Disabilities and sex.

[Chaos Dragon]

Hi all,

Ok im a 28 yr old man, married, and im disabled. I have a bad back, which has led to other bad things (joints from my hips down, bad lungs, so on.) My wife and i havnt had sex in months. the last time we tried, it didnt go well. To be honest, i cannot remember the last time we were in bed, and i was able to finish. not for a lack of trying, but my body gives out long before my spirit.

I love my wife alot, i have told her she can go out and have sex with other guys, shes loyal to me and flat says no. We do spend alot of time being affectionate with each other, which has really helped to keep us together.

She tries to give me blow jobs, but for some reason, her jaws are in such a way that she cannot sustain it for too long. We have been married for 7 years and she has never finished. im not complaining, but that is one of the only things i can think of she can do for me. Also theres no riding me, again with the back.

So im asking if there is anyone here that has ran into problems like this, or otherwise. if you are disabled in some way, and have found a way around it, i would love to hear about it. of if anyone has any ideas at all.


At this point im left with manual release and a great imagination. personally i would rather have sex with my wife back.

 

[Eilan]

What about hand jobs?

I don't have any specific info for you, but there was a wonderful thread about this recently. Maybe you can find some info there that can help you. Heck, bump the thread and join in the conversation!

Good luck and welcome to Lit.

 

[SweetErika]

Hi, and welcome!

First off, there was a fantastic thread started on this very topic a bit ago, and I bet you could find tons of support and suggestions in there from people who are in similar situations. How To in general is a great resource for things like this. Sex and the Disabled

Personally, I think the best attitude is to work with what you have, not what you don't have. At least that's what we've been trying, though I'm only temporarily less-abled with a neck injury. On the days I feel better, we seize the opportunity. We do lots of affection, as you said. We use positions and activities that don't hurt me, and yes, it's not the best or a lot of variety sometimes, but we keep trying. Toys have also helped a lot, and when I'm not up to putting in effort, he'll masturbate while I help or alone. We still talk about sex, fantasies, and make innuendos as we always have, and that feeds our minds and desire. So, instead of focusing on the bad things or what's missing, we just make the best of it and try to come up with creative solutions.

There are also some tools like the Liberator wedges, the love swing, etc. that can make positions and certain activities like oral easier...you might want to check into those. If she can't be on top due to your back (there have been several threads on positions for those who have back injuries here, so maybe try a search, BTW), maybe try standing up or think of what doesn't hurt you, and get creative from there. Add some variety into the blowjobs with hands, new lubes, foods, or even dirty talk, fantasizing together, or reading a story out loud while she licks, sucks, and strokes you.

It sounds like there's a lot you two can still think of and try, and I think the main thing is attitude, creativity, and taking advantage of your mind as your biggest sex organ.

 

[glynndah]

Check with your doctor or physical therapist to see if there are positions where your disabilities would not be aggravated. In a chair, on the floor, in the tub?

 

[SweetErika]

What about hand jobs?

I don't have any specific info for you, but there was a wonderful thread about this recently. Maybe you can find some info there that can help you. Heck, bump the thread and join in the conversation!

Good luck and welcome to Lit.

You beat me to it! Great minds, and all that...

 

[Chaos Dragon]

Thanks for the great responses, i will be checking into what you have all suggested.

One of the few things we do, atleast for her, is while im sitting on the couch she will stand infront/over top of me, with her pussy in my face. then i just go to town. so we got her covered! lol.

again thx for the suggestions, i will be checking out the thread, as well as some other searches. i have tried a bit, and wasnt getting the right stuff, maybe im not using the right search terms.

thx alot all.
chaos

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for the great responses, i will be checking into what you have all suggested.

One of the few things we do, atleast for her, is while im sitting on the couch she will stand infront/over top of me, with her pussy in my face. then i just go to town. so we got her covered! lol.

again thx for the suggestions, i will be checking out the thread, as well as some other searches. i have tried a bit, and wasnt getting the right stuff, maybe im not using the right search terms.

thx alot all.
chaos

It's frustrating...I've read the threads on sex and bad backs, but can't find them now either! Maybe they're using obscure titles or something. BlueSugar, the fine member who compiled The Blank Manual sticky, might have a better idea on searching or where to find those threads.

 

[TBKahuna123]

First off Chaos, you're ont he right track. Even if you physically can't have sex make sure you keep the affection, cause that will save your marriage. That will take away a lot of the strain this problem is putting on your relationship.

Second, if your wife is supporting you and telling you to stick it when you tell her to go screw someone else, hang on to her, she's a keeper.

Third, as frustrating as it can be, don't get to hung up on the orgasm. Focus on the intimacy of the act, rather than the culmination. I know, easier said than done.

Now a personal question which you can of course not answer if you wish. These bad joint problems, do they affect your stamina sexually? I mean, and Erectile Dysfunction? If so, there are a number of medical ways to deal with that. I'm assuming that isn't a problem since you didn't mention that, but thought I'd ask.

Finally, I have something for you to try. Now, I hesitate to even say this because it's so stupid compared to your issue, but here goes. There are times during the hockey season when my back will get so sore that I can't have sex long enough to satisfy either myself of my partner, simply becasue my back gives out. What my wife and I have found is that if I lie on my back, sometimes propped up a bit, and she gets on top facing the away from me. I know this doesn't sound all that novel, but if I need to I can lift my knees up as well, and that seems to take the strain off my back. For some reasont he traditional woman on top position seems to pu tmore pressure on my hips and lower back.

Either way, it sounds like you have a great woman who supports and loves you. Whatever else, just keep trying and you'll get through it together.

 

[Chaos Dragon]

Again thanks for the responses and support. To answer a couple of question, i will give a very quick explination of whats wrong. I have scoliosis and kyphosis, both of which are spinal curvatures, the scoli- is a side to side curve, and kyph- is an in and out (commonly seen as hunchbacked).
i have had several surgeries on my spine in an effort to fix it, culminating in my spine being mostly fused. most of this happend when i was a child. now, with the spinal curvatures it has caused other problems, the upper curvatures have messed up my ribs, which has inturn put pressure on my lungs when i was younger, and the result, my lungs are half the size of normal.
Also on the lower end of my spine, the curvatures have basically put my hips out of alignment, and in turn caused the joint down my legs (knees, ankles, even toes) to go odd, in an effort to compensate. so put all of this together, and with age, i basically live in pain.
I am on pain meds, (which suprisingly have some interesting effects) so depending on the meds, ED is sometimes a problem, sometimes not. but for the most part whenever we try to have sex, im unable to complete due to my pain levels going beyond my tolerances or from no longer being able to keep my breath, or both. all of which happens long before any ED issues arise. (love the pun) :-D.
As far as me on my back, we have tried that, in both cowgirl and reverse cowgirl (atleast thats the names i have heard them) and while my hips do hold some of her weight (all 100lbs of her) it still adds enough pressure to my back that it hurt, not to mention just laying flat is hard.

i did look thru the blank manual on any info for sex and disabilities and found nothing, think it needs to be added, hopefully she will see this and maybe add, or else i will pm her about it, also for some ways to search better.

again thx for all the remarks. I havnt given up, and i love my wife to death. Our relationship is great, and really couldnt ask for anyone better.

chaos

 

[bush59]

You have more going for you than many...no ...very many....no.. no most.... so called happily married couples.
You say you are "enjoying" her and she is "satisfied" orally...so it is all down to you...and your needs.
Please take this with the pinch of salt I intended...just wait till it works out.....I for one am glad I am on the other side of the Atlantic...
It is not all about how much semen you can pump...............and I am a man saying this...intimacy is not (for want of a better word) cumming...although that has its merits too.Think of it this way..you could be filling some stranger with your juices daily.....but is that what you want? The intensity of your feelings are better than a cheap bunk up......keep working at it......You are extremly lucky.....
Good luck.....

 

[TBKahuna123]

Again thanks for the responses and support. To answer a couple of question, i will give a very quick explination of whats wrong. I have scoliosis and kyphosis, both of which are spinal curvatures, the scoli- is a side to side curve, and kyph- is an in and out (commonly seen as hunchbacked).
i have had several surgeries on my spine in an effort to fix it, culminating in my spine being mostly fused. most of this happend when i was a child. now, with the spinal curvatures it has caused other problems, the upper curvatures have messed up my ribs, which has inturn put pressure on my lungs when i was younger, and the result, my lungs are half the size of normal.
Also on the lower end of my spine, the curvatures have basically put my hips out of alignment, and in turn caused the joint down my legs (knees, ankles, even toes) to go odd, in an effort to compensate. so put all of this together, and with age, i basically live in pain.
I am on pain meds, (which suprisingly have some interesting effects) so depending on the meds, ED is sometimes a problem, sometimes not. but for the most part whenever we try to have sex, im unable to complete due to my pain levels going beyond my tolerances or from no longer being able to keep my breath, or both. all of which happens long before any ED issues arise. (love the pun) :-D.
As far as me on my back, we have tried that, in both cowgirl and reverse cowgirl (atleast thats the names i have heard them) and while my hips do hold some of her weight (all 100lbs of her) it still adds enough pressure to my back that it hurt, not to mention just laying flat is hard.

i did look thru the blank manual on any info for sex and disabilities and found nothing, think it needs to be added, hopefully she will see this and maybe add, or else i will pm her about it, also for some ways to search better.

again thx for all the remarks. I havnt given up, and i love my wife to death. Our relationship is great, and really couldnt ask for anyone better.

chaos

Indeed, that clears up my questions. I can see how the weight issue would be a problem. I think SweetErika's suggestion about the Liberator wedge things might be a good one.

If you are at all concerned about her not getting enough pleasure try this. If you have good hand strength, this might be something wonderful you can do for her.

 

[Chaos Dragon]

If you are at all concerned about her not getting enough pleasure try this. If you have good hand strength, this might be something wonderful you can do for her.

im not too concerned about her, but that is a very interesting read... i may have to see if i can talk her into it.. now if i can get her over her fear of an orgasm (dont ask, im not totally sure on if its true, but she has a tendancy to stop me just as its getting good)

 

[TBKahuna123]

Could be guilt that she's getting off and you aren't, even if she doesn't realize it.

 

[27malefurladies]

Similar

I can understand how you feel. I am 27 and disabled as well. Had a couple of women after I was injured but I finally gave up cause of all the problems. I went to a urologist and he said it could be a combination of psychological, physical, and medication. So he prescribed viagra to see if it would work. And it did get me in the mood but I am so much in pain trying to hook up is last on my mind. Although sex is always on my mind. It really sux it was over a year without sex then I hooked up backed in April and have been without since again. My advice is go see a urologist. They can help. And with you already married should be easier for you. Good luck.

 

[Quoll]

This is a good thread that might give you some ideas and help.

Do you live with chronic pain?

 

[Chaos Dragon]

I can understand how you feel. I am 27 and disabled as well. Had a couple of women after I was injured but I finally gave up cause of all the problems. I went to a urologist and he said it could be a combination of psychological, physical, and medication. So he prescribed viagra to see if it would work. And it did get me in the mood but I am so much in pain trying to hook up is last on my mind. Although sex is always on my mind. It really sux it was over a year without sex then I hooked up backed in April and have been without since again. My advice is go see a urologist. They can help. And with you already married should be easier for you. Good luck.

I may have to check into that. i have been doing some reading/research on ED meds and it may be a possability. Atleast if nothing else, it will be one less thing to have to worry about towards a great night with my wife. She still loves to drive me nutz by dressing up sexy for me. Which btw is basically anything she wears, and sometimes i dont think she realizes what she does to me...lol. sry dont mean to sound like im braggin. but i am!! atleast in my eyes my wife is sexy/beautiful. and crazy to be with me!!

 

[Chaos Dragon]

This is a good thread that might give you some ideas and help.

Do you live with chronic pain?

I was just reading that thread (all 25(?) pages of it) there is some definate good info that i will look into, as well talk to my doctor about.


Thanks to everyone for all information and ideas, as well as encouragement that has been given.

 

[Quoll]

Came across this in my web wandering.
The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability

 

[Chaos Dragon]

Came across this in my web wandering.
The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability

Thx, i will be learning it very soon! lol