Differences between being an Alpha and being a Dominant...

[sonicor]

Recent conversations and observations have left me wondering, do people these days understand the difference between being hierarchically dominant and being obnoxiously alpha and how they are not necessarily inclusive?

Too often I am running into men mostly (but some women too) declaring themselves as "Dominant" to excuse what I see to be borderline bullying behavior, oblivious to their partners emotional and physical needs. Don't get me wrong, it just makes it easy for me to sweep in and take their partners away. Stupidly easy.

If you consider yourself a dom, but you are not spending the majority of your time caring for your partner, trying to understand how to make them feel safe so that they can let their submissive selves come out to visit... then you are not doing it right.

Most submissives dream of being able to be their "little selves" full time, but in reality they are often armored in layers to get through the days. Work and life take their toll, and sometimes, these layers are there out of necessity. Being a responsible partner means knowing when those layers need to stay on, and when they can safely be removed to allow your sub to recharge in your energy. The safer they feel with you, the more they will want to be with you.

Being a real Dominant is not a gift, it is a responsibility with fulfilling reward potentials.

So don't be a demanding twat.

Don't cause your partner to burn out.

You'll just make it easier for someone with experience to take him or her away from you.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I have met 3 amazing Dom's in my life. The first very appropriately told me he didn't have enough time to be the best Dom I deserved.
6 months later, he read a post of mine where my soon-to-be-ex had said something absolutely vile to me.
That Dom reached out to me offering me comfort and love. Although he didn't have time to be a full-time Dom, he would never leave a sub hurting so badly.

My 2nd is My Master. He is my Master after 6 wonderful years. He taught me how to be a slave/submissive. How to determine when my Master was giving an order vs something less nurturing. He aided me through months of being with a man who was supposed to have loved me for 34 years, yet never treated me beautiful or desired. He taught me how the submissive is in charge and what it means. In addition to being my Master, he is my best friend and my hero.

My 3rd Dom, I don't see enough. He is a Daddy Dom. He loves when his sweet girl takes care of him. We were playing one day, wooden spoon, and he was using it to slap my ass and thighs.
He asked before moving to another body part. He was eliciting orgasms by slapping all over my body with the perfect amount of force. Not too light I could ignore it. Not too hard it would injure me.
He moved to my calf and slapped with the spoon. I screamed and jumped, instant tears.
He tossed the spoon and pulled me into his lap, cuddled into fetal position..he rocked me, asking, where and rubbing it. He verified it was an authorized spot. He did nothing out of our agreement. Play was over. He had a wash cloth for my face tissues for my nose and ice from my fridge.

This past December, I had a revelation.

I had emergency spinal surgery for a severely damaged nerve. That nerve begins around L5, runs through the pelvis area and glutes. It runs down the back of the leg until it splits on the side of the calf into front and back directions. Where he hit had the misfortune of being where a damaged nerve ran. And I didn't know I had any nerve issues.
I have since told him.

A great Dom will take pleasure in their subs pleasure. And will feel the pain of a sub in true pain.
Instantly providing the comfort of after-care.