of her presentation.

Also, I also have no idea how a fella is to keep his blindfold on (as suggested by sweet Angel) during that. The compulsion to witness whatever savage and dreadful fate that would be delivered along with that intimidating sound, and was about to be suddenly inflicted upon the twig and berries, would be too great I think.



http://24.media.tumblr.com/4c1e352c4da71adfda978ba616abf722/tumblr_mfhdywyLhR1qdlh1io1_400.gif

^^^ cLicKy the GiFfY t0 g3T GrApFrO0tY ^^^

 

[imemkay]

What he'll be thinking is, "I coulda been fucking a grapefruit all these years" LMAO

 

[NightL]

Coming in a corridor near you

"Chinese hospitals are introducing a new machine which can extract sperm for donors.

According to China’s Weibo social platform the automatic sperm extractors are being introduced in a Nanjing hospital, capital of Jiangsu province.

The pink, grey and white machine has a massage pipe at the front which apparently can be adjusted according to the height of its user."​

http://www.sciencedump.com/sites/www.sciencedump.com/files/imagecache/img/plaatjes/sperm-extractor.jpg
Oh wait! There is a video as well

 

[NippleMuncher]

Coming in a corridor near you

"Chinese hospitals are introducing a new machine which can extract sperm for donors.

According to China’s Weibo social platform the automatic sperm extractors are being introduced in a Nanjing hospital, capital of Jiangsu province.

The pink, grey and white machine has a massage pipe at the front which apparently can be adjusted according to the height of its user."​

http://www.sciencedump.com/sites/www.sciencedump.com/files/imagecache/img/plaatjes/sperm-extractor.jpg
Oh wait! There is a video as well

Could this be the Sybian for men?

 

[Saucyminx]

I sincerely hope they have antibacterial soap handy for that young lady to wash her hands and that they clean the...er..intake sleeve often. Very very often.

 

[Aphro]

Honestly, I know guys like to stick their dicks in all manner of things just for shits and giggles, but truly, if I had a penis I would be afraid to put it in that thing!

Does porn play on the little video screen during the, er, deposit? Looks like something that should be in a sleazy hotel room and take a steady supply of quarters to me.

 

[mwmnpa]

Honestly, I know guys like to stick their dicks in all manner of things just for shits and giggles,

No we don't, not all of us anyway. As for thing, no thanks. Maybe I'm too set in my ways, but some things are best left to tried and true methods.

 

[Cumference]

Honestly, I know guys like to stick their dicks in all manner of things just for shits and giggles, but truly, if I had a penis I would be afraid to put it in that thing!

Does porn play on the little video screen during the, er, deposit? Looks like something that should be in a sleazy hotel room and take a steady supply of quarters to me.

Penii have been put in worse things

I think the video screen shows pictures of a head seen from above.
(The buttons are for selecting hairdo and color)



Quarters, yeah, but only for a start.
Once it senses that the subject is close, it will slow down and ask for your credit card.

 

[imemkay]

You know you've been around Lit a long time when you know better than to click on a prolapse link. Morbid curiosity used to get the better of me, but I've learned.

 

[Emerson40]

It's Prolapse Awareness Week..... or something....https://vimeo.com/77882662

My PRREEECCCCIIIOOOUUUSS PRRRROOOOLAAAAPSSSSSE!


http://media.tumblr.com/e9f4f992594dfc22fdfdbf82bc7dd714/tumblr_mhpuiwU9on1s5532to1_500.gif

 

[NightL]

It's Prolapse Awareness Week..... or something....https://vimeo.com/77882662

your seriously wrong video matched by another
THE WONDER BOOBS!
http://www.frequency.com/video/wonder-boobs-haha-ambigat-neto/68038792

 

[Emerson40]

I guess I poop on my husband's chest.

 

[Saucyminx]

Despite grave misgivings--I did click. Thanks for the gigglies.

 

[Emerson40]

Coming in a corridor near you

"Chinese hospitals are introducing a new machine which can extract sperm for donors.

According to China’s Weibo social platform the automatic sperm extractors are being introduced in a Nanjing hospital, capital of Jiangsu province.

The pink, grey and white machine has a massage pipe at the front which apparently can be adjusted according to the height of its user."​

http://www.sciencedump.com/sites/www.sciencedump.com/files/imagecache/img/plaatjes/sperm-extractor.jpg
Oh wait! There is a video as well

Well my order came in today and I have to tell you, this is quite the machine.

As Sperm Extractors go, this is what Fleshlights and those Tenga eggs aspire to be.

Not only can the height be adjusted, but you are able to control the frequency, amplitude (I know, OMG, right!), and - get this - temperature.

The screen up top is there if a little inspiration is required, but the best part is the ability, once set up, to be extracting hands-free.

I extracted earlier today while playing Angry Birds.

I'm extracting right now while typing this.

It's like a robot hooker, but does not look out of place when hid in the cupboard beside the juicer and Thermamix.

 

[Emerson40]

Despite grave misgivings--I did click. Thanks for the gigglies.

You're welcome Minxy!

I can appreciate the apprehension. My links are like boxes of Cracker Jacks - you don't what surprise is inside until you open them.

 

[Emerson40]

Get on my horse, I'll take you around the universe!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/44eacaadaf8f7894c214e458ce2edfb1/tumblr_mq9jy12wie1r4ah59o1_500.jpg


^^ Clicky the pic ^^ (don't worry, you won't see where the lemonade is made)

 

[Emerson40]

Aspirations to be Queen

They founded the Church of Rock & Roll you know.

And with a song chorus like that, no less.


http://33.media.tumblr.com/0fce3cc2dcbee52c84482cccb2953db6/tumblr_n9u6cxavkF1qjcxf1o1_500.jpg


^^^ ClIcK 2 c iF U LiK3 It ^^^

 

[Saucyminx]

If that's the biggest he's ever seen, he doesn't get out much. If I were a guy, I would be an ass man, and while that one is nice, I've seen bigger and better.

For instance, can I get a hubba hubba?
http://images.starpulse.com/pictures/2007/11/19/previews/Beyonce-CSH-033132.jpg

 

[NightL]

 

[Saucyminx]

If the balls don't touch, it's not gay. *nods*

Night! Your linky is broken, and I'm sure it's something funny, or horrifying, or horrifyingly funny.

 

[Emerson40]

2f0r1 Weekend Special

This little gem from the early eighties will give you the jeebs, right from the opening lines.

http://38.media.tumblr.com/0148dcaf996a0270ee4c6c5b98a72f42/tumblr_mmnbclZnWf1rbrhnko1_500.gif

^^ ClIcK 4 aN InExpLiCaBle UnCL3An FE3LiNg ^^





Those awkward, morning after moments.

http://33.media.tumblr.com/e6ca098cf9f124816af9c24d2f17c20a/tumblr_nbk0hxdHDK1qe4p89o1_500.jpg

^^ CLiCk F0r tH3 TaLk B4 ThE WAlK oF ShAm3 ^^

 

[Emerson40]

A little night music?

http://38.media.tumblr.com/e2f0fe7a3811159abb7d82240f918f75/tumblr_ndlcnnDNn51tpqrzzo1_500.png

^^^ cLiCk 4 EiNe KleInE NaChTmU5ik ^^^