discreet affairs hard to find

[midwestyankee]

Simple question: why is it so difficult to accept people who post here as they are? Why do we insist that their posts conform to our idea of an appropriate post for a Literotica forum?

What do we gain by mocking our fellow Lit members? And, more importantly, I wonder what we lose in the process?

 

[Guest]

 

[freddyandeddy]

Rock34 asked a simple question and suddenly he is judged and hung by you lot swept up in some higher moral fervour.

Oh come on, are you kidding? If you want a serious answer to a question like this, you better pose it in a more serious manner than did this thread starter (I refer you to Sheath's much better adultery themed thread as an example). If I was swept up in "higher moral fervour," I would have unloaded both barrels, but instead chose to go with the pervasive light and humorous tone that most of the respondents (even Sheath cracked a smile) followed.

I agree with Peachy, lighten up. Midwestyankee, we didn't judge the appropriateness of the thread; we responded with what we thought appropriate.

 

[midwestyankee]

Oh come on, are you kidding? If you want a serious answer to a question like this, you better pose it in a more serious manner than did this thread starter (I refer you to Sheath's much better adultery themed thread as an example). If I was swept up in "higher moral fervour," I would have unloaded both barrels, but instead chose to go with the pervasive light and humorous tone that most of the respondents (even Sheath cracked a smile) followed.

I agree with Peachy, lighten up. Midwestyankee, we didn't judge the appropriateness of the thread; we responded with what we thought appropriate.

I don't mean to make a big deal of this, but it does seem to me that when you "responded with what we thought appropriate" that you in fact did judge the appropriateness of the original post.

And anyone who knows me at all knows I hardly need to be told to lighten up.

While I have taught English composition at several different levels and cringe when I see even a simple misspelling, it also irks me when others here on Lit take on an air of superiority and revel in mocking another member whose posts show limited writing skills. I just thought most of us had better things to do with our minds.

 

[tendril]

<snip>And anyone who knows me at all knows I hardly need to be told to lighten up.<snip>

Same for me.

Ok, so yeah I noticed his spelling and grammar wasn't so hot but I did detect a genuine question in his thread.

Was it too much to expect a genuine answer?

 

[Noor]

there were a few answers

don't look for someone in your town

put an ad somewhere

also that discreet affairs often blow up in peoples faces

I am afraid I was in need of a laugh and in black widow mode when I first read this.

Okay serious answer:

think about who you want a discreet affair with and what you want out of it.
if it is just sex and you have a lot to risk maybe prostitution is the way to go.
if its initimacy then look maybe for another married person in the same boat but remember people fall in love without intending to, someone incapable of love might be safer.
a married person and a single one could be real trouble, the single person enters the relationship understanding the boundaries but the married person may find they have feelings they hadn't planned on.
a women with loose morals as suggested maybe the way to go, who knows?

Noor

 

[peachykeen]

Oh puhleeze. Look, if I want to be nice to dim people, I'll go to my job. I didn't get that he was particularly genuine in his need or suffering in some way, just that he was some dopey schmuck trying to get laid. Of course there's no shame in that but for fucks sake, if he is as smooth in his real life proposals as he was in that post, then no wonder he's not having much success.

 

[Mary Hall]

Was it too much to expect a genuine answer?

The little troll hasn`t posted back so yes

 

[Bobmi357]

I posted the way I did because the original poster had in my opinion, all the signs of being yet another troll. However, having checked I now think his problem is far worse than mere trolldom.

Lets take a peek at what he's posted so far.

Thread: discreet affairs hard to find
Board: How To...

Thread: is it just man
Board: Literotica Personals

Thread: is it just man
Board: Literotica Personals

Thread: looking for sexy lady in alabama
Board: Literotica Personals

Thread: Anyone in Alabama?
Board: The Playground

Thread: looking for young woman
Board: Literotica Personals

Thread: is there any ladies in alabama
Board: Literotica Personals

Thread: looking in alabama
Board: Literotica Personals

Thread: looking foe mistress in jasper alabama
Board: Literotica Personals

Thread: looking for lover in alabama
Board: Literotica Personals


His threads border on a manic desperation. But this really isn't about his problem. Its about our basic lack of respect that we tend to hold towards new posters. ALL OF US.

Personally I took the original and barely comprehensible post and its nearly impossible to fathom meaning as a way of having a little fun.

Quite frankly his question doesn't have an answer because if you sat 100 people that have had affairs down and asked, you'd probably find 100 different stories with 100 different ways that the affair happened.

In a fairly recent post, another person asked a question concerning scarring and STD's. His question expressed a valid concern and most people, INCLUDING several that are now complaining about our making fun of this poster, jumped all over the original poster for his lack of knowledge concerning STD's. I am 45 and wouldn't know scarring from an STD if you hit me in the head with it, lack of schooling I guess, despite holding a masters in computer science. Instead you high and mighty moralistic people chased the person right off the boards. Nice going.

This board deals with some tough issues, issues related to the very core of human nature. And if occasionally we poke at a poster for an inarticulate posting, or like in this case, a poster with a callous disregard for the feelings of (a) a wife, and (b) a potential second female whom he merely wants to fuck, so what?

The original poster deserved his answers. A person out looking for just something to fuck dehumanizes his partner. Even fuck buddies start off as friends first.

I'll close now, but remember the old saying about glass houses? It applies to all of us.

 

[woody54]

This board deals with some tough issues, issues related to the very core of human nature. And if occasionally we poke at a poster for an inarticulate posting, or like in this case, a poster with a callous disregard for the feelings of (a) a wife, and (b) a potential second female whom he merely wants to fuck, so what?

The original poster deserved his answers. A person out looking for just something to fuck dehumanizes his partner. Even fuck buddies start off as friends first.

What a bunch of self justifying claptrap.

Read the mans words then you will see that it is your extrapolation of his unspecified marital stuation, judged
by your moral values that leads you write this stuff.

I hope I dont come across you on a jury.

Maybe the guy is naiive and less smart than most here, but he has been harshly treated by those who feel smugly smarter.

Its plain old discrimination , people

 

[NaiveOne]

I hope I dont come across you on a jury.

I bet you'd want your cheating wife to come across them on a jury.

Sorry, maybe that sounded bitchy, but you have to think about it from the other side.

 

[woody54]

I bet you'd want your cheating wife to come across them on a jury.

Sorry, maybe that sounded bitchy, but you have to think about it from the other side.

Who are "them"?
My personal views on cheating are well documented in my posts here and it may surprise you that I do not condone it in any way.

However in this thread, there is a presumption the thread starter could use our advice to become a cheater so he should be vilified.
Every attached person in Lit is in the same situation if you apply the same logic more widely.

My point was he asked a simple question but was jumped on by the bored Puritans here for what may possibly happen one day in the future. He has committed no crime except exposing himself to ridicule from judgemental people who know better.

 

[freddyandeddy]

However in this thread, there is a presumption the thread starter could use our advice to become a cheater so he should be vilified.

Um, noooo...

The presumption is that the thread starter WANTS advice on how to become a "discreet" cheater in a small town. If ANYONE has such advice, let them come forward and offer it. Hello... Helloooo... anyone out there can give us some advice on how to cheat discreetly in a small town? Hello, hello, hello...

OK, then...

I'm of the opinion that, due to the dearth of people coming forward with methods to accomplish this goal, the majority of folks either don't HAVE anything to say, don't WANT to say anything, or are simply IGNORING the request for all manner of reasons.

Like it or not, the question IS ridiculous and in the wrong place! As Bobmi pointed out, this person is out trying to get laid and using the How-to section as a tool for accomplishing this mission. Because of this, he's getting the answers he deserves.

 

[Alyx]

The “judgment” argument gets tossed out a lot on the boards when folks don’t agree with each other. It’s always brought up as a negative thing, something to be ashamed of, and that those that “judge” others are wrong in some way.

Making judgments is part of human nature. But when they’re acceptable, we call them something else, like “first impressions”. The interview process when looking for employment is the judgment a perspective employer makes about you in a limited amount of time, with a limited amount of information. Yet, you don’t hear the personnel office bitching to the interviewer about making “judgments” about folks.

Another word for judgment is opinion. As the saying goes, opinions are like assholes…everyone has one! By saying that your fellow posters opinion is wrong, is in itself a judgment. That’s something to keep in mind before dusting off the old “judgments are wrong” argument.

There is a much easier way of solving this though. It’s a little concept called “ignore”. Either by skipping the post you disagree with, or by ignoring the poster, the result is the same: no foot in the mouth on the judgment issue.

As for the moral’s comment, I found this rather amusing. Forming an opinion based on one’s morals is what we all do. We don’t generally form an opinion based on someone else’s. When you ask yourself the question “What would I do in this situation?” you bring your upbringing, morals, environment, experiences, etc. into the equation when forming your answer.

The original posters last question was “Do woman (sic) not look for these?” In answering it, I would bring my upbringing, morals, and experiences into the question and say “No”. Why? Well, because I don’t happen to look for affairs, “discreet” or otherwise. The women I’ve known who DID have affairs didn’t actively look for them either. While I’m sure there are women who DO look for them, I don’t happen to know any, nor do I know of any way for this man to find one.

Agree or disagree, it doesn’t really matter. This is simply one person’s judgment (a.k.a. opinion, 2 cents, view) of the subject.

 

[woody54]

Like it or not, the question IS ridiculous and in the wrong place! As Bobmi pointed out, this person is out trying to get laid and using the How-to section as a tool for accomplishing this mission. Because of this, he's getting the answers he deserves.

But that is the point I was making. You are judgemental.

You are applying your moral standards to attempt to control his potential actions to conform to your view. You dont have that right here.
You are entitled to your views as we all are, but the ridicule and high moral tone are used almost as a form of censorship of his question.
I agree the guy seems rather inept and would need more than dumb luck to achieve his wish. Nature has a way of protecting itself against these people "getting lucky" without our input.....and he is from Alabama

 

[peachykeen]

You are applying your moral standards to attempt to control his potential actions to conform to your view. You dont have that right here.

oh bollocks. anyone can post what they like here, with very limited (legal) restrictions. The original poster on any thread is free to take on board or disregard responses as he/she sees fit.


plus also you seem to be highly judgemental with regard to people from Alabama (ironic humour noted)

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: Judgment vs. Opinion, etc.

Before any undies start to bunch up, this is not directed at anyone in particular.

I would like to point out that the original poster did, in fact, receive some reasonably good advice. I believe it was Noor who provided a summary of the advice that various posters had offered.

However, as long as we are going to use this thread to discuss ways in which posters respond to each other's arguments, could we at least use the words "judgment" and "opinion" in their properly separate meanings?

From the Revised Oxford Dictionary:

judgment (n.) The critical faculty; discernment.

opinion (n.) A belief or assessment based on grounds short of proof.

So, while everyone can have an opinion, it takes a critical understanding of an issue in order to form a judgment. It takes considerable study and thinking to develop an informed and critical judgment.

However, the word "judgment" has also been used in this thread in a meaning that is not related to "opinion" at all. That meaning is this: criticism.

So when you tell me that your opinion of something or someone is such and such, I know you are speaking simply from your gut without having critically examined all the evidence. That's fine so long as you understand that I won't give your opinion much weight.

If, on the other hand, you tell me that you have carefully weighed all the evidence in a situation, related it to your own experience, analyzed the evidence for potential gaps that could alter your conclusions, and then reflected on possible conclusions until you have determined the one that best reflects your critical understanding of the situation, I will listen to your judgment and give it careful consideration.

Just a Monday morning rant from someone who occasionally gets irked by weak and thinly supported arguments.

 

[woody54]

Re: Judgment vs. Opinion, etc.

Before any undies start to bunch up, this is not directed at anyone in particular.

I would like to point out that the original poster did, in fact, receive some reasonably good advice. I believe it was Noor who provided a summary of the advice that various posters had offered.

However, as long as we are going to use this thread to discuss ways in which posters respond to each other's arguments, could we at least use the words "judgment" and "opinion" in their properly separate meanings?

From the Revised Oxford Dictionary:

judgment (n.) The critical faculty; discernment.

opinion (n.) A belief or assessment based on grounds short of proof.

So, while everyone can have an opinion, it takes a critical understanding of an issue in order to form a judgment. It takes considerable study and thinking to develop an informed and critical judgment.

However, the word "judgment" has also been used in this thread in a meaning that is not related to "opinion" at all. That meaning is this: criticism.

So when you tell me that your opinion of something or someone is such and such, I know you are speaking simply from your gut without having critically examined all the evidence. That's fine so long as you understand that I won't give your opinion much weight.

If, on the other hand, you tell me that you have carefully weighed all the evidence in a situation, related it to your own experience, analyzed the evidence for potential gaps that could alter your conclusions, and then reflected on possible conclusions until you have determined the one that best reflects your critical understanding of the situation, I will listen to your judgment and give it careful consideration.

Just a Monday morning rant from someone who occasionally gets irked by weak and thinly supported arguments.

Very good post... a subtle but very important difference in these concepts.

 

[Mary Hall]

He deleted his first post so that would prove he`s a troll

 

[Alyx]

Dictionaries are interesting things. Depending on where you look, the definitions of words can change slightly. Example:

Judgment
n 1: an opinion formed by judging something; "he was reluctant to make his judgment known"; "she changed her mind" [syn: judgement, mind] 2: the act of judging or assessing; "they criticized my judgment of the contestants" [syn: judgement, assessment] 3: the determination by a court of competent jurisdiction on matters submitted to it [syn: judgement, judicial decision] 4: the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions [syn: judgement, judging] 5: the legal document stating the reasons for a judicial decision; "opinions are usually written by a single judge" [syn: judgement, opinion] 6: the capacity to assess situations or circumstances shrewdly and to draw sound conclusions [syn: judgement, sound judgment, sound judgement, perspicacity] 7: ability to make good judgments [syn: sagacity, sagaciousness, judgement, discernment]

Source: WordNet ® 1.6, © 1997 Princeton University

Or:

Judgment
\Judg"ment\, n. [OE. jugement, F. jugement, LL. judicamentum, fr. L. judicare. See Judge, v. i.] 1. The act of judging; the operation of the mind, involving comparison and discrimination, by which a knowledge of the values and relations of thins, whether of moral qualities, intellectual concepts, logical propositions, or material facts, is obtained; as, by careful judgment he avoided the peril; by a series of wrong judgments he forfeited confidence.

2. The power or faculty of performing such operations (see 1); esp., when unqualified, the faculty of judging or deciding rightly, justly, or wisely; good sense; as, a man of judgment; a politician without judgment.

3. The conclusion or result of judging; an opinion; a decision.

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc
Or:

Judgment
1. The act or process of judging; the formation of an opinion after consideration or deliberation.
2.
a. The mental ability to perceive and distinguish relationships; discernment: Fatigue may affect a pilot's judgment of distances.
b. The capacity to form an opinion by distinguishing and evaluating: His judgment of fine music is impeccable.
c. The capacity to assess situations or circumstances and draw sound conclusions; good sense: She showed good judgment in saving her money. See Synonyms at reason.
3. An opinion or estimate formed after consideration or deliberation, especially a formal or authoritative decision: awaited the judgment of the umpire.

Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

Yep, dictionaries can be funny things sometimes. Which definition is correct? That depends entirely on where you’re looking, doesn’t it?

As to the topic of this thread, I’d say it’s become a moot point, as the original poster seems to have dropped his query. Does that make him a troll? Perhaps. Or maybe he realized that the question he asked didn’t really have a definitive answer. There were just too many variables for that.

 

[Mary Hall]

as the original poster seems to have dropped his query. Does that make him a troll? Perhaps

He wouldn`t have just put lol if he wasn`t a troll

 

[midwestyankee]

He wouldn`t have just put lol if he wasn`t a troll

My guess is that only a troll would have left the "lol" behind.

 

[HoneyRyder62]

To get back to the original issue I think it's okay to shop around while you can. But, you know what really sucks when you find out your partner's been cheating so you come clean and they get all offened; like YOU were the only one testing the produce.

 

[tendril]

I have to agree with both Woody54 and Midwestyankee's posts.

Hey, I look at it this way, where do you draw the line when it comes to deciding how to respond to some threads ?

I mean, is it a combination of bad spelling and atrocious grammar coupled with a real dumb ass question ? Will just then lack of grammar do it on a good day? (Get you a 'virtual' stoning that is.)

Are we going to get picky over the IQ and educational requirements of posters in this forum?

I would hate to think that some genuine posters, new to this site be discouraged from asking a question in case it be considered too stupid.


edited to add - I have been guilty of razzing the odd post from time to time but more on the GB

 

[sheath]

I would hate to think that some genuine posters, new to this site be discouraged from asking a question in case it be considered too stupid.

Actually...I know of two people, personally, who posted on here, received the 'troll' welcome because their questions seemed a bit naive, and then never came back again. These are two people who would be incredible assets to the board, in my opinion.

*sigh*

Imagine how many more have been tossed away for sounding 'trolly'.

S.